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Thread: First thing that comes to mind"

  1. 02-24-2009, 12:26 AM #12601
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  2. 02-24-2009, 12:26 AM #12602
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  3. 02-24-2009, 12:26 AM #12603
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  4. 02-24-2009, 12:27 AM #12604
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  5. 02-24-2009, 12:28 AM #12605
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  6. 02-24-2009, 12:29 AM #12606
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  7. 02-24-2009, 12:30 AM #12607
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    Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
    A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!

    Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
    A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

    Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
    A: A good start!

    Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
    A: His lips are moving.

    Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
    A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

    Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
    A: Professional courtesy.
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  8. 02-24-2009, 12:30 AM #12608
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  9. 02-24-2009, 12:31 AM #12609
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    Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
    A: Not enough sand.

    Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
    A: To practice.

    A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
    The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"

    Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
    A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers

    Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
    A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.

    Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
    A: The lawyer charges more.
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  10. 02-24-2009, 12:31 AM #12610
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  11. 02-24-2009, 12:32 AM #12611
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    Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
    A: The caterer.

    Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
    A: Lipstick.

    Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
    A: Your Honor.
    Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
    A: Senator.

    Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
    A: Accountants know they're boring.

    Q: What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?
    A: A jury.

    Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
    A: So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

    Q: What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
    A: The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

    Q: What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
    A: A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

    Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
    A: A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

    Q: What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
    A: One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

    Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
    A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

    Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
    A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
    Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
    A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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  12. 02-24-2009, 12:33 AM #12612
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  13. 02-24-2009, 12:35 AM #12613
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  14. 02-24-2009, 12:35 AM #12614
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  15. 02-24-2009, 12:39 AM #12615
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  16. 02-24-2009, 12:42 AM #12616
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  17. 02-24-2009, 12:42 AM #12617
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  18. 02-24-2009, 12:42 AM #12618
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  19. 02-24-2009, 12:43 AM #12619
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  20. 02-24-2009, 12:45 AM #12620
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  21. 02-24-2009, 12:46 AM #12621
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  22. 02-24-2009, 12:46 AM #12622
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  23. 02-24-2009, 12:46 AM #12623
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  24. 02-24-2009, 12:47 AM #12624
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  25. 02-24-2009, 12:47 AM #12625
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  26. 02-24-2009, 12:47 AM #12626
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  27. 02-24-2009, 12:49 AM #12627
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  28. 02-24-2009, 12:49 AM #12628
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  29. 02-24-2009, 12:50 AM #12629
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  30. 02-24-2009, 12:51 AM #12630
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  31. 02-24-2009, 12:51 AM #12631
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  32. 02-24-2009, 12:51 AM #12632
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  33. 02-24-2009, 12:52 AM #12633
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  34. 02-24-2009, 12:54 AM #12634
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  35. 02-24-2009, 12:54 AM #12635
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  36. 02-24-2009, 12:54 AM #12636
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  37. 02-24-2009, 12:55 AM #12637
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  38. 02-24-2009, 12:58 AM #12638
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  39. 02-24-2009, 01:00 AM #12639
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  40. 02-24-2009, 01:01 AM #12640
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