So many dudes breaking up

[Polska]

October is the #1 month for break ups, if you ever read my theory a while back that infuriated 90% of AR. Last October alone it was 5 break ups within my immediate social circle. (2 that mended before x-mas) So far this year its only 3 but the months not over yet!!!

Shit happens EVERY YEAR for the same damn reasons.

not a coincidence at all.

For me Feb/Mar is the month for breaking up. No word of a lie nearly all my past relationships have ended on either of these months.

[DSM4Life]

They were cool with him being gay, just not dating a black guy?
I would of thought they would be more open by then

I find that older people are much more close minded as they are stuck in the "old way" of things. Its different when you grow up with people of different color/sexuality.

[Prada]

I believe that as we age we seem more and more conservative. Actually it's just that our believes remain the same but the world, society and our surroundings keeps getting more and more modern. Makes a person look quaint

[Sage]

you most definitely need time apart from your Ex especially if you were seriously in love with her, otherwise all the dudes she was seeng while still remaining friends with you would probabaly end up laying in the casket one-by-one until she gets the point.

i tend to never associate myself with any of the Ex's unless we run into eachother through mutual friends even than keeping the conversation short and sweet, but most of the time i just ignore them.

[stuball]

anyhow in stead of creating new threads - which in all honestly seem to basically say the same thing - i am gonna outline the rules of a break up for you.

1. Admit to yourself it is over
2. Change their name in your phone to do not anserr - and when they call - do not pick up.
3. go around your house and get rid of anything that reminds you of them.
4. Start healing in whatever way you can - in all cases this means do not contact them and do not let them contact you. Do stuff that interests u with your friends and try to keep busy.

STOP DWELLING ON THE PAST, stop living in the past and try to move forward.

If you live in the past, you can not try to have a future. Wounds will not heal if you keep opening them up.

Hope this helps!

No disrespect Miz, but thats a womans opinion, # 1. Men have ego's, we will never admit its over, till we say so !! # 2. Why the F should anyone change anything or there #, never give her the satisfaction plus it would take all of 5 minutes for her to get the new one # 3. that means throwing out tampons and condioner, and makeup, fvck it save it for the next one.. # 4. make them as miserable as hell ( **** they do it to us every month ) And keep yourself busy by bangin her friends !! Sister if possible.. Now if you get this out of the way and out of your system , you wont destroy your next girlfriend, or realitionship, and you'll have a nice peaceful life.. PEACE TO ALL !!! LOL...

[taiboxa]

its all the same stff my MOM told me lol

[big L 17]

i always go by the motto cant find a new girl if ur still talken to ur ex

[stuball]

i always go by the motto cant find a new girl if ur still talken to ur ex

Very true those are the people that wont let go ....

[Mizfit]

No disrespect Miz, but thats a womans opinion, # 1. Men have ego's, we will never admit its over, till we say so !! # 2. Why the F should anyone change anything or there #, never give her the satisfaction plus it would take all of 5 minutes for her to get the new one # 3. that means throwing out tampons and condioner, and makeup, fvck it save it for the next one.. # 4. make them as miserable as hell ( **** they do it to us every month ) And keep yourself busy by bangin her friends !! Sister if possible.. Now if you get this out of the way and out of your system , you wont destroy your next girlfriend, or realitionship, and you'll have a nice peaceful life.. PEACE TO ALL !!! LOL...

u got alot of anger there buddy..

I didn't say change your number i said change their name in ur phoen to do not answer..

none of my advice can help that kinda anger - sorry u've been burnt

[Bojangles69]

For me Feb/Mar is the month for breaking up. No word of a lie nearly all my past relationships have ended on either of these months.

ahhh fvck! now i have to come up with a new theory why, that is weird though.

[stuball]

u got alot of anger there buddy..

I didn't say change your number i said change their name in ur phoen to do not answer..

none of my advice can help that kinda anger - sorry u've been burnt

Not angry just f'n around, been around for awhile, seen it all, i love woman headaches and all !!! sorry if you didnt get it, just playin !!

[XmotorX]

Haha. I agree cutting off ties, at least for a while is good. Cuz otherwise you end up like me with an ex who can't move on and you have to hurt them worse a year later, because you let yourself move on in a shorter time, and obviously they need more. Just my two cents.

[Bojangles69]

and about the thread, even though im one to give advice on this crap, truth is people DONT learn SHIT simply by reading it. they must apply it to thier lives.
What you say is logical mizfit (rare for a women case you didnt know)
But some men here are still emotional about a break up 4 years ago. If theres anything i learned its that emotion is logics nemesis. And when logic comes around the corner to face emotion, emotion will scream, kick and spit at logic no matter how rational, reasonable or sensible it is.

Most men will continue thier lives living by what they know, following the behavoiral patterns of thier ancestors or friends. People think its NATURAL to hurt after a break up.
And it is, for people who BELIEVE it is natural.
Some people may think im a little far out with my ideas.

But i truley believe your mind will FULFILL what ever you believe must be.

If poetry from the shakespearen era wrote and told that we must hurt when a lover departs, and that meem traveled generations to present day, its obvious we will feel hurt, betrayed, and angered.

But is it human nature?

What is "nature" or "natural"

Who started the idea that a break up must hurt? or divorce?

Because whether you believe it or not, the idea that "it must hurt" is not new.
Its been around for MANY MANY years.
And the first time some dude got dumped and hurt whos to say he didnt condemn billions of human beings to his doom because people really didnt just know how else to act? Stop resisting, however many more years you've been alive is how much less a chance you have to change your identity or what you believe today. Give some new things a chance.

Why cant a break up be beautiful? Because your whole life you've been taught it cant? That someone ALWAYS must hurt. I say FVCK that. You NEVER have to hurt unless you BELIEVE you do.

ANYTHING beautiful comes to an end. Winter is beautiful. The silence after a snow storm. Fog erupting from your mouth and dancing with the frigid wind. Christmas trees and the smell of buring pine in the fireplace.

But WAIT. winter ENDS too.

And what happens next? Do we cry? Do we mope around for years oblivious that a new beautiful season has made its way into our lives. and.. we cant see it?

Maybe some people with S.A.D (its a disorder btw)

The majority of the people. We moveon, we adapt, we accept nature. A break up is just as natural as the seasons. But whos to say feeling bad about it is?

You hear of people who are good with break ups. Because they realize a few facts. Love is beautiful. Just because it ends doesnt mean its ugly now. What would truely be ugly is if you never experienced it. If you layed on your death bed with regret, always afraid to open (or reopen) to someone because of something you were TAUGHT. My advice. Learn something new. Stop thinking for other people, stop perpetuating states of mind out of a blind loyalty to someone you dont even know. Because EVERYTHING starts somewhere. And i suggest any guys who have problems with break ups consider not ALTERING thier beliefs, but completely trashing them. Because you dont NEED to feel bad. You only NEED to feel what you *think* you NEED.
k ill shut up now.
i just had to get that out.

[DSM4Life]

When it comes down to it everyone is different and every has their own way of dealing with it. These are all pure options and not definite answers.

Its like trying to make a perfect diet , its never going to happen.


Take what positives you got out of the relationship and move on if you can't reconcile .

[Sage]

Bojangles69 is throwing down some deep shit, i dunno where it came from especially from him, but it was deep.

i am sure all of us have been is such scenerios where she leaves him or vise versa, but for men to just let go is not that easy by any means and will require some major self therapy to get back on track when in love and by you keeping busy to remain in a comfort zone is not a cure since you can not be active 24/7, i tried and just had to deal with it on my own. Time will heal the emotional scars and the time span is different for everyone, but eventually by not being associated with that person it will fade away and all the bros move on.

[DSM4Life]

Why cant a break up be beautiful? Because your whole life you've been taught it cant? That someone ALWAYS must hurt. I say FVCK that. You NEVER have to hurt unless you BELIEVE you do..

People who make statements like this have never been through the pain.

[Bojangles69]

When it comes down to it everyone is different and every has their own way of dealing with it. These are all pure options and not definite answers.

Its like trying to make a perfect diet , its never going to happen.


Take what positives you got out of the relationship and move on if you can't reconcile .

I never consider the choice to be happier an "option". But i do see where your coming from with the perfect diet analogy.

[DSM4Life]

I never consider the choice to be happier an "option". But i do see where your coming from with the perfect diet analogy.

I meant all these tips are peoples opinions and nothing more.

[taiboxa]

I meant all these tips are peoples opinions and nothing more.

i hav efound computer games help me the most!

[DSM4Life]

i hav efound computer games help me the most!

The more violent the better

[AnabolicBoy1981]

i hav efound computer games help me the most!

especially the ones with ninjas

[Bojangles69]

People who make statements like this have never been through the pain.

See this is where i must strike at you like a cobra.

(this is not an angry tone, this is a passionate one)

You have no FVKING idea what the fvck ive been through, and where the fvck ive been through. ive been in love, ive been cheated on, (more than once) ive been in a pain you could NEVER imagine let alone want to believe exists.

Ive been beaten, imprisoned, stabed, od'ed, closer to death than anyone I know.

And it is the PAIN and ONLY the PAIN that has made me the person i am today. That has made me realize the pain was a GIFT. And no matter where i am or what im doing, if im dying a horrible death, if my wife for 30 years just died on me, ANYTHING. I have.. because it is **MY LIFE** not anyone elses, the right to some degree (to appease you people but in reality i consider it a LARGE DEGREE) to pick and choose how the fvck i feel despite my circumstances.

So please bro, DO NOT bring up that no pain BS on me. When i say you have no clue wtf ive been through, im not your average middle class white boy saying that shit. Ive been through hells i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy.

[Ya Dig?]

me and my gf broke up today

[DSM4Life]

See this is where i must strike at you like a cobra.

(this is not an angry tone, this is a passionate one)

You have no FVKING idea what the fvck ive been through, and where the fvck ive been through. ive been in love, ive been cheated on, (more than once) ive been in a pain you could NEVER imagine let alone want to believe exists.

Ive been beaten, imprisoned, stabed, od'ed, closer to death than anyone I know.

And it is the PAIN and ONLY the PAIN that has made me the person i am today. That has made me realize the pain was a GIFT. And no matter where i am what im doing, if im dying a horrible death, if my wife for 30 years just died on me, ANYTHING. I have.. because it is **MY LIFE** not anyone elses, the right to some degree (to appease you people but in reality i consider it a LARGE DEGREE) to pick and choose how the fvck i feel despite my circumstances.

So please bro, DO NOT bring up that no pain BS on me. When i say you have no clue wtf ive been through, im not your average middle class white boy saying that shit. Ive been through hells i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy.

But in your post you say
"Why cant a break up be beautiful? Because your whole life you've been taught it cant? That someone ALWAYS must hurt. I say FVCK that. You NEVER have to hurt unless you BELIEVE you do."

Well why you just just think that being "beaten, imprisoned, stabed, od'ed" is beautiful like you say and then you wont feel the pain ?

You pick up what i am putting down ?

You are talking about using your mind to trick your emotions which to me sounds pretty lame.


"You hear of people who are good with break ups. Because they realize a few facts"
No its because of experience.

If i go get another girlfriend and we break up guess what ? The second time around is going to be easier because i LEARNED FROM THE PAIN. I learned that it will get better but when someone is going through this for the first time they feel like their world is crumbling on top of them.

I love how people say just ignore this person never talk to them. You know what , you been around the block a few times but try and think back to your first REAL relationship and how bad it was. Don't give advise that is over peoples heads (without experience) give advise from the heart.

"Its going to get better with time and only time. I know its hard but it honesly does get better etc etc."


You give good advise on here Bo so i am not trying to be a d!ck but i totally disagree with you on this one.


EDIT

P.S
I can already hear you banging away at your keyboard

[Sage]

slightly off topic and its just an opinion

but after dealing with the break up shit for a few weeks and getting your appetite back to normal just do a f'cking mad cycle and the next three months+ will fly by like a breeze. The best part all that emotional garbage will be disposed of at the gym + much more food intake as well where a bro will dominate in gains and growth in the process as a result.

I think being on a cycle sort of keeps you busy throughout the day and pulls you away from the internal emotional roller coaster.

[DSM4Life]

I think being on a cycle sort of keeps you busy throughout the day and pulls you away from the internal emotional roller coaster.

Maybe being on the cycle afterwards but try being on the cycle during the break up , its the biggest emotional roller coaster you will ever ride my friend.

[Sage]

Maybe being on the cycle afterwards but try being on the cycle during the break up , its the biggest emotional roller coaster you will ever ride my friend.

during the actual breakup, a cycle will be a severe self destructive catastrophe waiting to to be unleashed. i said after a few weeks maybe even a month, ones starting to eat normal again, obviously you are on your way to a recovery bro, but a cycle will be a major booster and will crush depression immediately.

[Carlos_E]

They were cool with him being gay, just not dating a black guy?
I would of thought they would be more open by then

Umm.. No. When it comes to racism, is there really any logic?

[DSM4Life]

When it comes to racism, is there really any logic?

Good point

[Bojangles69]

But in your post you say
"Why cant a break up be beautiful? Because your whole life you've been taught it cant? That someone ALWAYS must hurt. I say FVCK that. You NEVER have to hurt unless you BELIEVE you do."

Well why you just just think that being "beaten, imprisoned, stabed, od'ed" is beautiful like you say and then you wont feel the pain ?

You pick up what i am putting down ?

BECAUSE i was born with the same useless notions you were. AFter having been through all that shit is when I learned I can CHOOSE to be happy. Pain is the opposite of love. Not of beauty. If you can see love as something beautiful and not as something that exists to PLEASE YOU, which is selfish. This will help you along with REALIZING that you can choose to not be miserable with your life but to be happy and at peace with the fact you experienced something beautiful NOT that you lost something you THOUGHT YOU DESERVED,

You are talking about using your mind to trick your emotions which to me sounds pretty lame.

Of course it does, which is precisely why you'll cry after every break up you go through and Ill be out moving on.

"You hear of people who are good with break ups. Because they realize a few facts"
No its because of experience.

This is exactly why i will concede this debate with this post. Your not even trying.
People realize WITH experience. "realizing" a "few basic facts" can take some people 5, 6, 7 years orrr it can take people like you 50 years.

If i go get another girlfriend and we break up guess what ? The second time around is going to be easier because i LEARNED FROM THE PAIN. I learned that it will get better but when someone is going through this for the first time they feel like their world is crumbling on top of them.

Yeh not sure whats to debate here. Still some people are ALWAYS better at thier first break ups than other people. NOt because they're cold, not because the relationship wasnt serious but BECAUSE they BELIEVED they didnt have to cry like a baby about it. Because they BELIEVED it wasnt the end of the world. Because they BELIEVED theyd love again. Boils down to competent minded people.

I love how people say just ignore this person never talk to them. You know what , you been around the block a few times but try and think back to your first REAL relationship and how bad it was. Don't give advise that is over peoples heads (without experience) give advise from the heart.

So its better to tell people "yeh love hurts, go cry about it and when it gets really bad jump off a bridge?" I give advice from the heart.
My heart says theres a million and one people out there giving terrible advice because people are STILL selfish, STILL obsessing over thier ex for years and not moving on with thier lives, STILL *STUCK* in the belief that they were given good advice because it wasnt "over thier heads"
i dont want to level with people and match thier experience. with that logic people would never change

"Its going to get better with time and only time. I know its hard but it honesly does get better etc etc."

You give good advise on here Bo so i am not trying to be a d!ck but i totally disagree with you on this one.

Im not being a dick either, but use a break up to figure out for yourself how to avoid the pain in the future. It was the situations when I trusted my gut instinct and not the guy next to me when ive made the most progress in my life, perhaps different for some people. But people have so so little faith in the power of thier own minds. I see this in amost EVERY person i know. So sorry if i dont want to take advice from someone whos just listened to everyone else. Thats not how we evolve.

[Bojangles69]

Umm.. No. When it comes to racism, is there really any logic?

It makes the source of the racism feel better about themselves. Logical for insecure people imo.

[chest6]

For me Feb/Mar is the month for breaking up. No word of a lie nearly all my past relationships have ended on either of these months.

ahh thats crazy me too..3 of my long term relationships ended in february or early march

[Bojangles69]

ahh thats crazy me too..3 of my long term relationships ended in february or early march

im thinking some kind of early spring fever syndrome happening here.

[DSM4Life]

I see the point you are trying to make but i still disagree.

You are talking about turning off your emotions to an emotional action. This is just about what most serial killers can do!

I think that life is not a fairy tale and everything is not going to be OK. I feel all that pain that I have felt in my life has helped me to mature into who I am today. You said it yourself you wouldn’t be the same person. Well you seem like a good person so I think going through your pain its helped mold you in some ways but at the same time there are pains people should never have to feel ( losing child – stabbing etc).

"but use a break up to figure out for yourself how to avoid the pain in the future."

No I don’t want to avoid the pain. I want to learn to deal with it. Then in the future I will find someone else and take that chance of finding love again.

[Bojangles69]

I see the point you are trying to make but i still disagree.

You are talking about turning off your emotions to an emotional action. This is just about what most serial killers can do!

I think that life is not a fairy tale and everything is not going to be OK. I feel all that pain that I have felt in my life has helped me to mature into who I am today. You said it yourself you wouldn’t be the same person. Well you seem like a good person so I think going through your pain its helped mold you in some ways but at the same time there are pains people should never have to feel ( losing child – stabbing etc).

"but use a break up to figure out for yourself how to avoid the pain in the future."

No I don’t want to avoid the pain. I want to learn to deal with it. Then in the future I will find someone else and take that chance of finding love again.

If your learning how to DEAL with pain. Your inadvertently changing your RESPONSE to the pain. If your response isnt learning how to make the pain worse, than your learning how to effectively AVOID the pain. If thats not avoidance than i have no idea what is. The means may not be to seek avoidance, but the end result is the ability to do so.

And imo if murderers learned how to avoid or cope with pain, they wouldnt be out killing people to begin. A serial killer may be emotionally numb to certain feelings, but again i dont think this is something they voluntarily choose.

Im not offering my insight as an ends all solution to pain. All im saying is as morphine alleviates physical pain, the morphine for emotional pain is perception. So if the way you perceive life is bringing you pain, the obvious solution would be to change your perception. Because thinking yourself into pain is = to slamming yourself in the head with a hammer. Thay may not be a good analogy because thats combining an objective and subjective idea, but the concept or meaning is still the same.

[DSM4Life]

If your learning how to DEAL with pain. Your inadvertently changing your RESPONSE to the pain. If your response isnt learning how to make the pain worse, than your learning how to effectively AVOID the pain. If thats not avoidance than i have no idea what is. The means may not be to seek avoidance, but the end result is the ability to do so.

And imo if murderers learned how to avoid or cope with pain, they wouldnt be out killing people to begin. A serial killer may be emotionally numb to certain feelings, but again i dont think this is something they voluntarily choose.

Im not offering my insight as an ends all solution to pain. All im saying is as morphine alleviates physical pain, the morphine for emotional pain is perception. So if the way you perceive life is bringing you pain, the obvious solution would be to change your perception. Because thinking yourself into pain is = to slamming yourself in the head with a hammer. Thay may not be a good analogy because thats combining an objective and subjective idea, but the concept or meaning is still the same.

Come give me a hug

[Bojangles69]

Come give me a hug

Only if the kitty puts the gun down

[DSM4Life]

Only if the kitty puts the gun down

He will only hurt you if you try and grab my @$$

[Bojangles69]

He will only hurt you if you try and grab my @$$

deal.. i think

seriously i gtg to bed now though, wayyy past my bedtime, as usual.

pc

[DSM4Life]

seriously i gtg to bed now though, wayyy past my bedtime, as usual.

pc

Same here, but i am not tried at all.