Pick up Lines

[woodsy169]

Or the 'ol....

You say, "Do you want to go get a pizza and fuck?"

She says, "Hell no!"

You say, "What? You don't like pizza?"

[woodsy169]

Use this one at Hooters or a restaraunt if you see a really hot waitress...

Drop a packet of sugar on the floor, when the waitress comes up, reach down to pick it up and say, "Miss, I think you dropped your name tag"

[kreper69]

Baby, your father is a thief
wait for what ever her response may be the say
baby, your father is a thief because he stole the stars, and put them in your eyes.

[kreper69]

here's one from a friend down south.
is it true a chick farts when you blast her in the @ss!!

[clockworks]

i got a really pale white friend who likes this one:
"have you ever seen snowballs in texas?"
"hmm, no"
then he pulls out his pale ass nuts and shows her.

P.S. we live in texas...=)

[palme]

Clockworks, your friend most have killer size nuts bro!!!

Kreper69 it´s not.

[LightSnack]

Is that a Keg in your Pants?
Cause I sure would like to Tap the ass...
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Let's play Army.. That's where I lay down and you blow the Hell out of me.
----
I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag
---
I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face
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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in
---
You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to
mount you or eat you
----
Your parents must be retarded, because you are special
----
How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open,
and I'll give you the meat!


THATS ALL I GOT!!!!!

[Jimmy_Bravo]

Originally posted by skid
you mean she picks up chicks for you???

I tried to get my wife into that, but it really didn't stick!

[Sicilian30]

Well I am Italian, so here is one my paisano buddy told me to try:
"Hey baby, you like italian sausage?", "would you like one in you?"
Okay cheezy, but I thought it was funny at the time.

[sweetgirl]

got some lame ones too:

1- can i buy u a drink, or u just want the money ??

2- i may not be the best looking guy here, but im the only one talking to u.

3- im new in town, could i have directions to your house ??

4-your bodys name must be Visa, cause its everywhere i want to be.

5-if u were a new hamburger at McDonalds, u would be McGorgeous.

6- u might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away!

7- i cant find my puppy, can u help me find him? i think he went into this cheap motel room.

[sweetgirl]

heres some funny female comebacks!!

Man: havent i seen u someplace?
Woman: yes, thats why i dont go there anymore.

Man: is this seat empty?
Woman: yes, and this one will be if u sit down.

Man: your place or mine?
Woman: both. u go to yours, and i'll go to mine.

Man: hey baby, whats your sign?
Woman: do not enter.

Man: if i could see u naked, i'de die happy.
Woman: if i saw u naked, i'de probably die laughing.

[sweetgirl]

this is funny too:


Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

-------


A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginnig of a new argument.

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Give a man a hand... and he'll run it all over u.

------

Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands.

------

behind every great man there is a surprised woman.

------

the trouble with some woman is that they get all exited about nothing... and then they marry him.

------

whenever i date a man i think," is this the man i want my children to spend their weekends with?"

------

if u want anything said, ask a man.
if u wnat anything done, ask a woman.

[clockworks]

bahaha, this is definantly my favorite thread! thanks for reviving it, sweetgirl!

some of them are truely gems!

-clocky baby

[sweetgirl]

i've got more funny ones !!

heres some advice for man not to say while having sex:

"but everybody looks funny naked !"
"do u smell something raw?"
"hope you're as good looking when i'm sober."
"does this count as a date?"
"your almost as good as my ex!"
"maybe youre just out of practice."
"on second thought, lets turn off the lights."
"and to think, i didnt even have to buy you dinner!"
"smile, youre on Candid Camera!"
"you woke me up for that?"
"and to think, i was really trying to pick up your friend!"
"its nice being in bed with a woman i dont have to inflate!"
"did i tell you my aunt martha died in this bed?"
"i reaLLy hate woman who actually think sex means something!"

[sweetgirl]

ok, i know im getting carry away, but i've got more

Men are like...

- Mascara - they run at the frist sign of emotion.
------

- Parking spots - the good ones are already taken.
-------

- Computers - there hard to figure out, and the never have enough memory.
-------

- Bank Accounts - without a lot of money they dont generate much interest.
-------

- light - there fun to look at, but not too bright.
-------

-copiers - you need them for reproduction but thats about it.
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[clockworks]

bahaha, nice...=)

ok, since we're straying a little from pickup lines, i got some funny stuff about women...from a computer scientist's point of view...

women are like computers...

Nobody, but their creator understands their internal logic.

Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

The message, 'Bad command or file name' is about as informative as, 'If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you.'

As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Apparently, they're wonderful if you know how to use them, but most of the time they're just good to play games with.

They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.

-clocky baby

[palme]

Originally posted by clockworks

The message, 'Bad command or file name' is about as informative as, 'If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you.'


-clocky baby

Women are strange

[sweetgirl]

Any married men should forget his mistakes; theres no use in two poeple remembering the same thing.

-------------

Advice:

1. what do u do if a boyfriend walks-out? you shut the door.
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2. go for younger men. you might as well, they never mature anyway.
-------

3. if they put a man on the moon- they should be able to put them all up there.
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4. never let your mans mind wander- its too little to be alone.
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5. men are all the same- they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
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6.definition of a bachelor: a man who has the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

-------

[sweetgirl]

now this is cute and true:

" it takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone."

[Butch]

Damn sweetgirl....you've been doing some homework.

I will disagree with the one where it says...."you want something done ask a women"....I can't agree with that.

other than that good job.....very,very nice and funny.

[realer]

you mean she picks up chicks for you???

She's a babe magnet!!
I cant help it!!

[palme]

Originally posted by sweetgirl
now this is cute and true:

" it takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone."

So very true

[plucks]

Heres some that a girl at worked emailed me.

Female Comebacks
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

[Cousin Eddie]

Mind if hang out here till it's safe back where I farted?

[maguilagorilla]

try this pick up line that we use down here in deep suoth tex. "hey iwant call immigration if you come home with me" hahaha, i guess you guys get if you were mexican

[PaPaPumP]

me:Is that my cock in your mouth?
her:no
me: here...*zip*... ok, check again


There's a party in my pants and you're the only one invited. (hope no one wrote that, i skipped some)

[Babyweight]

My favorite is without words....And Girls... you've got to try this just for kicks!

While at the grocery store if you happen to notice a nice looking guy, be sure to get in line behind him only with a jar of cherries & whipping cream.
The look on their face is PRICELESS.
I love to have fun!!!
Babyweight

[Pheedno]

Originally posted by Babyweight
My favorite is without words....And Girls... you've got to try this just for kicks!

While at the grocery store if you happen to notice a nice looking guy, be sure to get in line behind him only with a jar of cherries & whipping cream.
The look on their face is PRICELESS.
I love to have fun!!!
Babyweight

Holy shit BW, I think some of your gender are getting ques from you.
Two weeks ago, when I was buying groceries I stepped in line and a woman did that exact thing. Except she had peaches and honey.
I took my time to head to the truck so I could get a chance to offer some help eating her snack, but low and behold, she comes out of the store with her boyfriend. I frickin love peaches.

[Babyweight]

[jarrett]

i think i might have one that i have actually used before! it might be better than partyboy's

walk up to a girl ask her if she would like to dance with you
she says "no"
you say "oh come on i went ahead and lowered my standards, why dont you go ahead and lower yours"
prepare to be slapped
jarrett

[freakout]

LOL

Thanks for making my sick days better....

[bortort]

or walk up to a girl and ask her to dance. If she says no. Say, NO I didnt ask you to dance, I said you look fat in those pants.

Pick up lines:

Are you having a bad hair day ?

Lets go out to the rock pile and get a little bolder !

Didn't I F*** your mom ?

( whisper this to a girl your sitting next to in a booth)
If you want to go home and mess around, reach under the table and give my di** one pull, If you DON'T want to, pull it 80 times.

[Tobey]

Famous Pick up line huh? Let's see....
Ok I know, and people this is a sure winner.

Hi,
I'm a mod at AR.

IC

[clockworks]

Originally posted by Tobey
Famous Pick up line huh? Let's see....
Ok I know, and people this is a sure winner.

Hi,
I'm a mod at AR.

IC

thats almost as good as "pull my finger". haha, just kidding...=)

-clokcy baby

[footballcat]

lets have a party, and invite your pants down.

[footballcat]

do you spit or swallow

[footballcat]

Im an organ doner, need anything

If i jumped on your back, would you beat me off?

[footballcat]

Pardon me. Are you a moner or a screamer?

Did you know there is 265 bones in the body. Would you like one more?

and last one HI IM HORNY.

[sweetgirl]

Originally posted by footballcat

and last one HI IM HORNY. [/B]

thats pretty cheesey, but straight forward.........i'de laugh at a guy who would introduce themself and say that with a straight

(it wouldnt work though, but i'de laugh..)

[Strut99GT]

Originally posted by clockworks
bahaha, nice...=)

ok, since we're straying a little from pickup lines, i got some funny stuff about women...from a computer scientist's point of view...

women are like computers...

Nobody, but their creator understands their internal logic.

Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

The message, 'Bad command or file name' is about as informative as, 'If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you.'

As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Apparently, they're wonderful if you know how to use them, but most of the time they're just good to play games with.

They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.

-clocky baby

bwhhahahahahahahhahahahaahahahahhahaahahah