True dedication

[TEST_ME!]

Just got this email,If you read this without lau***ng out loud, there is something wrong
with
you.cause Ive seen this shiz happen soooo often at my gym

Dear Diary:

For my 36th birthday this year, my friend Werner purchased a week of
personal training at the Virgin health club for me. Although I am still
in
great shape since playing for my varsity football team 18yrs ago, I decided
it
would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named
Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. old aerobics instructor and
model for athletic clothing and swimwear.

Werner seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
encouraged
me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:


Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth
it
when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She
was
something of a Greek goddess with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a
dazzling
white smile.

Woo Hoo!!!!!

She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that
my
pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her
Lycra
aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she
conducted
her aerobics class after my workout today.

Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, Although my
gut
was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!


TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air,
and
then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill,
but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all
worthwhile.
I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a
hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer or
stop. I parked on top of a moped in the club parking lot. Belinda was
impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club
members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and
when
she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the
stair
monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
activity
rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in
shape and enjoy life. She said some other sh.t too.

THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her
thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a
half an
hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I
ran
and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as
punishment,
put me on the rowing machine-which I sank.

FRIDAY:

I hate that b.tch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any
other
human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic little
cheerleading b.itch . If there were a part of my body I could move
without
unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on
my
triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if she didn't want dents in the
floor, she shouldn't have handed me the*&%#(#&** barbells or anything
that
weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
teacher.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the
choir
director?

SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly
voice
wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to
smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to
even
use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the
Weather
Channel.


SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year,
Werner
(the Fcuk), will choose a gift for me that is fun -like a root canal or
a
vasectomy!!

[Second2None]

[WEBB]

thats pretty good man...

[dwaynewade]

heh heh heh...LOL

[PEWN]

lol.... sounds like women peroid.... good in the begining and the more your wit hthem the more annoying they are...

[Panzerfaust]

[RA]

Saw it before but loved reading it agian...funny as hell.

[InsaneInTheMembrane]

and we wonder why new year resolutions to lose weight never come to pass... I think there's a Belinda in every gym

[LawMan018]

Haha nice, at the beginning I was like, why is this funny?

[TEST_ME!]

lol.... sounds like women peroid.... good in the begining and the more your with them the more annoying they are...

Agreed

[Ajc330]

yeah this was good haha

[unclemoney]

Wasn't bad.

[IronReload04]

i take this more metaphorically, than literally