A serious post for homsexuals. And hetros too.

**Bojangles69** · 02-03-2008, 11:32 PM

Ok I'm not trying to stir any dirt I'm trying to see whether I was wrong or right in a heated little argument that took place the other day in a gender studies class.

I use to be bestfriends with this gay guy who we'll call "K" for now. He's NOT bi, he's completley into dudes and I have no problem with that, what I DO have a problem with is something that happened the other day and somethings I've been noticing about his personality.

First, this guy is very smart. We've been in many uni classes together, hung out and what not but I've always had this reservation about what he claims to be.

So we're in gender studies course together and the teacher puts 2 topics up, *masculinity and *femininity. And our job is to make a list on a sheet of paper of qualities that come to our mind for each group.

This guy likes to talk A LOT in class. Not in the respect that he comes off like an attention whore but most of the time like he seriously has some really interesting things to say.

So he raises his hand and says "natural" for femininity.

The teacher and I'd assume everyone in the room had NO IDEA what he meant by it. So he takes about 2 mins to explain how females have this natural beauty about them, this natural inution, this natural glow that makes them so appealing to men. He went on for a few minutes just talking about basically how great he thinks females are.

In my head I'm thinking "wait.. did this m/fkr forget he's gay? wtf is going on here?"

I can feel I'm about to start a really emotionally heated debate but I'm trying to come off as professional and logical as possible before I dive in.

So I raise my hand. I say "since you have no hang ups about conveying how you feel about females naturally you should have no problems applying that to men.."

He shakes his head yes in hesistant compliance.

I go "so if women are as natural and wonderful as you claim yourself to believe they are, would you mind revealing to the class your sexual orientation?"
He's looking at me like I'm a complete asshole but I threw out the bait and he bit on to it.
He acknowledges he is gay. Not bi, but GAY.

So I say "well if thats the case, than why would you sit here talking about how great women are, and how much you admire them, when in reality you can only get emotionally & physicaly intimate with the opposite gender?"

Remember, this is a former best friend of mine. He tries to rationalize his way out by saying the topic of discussion was "femininity".
So I say "true, but our first topic was masculinity and you had nothing to say about that".
"I just find it terribly incongruent that as a non-heterosexual male, you would sit here for 2 mins talking about how great and wonderful women are when in reality you prefer the company of guys".

The teacher at this point is like "I'm expecting the both of you to handle this conversation as adults and not children, but if I sense its heading in a bad direction you'll both need to stop immediately".

We go back and forth, and he starts saying how he has no problem voicing the way he feels about a topic and I'm like "if that was true, you would have said 'natural' when masculinity came up, not for femininity".

The debate got heated and our teacher ended it, and now this guy, who I use to be best friends with, is not returning my calls because I wanted to have a private discussion about wtf his motives were to praise females when he's 100% homosexual.

Understand, its COOL to not want to come out in the middle of the class talking about how much you love men due to obvious social repercussions, but to do the exact opposite? Nothing but shady in my book.

We've been friends for about 2 years and it seems like at this point all this guy wants is to use his moxie to draw in EVERYONE, regardless of how honest he's being with himself. And it just seems fake as fvck to me.

He's helped me out a lot in the past just being a good friend but I've always been weary with my intuition about this side of him that wants nothing more than for people to accept him. And the route he chose the other day was not people accepting HIM, it was people accepting him based on what he selectively chose to reveal to them.

So am I wrong here? Our friendship has gone to shit and honestly I don't care all too much because I'm so confident that all this dude wants from life is attention, even at the sacrifice of being real to who he truely is.

But any comments/thoughts/opinions would be really appreciated. I'd like to here from gays as well as straights. But I think gays would have a better understanding of why he was acting this way, and quite frankly, it makes no sense to me at all.

-BO

**xpijeonx** · 02-03-2008, 11:55 PM

I am not gay but I don't see why he cant think highly of women and say that they have a natural glow etc... (the lucky ones do). Just cause he looks at them this way does not mean he is attracted sexually to them.

I would be pissed if you did that to me too though. I dunno by the sounds of the story it sounded like you were calling him onto the carpet just to do it. I could be wrong and it could be how I am reading it.

If I were in a class and a friend called me out on the table about running a couple cycles I would be EFING pissed! You know good and well how most of our society looks at that. I am sure it is not even close to having a different sexual preference. Sure we might be "cheaters" to some or vein whatever. I don't think anyone has been killed by another cause they were pissed about them using juice.

**Bojangles69** · 02-04-2008, 12:00 AM

Excellent point. I can't disagree with you because I'm honestly not sure if what I did was right or wrong. But good analogy with the juice.

**football2007** · 02-04-2008, 12:04 AM

Maybe he actually feels that way?

Maybe he wasn't referring all this in a sexual way..or a way in which he was attracted to them. Just because he sees them as "beautiful" or whatever, doesn't necessarily mean like he is attracted to them sexually.

Kind of a hard thing to think about and argue. I really cannot see in that point of view and relate because I am not gay. Maybe someone who is can explain better.

Men and women often argue about topics and may have completely different viewpoints. You simply see things differently. Maybe its the same way here?

**Logan13** · 02-04-2008, 02:09 AM

perhaps is was born in the wrong body............

**Tock** · 02-04-2008, 02:22 AM

I'm gay, and never give a second thought to what women look like, beautiful, awful, or indifferent. Women are just something that's always around, like asphalt or laundry detergent.
Some other guys I know seem to pay more attention to what female celebrities wear (I haven't a clue why), and others seem to spend most of their waking hours focused on women's fashion and what movie actresses are doing & wearing. But they're all 100% gay.

I'm surprised that you'd challenge him on a personal issue like sexuality in a classroom discussion. Re-take the class with your girlfriend, and then talk about her sexual habits in class, and see how long you have to wait until she talks to you again . . .

***perfectbeast2001*** · 02-04-2008, 02:51 AM

I dont think it was vey nice to directly ask his sexual orientation in the middle of a class. I would think he is pretty pissed about that.
There could be many reasons he said what he did. Maybe he feels closely connected with his femininity or maybe he hates girls and was trying to hide the fact - who knows. Guess youll have to hope he talks to you again so you can ask in private. It would be a shame to lose a good friend over what is a classroom debate.

**soulstealer** · 02-04-2008, 10:45 AM

I'm a heterosexual male and I have to say.... Screw his motives... they are his business you... his "friend" attacked his motives and tried to discredit him in front of a group of people also had him divulge his sexuality... again HIS BUSINESS.. he probably feel extremely hurt and violated by your actions...How can you be so arrogant to assume that a gay male cant see women as beautiful things......?

RA · 02-04-2008, 10:48 AM

x2..

Originally Posted by soulstealer

I'm a heterosexual male and I have to say.... Screw his motives... they are his business you... his "friend" attacked his motives and tried to discredit him in front of a group of people also had him divulge his sexuality... again HIS BUSINESS.. he probably feel extremely hurt and violated by your actions...How can you be so arrogant to assume that a gay male cant see women as beautiful things......?

**wantmoremass** · 02-04-2008, 11:57 AM

Originally Posted by roidattack

x2..

x3

IMO it was inappropriate to call him out on his orientation in class. I personally believe that gay men can appreciate the beauty of women (whom they are not attracted to) in a way that straight guys can't (or won't openly) appreciate men, simply because there are no hang-ups about finding someone of the opposite sex attractive in society (or class).

**alphaman** · 02-04-2008, 12:06 PM

bojangles... are you gay?

**xero** · 02-04-2008, 03:31 PM

Originally Posted by Tock

...Women are just something that's always around, like asphalt or laundry detergent. . . .

Hahaha...Tock you got some serious issues with woman that you need to see someone about....asphalt!....hahaha

bojangles...there is probably something that you have picked up on about "k" that we are not able to connect with in this post as you have to be around him to understand. Maybe he is a fake or pretentious, maybe double standards or inconsistent. Anyhow whatever it is it seems to have pushed you to the point where it seems like you may have publicly humiliated him.

It seems to most that this was a bit drastic. If he was your best friend then you should have rather taken him on in private about this and spare him the peer embarrassment.

But i can see you are not stupid and would understand the consequences of what you were doing. So it strikes me as if this was either a calculated or subconscious attempt to commit relationship suicide.

**AleX-69** · 02-05-2008, 03:47 PM

some guy i know rather well is also gay. some months ago we had a conversation about exactly the topic you brought up..

He told me that he finds women to be more pleasing to the eye, but somehow was never attracted to them. I know he had a super hot roommate back on college an dshe used to run around their room naked most of the time - he never even attempted to get intimate with her or anything like that.

So i think it might be quite normal for gay men to find women sorta appealing but nevertheless be sexualy attracted to men. I'd apologize asap if i were you...

rg

**HeavyHitter** · 02-05-2008, 03:59 PM

thats your boy... shoulda let it be! principle bro. ask ?'s later. i agree w/ these guys. But, if your intentions werent malicious, he should understand and you shouldnt lose a friendship over this...

**peteroy01** · 02-05-2008, 04:12 PM

jangles i can understand why you called him out but dont think i can agree on the timing. i would probably feel betrayed too if i had always know somebody as being something(gay) and then all the evidence points to him lying. id probably be a little confused. and i think thats why you got defensive. but like the others said, you guys need to talk.

**novastepp** · 02-05-2008, 05:06 PM

i would have approached it from a different angle, and asked him if those were his views of women, what his views of men were. you did cross the line by calling him out in public. if his views on men were totally skewed, then that's definitely something you could have talked about in private. just not a good choice to do it in class.