It Snowed, shovel Joke

[spywizard]

Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler, written by someone who just moved back to snow country.











December8 6:00 PM



It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!




December9



We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!




December 12



The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.




December 14



Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.




December 15



20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.




December 16



Ice storm this morning. Fell on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt a lot. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.




December 17



Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.




December 20



Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.




December 22



Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to go to the bathroom. By the time I got undressed, used the bathroom and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he is lying.




December 23



Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.




December 24



6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the person who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow and beat him with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.



December 25




Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.




December 26



Still snowed in. Why the did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.




December 27



Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.




December 28



Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. My wife is
driving me crazy!!!




December 29



10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?




December 30



Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31


I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.




January 8



Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

[DSM4Life]

Way to long , i stopped after the second one.

[*RAGE*]

I loved it good post....

[Dukkit]

lol

thats the life

[D7M]

Long...but funny.

[spywizard]

Those that live in the cold and snow parts of the country will get the humor..

[Jfew44]

I laughed out loud at a couple of those. He starts off as such a happy guy and ends up insane. Really funny post!

[calgarian]

ha ha ha sounds like my city ........

[bodybuilder1107]

Those that live in the cold and snow parts of the country will get the humor..

yeah im in ny its 7 degrees for the next 5 dayyyssss then hits 20 again next wednesday but thats hilarious i feel the pain first snow quickly gaos away i hate winter

[QuieTSToRM33]

Nice .... reminds me of living in NY during some of those bad winters.

[StoneGRMI]

I can relate. It's 7F out right now and a high of 3F tomorrow.

My next house I'm putting in a heated driveway. My parents put one in when they built a year ago and it's freaking awesome. Never any ice or snow on the driveway. Ever.

[Rugger02]

LOL I can totally relate to this. -11 right now with a high tomorrow of -3...

They'll never find where I hid the plow driver's body though...

[Sir Lifts-a-lot]

Funny post if you can take it all. I can relate.

[firmechicano831]

nice but too long for me. I can't believe I read the whole thing.