My completely ****ed last night

[MMArmour]

Okay... Its 12 at night or so and i get a call from a friend who is at a party up the street and she asks me if its cool if she crashes my couch so she doesnt have to drive drunk. I oblige. My room mate (my little bro) doesnt mind so i confirm it. She comes over and walks in and stands there silently and i say

"whats up drunk ass?"

she looks at me and gives me the come here finger. i say

"what?" she keeps staring at me.

"WHAT?"

i finally get out of the chair and walk over to her and she brings me into my bedroom, sits me down, and tries holding my hand (which i dont let her do).

Then come the tears. Let me clearify...I ****ING HATE DRUNKEN EMOTIONAL DISPLAYS.

She begins to confess to me how she has ovarian cancer and has a 14% chance of having kids while she is PISS drunk, reaking of jagermeister, and looking rugged as all hell. begins telling me how she fouind this out when she was 14. Shes now turning 20 next month. Anyways, proceeds to tell me how im the only one she could tell because ive known her for so long (was really good friends with her brother, me and her bro go way back) and all this shit. Tells me that people look at her as if she has an STD. I ask

"how would they look at you like anything if im the only one who knows?"

Her drunk ass has no answers.

The whole time im staring at her like REALLY??? ****ing serious??

FInally she gets done bawling her eyes out and telling me her ****ing gay story and im like "Well.. that sucks. IM sorry. Anyways...blankets on the couch. I gotta go to bed. Work and the gym tomorrow!". She looks at me in stunned disbelief.

I know that i was being an inconsiderate prick but the reason for this was simple.. I dont care. If you have something thats a problem and you wanna converse about it RATIONALLY when youre SOBER then im alot more understanding. Otherwise..if you have a problem...ITS YOUR ****ING PROBLEM. NOT MINE. I see her out of my room, send her to the couch, i go to my room (and because i know how drunk women operate) i lock my bedroom door. I pound one out, clean up, and then fall asleep.

2am rolls around and i wake up to the sound of my door handle being ****ed with. I jump out of bed, go to my door, unlock it, and fling it open. Low and behold... There is Ms. Imdrunkandmybabymakersdontwork herself. Standing there crying some more.

"Can we talk?" she inquires.

"Listen. Its 2am. I TOLD YOU i have work tomorrow and the gym. I need to go to bed. What part of that do you not understand?"


She starts crying again but i dont give a ****. Im aggressive and impatient at the best of time, combine that with some AAS, and i just dont care about much AT ALL. I just the door in her face and go back to bed. I hear a bunch of doors opening and closing but i dont care. I fall back to sleep.

Later on i was informed she went into the living room and proceeded to tell my little broski what "she couldnt tell anyone else" and tell him she "has cancer"

"where?" he asks

"everywhereeeee" she says as she begins to weep. Whadda*****. Not to mention that is just creepy. I was informed of this and some other things at about 2pm today. Ill cover the other details very shortly.

7 am i wake up. I check my phone and I have a text saying "my friend puked on your stairs"

My eyes open, my face contorts in pure AAS fueled anger and I spring out of bed and run for the stairs.

SURE.
AS.
****.

Looks at though she had started puking at the top and went running down the stairs as she did it. Puke EVERYWHERE. I get a bucket of water and a rag and start cleaning. I manage to get the puke cleaned up in alittle less than an hour. im pissed.

i call her

"hello?"

"I LET YOU STAY AT MY ****ING HOUSE SO YOU WOULDNT HAVE TO DRIVE DRUNK AND YOU REPAY ME WITH YOUR DRUNKEN EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS, WAKING ME UP AT 2AM AND THEN PUKING ON MY ****ING STAIRS AND JUST LEAVE IT THERE TO DRY?!"

She has no excuses. Claims her friend did it. As if that makes it better.

As I said before my little bro called me and clued me in on the some events i missed at about 2pm. The real story goes like this and is carried on from the convo where she told him she has cancer EVVVERRRYWHERE*insert creepy ass drunk girl mascara smear voice here*. She begins to vomit.

Uh oh my bro thinks.

She BOLTS for the door! Throws open the door and heads for the carpetted stairs leading to the front door (about 20 long). But oh no! Shes drunk! She forgets there are ****ing stairs there as she begins to vomit!! Uh oh!!!!! My little bro runs to the door to see what she is going to do JUST in time to watch her ****ing nose dive down the ****ing stairs ass over tea kettle WHILE spiraling vomit all over carpet, walls, and, of course, HERSELF. She continues vomiting as she rolls down the stars bouncing her head off various objects including the banister, stairs and wall. Finally as she nears the bottom TWISTS backwards and SMACKS her ****ing vomit covered face straight into a closed closet door. BAM!!!!! She is covered in vomit, stairs KICKED the SHIT out of her. My brother panics!

Oh no! Whats to do?! The exorcist is at the bottom of the stairs!!

And he did what any good little brother would do who had a big brother worth half his salt. He turns off the light, walks back inside the house after getting her ass clear of the front door, and locks it.

She continues to vomit for some time when a car pulls up (her friend. who did NOT puke on the stairs) and they carry her dumb ass away.



I SWEAR UNDER PAIN OF THE DEATH THAT THESE EVENTS ARE 100% TRUE AND ACCURATE. BESIDES...YOU CANT MAKE THIS KINDA SHIT UP. IT HAS TO HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE.

Enjoy.

For reference...my little brother is 19

[Hoggage_54]

Sounds like an easy lay, why didn't you go for it?

[redz]

It was pretty funny imagining someone rolling down stairs whilst puking on themself. I'd be pissed too, lesson learned no female friends staying over unless they are there for a different reason(naked ones).

[MMArmour]

Firstly, i have a girlfriend.
Second:

Sounds like an easy lay?? Sounds like a ****ing serial murderer! are you ****ing kidding? Ever seen fatal attraction??? You need to learn to cut the loses and run for the ****ing hills.

[redz]

I wouldnt talk to her anymore if it were me.

[MMArmour]

HELL NO. Not ever. ever. ever.

[Hoggage_54]

Should of banged her and then claimed your friend did it

[MMArmour]

^^LOL! NICE! that was a good one!!

[*RAGE*]

I sorry i would have hit and then kicked her drunk ass out

[MMArmour]

****. THAT. god dammit! Wtf! Shed murder me in my sleep with her body covered in cancer. God dammit.

[Matt]

Good lord i just knocked one out reading that lol...

[Matt]

I would of wanted to play with the cancer...

[godkilla]

freaking awesome story man! roflmfao@rolling down the stairs vomiting like the exorcist! i am the same way with my booty calls. i dont wanna hear the drama, i just want sex.

[D7M]

I sorry i would have hit and then kicked her drunk ass out

too long to read.

but I'm gonna agree with prone on this one.

[Ernst]

Oh god this was good. LMFAO Thanks, man.

[BritishColumbian]

That was a great Read! thanks. You are a good storyteller, you had me laffing all the way through; Ms. Imdrunkandmybabymakersdontwork.... lmao

[Phate]

i've had that happen before, booty call of mine came over one night and started balling about her bf breaking up with her and all this shit, i was wondering the entire time why she was telling me this stuff, our entire relationship involves sport fcuking, so why should i care?

[stpete]

You're a better man than me. I would've hit it for sure.

[MuscleScience]

So long story short someone banged the shit out of her right. I didnt read the whole story I just assumed thats what would happen.

[IronReload04]

wow......I am really sorry....But i really enjoyed that, ****ing hilarious. YOu will feel the same at some point soon. Thats going to make a fantastic story.


shaking my head at your brother while laughing. dick lol

what did you end up doing/saying to your brother. I mean, locking her out of the house was great and classic, but lol at just turning off the lights..

[firmechicano831]

yup, I would of hit that p***y and let her talk while I fell sleep.

[novastepp]

what cycle are you running?

[MMArmour]

finished cleaning the rest of that shit off my stairs. odd thing is...the bathroom was about equal distance to the stairs from where she was. ****ing broad.

[IronReload04]

finished cleaning the rest of that shit off my stairs. odd thing is...the bathroom was about equal distance to the stairs from where she was. ****ing broad.

what an ass. you need to text her and just say "I have zero tolerance for stupid people....I will never acknowledge your existance again.....fatty"


I feel pissed off for you too.

[jbm]

NICE bro...!
Self control!

[0tolerance]

****... shes lucky that im not you, i would have thrown her off my ****ing balcony.. and theres 10m to the ground and the closest ground is covered in boulders from the retaining wall.

Seriously man, i feel bad for you that is abosolutely ****ed.
the emotional drunk girl mode makes me hate drinking even more.

[xo3et]

Dude this is one of the best described stories I have ever read.

You need to write a book man, I was griped from the first line.

I would be pissed about the sick, what a ****king story though, going to read again .

[Matt]

You should of smeared your willy in her sick, its a right good turn on...

[Matt]

^^ better when its warm though...

[Dukkit]

2 words...

donkey punch

[Scott78]

I cant stand drunk women, unless im getting something but cant chat to them too annoying

[MMArmour]

****... shes lucky that im not you, i would have thrown her off my ****ing balcony.. and theres 10m to the ground and the closest ground is covered in boulders from the retaining wall.

Seriously man, i feel bad for you that is abosolutely ****ed.
the emotional drunk girl mode makes me hate drinking even more.

Id have been happy to! But be that as it may...she already threw herself down a set of stairs!! Haha i dont wanna pick her up and carry her back up the stairs to toss her off a balcony!

Thanks for the replies everyone. Im glad you guys enjoyed. Nice to see a shitty situation get turned into something comical. I can even laugh about it now. THinking about her whirling down the stairs, vomit cascading eveywhere. What a dumb ass.

[T-MOS]

The exorcist is at the bottom of the stairs


ROFLMAO thats just priceless right there.....

See, no good deed goes unpunished !!

[Deltasaurus]

I dont like this Girl, How she get cancer???? STD's=Your Bad Bitch

Also, that'd be funny if your little Brother Banged her in the Ass LOL but he didnt, All in all at least i kinda slept last night.

-AJ

[MMArmour]

and used her vomit for lube while stuffing her face in the pile of puke she left!!

right?!?

right?!?! haha

[Deltasaurus]

yeah sure......ne ways.....J/K

MMArmous, whats style do u practice?

[MMArmour]

^^ was pulling a matt.

Muay thai, boxing, freestyle wrestling, and bjj.

My coach would tell you we dont train juijitsu, we training submission wrestling.

But its hes got all these wrestling credentials and lost a fight to a jj guy when he still competed. Bitter old bastard!

[0tolerance]

haha well im glad that your able to look back an laugh now .
i actually had a dumbass drunk friend come over and vomit in my house, i just too a photo of him passed out in a field of puke and put it all over my friends myspaces .

has the girl even tried to appologise yet?

[MMArmour]

not even slightly!! she keeps blaming her friend who WASNT there, and saying she cant believe i was so insensitive to her cancer issue.

**** her man. Honestly. I dont have the patience for that kinda drunken disaster. When i drink, i sit in my house, with my bros, and we throw down on some video games. Period. I hate drama queens. She wont recognize even slightly that what she did was wrong.

[J-Dogg]

I'm honestly a little taken back by this MMA.

I'm ashamed of you. If you are going to be accused of anything by a girl, it can't be "insensitive".

The 2nd time she knocked on your bedroom door, you should have opened the door, stood behind it and looked around.....invite her in.

Shut the door, so then, so she see's you are butt nekid and aroused.

Either than or when she holds your hand, put it where you want too.

At least then you go down swinging. She emotionally drunk and if she tells anyone, she was coming on to you, you just wanted to get some sleep.

I hope you learned your lesson here. tisk tisk.