First relationship in 5 years crashed n burned.wtf!!!!

[dedic8ed1]

I went in for a haircut and walked out with her number.Hot to say the least and damaged goods that I new about from the begining.Her story:My last boyfriend was a druggie I was with him since I was 16 now I'm 22.He lived with me and my family treated us like shit and didn't respect anything anyone did for him.I had a kid with him he doesn't see him or pay support.Eventually landed in jail about 5 months into our relationship,nice guy huh.She has graves disease and recently did the radioiodine pill.Alot of baggage to say the least.She went out on 2 dates since she left her kids dad.One guy she asked if he liked kids his reply was I don't mind she said that was it for that guy.The other guy on the first date asked her if she would take birth control for him she said that was it for that guy.She was 90 pounds very depressed and was recently in the hospital from her thyroid being out of control.Her mother has MS her father can't work due to a bad car accident.And the mother takes care of her mother in law that has alzheimers and watches my girls kid 40 hrs a week.

Our story :I met her and when she told me her story with her kids dad I instantly gravatated to her cause I too had a kid with the wrong person and it was hell.We went out and the attraction was immediate.Very cool and mature which was a shocker cause she was only 22 now 23.I took her too dinner and too my local pool hall after I took her to my apartment where we hooked up for a while and just talked.I met her family and they loved me rite off the bat."Her mom asked me to put her on a diet and she lost 45 pounds in 4 months".Of course they would rite,after the last guy she was with anything with a job and a heart beat would've been a step up.We had sex really early on the third date.After a couple weeks her boss,co workers and family noticed a change in her body her attitude and well everything about her,People would ask her what's responsible for this dramatic change in you were so happy for you.Her reply It's my new man he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.Her boos says to her D when you find a man that makes you feel this way you do what ever you can to never let him go.She would sleep over my house with her kid and I would leave to go to work and come home to
Notes like:
I've loved spending these few nights with you.It has showed me alot.Something I could definetly do every night.I will miss you while in my bed alone tonight.I love you.Love always D

2nd note
I love you more then words can explain.I can't wait till the day that we have all of this and it's ours"Talking about a house of our own I have a roommate".I'm really looking forward to that.Love always D

We looked at apartments and settled on a town home signed papers to move in on august 15th.I asked her repeatedly are you ready for a guy like me in your life rite now your pretty fresh out of the worst part of your life and pretty vulnerable.I know what I want in my woman and your it.

Her reply:I would never make such a big decision without being totally sure that your the man I want to be with.It's almost like I have to convince you of this.Trust me baby Theres no one else for me but you.

So she convinced me that she was ready.After she did her thyroid radioiodine treatment she was a bit moody tired irritable.Her grandmother moves in which left her no where to go in her house to be alone after her kid is in bed.So me being the man she loves and wants to be with I said babe if you want and only if you want we can move in earlier like May or June.She was excited to say the least.Called her mom she said her mom was in tears and she wants to go look at furniture,she couldn't be more happier.We go look at furniture she's smiling like crazy looking so happy but then she relizes we don't have enough money to get all the brand new expensive things she wants.After a couple of stops at stores we go home and the second we pull in the driveway she says I had 24 hrs to think about this and I don't think were ready.I didn't pick that moment to fight that battle so I just said ok I'll call you later.On my ride home I'm asking myself all the questions any other human being with half a brain would ask himself.Should I beleive anything this girls says about how she feels about me?How can someone go from your the best thing that's ever happened to me to I just don't think were ready.Later that night we got on the phone and she said she was sorry about how she handled the fact that we really don't have the money to move in early and she just said the wrong thing.My reply was how can I trust what you say your hot your cold.Then she says sometimes I don't think I love you the way you love me.Then when I bring up how she says I made her happier then she ever thought was possible and all the other things she said about how I make her feel.She says well things are moving really fast and this is really exciting and people say things when things are exciting like this.I said I really cant do this with someone who's unsure after saying such things like you said to me.And that was it we havn't spoke since other me saying I want you but only without you feeling pressured to do anything.My last words were you take care of yourself I'll be here for you but emotionally available I don't know how long I can be that.I'm losing faith in people slowly.Help I'm starting to question my own worth I'm sick about this.

[T-MOS]

can we get the cliff notes version??

[Kratos]

how long did you date her before setting a move in together date?

[BritishColumbian]

I love you more then words can explain..

you will never be able to figure out the woman, they have an irrational way of thinking.

[IM708]

you will never be able to figure out the woman, they have an irrational way of thinking.

x2 thinking more linear would be too hard

[Matt]

Yeah, sh1t happens...

[*RAGE*]

women are good for only one thing.......fuvk them all........

[warchild]

women want one thing one minute then something else the next...at least thats what im getting from mine

[Matt]

I like lesbians...

[Hoggage_54]

how long did you date her before setting a move in together date?

+1 sounds like things moved pretty quickly

[Chitown Raider]

women want one thing one minute then something else the next...at least thats what im getting from mine

Ditto. It get's really aggravating at times.

[gst528i]

Dude didn't you post about just recently meeting her. I doubt u know her longer than a year let alone 6 months.

Sorry if i am being harsh but i hate people that are so insecure of spending their life alone, that they will jump at the first chance of "together".

You knew this gurl had baggage, you knew she has been mistreated, you knew she had been with a druggie, had medical issues ( bills ), and after all this you made a conscious decision to move in.
The only thing i can say is , live and learn bro. Next time you will weigh pro's and con's logically rather than puppy love style.

Hope every thing works out.

[bushido3374]

Everyone has baggage. Some are just more aware of how it affects their lives and the why/how's and are better at compensating for their dysfunctions.

This girl does have a lot of issues. You can't help that. All you can accept ownership of is why you gravitated towards this girl. This means you have enough unaddressed issues that you found an almost instant compatability with this train wreck. I know, because I've had similar relationships in the past.

Be willing to learn from your mistakes. Alot of BB's on here will scoff at this, but I think counseling is really important if you want to break this pattern. It has alot to do with the way you were raised. That's what it took for me to learn. And reading books on relationships and other stuff that's considered "cheesey" or "feminine." Some will consider these suggestions lame, but they won't likely be the ones that will admit that they never stop making the same relationship mistakes or have gotten so jaded and afraid of commitment that they use women up like tissue paper before casting them aside.

[Chitown Raider]

Everyone has baggage. Some are just more aware of how it affects their lives and the why/how's and are better at compensating for their dysfunctions.

This girl does have a lot of issues. You can't help that. All you can accept ownership of is why you gravitated towards this girl. This means you have enough unaddressed issues that you found an almost instant compatability with this train wreck. I know, because I've had similar relationships in the past.

Be willing to learn from your mistakes. Alot of BB's on here will scoff at this, but I think counseling is really important if you want to break this pattern. It has alot to do with the way you were raised. That's what it took for me to learn. And reading books on relationships and other stuff that's considered "cheesey" or "feminine." Some will consider these suggestions lame, but they won't likely be the ones that will admit that they never stop making the same relationship mistakes or have gotten so jaded and afraid of commitment that they use women up like tissue paper before casting them aside.

Great post!

[Phate]

Everyone has baggage. Some are just more aware of how it affects their lives and the why/how's and are better at compensating for their dysfunctions.

This girl does have a lot of issues. You can't help that. All you can accept ownership of is why you gravitated towards this girl. This means you have enough unaddressed issues that you found an almost instant compatability with this train wreck. I know, because I've had similar relationships in the past.

Be willing to learn from your mistakes. Alot of BB's on here will scoff at this, but I think counseling is really important if you want to break this pattern. It has alot to do with the way you were raised. That's what it took for me to learn. And reading books on relationships and other stuff that's considered "cheesey" or "feminine." Some will consider these suggestions lame, but they won't likely be the ones that will admit that they never stop making the same relationship mistakes or have gotten so jaded and afraid of commitment that they use women up like tissue paper before casting them aside.

anybody who scoffs at that statement probably needs counseling in the first place

[J-Dogg]

You dated Melissa too? Seriously, I got Melissa's number when she was cutting my hair too. It has to be the same girl.

If you are living in my former shoes. I can tell you how it ends.

She ends up having a kid with a tow truck driver, he gets fired, she lends him money, he breaks up with her.

You sound a lot like me, and that's not a good thing. You try to fix things, that are not your obligation to fix. YOu probably take on too many projects. I suffer from the same weakness.

You can't buy the car you want.....you have to buy a broken one, and fix it yourself.

You can't buy the house you want, you buy the worse one on the block and try to make it the best.

You won't date a normal attractive girl.....you have to find the hottest most damaged girl and try to help/fix her.

[warchild]

You dated Melissa too? Seriously, I got Melissa's number when she was cutting my hair too. It has to be the same girl.

If you are living in my former shoes. I can tell you how it ends.

She ends up having a kid with a tow truck driver, he gets fired, she lends him money, he breaks up with her.

You sound a lot like me, and that's not a good thing. You try to fix things, that are not your obligation to fix. YOu probably take on too many projects. I suffer from the same weakness.

You can't buy the car you want.....you have to buy a broken one, and fix it yourself.

You can't buy the house you want, you buy the worse one on the block and try to make it the best.

You won't date a normal attractive girl.....you have to find the hottest most damaged girl and try to help/fix her.

my life in a nut shell

[gst528i]

You dated Melissa too? Seriously, I got Melissa's number when she was cutting my hair too. It has to be the same girl.

If you are living in my former shoes. I can tell you how it ends.

She ends up having a kid with a tow truck driver, he gets fired, she lends him money, he breaks up with her.

You sound a lot like me, and that's not a good thing. You try to fix things, that are not your obligation to fix. YOu probably take on too many projects. I suffer from the same weakness.

You can't buy the car you want.....you have to buy a broken one, and fix it yourself.

You can't buy the house you want, you buy the worse one on the block and try to make it the best.

You won't date a normal attractive girl.....you have to find the hottest most damaged girl and try to help/fix her.

Other than fixing the damaged gurl, thats me.
Got a car that i paid more for when i could have gotten a better one for the same lol... But now its the shyt.
I buy a few products that other shops have failed at marketing, and try to do a better job ..
HMM good to know im not the only one

[J-Dogg]

my life in a nut shell

Probably common among members here. Always working to improve, but never satisfied.

But to TS. A lot of times, being with girls who are in despair, drag us into it also.

I've totally been there, multiple times. Just don't let your life fall apart. All you can do, is find the root of the problem...and take care of it. You can't be dependent on her, and I'm not talking of money, apartment or a ride. I'm talking about her affection. We cannot control what other people do, we can only control what we do, and how we respond.

[dedic8ed1]

Damn I guess I have some issues of my own to address.I'm a habitual rescuer it would seem.My kids mother was way worse.We were dating for roughly 4 months when we spoke of moving in after a year together.But I asked her all the rite questions didn't I?your still vulnerable are you really ready for such a big step?

[dedic8ed1]

how long did you date her before setting a move in together date?

4 months we decided to move in after a year of dating.

[dedic8ed1]

Everyone has baggage. Some are just more aware of how it affects their lives and the why/how's and are better at compensating for their dysfunctions.

This girl does have a lot of issues. You can't help that. All you can accept ownership of is why you gravitated towards this girl. This means you have enough unaddressed issues that you found an almost instant compatability with this train wreck. I know, because I've had similar relationships in the past.

Be willing to learn from your mistakes. Alot of BB's on here will scoff at this, but I think counseling is really important if you want to break this pattern. It has alot to do with the way you were raised. That's what it took for me to learn. And reading books on relationships and other stuff that's considered "cheesey" or "feminine." Some will consider these suggestions lame, but they won't likely be the ones that will admit that they never stop making the same relationship mistakes or have gotten so jaded and afraid of commitment that they use women up like tissue paper before casting them aside.

Very informative buddy.Thanx
I guess I wanted to believe fate had a hand in us meeting cause our past were similiar.Which makes the pain so much more significant.I've never had such an impact on a familys life and it felt great like they all looked up to me and were proud there daughter met somebody who really cares about her.Feeling weak and stupid like I did a long time ago,which originally got me into bodybuilding.I needed to lose myself in something that wouldn't allow me to think about the pain and negativity.And from that decision I regained the respect from my family and friends.Am I only gonna make gains in life when in a state of shock and depression?

[dedic8ed1]

Probably common among members here. Always working to improve, but never satisfied.

But to TS. A lot of times, being with girls who are in despair, drag us into it also.

I've totally been there, multiple times. Just don't let your life fall apart. All you can do, is find the root of the problem...and take care of it. You can't be dependent on her, and I'm not talking of money, apartment or a ride. I'm talking about her affection. We cannot control what other people do, we can only control what we do, and how we respond.

Nice addition thanx man.

[area547]

I only gonna make gains in life when in a state of shock and depression?

get ready for it:

People respond in one of two ways to shock and depression: Anger or Apathy
You either get pissed off about it and decide to make something happen, or you just stop giving a f*ck.

Don't be the person that responds with apathy. Learn from this experience and move on. There are a couple things that I know that you already know, but that I think you need to remind yourself of.

1. Men act based on logic, women act based on their EMOTIONS
-She has been viewing you as the repairman in her life, the person who will fix hers for her. When you couldn't fix the financial problem she was disappointed that you failed as the repairman. Again the emotion that she felt was disappointment. Something that she has felt a whole lot in her previous relationship. So now she's comparing you to him, and she feels the same emotion: disappointment. So now in her mind your just like the last boyfriend, the man who will leave her disappointed. This isn't your fault, this comes from her just being damaged goods.


2. Don't fall for the puppy love. Its temporary. Your body will actually release chemicals in the early stages of your courtship that will make you feel all euphoric and will make you believe you've just found the love of your life or soulmate or what have you. Don't get fooled by this, these emotions will eventually fade. Just take things one step at a time and DONT RUSH.


The reason why I wrote this long*ss reply is because i too dated a girl with emotional baggage. Learn from this lesson and the next time you meet a girl with that kinda baggage, excuse yourself politely and run for the hills bro.

[fit4ever]

Fact is, we all have baggage. Baggage doesn't make us insane. We're only insane if we choose to carry out the same behavior that leads to the same mistakes that we've made in the past.

[Chode Logan]

Don't fix broken shit, it's not your job and 9 times out of 10, they will leave you after you fix them and be your friend.

Her last boyfriend treated her like shit, and she stuck with him for 6 years. You were nice, and lasted 1. Kinda shows which type of attention she likes better.

[dedic8ed1]

get ready for it:

People respond in one of two ways to shock and depression: Anger or Apathy
You either get pissed off about it and decide to make something happen, or you just stop giving a f*ck.

Don't be the person that responds with apathy. Learn from this experience and move on. There are a couple things that I know that you already know, but that I think you need to remind yourself of.

1. Men act based on logic, women act based on their EMOTIONS
-She has been viewing you as the repairman in her life, the person who will fix hers for her. When you couldn't fix the financial problem she was disappointed that you failed as the repairman. Again the emotion that she felt was disappointment. Something that she has felt a whole lot in her previous relationship. So now she's comparing you to him, and she feels the same emotion: disappointment. So now in her mind your just like the last boyfriend, the man who will leave her disappointed. This isn't your fault, this comes from her just being damaged goods.


2. Don't fall for the puppy love. Its temporary. Your body will actually release chemicals in the early stages of your courtship that will make you feel all euphoric and will make you believe you've just found the love of your life or soulmate or what have you. Don't get fooled by this, these emotions will eventually fade. Just take things one step at a time and DONT RUSH.


The reason why I wrote this long*ss reply is because i too dated a girl with emotional baggage. Learn from this lesson and the next time you meet a girl with that kinda baggage, excuse yourself politely and run for the hills bro.

You couldn't have been more rite,wow spot on observation man.Thanx

[spywizard]

can we get the cliff notes version??

sure.. bi-polar

My wife did the same proceedure.. not real issues..

sorry for your loss..

congrats on getting on with your life..

[Bojangles69]

sure.. bi-polar
My wife did the same proceedure.. not real issues..

sorry for your loss..

congrats on getting on with your life..

I got his words counted, 1105.. reduced by you to 2. Thats some impressing fvckn shit.

[Bojangles69]

I got his words counted, 1105.. reduced by you to 2. Thats some impressing fvckn shit.

Reduced to standard double spaced pages, with an avg of 250 words a double spaced page, the OP = over *****4 PAGES****** of reading.

I'm like a snapple cap tonight.. so g/damn smart I am.

[jbm]

That's life!

[hugovsilva]

sure.. bi-polar

My wife did the same proceedure.. not real issues..

sorry for your loss..

congrats on getting on with your life..

Hit the nail on the head bro.

[bushido3374]

Thanks Chitown and Phate.

[zimmy]

it's tough man...guys handle there baggage different. We know we have our problems and just stay away from our fears. Girls like to put there toes in the water and wait till something happens so they can confirm their baggage was warrented. Basically...they have a huge ego which only allows them to recognize their issues as nothing more than a clutch or an excuse to lash out or whatever they want to do. Speaking from experience...even after she gets settled again (she will after the idea settles in her head), she'll freak out again from time to time.

[Flagg]

it's tough man...guys handle there baggage different. We know we have our problems and just stay away from our fears. Girls like to put there toes in the water and wait till something happens so they can confirm their baggage was warrented. Basically...they have a huge ego which only allows them to recognize their issues as nothing more than a clutch or an excuse to lash out or whatever they want to do. Speaking from experience...even after she gets settled again (she will after the idea settles in her head), she'll freak out again from time to time.

Damn, this is one of the best posts I've read concerning the intricasies concerning men and woman. Awesome job.

[dedic8ed1]

it's tough man...guys handle there baggage different. We know we have our problems and just stay away from our fears. Girls like to put there toes in the water and wait till something happens so they can confirm their baggage was warrented. Basically...they have a huge ego which only allows them to recognize their issues as nothing more than a clutch or an excuse to lash out or whatever they want to do. Speaking from experience...even after she gets settled again (she will after the idea settles in her head), she'll freak out again from time to time.

Another accurate accessment and helpful post.I post my dirt here for this exact reason.Thanx bud.

[dedic8ed1]

sure.. bi-polar

My wife did the same proceedure.. not real issues..

sorry for your loss..

congrats on getting on with your life..

Bi polar really?

[Emondo]

if life has thought me one thing its that woman lie! Fact! they tell you what you want to her but they dont mean it. Talk is cheap

[zimmy]

if life has thought me one thing its that woman lie! Fact! they tell you what you want to her but they dont mean it. Talk is cheap

yah that's what life thought me 2 :P

[subaruwrx04]

Kick it to the side. Keep your head up and move on. Don't ever let a women get you down.