If you were faced by an imminent attack from a mountain lion??

**Deadpool** · 05-03-2009, 11:42 PM

stand up straight raise your arms and yell "GO AWAY. You are not wanted, go on... scat. Stay tuned for all new Ally Mcbeal."...... it works for animal attacks, I saw it used on T.V. once.

**hugovsilva** · 05-04-2009, 05:08 AM

Even armed it would be difficult to hit it after he starts running towards you (if you happen to see it because most likely you will only notice it when it is already on you). After he puts its claws on you you will only live if it wants you to.

**vpchill** · 05-04-2009, 05:09 AM

Slap the shit out that Mountain Lion. We dont play that Pvssy Kat

**Gappa** · 05-04-2009, 06:47 AM

there is a story about a woman that fended one off from herself and her kids with a pocketknife.

**Flagg** · 05-04-2009, 07:00 AM

Originally Posted by Gappa

I think a large knife like a bowie or a machete would increase your chances exponentially.. you all agree. I could see the cat lunge and just take take the blade right into the ribs.

You're taking an awful lot for granted Gappa. That for one, even armed you aren't shitting yourself and can stay composed. Personally if one of those things were coming towards me I would generally believe that death was approaching. Those creatures are living weapons. They have claws, teeth and as you said are exceptionally strong and designed to kill animals much larger than it and us. Even if you get a few digs in, you can be sure it will have ****ed you up as well. Animals dont negotiate, it will attempt to kill you.

**vpchill** · 05-04-2009, 07:11 AM

I would allow the Lion to engage me, Then do a reverse move get behind the Lion and Rape it. Male or Female, Dont matter. Just Violate the lion and smoke a cigarette.

***RAGE*** · 05-04-2009, 07:57 AM

Originally Posted by vpchill

I would allow the Lion to engage me, Then do a reverse move get behind the Lion and Rape it. Male or Female, Dont matter. Just Violate the lion and smoke a cigarette.

LMFAO

**-Ender-** · 05-04-2009, 08:29 AM

Squirt it with a squirt gun and yell "BAD PUSS PUSS"
cats don't like water.
plus you can use the left over water to clean your wounds after it mauls the **** out of you.

**CptAmericaX** · 05-04-2009, 09:14 AM

Originally Posted by vpchill

Slap the shit out that Mountain Lion. We dont play that Pvssy Kat

Fuk yah id grab its little nub tail and throw that mofuker off a cliff

**MASTER** · 05-04-2009, 09:28 AM

Realistically you would need a gun, a spear or a sword. I don't think a machete would do the job, you would need a sword with a sharp end to pierce its internal organs, and even then you'd have to be skilled enough with the sword to fend of its paws. So yeh a spear or gun would get the job done, anything else would require a whole lot of luck.

**-Ender-** · 05-04-2009, 09:33 AM

How about a good old Rem. 870! Kitty isn't jumping anybody if you turn it's head into a freakin Canoe.
The best cat is dead one. any size.
Then vpchill can rape it.

**CptAmericaX** · 05-04-2009, 09:37 AM

Pvssy is pvssy when its time to get some it is time....

**gixxerboy1** · 05-04-2009, 09:39 AM

my weiner dog would kill it

**vpchill** · 05-04-2009, 09:42 AM

Id probly make a Mt Lion Jacket. Wear the head as a Hat. Carve the NY symbol into it.

**C-MaN** · 05-04-2009, 10:04 AM

Give me a bowie knife and ill come out of there with a new fur coat hanging over my shoulder.

**F4iGuy** · 05-04-2009, 10:19 AM

Are these things afraid of the water? Like house cats? What about making the hissing noise... No I know... Get a laser pointer and let it chase the dot around until its gassed then figure something out?

**Gappa** · 05-04-2009, 11:04 AM

Yeah they hiss! and growl too. They are not afraid of water and will swim if they have to.
they seem to be about the same size as a great dane maybe a little smaller

**calgarian** · 05-04-2009, 11:41 AM

it also depends whts on the stake...I have seen ppl do things that under normal circumstances they wont even think of doing. It got nothing to do how big u r or how small u r .

**gixxerboy1** · 05-04-2009, 11:54 AM

id be wondering how did a mountain lion get into the city because i know damn well i dont hang out in the woods

**F4iGuy** · 05-04-2009, 06:48 PM

Yea, if you're cornered your best bet is to appear as large and act as crazy as possible. I remember watching a show where the guy played dead, not good. The mountain lion jumped him and started chewing his skull, ripped eyeball out, went for neck... it was a mess. At some point the guy realized playing dead was a bad idea and took out his pocket knife stabbing it in the stomach and poking at its eyes with his thumb. It didn't die but it pussed out. Crappy situation. If no weapon is available you need to eyegouge or you're done, odds are not in your favor.

**MuscleScience** · 05-04-2009, 06:55 PM

My uncle had a friend that had a pet cougar, he had its claws removed and its teeth ground and capped. It got pissed at him one day and seriously ****ed him up even without his claws and canine teeth.

**Gappa** · 05-04-2009, 07:26 PM

no shit! thatz cool i want a big kitty. where did he get it

**MuscleScience** · 05-04-2009, 09:14 PM

Not sure he was like a wilderness expert or some shit and had a special permit to have big cats and such. He had a wolf that ran around his property, had coonies and all types of different squirrels. He even had a cotton mouth snake and rattle snakes.

**Bojangles69** · 05-04-2009, 09:28 PM

Originally Posted by xlxBigSexyxlx

Well, if you don't have a weapon.

Don't run. Don't fall to the ground.
Make yourself appear bigger and make loud noises.
Even throw rocks, etc. at it.
Hopefully it realizes your not its normal prey and moves on.

If one does attack, fight back and go for its eyes, showing it you won't give up easy.

Other than that, if a mountain lion wants you dead, you'll be dead. Doesn't matter if your 150 pounds or 250 pounds.

Yep this is very true.

I remember watching videos of a "lion psychologist" and this guy would crawl out within feet of packs of wild lions WITH A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER.

yes, TOILET PAPER. Its on youtube if you dont believe.

But it really is all psychology. He wouldn't run away, it was an extremely calibrated way of changing his body posture almost simultaneousy as the lion changed his.

He WOULD NOT ever square off with the lion unless it moved towards him.
His normal position was legs on the ground to the side of his body sitting on his ass.
The closer the lion came the higher hed raise his body off the ground.

When the lion would make sudden threatening movements hed lift the toilet paper in the air and wave it and it would back away.

Whatever the case, if you watch the guy its incredible how well he calibrates himself.

edit: ok cool I just found the vid I was talking about, here:
Man vs Lion
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCfDiPIydZ0

**Bojangles69** · 05-04-2009, 09:33 PM

/\ Seriously watch that vid though guys its slow paced but will have you on the edge of your seat.

At 5:15 you realize you will never have balls as big as this guy

**Gappa** · 05-04-2009, 09:48 PM

Holy S#IT!! A roll of TP!!?? I might do it if someone had an AR-15 trained on the bastard.lol and I knew he just ate.lol
yeah what they don't show you is the 300lbs of beef they fed em before he did that.lol

**Bojangles69** · 05-04-2009, 10:10 PM

Originally Posted by Gappa

Holy S#IT!! A roll of TP!!?? I might do it if someone had an AR-15 trained on the bastard.lol and I knew he just ate.lol
yeah what they don't show you is the 300lbs of beef they fed em before he did that.lol

Thats a good point lol, never even thought about the fact they may have dropped like 10 lives cows from an airplane right before they started filming.

**Gappa** · 05-04-2009, 10:27 PM

if that cat was hungry he wouldn't have had a chance

**-Ender-** · 05-05-2009, 06:34 AM

it'd be funnier than hell if he pulled out a lazer pointer and had that cat running circles. It'd be like that John West Salmon commercial with the bear.