Serious question about crying fits/depression on test..

**Bojangles69** · 06-28-2009, 05:59 PM

I prob should have posted this in the steroid forum I'm just too use to using the lounge I guess.

This is a serious question because today was my birthday and I basically wanted to kill myself.

My only previous cycle experience was with test enth (2 years ago roughly) that I wound up backing out of before it ever kicked in. (I decided it was too soon)
Well I started test prop 10 days ago and today is the second time this has happened.

On day 3 I was driving in my car and for unknown reasons I literally lost control and couldn't stop crying, I don't know why I was crying, I just know it literally felt like it was almost involuntary, I COULD NOT STOP no matter how hard I tried.
I was prob like that for a good 45mins trying to gain control over it.

I noticed I've been snappy and more aggressive lately and thats fine, I actually kinda of like it, but I also feel something happening that is kinda scaring me at this point.

Today, my birthday, I was driving to my folks house and it happened again. Nothing seems to trigger it, my eyes just start watering, I get depressed as fvck for no reason, and it seems to stop whenever it wants to.

Nothing like this has ever happened so it has to be the test (or letro).

But after today, I figured I need to post this here. I'm literally just starting to love what the test is doing.. but, I just can't deal with this one wierd side effect.
I have nothing in world to be depressed about, but during this second crying fit I wanted to off myself, its all I kept thinking about EVEN WHEN I know I have no reason to be that way.

My question, is this normal?
Will it go away? I'm doing 100mg prop EOD + 1.25 letro.

I though test was suppose to make you happy meanwhile I'm anything but happy. I told myself one more time and thats it, but I don't wanna stop because I've been preparing forever for this small little cycle.

Any thoughts or suggestions would really be welcome. I feel a bit cold and empty inside, even now, and I never feel like this.

***RAGE*** · 06-28-2009, 06:15 PM

dude you need help professional help...I have never had this happen to me and on my 6th cycle right now....I have cryed during a pct while watching a dumb ass movie but wow....

**amcon** · 06-28-2009, 06:22 PM

bo... ya something is wrong... you should def seek a doc and tell him how sad or much of a mood swing you are getting...

test should give you a feeling of wellness, feelings of happiness. not joking

and def dont kill your self we want and love you here

happy b-day!!!

**Bryan2** · 06-28-2009, 06:22 PM

more than likely its something else goin on in your life or something from the past...... either way its nothing that any of us can answer on a steroid board.

As for the test doing it I highly doubt it, but it may be influencing whatever else too come closer to the surface because of the hormonal inbalance

**beatango2008** · 06-28-2009, 06:36 PM

only time you should feel sad or depressed is during PCT

**dedic8ed1** · 06-28-2009, 06:41 PM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

I prob should have posted this in the steroid forum I'm just too use to using the lounge I guess.

This is a serious question because today was my birthday and I basically wanted to kill myself.

My only previous cycle experience was with test enth (2 years ago roughly) that I wound up backing out of before it ever kicked in. (I decided it was too soon)
Well I started test prop 10 days ago and today is the second time this has happened.

On day 3 I was driving in my car and for unknown reasons I literally lost control and couldn't stop crying, I don't know why I was crying, I just know it literally felt like it was almost involuntary, I COULD NOT STOP no matter how hard I tried.
I was prob like that for a good 45mins trying to gain control over it.

I noticed I've been snappy and more aggressive lately and thats fine, I actually kinda of like it, but I also feel something happening that is kinda scaring me at this point.

Today, my birthday, I was driving to my folks house and it happened again. Nothing seems to trigger it, my eyes just start watering, I get depressed as fvck for no reason, and it seems to stop whenever it wants to.

Nothing like this has ever happened so it has to be the test (or letro).

But after today, I figured I need to post this here. I'm literally just starting to love what the test is doing.. but, I just can't deal with this one wierd side effect.
I have nothing in world to be depressed about, but during this second crying fit I wanted to off myself, its all I kept thinking about EVEN WHEN I know I have no reason to be that way.

My question, is this normal?
Will it go away? I'm doing 100mg prop EOD + 1.25 letro.

I though test was suppose to make you happy meanwhile I'm anything but happy. I told myself one more time and thats it, but I don't wanna stop because I've been preparing forever for this small little cycle.

Any thoughts or suggestions would really be welcome. I feel a bit cold and empty inside, even now, and I never feel like this.

Bo you've got a serious history with depression if I remember correctly.And I'm confident in saying that on such a public forum cause well that's where you've expressed this condition.I also remember that your pretty educated on the subject and have had the neccessary help to counter act this common problem.I have a lot of respect for you and I sure as hell don't wanna hear of any other lost members in this forum past or present R.I.P.Swole Cat/Mavsluva.

Bro There's been times when I've become overwhelmed with thoughts I can't turn off and tears start rolling but I say to myself were gonna be hear for a while might as well make the best of it.God dealt the cards were all just sitting at his game and folding is not an option.And any time I hear some one else's rationale on how to reinforce your self with reason to be your best when the chips are down I don't wanna hear it,this is my life I'm living with my demons not you.Dry them tears face your fears brother.Your greatest strengths lie with facing your problems you can't change and turning those problems into fuel to advance.Your not gonna let the facts of your life beat you are you?Why do you think I train natural now?because it's harder,because not many people want too,because it takes more balls to take the long hard road then the short and risky route.

"The most important lessons in life cannot be learned they must be lived to truly value the meaning of life"

Oh back to your question.Test is effecting your emotional state of mind causing the inability to promote rational thought.Stop taking it or you might hurt your self or someone else.Is it worth it?

**higherdesire** · 06-28-2009, 06:45 PM

Is your poodle doing ok though?

**dedic8ed1** · 06-28-2009, 06:52 PM

Originally Posted by prone2rage

dude you need help professional help...I have never had this happen to me and on my 6th cycle right now....I have cryed during a pct while watching a dumb ass movie but wow....

Ha,it's jersey bud were all fukin nuts

**DSM4Life** · 06-28-2009, 07:01 PM

**Immortal Soldier** · 06-28-2009, 07:03 PM

**Pocketbattleship2B** · 06-28-2009, 07:10 PM

**LexusIS09** · 06-28-2009, 07:12 PM

Stop posting these STUPID pictures. He's serious. Grow up you tools.

OP you may be bipolar... or might be affected my seasonal depression disorder.

I'd definitely go to a psychiatrist asap though bro.

**Bojangles69** · 06-28-2009, 07:17 PM

Originally Posted by prone2rage

dude you need help professional help...I have never had this happen to me and on my 6th cycle right now....I have cryed during a pct while watching a dumb ass movie but wow....

If you go into any infotrack database (used for scholary research) and type "steroids and depression" you'll get a shitload of studies dealing specifically on this topic.

So its obviously common, I just want personal experiences with it and if it goes away or not.
So ok, you never got it, thanks thats all I needed.

**Pocketbattleship2B** · 06-28-2009, 07:21 PM

Originally Posted by LexusIS09

Stop posting these STUPID pictures. He's serious. Grow up you tools.

OP you may be bipolar... or might be affected my seasonal depression disorder.

I'd definitely go to a psychiatrist asap though bro.

We are not doctors/mental health profesionals.How can we help the man over the internet?Maybe he might have got a laugh out of one of the pictures.Why are you so angry?Maybe you need to see somebody about anger management.

**Pocketbattleship2B** · 06-28-2009, 07:24 PM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

If you go into any infotrack database (used for scholary research) and type "steroids and depression" you'll get a shitload of studies dealing specifically on this topic.

So its obviously common, I just want personal experiences with it and if it goes away or not.
So ok, you never got it, thanks thats all I needed.

So were you thinking about anything while you were crying?If so might it a source of pain that would cause upset to you?

**DSM4Life** · 06-28-2009, 07:26 PM

Originally Posted by LexusIS09

Stop posting these STUPID pictures. He's serious. Grow up you tools.

OP you may be bipolar... or might be affected my seasonal depression disorder.

I'd definitely go to a psychiatrist asap though bro.

**Bojangles69** · 06-28-2009, 07:33 PM

No you know what fvck that.

This is a terrible place to ask this question cause I'm already seeing how bias FOR steroids the answers are.
I have a history with anxiety, NOT depression.

If you reread every post I ever made you'll see I never suffer/ed from depression.

There is nothing else going on in my life, and I'm not gonna grow a case of bipolar out of my ass randomly one day.
Its def the test.

There is no other LOGICAL assumption to make about it.
To the poster sticking up for me about the pics, bro, I appreciate it. But I ignore that crap so it doesnt bother me really either way.

Give a 6yr old some crayons and paper and they can't help themselves, same thing here.

Maybe I'm more prone/disposed for it because of my past, idk. But theres no way its not the test. This wasn't happening before the test, and now it is.

Yes I've had issues with anxiety/panic in the past, but I'm never the type to sit around and start balling for absolutely no reason.
Most I got from this thread is yes, I should def have reserved this question for people qualified to answer it.

I'm not unappreciative if I sound that way, so thanks all who tried.

**Bojangles69** · 06-28-2009, 07:39 PM

Originally Posted by Pocketbattleship2B

So were you thinking about anything while you were crying?If so might it a source of pain that would cause upset to you?

No thats the thing.

My buddy (who is also cycling with me) actually just asked me the same question 5mins ago.
At first its like its just happening for no apparent reason, like nothing is triggering it, then everything quickly escalates and its like EVERYTHING is the problem if that makes sense.

It goes from me feeling like I have no problems, to 30 seconds later feeling like everything in the world is a problem.

There is no fvcking way I'm bipolar (when I read it I know it sounds very much like bipolar) but this never happened before, nonone in my family has the bipolar gene (that I know of).
I'm thinking I'll just wait it out, if it happens again I gotta call quits.

I'm sure some people on this forum can drink 5 gallons of test a day and not having any emotional sides, I'm def not one of those people.

**jbm** · 06-28-2009, 07:39 PM

**jbm** · 06-28-2009, 07:40 PM

Happy Birthday Bo!!!!

Be happy now. stop the drama... Smile my brother...

**Immortal Soldier** · 06-28-2009, 07:47 PM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

No you know what fvck that.

This is a terrible place to ask this question cause I'm already seeing how bias FOR steroids the answers are.
I have a history with anxiety, NOT depression.

If you reread every post I ever made you'll see I never suffer/ed from depression.

There is nothing else going on in my life, and I'm not gonna grow a case of bipolar out of my ass randomly one day.
Its def the test.

There is no other LOGICAL assumption to make about it.
To the poster sticking up for me about the pics, bro, I appreciate it. But I ignore that crap so it doesnt bother me really either way.

Give a 6yr old some crayons and paper and they can't help themselves, same thing here.

Maybe I'm more prone/disposed for it because of my past, idk. But theres no way its not the test. This wasn't happening before the test, and now it is.

Yes I've had issues with anxiety/panic in the past, but I'm never the type to sit around and start balling for absolutely no reason.
Most I got from this thread is yes, I should def have reserved this question for people qualified to answer it.

I'm not unappreciative if I sound that way, so thanks all who tried.

Same here bro, except I had depression before I started lifting and never wanted to take SSRI's and fought it naturally.

I am cruising right now and get depressed alot, I dont cry. Just depressed and have aniexty.

It's natural if you are already prone to it, when your taking steorids your hormones are elevated and right now your estrogen is elevated compared to normal because the body is trying to achieve homeostatis so it is converting the massive amounts of testosterone in your system into estrogen in hopes of getting balance (which it wont achieve) so right now you have higher than normal estrogen levels which can cause female-like personality qualities to emerge (crying, depression, mood swings, etc.)

**DSM4Life** · 06-28-2009, 07:49 PM

**Bojangles69** · 06-28-2009, 07:58 PM

Originally Posted by dedic8ed1

Bo you've got a serious history with depression if I remember correctly.And I'm confident in saying that on such a public forum cause well that's where you've expressed this condition.I also remember that your pretty educated on the subject and have had the neccessary help to counter act this common problem.I have a lot of respect for you and I sure as hell don't wanna hear of any other lost members in this forum past or present R.I.P.Swole Cat/Mavsluva.

Bro There's been times when I've become overwhelmed with thoughts I can't turn off and tears start rolling but I say to myself were gonna be hear for a while might as well make the best of it.God dealt the cards were all just sitting at his game and folding is not an option.And any time I hear some one else's rationale on how to reinforce your self with reason to be your best when the chips are down I don't wanna hear it,this is my life I'm living with my demons not you.Dry them tears face your fears brother.Your greatest strengths lie with facing your problems you can't change and turning those problems into fuel to advance.Your not gonna let the facts of your life beat you are you?Why do you think I train natural now?because it's harder,because not many people want too,because it takes more balls to take the long hard road then the short and risky route.

"The most important lessons in life cannot be learned they must be lived to truly value the meaning of life"

Oh back to your question.Test is effecting your emotional state of mind causing the inability to promote rational thought.Stop taking it or you might hurt your self or someone else.Is it worth it?

Thanksdude, you have always been there in the past as a REAL person, no more no less and I respect that in return.

I think ultimately yeh, I just gotta stop.
It sucks because if I stop this cycle too, I'm gonna wind up going naddy forever after this.

I had no idea you trained natural though, starting to think this board is too bias for steroids to give out any real balanced advice to people. You say something bad about test and peeps come out of the woodworks from everywhere saying "NO! Steroids aren't bad, I've been taking them for 40 years straight and havent had a heart attack yet so they can't be bad!!! no fvckn wayy man!!!".

When reality is, I see a lot of dudes on this board 10 years from now all dying from heart attacks. I can only hope it doesnt happen again, otherwise I guess Im done for good..

**Bojangles69** · 06-28-2009, 07:59 PM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

thanks...

**Bojangles69** · 06-28-2009, 08:01 PM

Originally Posted by jbm

Happy Birthday Bo!!!!

Be happy now. stop the drama... Smile my brother...

I am lol =]

only cause you said

**DOM6** · 06-28-2009, 08:05 PM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

I prob should have posted this in the steroid forum I'm just too use to using the lounge I guess.

This is a serious question because today was my birthday and I basically wanted to kill myself.

My only previous cycle experience was with test enth (2 years ago roughly) that I wound up backing out of before it ever kicked in. (I decided it was too soon)
Well I started test prop 10 days ago and today is the second time this has happened.

On day 3 I was driving in my car and for unknown reasons I literally lost control and couldn't stop crying, I don't know why I was crying, I just know it literally felt like it was almost involuntary, I COULD NOT STOP no matter how hard I tried.
I was prob like that for a good 45mins trying to gain control over it.

I noticed I've been snappy and more aggressive lately and thats fine, I actually kinda of like it, but I also feel something happening that is kinda scaring me at this point.

Today, my birthday, I was driving to my folks house and it happened again. Nothing seems to trigger it, my eyes just start watering, I get depressed as fvck for no reason, and it seems to stop whenever it wants to.

Nothing like this has ever happened so it has to be the test (or letro).

But after today, I figured I need to post this here. I'm literally just starting to love what the test is doing.. but, I just can't deal with this one wierd side effect.
I have nothing in world to be depressed about, but during this second crying fit I wanted to off myself, its all I kept thinking about EVEN WHEN I know I have no reason to be that way.

My question, is this normal?
Will it go away? I'm doing 100mg prop EOD + 1.25 letro.

I though test was suppose to make you happy meanwhile I'm anything but happy. I told myself one more time and thats it, but I don't wanna stop because I've been preparing forever for this small little cycle.

Any thoughts or suggestions would really be welcome. I feel a bit cold and empty inside, even now, and I never feel like this.

get rid of the letro til you need it, i wouldnt run anything like that just on prop, but thats me, my bet is its that, or it might be clomid and they told you its letro
Start there

**dedic8ed1** · 06-28-2009, 08:07 PM

I decide to train natural after I learned how to grow without the drugs.Last cycle ended 8/08.You have to remember speaking in terms of people who juice there whole lives and never have any mental issues is because they don't have issues with depression or are clinically depressed.Natty forever so what bro your not actively pursuing bodybuilding as your career learn how to get your body to grow you have all the time in the world,I'll help ya man stop listening to ten million reasons to do it this way or that way just figure yourself out and stick to your guns.Figure out how to turn depression against itself and eliminate it and the first step is no more test and set some realistic personal goals around your physique .Try an association like the more depressed I get the harder I'm gonna diet,train and learn about this craft.Good luck dude I'm here for ya.

**Bojangles69** · 06-28-2009, 08:10 PM

Originally Posted by Immortal Soldier

Same here bro, except I had depression before I started lifting and never wanted to take SSRI's and fought it naturally.

I am cruising right now and get depressed alot, I dont cry. Just depressed and have aniexty.

It's natural if you are already prone to it, when your taking steorids your hormones are elevated and right now your estrogen is elevated compared to normal because the body is trying to achieve homeostatis so it is converting the massive amounts of testosterone in your system into estrogen in hopes of getting balance (which it wont achieve) so right now you have higher than normal estrogen levels which can cause female-like personality qualities to emerge (crying, depression, mood swings, etc.)

Yep I think thats the case, I'm just one of those people who can't do steroids cause for some reason biologically, I'm more prone/sensitive to certain sides.
If this is what estrogen makes a person feel like, for once in my life finally, I understand why dsm is gay.

I'm trying to avoid sappy talk (cause certain dudes on this forum squirm at affection) but all I wanna say to you is TRY SOMETHING, anything.

About 7 years ago if you asked me about ssris I would say they're a joke and dont do shit, but if you ask me now its a completely different answer.
My life was plagued with anxiety/panic attacks (a lot related to past experience) but oddly Lexapro seems to have fixed 95% of it.

I hate to say "a magic pill fixed my problems" but in a way, thats kinda what happened. I was more surpised to see when I stopped taking lex, that the anxiety never returned. My main point being just try something if you can.

**DOM6** · 06-28-2009, 08:12 PM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

No thats the thing.

My buddy (who is also cycling with me) actually just asked me the same question 5mins ago.
At first its like its just happening for no apparent reason, like nothing is triggering it, then everything quickly escalates and its like EVERYTHING is the problem if that makes sense.

It goes from me feeling like I have no problems, to 30 seconds later feeling like everything in the world is a problem.

There is no fvcking way I'm bipolar (when I read it I know it sounds very much like bipolar) but this never happened before, nonone in my family has the bipolar gene (that I know of).
I'm thinking I'll just wait it out, if it happens again I gotta call quits.

I'm sure some people on this forum can drink 5 gallons of test a day and not having any emotional sides, I'm def not one of those people.

i get that way on clomid, never tried letro, but i bet its that, get off that and continue prop and wait a week and see if it slows down or even stops, if not, then you might have some funky prop, had a buddy that bought some ugl stuff and tested it and it was nowhere near what it said it was.
its 1 of those 2 problems, figure it out

**Immortal Soldier** · 06-28-2009, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

Yep I think thats the case, I'm just one of those people who can't do steroids cause for some reason biologically, I'm more prone/sensitive to certain sides.
If this is what estrogen makes a person feel like, for once in my life finally, I understand why dsm is gay.

I'm trying to avoid sappy talk (cause certain dudes on this forum squirm at affection) but all I wanna say to you is TRY SOMETHING, anything.

About 7 years ago if you asked me about ssris I would say they're a joke and dont do shit, but if you ask me now its a completely different answer.
My life was plagued with anxiety/panic attacks (a lot related to past experience) but oddly Lexapro seems to have fixed 95% of it.

I hate to say "a magic pill fixed my problems" but in a way, thats kinda what happened. I was more surpised to see when I stopped taking lex, that the anxiety never returned. My main point being just try something if you can.

Dude when you have high estrogen levels you can turn into a mini-DSM, no joke. I have peroids when my estrogen is high that I feel "weird".

**Bojangles69** · 06-28-2009, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by DOM6

get rid of the letro til you need it, i wouldnt run anything like that just on prop, but thats me, my bet is its that, or it might be clomid and they told you its letro
Start there

You do raise an interesting point.

The point being my first cycle, even though it was enthanate, it was in my body long enough where I should have been having problems like this (if I'm prone in reacting to test this way)

But I DID NOT do any anti-es during my test enth and I'm thinking maybe, just maybe, something is up with the letro.
Now I'm afraid to just drop the letro to find out, you think I should just stop taking it and see what happens?

You really might be onto something here, I wasnt really deeming the letro a culprit at all.

**dedic8ed1** · 06-28-2009, 08:20 PM

Fuk the gear Bo First pic gear second pic natty which one looks more appealing?

**Bojangles69** · 06-28-2009, 08:25 PM

Originally Posted by Immortal Soldier

Dude when you have high estrogen levels you can turn into a mini-DSM, no joke. I have peroids when my estrogen is high that I feel "weird".

Thats hilarious, I see a thread soon titled "test made me gay"

I'm just blaming all my problems in life on test now lol, women do the same for estrogen so fvck them.. they aint special

**DOM6** · 06-28-2009, 08:26 PM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

You do raise an interesting point.

The point being my first cycle, even though it was enthanate, it was in my body long enough where I should have been having problems like this (if I'm prone in reacting to test this way)

But I DID NOT do any anti-es during my test enth and I'm thinking maybe, just maybe, something is up with the letro.
Now I'm afraid to just drop the letro to find out, you think I should just stop taking it and see what happens?

You really might be onto something here, I wasnt really deeming the letro a culprit at all.

did you have issues on cycle #1? to even run letro on cycle#2
i keep mine on hand and dont run it til need be, which has been never, but thats me. try that, thats my 1st guess, the funky prop is my 2nd guess

**meathead320** · 06-28-2009, 08:35 PM

Stop Taking Steroids

Does your income depend on it?

Do you have a body so good you turn every head that walks past you?

Do you have other goals in life?

It aint for everyone, and the last thing I want to see is your mom sobbing on CNN because steroids killed her little boy, then hearing about how steroids are going to kill me from every anti-steroid nazi, and them adding you to the list of "see who it killeded".

I would suggest asking your doctor about using arimidex for PCT, and getting a legal valid script for it. I would stay away from SERMS as they could cause depression, or if you cannot afford it, just run the letro for a few weeks, then go off everything and don't go back on.

If for some reason you have low testosterone find a decent urologist. Aslo maybe a support group, and some mental help.

THis shit does not seem like its for you. Its not for everyone.

***RAGE*** · 06-28-2009, 08:38 PM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

If you go into any infotrack database (used for scholary research) and type "steroids and depression" you'll get a shitload of studies dealing specifically on this topic.

So its obviously common, I just want personal experiences with it and if it goes away or not.
So ok, you never got it, thanks thats all I needed.

fuvk you asshole kill your fuvking self dumb ass....at least we will not have to read you sorry ass post and your little winne ass...pu$$y....I film it so I can watch it on you tube...

**Immortal Soldier** · 06-28-2009, 08:38 PM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

Thats hilarious, I see a thread soon titled "test made me gay"

I'm just blaming all my problems in life on test now lol, women do the same for estrogen so fvck them.. they aint special

You would be suprised how many people will tell you how they felt "girly" or "gay" during PCT.

So it def. is possible because your male hormone is fluctutaing greatly so it greatly influences your mood and personality.

**peachfuzz** · 06-28-2009, 08:57 PM

bojangles any history of recreational drug use? or presently using?

**Dancer** · 06-28-2009, 08:59 PM

Clomid bring the girl outta any and every heterosexual man, one man at a time.

**Bojangles69** · 06-28-2009, 09:14 PM

Originally Posted by prone2rage

fuvk you asshole kill your fuvking self dumb ass....at least we will not have to read you sorry ass post and your little winne ass...pu$$y....I film it so I can watch it on you tube...

Eat my balls you sad miserable excuse for a human being.

I will rape you, your wife, your dog, and spit on your face you scum. How was your pathetic ass not banned 10 years ago?

Go take your angry ass and club a baby seal low class scum pos mfkr
Its little bitches like you who spend their whole day getting made fun of and holding shit in untill their altered fvcking egos find a forum to dump all their shit on, which is all you ever do.