I love this!!

**Dancer** · 08-11-2009, 07:26 PM

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most
women -she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following
letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr.
Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
"Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away." This caused the employee to
leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor
that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose
time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway..

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were
called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of
the clerks passed out.

**RangersLTW** · 08-11-2009, 07:38 PM

Alright pm me your addy and we are going to walmart......I freakin love you bro...awesome

**TITANIUM** · 08-11-2009, 07:46 PM

Sounds completely normal to me bro!!!

I'm running out to wally world tonight!!!!!

Thanks for the new ideas!LOL

**RangersLTW** · 08-11-2009, 07:48 PM

I wanna come...freakin hate that store

**TITANIUM** · 08-11-2009, 07:50 PM

Originally Posted by RangersLTW

I wanna come...freakin hate that store

I hate it there too.

Only go if I have a specific item I need.

How people browse for hours is beyond me......

**Dancer** · 08-11-2009, 07:52 PM

Me and my wife have been to walmart three Fooooken days in a row... I looked at her so stupid last night...

The OP is off an email

**Dancer** · 08-11-2009, 07:53 PM

Originally Posted by TITANIUM

I hate it there too.

Only go if I have a specific item I need.

How people browse for hours is beyond me......

Cause women actually get a dopamine high off shopping...

no BS there was a study on it

**lostcause** · 08-11-2009, 07:53 PM

thats funny as crap. reminds me alot of shopping in walmart when i was in high school.

1. run a fly pattern down the main isle and when they throw the ball dart down an isle and let it land/hit who and whatever.

2. group of 4 or 5 of us would walk around and when we would come up on a large group of people would holler "pose!" and everyone stop and strike their best pose, like a backstreet boy poster.

3. dropping loads behind the bathroom door.

**Immortal Soldier** · 08-11-2009, 07:53 PM

Fake

**RangersLTW** · 08-11-2009, 07:55 PM

I just want to run down the aisle with peanut butter acting like a retard running up to ppl and saying smell my pooo

**TITANIUM** · 08-11-2009, 07:56 PM

Originally Posted by Dancer

Cause women actually get a dopamine high off shopping...

no BS there was a study on it

What's there excuse the rest of the time?

Hormonal issues?

**lostcause** · 08-11-2009, 07:57 PM

Originally Posted by RangersLTW

I just want to run down the aisle with peanut butter acting like a retard running up to ppl and saying smell my pooo

if you dont do it, your a vag.

record it, and youtube it.

**Dancer** · 08-11-2009, 08:00 PM

Last night I did...

The peanuts isle: baby you want some nuts... they have salty nuts... Oh they got big nuts you know you want some big nuts in your mouth... Its cool I'll eat them, I opened a Great Value mixed nut brand, 'ohhh these mixed nuts are great, so salty, so big, so good '

My bother-in-law is better:
'we are running low on dog food, I am hungry and we are we are outta Purina'

He has one abojut cat food I gotta call him to get it

**Dancer** · 08-11-2009, 08:03 PM

Originally Posted by TITANIUM

What's there excuse the rest of the time?

Hormonal issues?

http://www.reuniting.info/science/ar...ed_to_dopamine

Look at her and tell her:

"baby I think you got a chemical problem, I think you need help"

**RangersLTW** · 08-11-2009, 08:07 PM

yep gotta do it now....I hate you dare guys......its peanut butter time....

**Iron_Pig** · 08-11-2009, 09:20 PM

Originally Posted by Dancer

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most
women -she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following
letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr.
Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
"Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away." This caused the employee to
leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor
that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose
time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway..

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were
called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of
the clerks passed out.

You sir are a fvcking god