What board Personality are you ??

[Merc.]

I have posted this on here before but it always cracks me up .. plus there are a lot of new members here that might not have ever seen it .. So the questions is What board Personality are you ??






As I'm sure you know, idiots and wankers are not limited to the gym. The online community is brimming with them. This shouldn't really come as a shock, since these are the same people you see everywhere else. The terms may be strong for some of the people listed below, but not by much. The fact remains that whether you are starting trouble, spreading misinformation or acting as an annoyance, you're in danger of being that guy. And I KNOW nobody wants that.


Internet Tough Guy – Proof that the obvious may not be obvious to all, the Internet tough guy forgets the mode of communication that he's using. Constantly threatening people with physical harm and the dreaded ambiguous "consequences," the ITG tries to send the message that he is not someone to **** with. Get over it. Unless you're an uber-hacker or plan on embarking on a world tour of ass kicking, your threats mean nothing. And enough of this "see you at the Arnold" talk. If even half of the people who say this followed through, the Expo would look like Thunderdome.

Modsterbator – Proof that power not only corrupts, but also makes you petty, the modsterbator uses his moderator position for self-gratification. Whether it's trying to push his products, agendas or pathetic need to lord over others, this crank-yanker uses his position for personal gain first and helping people last.

The Big Bumper – Having no useful knowledge or opinions to contribute, the bumper spends all his time bumping what others have shared. Now everyone does this from time to time, but if you type that 5-letter word more than 2x/day I'm looking at you.

The Search Nazi – Using the slightly flawed logic that if something's been asked once it shouldn't be asked again, the Search Nazi helpfully answers all queries with "use the search button." While there are times that this is appropriate ("what's creatine?"), many times this just irritates the poster and all of the silent masses (and there are a lot more than you think) that want to know the answer. Not to mention the silly arguments that end up ensuing from these responses.

Mr. Magoo – The mortal enemy of the search nazi. Magoo likes to ask questions, but somehow misses the fact that a topic has been discussed before. He also misses the three other threads addressing it on the front page. When directed to the other threads, Magoo helpfully ignores them and says his question is different. After all, his question was about using creatine and glutamine TOGETHER.

NPC Judge – The judge helpfully critiques the physiques of others (flaws, 'natch) without ever posting pics of his own. Typical comments range from telling someone with a kick ass build that they've "built a good base" or ripping into someone on the small side regardless of how far they’ve come. All prospective judges should post constructive criticism, a compliment or shut up.

The Contenda – As in, coulda been one. The Contenda is always commenting on the accomplishments of others and comparing them to his own. Whether it's comparing their physique, poundages or professional achievements, the Contenda wants you to know that he could meet or beat you if he really wanted to. Unfortunately, the Contenda misses one key aspect of his little struggle with the rest of the world: no one gives a ****.

The Parasite – The parasite is self-explanatory; he exists for the sole reason of feeding off whatever board he's participating on. Contributing little to nothing, yet always trying pimp his website, products or services, the parasite draws attention and money from those who invest their time and effort in making a site great.

The Foodie – I just found out this was word. Really. Anyway, in the real world a Foodie is defined as "a person who has an ardent or refined interest in food." That sounds more like a Fatty to me, but that's another subject entirely. In the bizzaro world of bb boards it's someone who is obsessed with preaching the virtues of food to anyone who asks about supplements. This attempt at wit (or showing superiority) is worthless since any jackass knows that you'll die without food. Next time just answer the freaking question.

Dr. Gym – This scholar (not a student of the game can tell you how to: cleanse your androgen receptors, starve yourself into maximizing GH release and use ALA to set the Earth back on its axis. It's too bad that not one of these tips has any scientific basis. They're based on gym lore, mainstream bb mags and case studies where N=1. This wouldn't be so bad if our good doctor wasn't so adamant about his "facts." **** it Gym, you're a meathead not a doctor!!

Sticky requestors – Following the more is better approach to bodybuilding, the sticky requester sees a good post or thread and thinks that it should be shared with everyone for all time. Unfortunately, he takes no notice of the 7 stickies already crowding the first page. Helpful hint #1: Any good thread will stay near the top on its own merits. Helpful hint #2: the people who should be reading the stickies never bother to anyway.

Mommy – No, I'm not talking about mine (she couldn't give a rat's ass about bodybuilding, much less think about spending any time on the boards) I'm talking about the countless people who try to convince me that supplements are going to spontaneously hydrolyze my organs. These assertions are based on guesses, hearsay and the ever-accurate mainstream media. Hey, if I want someone to be needlessly concerned about my safety, I'll call Ralph Nader.

The Quotemaster General -- I'm a firm believer in personal expression, so sig lines seem like a good idea to me. Unfortunately some people take it to great extremes, where their sig lines take up a ¼ page and need to be scrolled through. This is particularly frustrating when the person has multiple replies in the same thread. You want to share stats? Fine. You want to show us how funny and/or deep you are? Cool. You want to pimp your website. No problem. Just know when to stop. If I wanted a long list of random quotes, I'd buy a copy of Bartlet's.

Mangler – of the English language. I understand that this is informal discussion. I understand that abbreviations have sprung up to help move things along (IIRC, etc.). What I don't understand is when someone asks me: “y r u brkn mi blz bro?" Until someone translates for me, I'm ignoring this crap. BTW, some attention to spelling wouldn't hurt either; there's no "T" in biceps.

Procrastinator – I'm not a steroid guy, but I've spent some time on a few steroid boards. One of the most irritating things I've seen is someone who constantly asks questions to determine the "best" first cycle. Some of this is to be expected but I've seen this go on for over 6 months. It's countless threads full of "should I try this" and "what if I add that." I got news for you buddy: you've gotten all the feedback you're gonna get. **** or get off the pot.

The Mole – The mole is a supplement company rep that likes to surf the boards, providing complete "unbiased" advice on supplement companies and their products. Unfortunately he likes to do this without revealing his intentions or associations to create the illusion of strong advocates for his products. He may think he's being clever, but all he's doing is hurting his company's rep and looking like a douche in the process.

Post whore – Many bumpers evolve into the much dreaded post whore, whose only purpose it seems is to accumulate posts. With such gems of wisdom as "I agree," "me too" and "I heard that somewhere," the post whore manages to accumulate 1000s of posts without ever really saying anything.

Secret squirrel – Somewhat related to the mole, is Secret Squirrel. Squirrel is a regular poster who takes on a new name to avoid having his comments attributed to him. Usually this is done to attack a friend or prominent board member without repercussion. This is cowardly, even for the Internet where most posters are anonymous to begin with. If you don't have the balls to be accountable for it, then don't say it.

Faux Guru – Under the impression that having people following his advice grants him some sort of god-like omniscience, the Faux Guru distributes (questionable) information at will. Having mastered the basics and knowing just enough more to be dangerous, the FG espouses wild theories and advice on training, nutrition and supplementation. This information is usually based on one-sided research where any information that contradicts these theories is helpfully ignored. When definitively proven wrong, the FG usually avoids the question, tries to discredit the references used or attacks whoever dares to contradict him. After all, his guru status is much more important than the truth.

Kid Dumbass – Many of the boards are filled with teens, quite a few of them either know a lot or listen to those who do. I appreciate both their interest and their participation. What I don't appreciate is every snot-nosed, self-appointed expert who takes what Paul Delia or John Berardi says as gospel and is hell-bent on showing off his newfound knowledge. Of particular note are 16-year-old steroid "experts," who have never seen the stuff but would be more than happy to hand out detailed programs to the unwary. Here's a little hint for all would-be prodigies: reading an online article (or several for that matter) makes you an expert on nothing.

The Stunted Troll – Every board has trolls, even moderated ones. Unlike most people, I like having a few around for entertainment purposes. The only time I get upset is when they fail to provide any comic relief. Trolls should be funny; otherwise you really are just wasting everyone's time.

Witch Hunter – The witch hunter is always out to make someone the bad guy. Whether it's someone's business practices, the advice they give or some imagined slight, the hunter is prepared to rally the troops and cry foul at a moment’s notice. It doesn't matter if the allegations are true, it's just really important that the accused pay for the horrible crimes they've committed. Whatever the hell they are.

Lemmings – Unfortunately, this is a rather large group of people that proves that the online communities mirror the rest of the world. Lemmings typically find someone to follow based on some perceived attributes. Rather than learning to think for themselves, they never question and blindly regurgitate everything their master says. There's nothing wrong with following the advice of those you believe in, but if most of your reasons for doing something start with " [insert guru name here] said..." then you may want to keep an eye on that cliff you're heading for.

The Pied Piper – Closely related to the messiah, the Piper is someone who shows up to lead the lemmings around for a short period of time. Unlike the faux guru, the Piper lacks any real knowledge and gains followers by insulting and trying to discredit others. Sooner or later the piper believes his own hype and attempts to become a Faux Guru. The result: have you heard of Icarus?

The Thief- Always copies and pastes things that others wrote, just to look smart. The thief often fails to give credit to the original author, but he never forgets to post the same stupid stuff on every board where he is a member.



Merc.

[Phate]

i need help on this one, anyone have any suggestions? and don't hold back

[BJJ]

I would like to answer your question Merc. but none of them fit, IMO.

[Merc.]

i need help on this one, anyone have any suggestions? and don't hold back

LOL.. Dont hold back ... you crack me up Phate....







Merc.

[Merc.]

I would like to answer your question Merc. but none of them fit, IMO.

Well of course not .. you are one of a kind BJJ ( just kidding my friend .. you definitely bring some very good insight to the board )

There are some funny ones in there .. I am not sure who the author of that was but it always cracks me up to read it ..






Merc.

[rockinred]

Man, I am all of the above... neurotic, calm, aggressive, passive, whiny, know it all, ass hole.... you name it... I'll be the first to admit. LOL... this thread was a long one, but worth the read... funny as hell to me. Most boards have all of the above... it would be too boring if we were all the same... what the hell.

[Dont wanna be old]

Someone thought a lot about this personality thing .

I think there is room for a couple more personalities and include the fact that most are a combination of a few personalities .

I am a confessed anabolic forum positive reinforcement conservationist .
You can determine the definition .

[Hazard]

The "Faux Guru" seems to fit someone whom I wont mention..... He's been around more frequently lately and can't seem to take a hint

ahahahaha
~Haz~

[Merc.]

The "Faux Guru" seems to fit someone whom I wont mention..... He's been around more frequently lately and can't seem to take a hint

ahahahaha
~Haz~

Fvucking hilarious .. That wa classic Haz...

LMAO for real ....


Merc.

[TITANIUM]

I cannot psychoanalyze myself.

You guys can categorize me.

Good thread Merc, as usual.

Best

T

[Vitruvian-Man]

I would like to answer your question Merc. Only one describes me, IMO...

"Mr. Magoo Magoo likes to ask questions, but somehow misses the fact that a topic has been discussed before. He also misses the three other threads addressing it on the front page. When directed to the other threads, Magoo helpfully ignores them and says his question is different. After all, his question was about using creatine and glutamine TOGETHER. "

[RuhlFreak55]

I guess i'm most likely.....a whore....
ironic since i can't get laid

[elpropiotorvic]

im a little bit of a lot of those search nazi.contentda..npc...magoo.... but none really identified with

[oscarjones]

some Chinese message boards don't allow for user-names because it represents the "self" and takes away from the discussion at hand.

Instead, anonymous names and numbers are used... downside is, it's hard to find value/credibility in statements if you have no idea who the person is... but upside is it really deflates the egotistical agendas (unconscious or otherwise) associated in the online community.

communism for the win... jk

edit: (I should add such boards do not permit avatars and such either, obviously.) They find the information exchange the only true reason for a message board.

Funny thread btw.

[TITANIUM]

Fvucking hilarious .. That wa classic Haz...

LMAO for real ....


Merc.

HAZ is a funny guy Merc, I have no idea WHO he is referring too.......LOL

Best

T

[RuhlFreak55]

some Chinese message boards don't allow for user-names because it represents the "self" and takes away from the discussion at hand.

Instead, anonymous names and numbers are used... downside is, it's hard to find value/credibility in statements if you have no idea who the person is... but upside is it really deflates the egotistical agendas (unconscious or otherwise) associated in the online community.

communism for the win... jk

edit: (I should add such boards do not permit avatars and such either, obviously.) They find the information exchange the only true reason for a message board.

Funny thread btw.

ummm wtf???

[TITANIUM]

ummm wtf???

Yup.^^^^^^^

T

[Dont wanna be old]

ummm wtf???

I think he used his real name , Oscar Jones ?

[Merc.]

HAZ is a funny guy Merc, I have no idea WHO he is referring too.......LOL

Best

T

I have no clue ?? He knows I always back my statements up with valid medical studies ...




Merc.

[TITANIUM]

I have no clue ?? He knows I always back my statements up with valid medical studies ...




Merc.

No, HAZ was just bustin you.

He's a stand up guy who shoots straight here.

We know that you are incredibly intelligent in the subjects that pertain to this forum.

All is well.

Best

T

[oscarjones]

ummm wtf???

[Phate]

LOL.. Dont hold back ... you crack me up Phate....







Merc.

well i like the truth, even if it hurts, nice post btw, it's an interesting topic

[TITANIUM]

I still haven't been categorized Merc.

Someone???

Best

T

[stack_it]

I believe I may be a bit of a postwhore

[stack_it]

I still haven't been categorized Merc.

Someone???

Best

T

anyone with a few thousand posts who joined less than a year ago is a post whore whether your posting useful info, like you do, or not lol

Some other categories may fit but you are a postwhore my friend.

[chicmagnet]

Is there one there for being to lazy to read long posts?....thats me.

[TITANIUM]

anyone with a few thousand posts who joined less than a year ago is a post whore whether your posting useful info, like you do, or not lol

Some other categories may fit but you are a postwhore my friend.

When I run gear, I only sleep about 4 hours a night.

So, I will get up and post.

Man, I'm a whore! I thought that only pertained to my X-Wife!!!LOL

Best

T

[marcus300]

Looks like you just insulted every member on this site

[stack_it]

When I run gear, I only sleep about 4 hours a night.

So, I will get up and post.

Man, I'm a whore! I thought that only pertained to my X-Wife!!!LOL

Best

T

No wayvi could make it on that little sleep

[hot stuff]

I feel left out. I'm only an asshole.

[TITANIUM]

No wayvi could make it on that little sleep

Us old guys don't need as much sleep.

I figure I'll have plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead.

But for now, let's march forward into the forum!!!LOL

This place is funny as all get out sometimes!

Best

T

[Hazard]

No wayvi could make it on that little sleep

Since I started my cycle a week ago..... I have been up till 2am at least..... I hate it but i'm not tired at all LOL

~Haz~

[TITANIUM]

Since I started my cycle a week ago..... I have been up till 2am at least..... I hate it but i'm not tired at all LOL

~Haz~

It's a trip, isn't it?

Wierd, but in a good way.

I love being on cycle.

Best

T

[Hazard]

It's a trip, isn't it?

Wierd, but in a good way.

I love being on cycle.

Best

T

LOL It's offically 1:12am and I can still go for a couple more hours..... ugh..... When i finally fall asleep and wake up.... i feel swole as fvck tho LMAO!

[TexSavant]

Thats so funny!... BUMP!

[BJJ]

[Phate]

When I run gear, I only sleep about 4 hours a night.

So, I will get up and post.

Man, I'm a whore! I thought that only pertained to my X-Wife!!!LOL

Best

T

i'm pulling another all-nighter tonight for a calculus test, just being in college has taught me how to stay up for days on end, throw in the staph/pneumonia i have currently and sleep is a rare commodity lately

[drdeath613]

im not one of them so ill just have to say


GOD theres alot of foodies on this board

[MaNiCC]

Im reading up so i have something valuable to add..... so at the minute id say im a trainee postwhore

[Merc.]

Us old guys don't need as much sleep.

I figure I'll have plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead.

But for now, let's march forward into the forum!!!LOL

This place is funny as all get out sometimes!

Best

T

You are not that old T...



Merc.