Pretty Sure My Wife is Leaving Me...

[calgarian]

I know I should... But at the same time I'm afraid, I married this woman because I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her. To think otherwise just kills me...

i know buddy but look at it this way "It is not a one way street" the thought will kill you now but its lot better on always sitting on the edge of the seat and tippy toe around her so you dont piss her off.........

[MaNiCC]

thats what my buddy was given after he was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. When it comes to figuring out issues with head I will not argue with you ...you know your shit.....

In all fairness Cal alot of people with bi polar are given lithium in an attempt to control the swings between episodes of depression or mania, Sodium valporate is also used and from what i understand it is less harsh with regards to its side effects.

[calgarian]

In all fairness Cal alot of people with bi polar are given lithium in an attempt to control the swings between episodes of depression or mania, Sodium valporate is also used and from what i understand it is less harsh with regards to its side effects.

exactly cause I was told affexor(sp) will bring him up and Lithium will bring him down...again u know ur shit......Get a Black berry

[Standby]

why do you cap the C in church in your first post? lol weird question just something i noticed

[layeazy]

thats really painful to read mate i think u have had some awesome advice from the members theres really nothing to add just that good luck and think it through whatever your decision....

[LawMan018]

thats really painful to read mate i think u have had some awesome advice from the members theres really nothing to add just that good luck and think it through whatever your decision....

Thanks and yah, definately did... I guess I'll find out more when I get off... Oh goody, I don't think this day could get any better.

[gbrice75]

Law, i'm sorry you have to go through this bro. Other then my support, there's not much I can add that the others haven't already touched on. The fact that she blows up at the drop of a hat, and especially throws around the divorce card like it's nothing shows a serious lacking in maturity, some type of personality disorder, or both. I'm no shrink, but I would guess that your arguments bring up feelings from her childhood of when her parents argued, which she obviously didn't like and probably ran to get away from - same thing she's doing now. Countless people have had that same childhood, but develop mature ways to deal with it - it sounds like she hasn't gotten a hold of it yet.

Do not mistaken this for her not loving you, love has nothing to do with it. She obviously doesn't have the self awareness in the heat of the moment, which is why she doesn't feel she's at fault. She's irrational during these 'bouts', and later when she's in a more rational state of mind is probably just angry with you for even having fought with her, because you 'forced' her to feel these uncomfortable feelings.

Ok, enough of my 2-bit analysis. I wish you luck, and know you'll make the decision that's best for you. In the end, despite anybody's advice, only you know what you need to do. GL brotha.

[Public Enemy]

All I have to say mate is, I salute you for bringing this matter up to yourself and others before you had a child. Too many kids have to live in these parent wars going on today between two parents who don't love one another but the child is used to keep them stuck together. Kids don't deserve such mental stress at such a young age. I think it would be best for you to part ways if she keeps doing this. She is not someone you would want to raise kids with, judging from what you wrote. To say that she faked being happy with you is just, wow.

[SlimmerMe]

My thoughts:
We females can be off the wall. I admit it. And no surprise to any of you reading this. We don't even know why we feel like we do. We can't even figure ourselves out so for you to try to figure it out is a moot cause.

On a practical note: is she on birth control? if she is this can cause HUGE mood swings. Enormous. Think of how you guys feel when you are on/off cycle. If she is on BC then I highly suggest she gets some hormone therapy to counteract the horrible effects BC does. It is no laughing matter.
Now if she is not on BC, then perhaps something else is going on. If you had to ask yourself in your heart of hearts, was there a pivotal point when something happened that could have caused her to turn on you. When we turn on you, it takes us over. We cannot help it. We do not like it anymore than you do.

You have to remember this: men have physical power from day one. Even the skinniest most teeny weeny guy here could tie my hands behind my back and I am a strong female. But....girls have emotional power. It is what we have finessed from day one. It is our ace like your muscles are yours, so this is why so much of what we do DRIVES YOU CRAZY!!!

I have said it before and I will say it again: I much rather fight a man any day of the week. My own female friends scare me to death when I know they are in a mood. So I hear you. And I am sorry. So sorry.

Please try to search within for something that might have tipped her to this level. And the Birth Control issue.
This will help.

[Standby]

you "females" are confusing, i hate you. but love you

[Scabtree]

One thing to keep in mind is that action is required, as you have been doing with counseling; the worst thing to do is to stay in the state you are in with your relationship. I've seen this so many times in marriage's... where they live years of their lives in a similar situation that you have described. If her father was diagnosed with bi-polar/depression it would be a good idea for her to get checked out as well. If you don't feel comfortable suggesting it, perhaps you can to talk to someone whom she trusts, like her pastor or a close friend to encourage her to seek medical help.

I don't believe it would be fair to either one of you to split before a mental health issue is ruled out.

[gixxerboy1]

your not going to like this but LEAVE NOW!

you guys had a ton of drama before you got married. You both were young and niether of you were ready for marriage. Now you still have drama. Trust me things dont get better. I was in the same boat and loved my wife and stuck around and hoped things would work out and change. The good time were great but the bad times sucked. I finally left and and am as happy as hell. Now im made i didnt leave earlier. I look back at all the bs i put up with and think why did i stick around. You know it aint going to work. U just hope it does cause you "love" her

[stevey_6t9]

how old are you and your wife?

[bulldawg_28]

Law, I hate to hear you going through this rough time, especially around Christmas. I'm going through a break up as well, although your situation is more serious and painful since she is your wife and I've only been with this woman for 9 months.

I wish I could offer some words of wisdom, but I have none. I think the other members have offered some great insight and advice. Remember that whatever happens, it will happen for the best, and life will go on. Good luck brotha, I wish you the best.

[calgarian]

you "females" are confusing, i hate you. but love you

let me correct u...u hate their HEAD area (unless is wrapped ard ur d!ck) but u love their lower area

[calgarian]

My thoughts:
We females can be off the wall. I admit it. And no surprise to any of you reading this. We don't even know why we feel like we do. We can't even figure ourselves out so for you to try to figure it out is a moot cause.

On a practical note: is she on birth control? if she is this can cause HUGE mood swings. Enormous. Think of how you guys feel when you are on/off cycle. If she is on BC then I highly suggest she gets some hormone therapy to counteract the horrible effects BC does. It is no laughing matter.
Now if she is not on BC, then perhaps something else is going on. If you had to ask yourself in your heart of hearts, was there a pivotal point when something happened that could have caused her to turn on you. When we turn on you, it takes us over. We cannot help it. We do not like it anymore than you do.

You have to remember this: men have physical power from day one. Even the skinniest most teeny weeny guy here could tie my hands behind my back and I am a strong female. But....girls have emotional power. It is what we have finessed from day one. It is our ace like your muscles are yours, so this is why so much of what we do DRIVES YOU CRAZY!!!

I have said it before and I will say it again: I much rather fight a man any day of the week. My own female friends scare me to death when I know they are in a mood. So I hear you. And I am sorry. So sorry.

Please try to search within for something that might have tipped her to this level. And the Birth Control issue.
This will help.

with power comes great responsibility and in his case she is abusing the power

[LawMan018]

Hey guys, sorry for the late reply... My schedule is kind of ****ed up right now (330 to 1130 pm) and of course I have plenty to take care of in the morning. Anyways... It kind of settled down... No talk of the "fight", but constantly reminded that I'm hated. I wanted to try and please my Wife, being the loving Husband I am. Brought home 2 movies tonight, one she wanted to watch... Twilight: Eclipse.... Also with a bottle of Tequila and Margirita Mix (Def need that to watch that damn movie). So... After the movie I'm thinking things have chilled out a bit, again, being the constantly hopeful Husband I am. She starts to pass out on the couch... I try and coax her into the bedroom. She says she doesn't want to sleep with me or be around me, yet I continue to try and get her into the bedroom so she can sleep on the nice bed and I get the dreaded "couch." Eventually I am sucessful, and yet again I try again with my constant optimism... She tells me to get out of the room, I try and calm her down and reason with her. There's no reasoning with this one, I've come to figure out I'm pretty much evil to her and I leave the room... Defeated yet again. Why I put myself in this trap might you say? I've always been a forgiving person, plus I've always been as I've stated, constantly optimistic... As much as I would love to believe how our situation is different than what you guys have said, ultimately I'd have to say you are right... I'm in a different state of mind currently (Again, being intoxicated), but it feels as if all my other avenues have been exhausted and I'm left with one choice: Being stuck in a relationship that's as predictable as the Titanic itself... Or moving on... Again, I wish I had the courage to do this sober... I know coming to this realization in the morning will be all that much harder to bear.

[Dr. Zoidberg]

From a woman's point of view:
It sounds like two young people met, fell in love, the honeymoon ended-- I don't think that she is bi-polar, or sufferring from a personality dis-order (as I happen to have a degree in behavioral biology). I also don't think it has anything to do with being on the Pill (I was on the Pill for years, and my mood swings are much worse when I am off it-- ). Straight-up, I think she is a woman-- and women (and men) act sideways, irrationally, and change their minds all of the time.
I also think that the times when she called you to explain her situation, or the tough spots that her friends left her in, may have been cover stories for what she was really up to. You may want to consider the fact that he has been lying to you, and perhaps even cheating on you. Face it: most women (and men) are afraid of being alone, and won't jeopardize one relationship, unless they have the opportunity to have another, or at least some other distraction.
Consider that it has nothing to do with you, and that she is just a fickle young woman, like we all can be (or man), that she loves you, but that she is maybe looking elsewhere for companionship, or for another chapter in her life.
You should distnce yourself from her, emotionally, and really evaluate why you love this person, if she treats you so poorly, and if, maybe, you could do better? --after all, you have a rockin' body!

[LawMan018]

Thanks... But that's hard to hear... I mean again, this is the woman I love... She is my everything... I don't know what I'm supposed to do without her...

[Dr. Zoidberg]

From a woman's point of view:
It sounds like two young people met, fell in love, the honeymoon ended-- I don't think that she is bi-polar, or sufferring from a personality dis-order (as I happen to have a degree in behavioral biology). I also don't think it has anything to do with being on the Pill (I was on the Pill for years, and my mood swings are much worse when I am off it-- ). Straight-up, I think she is a woman-- and women (and men) act sideways, irrationally, and change their minds all of the time.
I also think that the times when she called you to explain her situation, or the tough spots that her friends left her in, may have been cover stories for what she was really up to. You may want to consider the fact that he has been lying to you, and perhaps even cheating on you. Face it: most women (and men) are afraid of being alone, and won't jeopardize one relationship, unless they have the opportunity to have another, or at least some other distraction.
Consider that it has nothing to do with you, and that she is just a fickle young woman, like we all can be (or man), that she loves you, but that she is maybe looking elsewhere for companionship, or for another chapter in her life.
You should distnce yourself from her, emotionally, and really evaluate why you love this person, if she treats you so poorly, and if, maybe, you could do better? --after all, you have a rockin' body!

[calgarian]

Hey guys, sorry for the late reply... My schedule is kind of ****ed up right now (330 to 1130 pm) and of course I have plenty to take care of in the morning. Anyways... It kind of settled down... No talk of the "fight", but constantly reminded that I'm hated. I wanted to try and please my Wife, being the loving Husband I am. Brought home 2 movies tonight, one she wanted to watch... Twilight: Eclipse.... Also with a bottle of Tequila and Margirita Mix (Def need that to watch that damn movie). So... After the movie I'm thinking things have chilled out a bit, again, being the constantly hopeful Husband I am. She starts to pass out on the couch... I try and coax her into the bedroom. She says she doesn't want to sleep with me or be around me, yet I continue to try and get her into the bedroom so she can sleep on the nice bed and I get the dreaded "couch." Eventually I am sucessful, and yet again I try again with my constant optimism... She tells me to get out of the room, I try and calm her down and reason with her. There's no reasoning with this one, I've come to figure out I'm pretty much evil to her and I leave the room... Defeated yet again. Why I put myself in this trap might you say? I've always been a forgiving person, plus I've always been as I've stated, constantly optimistic... As much as I would love to believe how our situation is different than what you guys have said, ultimately I'd have to say you are right... I'm in a different state of mind currently (Again, being intoxicated), but it feels as if all my other avenues have been exhausted and I'm left with one choice: Being stuck in a relationship that's as predictable as the Titanic itself... Or moving on... Again, I wish I had the courage to do this sober... I know coming to this realization in the morning will be all that much harder to bear.

i have nothing to add to my previous posts. u decided to stay u have to suffer the consequences

[BJJ]

She might suffer of a behavioural disorder, which is easy to develop during one's youth and hard to figure out; but from the way you describe her actions and related emotions...

From your words, your relationship has been like that since the beginning so if it is something related to a behavioural psychology disorder, it does not depend on you.

If I were you a would see a psychiatrist, not a counselor.

Good Luck.

[LawMan018]

Thanks for the replies guys... Unfortunately I'm still awake... I understand what you all are saying and please do not think that I'm ignoring a single thing... It's just incredibly difficult... Especially before Christmas... As soon as she leaves I'm alone... Again I never wanted this, I just wanted a person to spend the rest of my life with who I loved... And it is very difficult to take whatever steps next I must.

[BJJ]

Thanks for the replies guys... Unfortunately I'm still awake... I understand what you all are saying and please do not think that I'm ignoring a single thing... It's just incredibly difficult... Especially before Christmas... As soon as she leaves I'm alone... Again I never wanted this, I just wanted a person to spend the rest of my life with who I loved... And it is very difficult to take whatever steps next I must.

In my opinion it is not you the person who must take a step.

[clemont51]

Cut your loses and never look back.

[D3m3nt3d]

Thanks for the replies guys... Unfortunately I'm still awake... I understand what you all are saying and please do not think that I'm ignoring a single thing... It's just incredibly difficult... Especially before Christmas... As soon as she leaves I'm alone... Again I never wanted this, I just wanted a person to spend the rest of my life with who I loved... And it is very difficult to take whatever steps next I must.

This is exactly what I wanted too bro. I never thought I could live without my wife, I felt incomplete like my life had no purpose. My self esteem was in the shitter, I even had a nervous breakdown. But as time goes by, things get better man. You learn that she does NOT hold the key to your happiness, you do. I recommend seeing a therapist for yourself and maybe being prescribed an SSRI for a little while to help you cope. It has worked wonders for me.

[Scabtree]

Red-Green said about marriage that the greatest thing that we want for our spouse is their own happiness; which is entirely their responsibility. It's unfortunate, but we can't change people very easily... and it seems that the more we try, the further away we get.

It is important that you take back control of this situation, right now she's got all the control. You do that by giving her a choice... to stay and to work things out (with help), or to go your separate paths. Either way you need to be prepared for the outcome. As it is the relationship is not good for either one of you, so action needs to happen.

I totally agree with D3m3nt3d about seeking professional help for yourself; there are some really ****y things in life to deal with such as this, and having help in this manner can make all the difference.

Don't forget that there will be an end to this anguish one day, even though you may not be able to see that right now.

[bruary17]

She sounds really over dramatic and difficult. But if you both have love for each other it's worth fighting for. You sound like your really laid-back, maybe the more non-chalant one in this relationship. Try laying the law down lawman, seriously.

Next time she threatens leaving tell her, say; "Is that what your made of? You want to give up on us just because we don't see eye to eye?" Tell her you love hard and deep and you would never even think of calling it quits over a disagreement. Your love for her is stronger than that, tell her. But def let her know that all this threatening is wearing on you, and your mentally exhausted.

If you flip the tables and make her the one afraid of losing you, she may change her ways. Hope it works out for you buddy.

[SlimmerMe]

I still want to know if anything happened which might have made her turn on you. This is important to know. Because if so, until it is resolved things will get worse. Take her in your strong gentle arms and no matter how much she kicks and screams, tell her you need to know what happened and you are there for her and that you want to know if you did something that is making her feel this way. And then go from there. Find this out. This is crucial.

[D3m3nt3d]

I still want to know if anything happened which might have made her turn on you. This is important to know. Because if so, until it is resolved things will get worse. Take her in your strong gentle arms and no matter how much she kicks and screams, tell her you need to know what happened and you are there for her and that you want to know if you did something that is making her feel this way. And then go from there. Find this out. This is crucial.

I was the 3rd dude my wife punched for trying this shit. In my case, NOTHING happened to make her turn on me, she is just crazy. Yes, it's sadly a true story.

[SlimmerMe]

At least he could try. And then if there was not anything he did, then move on. But this way OP knows in his heart that nothing he did caused it.

Remember this: he is still in love with her at this point. He needs to find out if something happened to cause it.

[D3m3nt3d]

At least he could try. And then if there was not anything he did, then move on. But this way OP knows in his heart that nothing he did caused it.

Remember this: he is still in love with her at this point. He needs to find out if something happened to cause it.

I do not disagree with you there. I tried everything under the sun, but we did have 3 children involved. I know when they get old enough to understand, I can say I did all I could.

[stack_it]

At least he could try. And then if there was not anything he did, then move on. But this way OP knows in his heart that nothing he did caused it.

Remember this: he is still in love with her at this point. He needs to find out if something happened to cause it.

Is it not completely obvious that nothing happened to cause this? He has said a few times that she has been this way since they met.

[SlimmerMe]

Is it not completely obvious that nothing happened to cause this? He has said a few times that she has been this way since they met.

Not really. The roller coaster was one thing. Not letting him sleep with her is another. He knew up front about the roller coaster. Now she doesn't even want to share a bed. This takes it to another level which is why I ask.

ps: I am not asking OP to tell us his personal life by proposing this question....just want for him to look inside himself plus ask his wife so he can get to the bottom of it to find out why... so he can move on with a clear conscience should he decide to leave.....
since the person leaving usually feels more guilty than the one who is left oddly enough

[stack_it]

I would be surprised if this is the first time he's had to sleep on the couch. We'll wait for op's response tho. I don't want to insinuate anything.

[D3m3nt3d]

I will say this much.....I never slept on the couch, my wife did.

[SlimmerMe]

I would be surprised if this is the first time he's had to sleep on the couch. We'll wait for op's response tho. I don't want to insinuate anything.

Maybe, maybe not. It is the level it has all escalated to is the real issue at hand. By the fact that he made this thread tells me it has come to another level. It might not be anything other than just more of the same and nothing else really happened after all. But if something did happen to take it to this level of thinking his wife is going to leave, then this is what I am talking about. Find out why. And if the same ole same ole......RUN and don't look back.

And learn from it and find someone who does want to sleep in his bed!

[ReX357]

60 years ago, this very discussion wouldn't of took place. Lawman would of slapped her for being a retard and sent her back to the kitchen. No f*cking around, no craziness or at least very short lived craziness. And guess what? She would of thought twice about making a fuss over stupid sh*t. That's how nature intended things to be. Unfortunately, we're going backwards nowadays and are taught not to ever raise our hand on a female and treat them like queens while they take you for all you got including your sanity. Why do you think most women with nice guys sit there and push there guys' button all day long? They want him to snap and show is manliness, show that he will not put up with bullsh*t and will put her back in her place. But it doesn't happen anymore because we're suppose to be "romantic nice guys".

I'm sorry but women wouldn't dare behaving the way they do today.

P.S.: I am not advocating spousal abuse. But I hope men start being men again.

[Dr. Zoidberg]

60 years ago, this very discussion wouldn't of took place. Lawman would of slapped her for being a retard and sent her back to the kitchen. No f*cking around, no craziness or at least very short lived craziness. And guess what? She would of thought twice about making a fuss over stupid sh*t. That's how nature intended things to be. Unfortunately, we're going backwards nowadays and are taught not to ever raise our hand on a female and treat them like queens while they take you for all you got including your sanity. Why do you think most women with nice guys sit there and push there guys' button all day long? They want him to snap and show is manliness, show that he will not put up with bullsh*t and will put her back in her place. But it doesn't happen anymore because we're suppose to be "romantic nice guys".

I'm sorry but women wouldn't dare behaving the way they do today.

P.S.: I am not advocating spousal abuse. But I hope men start being men again.

Yes, that's good advice: slap the taste out of her mouth and tell her to get back in the kitchen-- that's what all women want to hear from their men. Maybe a black eye will get you a blowjob, too! This guy's probably dripping in p-ssy... Ha, ha, ha!

[terraj]

......