Being sued for child support

**wmaousley** · 11-10-2011, 01:13 AM

Originally Posted by dec11

i'd be making certain of that 1st mate

I totally agree, a DNA test can save you a lifetime of agony. It can also cause a lifetime of agony.

**wmaousley** · 11-10-2011, 01:14 AM

Originally Posted by jimmyinkedup

step 1 - determine is the child yours- dna test.
step 2 - if so ,u do the right thing - whats the diff u say u were willing too and doing so anyway
step 3 - as poorly as she handled it if she is the mother of yuor child the child should be shielded from this and should in no way be roobed of the love of your family etc just becasur the mother is a bitch.
Remember - there is a child here - thats the primary issue. forget the moms a bitch etc-who cares-if u r the dad u have a responsibilty to the child that transcends financial. A part of that is at least a working, cordial relationship with the mother. You both need to remember that.

Well said my friend, couldnt agree more

**Times Roman** · 11-10-2011, 04:10 AM

my opinion? YOU are responsible for your sperm. If you got a girl pregnant, you are morally and ethically bound to support that baby until it can take care of itself. No one promised you a rose garden! No one said life isn't fair! Be a man and deal with it.

**Flagg** · 11-10-2011, 04:36 PM

Originally Posted by Times Roman

my opinion? YOU are responsible for your sperm. If you got a girl pregnant, you are morally and ethically bound to support that baby until it can take care of itself. No one promised you a rose garden! No one said life isn't fair! Be a man and deal with it.

I think there is something you and Gixxer are missing. She claimed to him that she could not get pregnant. Now it's still not very responsible to have sex without protection, but for her to say that, dissapear, and then say she DID get pregnant and the child is his...well sounds like entrapment to me. I think some of you are being as unreasonable as this girl. There is NO EVIDENCE that this child is his, and people are telling him to man up. Christ, I wonder what tune you guys would be whistling if the shoe was on your foot.

That's a point NoooMoto, is there anyway you can prove that she supposedly couldn't get pregnant, like perhaps a Doctor verified this or something? And did you guys part on bad terms? Because this sounds extremely vindictive, all of this, on her part. If the child turns out to be yours, it's hugely irresponsible of her to simply dissapear, have the child, and tell you 12 months later.

**Nooomoto** · 11-10-2011, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by Flagg

That's a point NoooMoto, is there anyway you can prove that she supposedly couldn't get pregnant, like perhaps a Doctor verified this or something? And did you guys part on bad terms? Because this sounds extremely vindictive, all of this, on her part. If the child turns out to be yours, it's hugely irresponsible of her to simply dissapear, have the child, and tell you 12 months later.

She told me a doctor told her that, however whether she ever actually saw a doctor about anything is up in the air. I attempted yesterday to get her to admit it through text messages so I'd have something to show but she won't respond which is fine, I'm not going to press the issue. The answers to the questions in the forms she filled out are evidence enough. All of the ones pertaining to my involvement in the pregnancy and birth have "NO" checked.

To give you some history, I believe she concocted this plan as part of some convoluted scheme with her mother who is obsessed with babies and young children. Of those who knew her, I'm not the only one with this theory. Her mother left her marriage and my ex and her younger brother when they were very young. She then came back into the picture 19 years later trying to make up for lost time and get her family back together, the lady is like in her late 50's giving birth and raising a toddler.

I truly and honestly believe this is a plan she made with her mother where she could get knocked up and they could have this awesome family raising their children together. I don't believe that after living for 5 years in a luxury condo in Miami, from decision to execution it took her 1 month to move to Iowa to live with her estranged mother.

When she left I had no idea she was pregnant. She made no mention of anything and we parted on good terms and continued to talk for a while, and then one day it all just stopped. Fast forward a couple months and I get a text message informing me of a child. She claimed she never knew she was pregnant until her water broke. Give me a ****ing break. We still talked, I visited, everything was on good terms up until yesterday. She actually told me several times she wants to do it on her own, and specifically said she won't come after me financially. The date on the documents is from March 2011...so I know she's had this in her head since then and never said a word about it.

Regardless of the history I'll be finding the most misogynistic lawyer that I can and going over my options.

**Times Roman** · 11-10-2011, 11:56 PM

Originally Posted by Flagg

I think there is something you and Gixxer are missing. She claimed to him that she could not get pregnant. Now it's still not very responsible to have sex without protection, but for her to say that, dissapear, and then say she DID get pregnant and the child is his...well sounds like entrapment to me. I think some of you are being as unreasonable as this girl. There is NO EVIDENCE that this child is his, and people are telling him to man up. Christ, I wonder what tune you guys would be whistling if the shoe was on your foot.
That's a point NoooMoto, is there anyway you can prove that she supposedly couldn't get pregnant, like perhaps a Doctor verified this or something? And did you guys part on bad terms? Because this sounds extremely vindictive, all of this, on her part. If the child turns out to be yours, it's hugely irresponsible of her to simply dissapear, have the child, and tell you 12 months later.

Position stands. you chose to take her word for it instead of taking your own precautions. You were not married to her, you were not living with her, only dating her. If you want to play, sometimes, you gotta pay. Unless you don't understand where babies come from and how they are made? Make sure it's yours though.

And here's the part the really bugs me. We are fostering a society of fatherless children growing up in a welfare provided single parent home. My taxes pay for that! Why should I have to pay because someone else had a good time, and decided to bail instead of rasing the baby and supporting them. My opinion? Once the father is known, damn straight we force his ass to pay until the kid is 18. Period!

In some societies, it would be mandetory, if the woman's father found out, that you marry her. Consider yourself lucky.

No sympathy here, bro'

note for Bold:
mate, i did the responsible thing and raised and supported ALL the babies I fathered. I used no taxpayer dollars in the process. And i lived in the same house as the kids the whole time. I think that is more than proof enough what I would do "if the shoe were on the other foot".

**Flagg** · 11-11-2011, 07:33 AM

Originally Posted by Times Roman

Position stands. you chose to take her word for it instead of taking your own precautions. You were not married to her, you were not living with her, only dating her. If you want to play, sometimes, you gotta pay. Unless you don't understand where babies come from and how they are made? Make sure it's yours though.

And here's the part the really bugs me. We are fostering a society of fatherless children growing up in a welfare provided single parent home. My taxes pay for that! Why should I have to pay because someone else had a good time, and decided to bail instead of rasing the baby and supporting them. My opinion? Once the father is known, damn straight we force his ass to pay until the kid is 18. Period!

In some societies, it would be mandetory, if the woman's father found out, that you marry her. Consider yourself lucky.

No sympathy here, bro'

note for Bold:
mate, i did the responsible thing and raised and supported ALL the babies I fathered. I used no taxpayer dollars in the process. And i lived in the same house as the kids the whole time. I think that is more than proof enough what I would do "if the shoe were on the other foot".

Why should my taxes fund a war that most the public dont want but conveniently pay you money? Why should my taxes go to bailing out countries that are nearly bankrupt? Why should my taxes pay for people that can't be bothered to go to work. And so forth. There are plenty of examples of how tax payers money are spent on things our leaders want and not what we want and he has already stated she is financially stable, so there wont be tax payers money being spent. And your example is not the same. Those were children you obviously planned and your wife didn't run off not telling you she was pregnant and then dropping the bombshell a year later. The whole thing is fishy and I am 100% on Moto's side for this. It's like you've decided he is completely in the wrong and should now pay for it for the next 18 years. If the child is his, then that will be a court to decide what the best course of action. Not you and not me.

Until then, I think Moto deserves to given the benefit of the doubt. He's obviously concerned about all of this and wants to know his options. He doesn't want "tough fvcking shit, deal with it bro. I pay my taxes".

Moto, in most debates/arguments I get into, I always try and see both sides of the story and play the devils advocate. But everything about what you have disclosed concerning this Ex of yours sounds fishy and sounds tantemount to entrapment (look that word up TR). I'm curious as to what her game is. She clearly can raise the child on her own (without tax payers money, TR) as she is financially able, and I just wander why she is putting you through the ringer like this. Her and her mother sound like a pair of fruitloops and again I wonder if they're actually aware of the gravity of the situation or just see "two cute babies".

**Times Roman** · 11-11-2011, 07:55 AM

hmmmm....
well, i don't control the politicians, and i don't control the spending on this police action over here. But as the moral agents we are, we can control our sperm. In fact, as men, we have absolute control over it.... where we do and don't put it. Problem is, many here think of sex as entertainment and forget that it also results in babies being born.
Yes, I absolutely understand "entrapment". but if he controlled his sperm in the first place, none of this would have happened. Our actions have consequences. I pay MORE attention to what he does, and less to what he says.
First and foremost, confirm this is your baby.
Second, if it is your baby, then shoulder the responsibility of fatherhood, and take care of the baby.

i'm sorry mate. I've been around a long time, and have personally known plenty of blokes in the same position. No sympathy. You can't have it both ways. If you have sex with the lady, and she makes you a father, then own up to it. I'm glad he made an initial gesture to provide. It's a shame the lady sounds like a head case. But if she is a head case, wtf were you doing screwing around with her in the first place??

When you render down the sob story, the basic elements are this:

He had unprotected sex with the lady
she got pregnent and had a baby
she's asking for support

everything else is just a narrative.

the other thing Flagg?

if she were to present her side of the story, I'm sure it would be much different, don't you think?
and because she's not here, and we only hear his side of it, i'm not going to raise the flagg (sorry, pun intended) and rally the troups in his defense.

For right now, and again, the basic elements are this:

He had unprotected sex with the lady
she got pregnent and had a baby
she's asking for support

Everything else is just minutia.

Nothing against Noomoto,
but I'm on the side of the child, and the child deserves support from the father.
Period

**Times Roman** · 11-11-2011, 08:04 AM

Originally Posted by Flagg

Why should my taxes fund a war that most the public dont want but conveniently pay you money? Why should my taxes go to bailing out countries that are nearly bankrupt? Why should my taxes pay for people that can't be bothered to go to work. And so forth. There are plenty of examples of how tax payers money are spent on things our leaders want and not what we want and he has already stated she is financially stable, so there wont be tax payers money being spent. And your example is not the same. Those were children you obviously planned and your wife didn't run off not telling you she was pregnant and then dropping the bombshell a year later. The whole thing is fishy and I am 100% on Moto's side for this. It's like you've decided he is completely in the wrong and should now pay for it for the next 18 years. If the child is his, then that will be a court to decide what the best course of action. Not you and not me.

Until then, I think Moto deserves to given the benefit of the doubt. He's obviously concerned about all of this and wants to know his options. He doesn't want "tough fvcking shit, deal with it bro. I pay my taxes".

Moto, in most debates/arguments I get into, I always try and see both sides of the story and play the devils advocate. But everything about what you have disclosed concerning this Ex of yours sounds fishy and sounds tantemount to entrapment (look that word up TR). I'm curious as to what her game is. She clearly can raise the child on her own (without tax payers money, TR) as she is financially able, and I just wander why she is putting you through the ringer like this. Her and her mother sound like a pair of fruitloops and again I wonder if they're actually aware of the gravity of the situation or just see "two cute babies".

This isn't about right and wrong. this is about the welfare of the child. Remember, there are three people involved, and we need to be thinking of the most vulnerable, which is the baby.

**jimmyinkedup** · 11-11-2011, 08:16 AM

^^^ exactly !!!

**Flagg** · 11-11-2011, 04:37 PM

Well it sounds to me that this girl and her family, who are all filthy rich, will provide for the baby quite nicely.

Now it is important for all children to have a Father figure, that is no question, but he needs to verify if this is his. It's like you getting a speeding ticket 12 months after the fact. Of course he needs to question this.

And while Moto is not blameless in this, don't you think it sounds a little strange what she is doing, regardless if he is the Father or not?

**LongRange** · 11-11-2011, 07:02 PM

You cant control the wind, but you can adjust your sails.
Needless to say, your life has changed. The most important thing is for you to be able to make the mental adjustments needed to not let this event consume you.
I hope you are past the "blame or victim stage " and can get to where you are ready to figure out acceptable scenarios and most importantly realize you CAN handle this.
I sincerely hope you find a solution which will empower you for the long haul.

**Twist** · 11-11-2011, 11:46 PM

IF you don't make sure that this child is genetically yours then you will be stripped of half for no reason. Dude, if you don't get the test then that is beyond me. I would just ask a lawyer if you can get the test done first before you proceed. Otherwise no purpose in going through this shit. Then counter sue for damages as said by Dukkit (if it is yours).

**FONZY007** · 11-12-2011, 12:02 AM

367 a month that's a steal!! I pay 500 bucks a month and an have my son 30-40% of the time.. But on the flip side my wife has a boy with her ex he isn't working had another kid that chick jumped on welfare and so did he so now he don't have to pay shit!! The systems almost wants you to become a deadbeat dad!!

Just sayn!!

**SexySweetheart** · 11-12-2011, 02:16 PM

noomoto... would you mind updating us when this all comes to a decision?
I for 1 am pretty curious about how the courts will play this out. The courts constantly surprise me with some of the decisions with kids/families.

no matter what happens your def. in a tuff spot, but its seems to that one of the harder decisions you may have to make is if the kiddo is not yours...
This may seem harsh (esp. coming from me cuz Im a foster mom and care for kids that are not mine) but you may be better off walking away from this whole family if the kiddo isn’t yours. The mom seems severely toxic. Maintaining a relationship with the kid if not yours, could actually be worse for the kid because of mom’s drama mentality but regardless she def. seems the type to maintain a level of drama for you if you stay in the kiddo life. In a perfect situation it would be awesome if you maintained a mentor like relationship with the kid if not yours, but from what you have shared here, I just feel like I needed to say from my experience with "these types" of mothers ~ run away if you have no actual responsibility to the kid.

@FONZY007... the system does have a cap on the # of years a family can collect per kid, and it carries from state to state, so you can’t move and restart the count down. Also 1 and in most cases both parents while collecting have to be working for the city/state to pay back or in an educational class full time to get skills to work or volunteering full time or they lose all cash benefits. So they maybe lazy bums trying to mooch its not any easy time (so I wouldn’t suggest it lol) plus he should be paying some amount to your gf, usually its the min requirement of 50.00 that gets deducted from their benefit. Have your gf go to locale welfare office, its free if she gets any form of welfare/ if she doesn’t get welfare they will charge her 25.00 a year for the service but she could have the state fight for her and the welfare will automatically take money he owes from his paychecks the moment he gets work ~ the money goes into an account for her that she takes out with an ATM type card.

**gixxerboy1** · 11-12-2011, 02:43 PM

Originally Posted by Flagg

I think there is something you and Gixxer are missing. She claimed to him that she could not get pregnant. Now it's still not very responsible to have sex without protection, but for her to say that, dissapear, and then say she DID get pregnant and the child is his...well sounds like entrapment to me. I think some of you are being as unreasonable as this girl. There is NO EVIDENCE that this child is his, and people are telling him to man up. Christ, I wonder what tune you guys would be whistling if the shoe was on your foot.

That's a point NoooMoto, is there anyway you can prove that she supposedly couldn't get pregnant, like perhaps a Doctor verified this or something? And did you guys part on bad terms? Because this sounds extremely vindictive, all of this, on her part. If the child turns out to be yours, it's hugely irresponsible of her to simply dissapear, have the child, and tell you 12 months later.

Oh i agree he should get a DNA test and make sure its his. I said that. But if it is his, he shouldn't try and get out of taking care of his child.

And i would risk the i cant get pregnant line.

**FONZY007** · 11-12-2011, 04:58 PM

Originally Posted by Sexy4mySweetheart

noomoto... would you mind updating us when this all comes to a decision?
I for 1 am pretty curious about how the courts will play this out. The courts constantly surprise me with some of the decisions with kids/families.

no matter what happens your def. in a tuff spot, but its seems to that one of the harder decisions you may have to make is if the kiddo is not yours...
This may seem harsh (esp. coming from me cuz Im a foster mom and care for kids that are not mine) but you may be better off walking away from this whole family if the kiddo isn't yours. The mom seems severely toxic. Maintaining a relationship with the kid if not yours, could actually be worse for the kid because of mom's drama mentality but regardless she def. seems the type to maintain a level of drama for you if you stay in the kiddo life. In a perfect situation it would be awesome if you maintained a mentor like relationship with the kid if not yours, but from what you have shared here, I just feel like I needed to say from my experience with "these types" of mothers ~ run away if you have no actual responsibility to the kid.

@FONZY007... the system does have a cap on the # of years a family can collect per kid, and it carries from state to state, so you can't move and restart the count down. Also 1 and in most cases both parents while collecting have to be working for the city/state to pay back or in an educational class full time to get skills to work or volunteering full time or they lose all cash benefits. So they maybe lazy bums trying to mooch its not any easy time (so I wouldn't suggest it lol) plus he should be paying some amount to your gf, usually its the min requirement of 50.00 that gets deducted from their benefit. Have your gf go to locale welfare office, its free if she gets any form of welfare/ if she doesn't get welfare they will charge her 25.00 a year for the service but she could have the state fight for her and the welfare will automatically take money he owes from his paychecks the moment he gets work ~ the money goes into an account for her that she takes out with an ATM type card.

Yea I know Cali is 5 years, she does have the money adding up he owes like 8k already. Plus child protection services called her when they found out he was jumping on welfare and told her to close her case but what he owes will stay on the books! If she didnt close she would of had to go to court again and she said his amount would of went to zero and won't owe a Pennie! Than they told her when he gets a job come back reopen case and add what he hasn't paid!! She told him its racking up 350 a month for over 3 years, poor excuse of a father!

**Times Roman** · 11-12-2011, 09:48 PM

Originally Posted by Flagg

Well it sounds to me that this girl and her family, who are all filthy rich, will provide for the baby quite nicely.

Now it is important for all children to have a Father figure, that is no question, but he needs to verify if this is his. It's like you getting a speeding ticket 12 months after the fact. Of course he needs to question this.

And while Moto is not blameless in this, don't you think it sounds a little strange what she is doing, regardless if he is the Father or not?

dude
you are not hearing me.
How do you know WHAT it sounds like with only 1/2 the story?
I've been hearing these sad songs from guys for years, but you know what?
the woman always has something to say too!
what i've learned is quite often, BOTH sides usually sound convincing.

so, back to my original position...

he had unprotected sex with a lady
she got pregnant and had a child
she is asking for support

I'm ALWAYS one the side of the vulnerable baby.
I'm done here on this one....
---Roman

**lovbyts** · 11-13-2011, 12:18 AM

Good choice on getting a lawyer. Dont send a dime until you are sure it is yours otherwise you can still get stuck with ongoing support until you prove otherwise.

Yeah a lot of us learn the hard way and there are many women who are stupid enough to believe they CANT get pregnant because they have not, not because there is any medical reason they cant and unfortunately when it comes down to choices you have no say in what happens after you fertilize the egg.

As everyone said, she is playing dirty. She never contacted you, no heads up or giving you the opportunity to do the right thing so dont trust her one little bit. Dont contact her and only go through an attorney from here on out.

It doesn't sound like you are trying to deny anything or get out of any responsibility if the kid is yours; that's good but still you have to watch out for #1, YOU until you are sure it is yours then stick to the facts and what is fare and dont let guilt make you pay more than you should. Sounds like she is only looking for a free ride at this point.