worst/funniest sexual experiences

**tlash88** · 02-17-2012, 10:25 AM

I read a thread a few minutes ago about a guy getting busted by a girls brother in a card board box and got monkey stomped, figured I would start a thread of your worst but funny stories.

**jasc** · 02-17-2012, 11:29 AM

So it was the night of Senior Prom. Left the dance early n was looking to kill some time n get it in before the after-party.

So we're driving back in her parents brand new Sebring convertible, I'm talkin new as in like less than a week old. So I'm drivin back n she decides to travel south. Well once it started I wasn't about to wait. I pulled off in to this big public park n dropped the top. One thing led to another n next thing u know I'm standing on the back seat puttin in work while she's bent over leaning on the trunk.

I'm going to town when all of a sudden I start hearing a noise off in the distance. It's dark n I'm young so I just ignored it and went back to work. About 2 min later the noise sounds like its right by us and all of a sudden lights n sirens pop on.

We dropped in to the car n tried to get dressed asap. The cop walks up like a badass with his flashlight n starts yelling at us to get out of the car. At this point my pants are still off and I'm sitting in the drivers seat with my suit jacket covering my johnson. The gf's dress was a little disshoveled but she got out to go talk to the officer. She pulled out some fake tears n gave him a sob story about how we were at prom n I ignored her for another girl. She told him that we pulled in to the park to talk about it (while shes got him distracted I had time to get dressed).

So about 2 min later he comes up to me yelling and has me follow him to the back of the vehicle. Starts screaming at me for being a punk n disrespecting my gf. After a few min of this he lets us off on a warning n tells us how lucky we are because he could have charged us with like 5 diff things. He followed us for a few miles on the way home and finally trailed off. There's no possible way he didn't see what was going on; Think he was just being cool about it.

The next day I'm sittin at home n get a call from the gf. She's hysterical n I immediately thought "Oh shit the cops contacted her parents". She proceeds to mumble something about her parents knowing n her being irresponsible. Well it turns out they had no clue about the cops but rather took her little brother to the store that morning in the car. On the way to the grocery store her mother turned around to give her little brother some snacks n noticed a large white crusty stain with drip marks on their brand new dark greyish/black interior, right next to his car seat. We were soo nervous/excited about the cops that we completely forgot to clean up!

Never went over to her house again..

**tlash88** · 02-17-2012, 12:02 PM

That could possibly be the worst way for her parents to find out you two had sex... A stain the the seats. Epic!

**cherrydrpepper** · 02-17-2012, 12:22 PM

One time this friend of mine was getting pressured to have sex with some dude she had just started dating. Shes like "yeah he's a freak he wants me to do all this stuff like suck it through a box". I'm like Ok I think I have an idea so I told her just let him know you're up for anything and I'll be there tonight with some people.

We camp outside and wait for the guy to get into this box. We have the girl play along. Meanwhile gay john goes over and starts going to town on this dudes peepee working his magic. You can tell boxman is totally into it. Then the girl yells out "OH SHIT ITS MY BROTHER" so we throw an arm bar at the box and plow into it knocking him over before he can pull his dik back. Then we start kicking the shit out of him.

**Times Roman** · 02-17-2012, 12:41 PM

Originally Posted by cherrydrpepper

One time this friend of mine was getting pressured to have sex with some dude she had just started dating. Shes like "yeah he's a freak he wants me to do all this stuff like suck it through a box". I'm like Ok I think I have an idea so I told her just let him know you're up for anything and I'll be there tonight with some people.

We camp outside and wait for the guy to get into this box. We have the girl play along. Meanwhile gay john goes over and starts going to town on this dudes peepee working his magic. You can tell boxman is totally into it. Then the girl yells out "OH SHIT ITS MY BROTHER" so we throw an arm bar at the box and plow into it knocking him over before he can pull his dik back. Then we start kicking the shit out of him.

what comic book did you get this shit from?

**jasc** · 02-17-2012, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by tlash88

That could possibly be the worst way for her parents to find out you two had sex... A stain the the seats. Epic!

Ya it's pretty comical now that I look back.. At the time I was scared shitless..

Funny part was, in their eyes their daughter could do no wrong. She was a perfect angel who was waiting to have sex until she got married.. Guess that stain must of come as a shock. lol

**jasc** · 02-17-2012, 12:59 PM

Originally Posted by Times Roman

what comic book did you get this shit from?

I believe it was "The Adventures of CDP: The Man in the Box"

**tlash88** · 02-17-2012, 01:03 PM

Originally Posted by cherrydrpepper

One time this friend of mine was getting pressured to have sex with some dude she had just started dating. Shes like "yeah he's a freak he wants me to do all this stuff like suck it through a box". I'm like Ok I think I have an idea so I told her just let him know you're up for anything and I'll be there tonight with some people.

We camp outside and wait for the guy to get into this box. We have the girl play along. Meanwhile gay john goes over and starts going to town on this dudes peepee working his magic. You can tell boxman is totally into it. Then the girl yells out "OH SHIT ITS MY BROTHER" so we throw an arm bar at the box and plow into it knocking him over before he can pull his dik back. Then we start kicking the shit out of him.

Weird.... I just read a post about this happening, and he was the one in the box. He had a thing to try the glory hole and it was a box for a fridge

**xelnaga** · 02-17-2012, 01:04 PM

The summer of my junior year in high school I had an epic **** buddy. The kind of girl that you spend more time slamming than any other activity. He mainly used the back of my suv and various locations around my hometown. One night we were going at it pretty good in the back of the parking lot of an abandoned business. All the sudden I saw a guy standing by our window trying to stare in. All the sudden there were 3-4 guys and they started trying to get into the car. Screaming, kicking, and trying to pull the doors open.

I did a naked leap to the front of the car to get it going. They smashed the windows in the back seat and reached in to try to unlock it. I finally got the car in reverse and gunned in backwards. I went over a " speed bump" on the way back. I guess it was a foot or leg on one of the guys. We got out and hit the highway as fast as possible.

Still to this day I don't know wtf happened. All I can say is that they must have really snuck up on us. We we constantly looking around for cops and such, so it was hard to believe they surrounded the car like that.

**tlash88** · 02-17-2012, 01:06 PM

That's messed up that they busted the window out... Wtf

**xelnaga** · 02-17-2012, 01:23 PM

Originally Posted by tlash88

That's messed up that they busted the window out... Wtf

I was 17 a the time, and had a 17yr girlfriend naked in the back seat. I can only imagine why they wanted to get in.

**gixxerboy1** · 02-17-2012, 01:25 PM

^^^ that would be scary. That could have turned real ugly fast

**DeadlyD** · 02-17-2012, 01:37 PM

One time I went to go down on my GF, I had all my weight one my one arm, she yanked the blanket that my hand was on and I fell face first in her ***** ! I guess my mouth was open cause my tooth hit her right in the clit and cut her wide open !! Blood everywhere !! Were talking stitches here folks it was bad!!

**MR-FQ320** · 02-17-2012, 01:47 PM

This is the funniest thread I ever read on here. I mean CherryDrPepper, the Glory hole and the box.

**tlash88** · 02-17-2012, 02:48 PM

To go with your glory hole story, this is the one I read that made me start this thread. It was posted by I.muscle

Originally Posted by I.Muscle

I been seeing this chick for a while, she kinda has a wild side which I love about her. So she tells me she's gonna have the house to herself all day. As soon as I hear this I know I'm getting something today.

So I head over to her house around noonish. We just chill out for a while watch a movie, get a lil something to eat. So after the movie we are bored and we know whats gonna come next. We start making out hardcore, and I'm getting real turned on.

She just got a new frig for her kitchen and I saw the big ass cardboard box outside her house for it. For some reason I always had an obsession with glory holes. I always look for porn with them, always had a dream of getting a BJ using one. So I ask if shes willing to try something new, and she agrees without questioning.

I take her by the hand and bring her outside. My unit was getting rock solid just thinking about what is soon to come (no pun intended). Shes thought we were gonna do shit in the box, little did she know what was in store for her. I took out my trusty pocket knife cut a hole in the box perfectly shaped for my rattlesnake. Since the box was so big i had to lay it on its side and go in then have her stand the box upright. I drop my pants stick my unit in the hole and she knew what to do from there.

I was in heaven for about 5 minutes until i hear a voice scream, "Allie what the **** are you doing?" I knew it was her brother after a minute. I took my cock back into the box and put it away. I tried jumping out but couldn't get out. Next thing i know her brother is charging the ****ing box and he just kicks the box straight over.

Then he just starts stomping the shit outta me while im in the box. It continued for like 3 minutes till i was able to crawl out of the decrepit box and onto the grass. She had cooled him down by the time I got out, and he told her to go inside with him. She did, I got in my car and left. Now thinking about it i will never do that shit again, so much for my obsession.

Pic attached

**jimmyinkedup** · 02-17-2012, 04:00 PM

Heres one from years ago. My then gf's parents went away for the weekend. I , of course spent the weekend there. It was Sun am and I was in the shower...i get out and the gf is waiting there. She prceeds to perform oral sex on me. Just as i start to cum the door quickly opens...she stopped and quckly turned ...just in time for a stream of my jizz to shoot over her shoulder and land on her moms pant leg.

Wasnt funny at the time...kind of is now 25 yrs later.

**Hazard** · 02-17-2012, 04:35 PM

Originally Posted by DeadlyD

One time I went to go down on my GF, I had all my weight one my one arm, she yanked the blanket that my hand was on and I fell face first in her ***** ! I guess my mouth was open cause my tooth hit her right in the clit and cut her wide open !! Blood everywhere !! Were talking stitches here folks it was bad!!

LMFAO! I literally laughed out loud at this one.... I can picture this happening.....

~Haz~

**Hazard** · 02-17-2012, 04:37 PM

Originally Posted by jimmyinkedup

Heres one from years ago. My then gf's parents went away for the weekend. I , of course spent the weekend there. It was Sun am and I was in the shower...i get out and the gf is waiting there. She prceeds to perform oral sex on me. Just as i start to cum the door quickly opens...she stopped and quckly turned ...just in time for a stream of my jizz to shoot over her shoulder and land on her moms pant leg.

Wasnt funny at the time...kind of is now 25 yrs later.

get the fvck outa here ahahahaha I would have died lol

~Haz~

**jasc** · 02-17-2012, 04:37 PM

Originally Posted by jimmyinkedup

Heres one from years ago. My then gf's parents went away for the weekend. I , of course spent the weekend there. It was Sun am and I was in the shower...i get out and the gf is waiting there. She prceeds to perform oral sex on me. Just as i start to cum the door quickly opens...she stopped and quckly turned ...just in time for a stream of my jizz to shoot over her shoulder and land on her moms pant leg.

Wasnt funny at the time...kind of is now 25 yrs later.

hahaha that's classic

**jimmyinkedup** · 02-17-2012, 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by Hazard

get the fvck outa here ahahahaha I would have died lol

~Haz~

Yeah who would have thought id just jiuzzed on the leg of my future mother in law!
Yup I ended up marrying the girl and we were married for just over 6 years and are still friendly to this day! *L*...

It took a long time before I could look her Mom in the eye .....
Id have to say that's my worst and funniest all rolled up in one.

**Sgt. Hartman** · 02-17-2012, 05:55 PM

Originally Posted by jimmyinkedup

Yeah who would have thought id just jiuzzed on the leg of my future mother in law!
Yup I ended up marrying the girl and we were married for just over 6 years and are still friendly to this day! *L*...

It took a long time before I could look her Mom in the eye .....
Id have to say that's my worst and funniest all rolled up in one.

I was gonna post a story about how when I was 16 I went down on a girl at a party and lost my gum somewhere in there, but you sir are the winner of this thread.

I can't imagine how you looked her in the eye or had a conversation with the mom after that......

**JD250** · 02-17-2012, 07:28 PM

That's awesome Jimmy, I can imagine the conversation with your MIL at the holidays ........hey, remember the time I shot my load on your leg?

**DeadlyD** · 02-17-2012, 08:18 PM

Originally Posted by jimmyinkedup

Heres one from years ago. My then gf's parents went away for the weekend. I , of course spent the weekend there. It was Sun am and I was in the shower...i get out and the gf is waiting there. She prceeds to perform oral sex on me. Just as i start to cum the door quickly opens...she stopped and quckly turned ...just in time for a stream of my jizz to shoot over her shoulder and land on her moms pant leg.

Wasnt funny at the time...kind of is now 25 yrs later.

This is straight out of movie or something ...classic!!! Best story yet

**Dr Pepper** · 02-17-2012, 09:01 PM

Does anyone remember that story of the guy who went back to some girls house and took a dump in her bath tub??

If you have the link somewhere post it. This is the clear winner!!

**ddp2727** · 02-19-2012, 06:39 AM

I've had a few fvck buddies that are just straight freaks which is great with me as I'm a pretty big freak too. A couple of them were cool as sh!t and would help get a 3some and what not or tell their friends about me so me an their friends could have the same thing. Well one of them told their friend about me and me and the friend were at a hotel and I'm just assuming she was a freak like her friend and when she first went down on me I instantly grabbed the back of her head and start pumping the back of her throat, after about 4-5 hits to the throat she finally got away, she started puking, tears were rolling out of her eyes, snot coming out of her nose and she started screaming why does Amy have sex with you ever! All I could think to say was idk but can we finish lol.

**DCI** · 02-19-2012, 06:52 AM

Originally Posted by ddp2727

I've had a few fvck buddies that are just straight freaks which is great with me as I'm a pretty big freak too. A couple of them were cool as sh!t and would help get a 3some and what not or tell their friends about me so me an their friends could have the same thing. Well one of them told their friend about me and me and the friend were at a hotel and I'm just assuming she was a freak like her friend and when she first went down on me I instantly grabbed the back of her head and start pumping the back of her throat, after about 4-5 hits to the throat she finally got away, she started puking, tears were rolling out of her eyes, snot coming out of her nose and she started screaming why does Amy have sex with you ever! All I could think to say was idk but can we finish lol.

Nice work, gloss over the bad stuff and go back to the banging

**lovbyts** · 02-19-2012, 08:00 AM

Mine doesnt compare to a lot of the stories so far.
Going back to my high school days, I'm banging my new 15yr old GF at her house, mom is out somewhere with the step dad and not expected home until LATE. We are upstairs getting busy when the lights turn on and her mother is standing at the top of the stairs. She says OH excuse me, I was just wondering if anyone was home? as she turns around and goes back down. I had to exit the upstairs via mom and step dads bedroom so I waited until everyone was asleep and sneak out for the next 4 years... LOL Yeah we dated for a long time after that.