Marriage confusion

[cherrydrpepper]

I uh.. Ok.. Yeah you guys know me. Most of you. A few drinks and Im ready to open up a little.

Im really one sick fuk.

I can't say half the shit that goes on in my head. I know im not alone. My best lifting buddy ever I met in AA. Some of the lifting buddies I have met through him. We are not normal. Yeah. Read into it.

I am going to just come out with it. I don't understand marriage.

My girl and I have talked about it several times. It feels like she is wearing me down for lack of a better descriptor. I told her this tonight and I know she had no idea what I was saying:

"I just feel like if we got married I could protect you (and our kids) from all the bad things in life"

I could just tell she had no f ing clue what I was saying it was like chinese for her. I guess I am just baffled. Im not sure I am wired to experience emotions that other people call love anymore. Im concerned. We're sold on what I call the Disney dream. The dream that we will meet that special someone and fireworks will go off and we won't be able to live without them. Bla dee bla. Has never really happened to me unless you count the first year of dating my first love at 17. I had never masterbated so that was the first real orgasm for me not including wet dreams of which I can only remember one with Pamela Anderson.

Heres what really mind fks me though. When I said I want to protect you and the kids, my understanding of marriage is that liimited. Is there some other reason to get married? Im baffled.

I am at an impasse. Im 30 never married no kids yet and this girl is a good candidate. I want to make her happy and protect her because she is the most innocent, pure and good 30 year old I have ever met. Thats my type to be honest. I have a buddy, he wants the girl that will spar with him. He wants fake tit girl who points out her previous f- buddy at the gym (true story). It baffled me for the longest time, then I started to understand. He sees himself as the lion the king of the jungle. He can't date a koala bear. He has to f a cheetah. Nevermind the cheetah is butterfaced with fake tits and got plowed by some jacked f buddy he sees at the gym every tuesday. Thats his type. The koala bear would just bore the fk out of him. He'd be like "thats great.. you are.. offering to share your eucolyptus leaves with me.. you little bitch".

Im 30 and ive never considered marriage seriously until now.

I need to understand this thing. Why? For me its simple. I don't trust myself or my mind. I don't trust myself to find someone who lights the bon fire like they poured a gallon of gas over the wood first for me. I see it as a flaw within myself. Nothing has ever been good enough for me, why would some woman magically be good enough for me out there? Not to mention all the bad things I have done in my life. Here is a chance to help someone and love and experience the good things in life.

I need help I need insight. I know i post a lot of sappy threads on here but I really have found myself beaten lately and considering marriage. My life has been empty and not fun the last year. The moments with this girl have been very loving very kissing etc. Im not sure what I would be holding out for. Some hot bitch way out of my league? I mean... I dunno. I suspect none of this thread will mean much to those of you who consider yourselves basically normal. Your going to say some sappy shit about the one and cant live without her. Dont get me wrong I want everyones opinion. But its really the people who acknowledge they are different that intrigue me the most. To pick one example, some of you have been with a lot of women. So I wonder how one particular one would intrigue you the most to the point of marriage? Thanks.

[Hazard]

I uh.. Ok.. Yeah you guys know me. Most of you. A few drinks and Im ready to open up a little.

Im really one sick fuk.

I can't say half the shit that goes on in my head. I know im not alone. My best lifting buddy ever I met in AA. Some of the lifting buddies I have met through him. We are not normal. Yeah. Read into it.

I am going to just come out with it. I don't understand marriage.

My girl and I have talked about it several times. It feels like she is wearing me down for lack of a better descriptor. I told her this tonight and I know she had no idea what I was saying:

"I just feel like if we got married I could protect you (and our kids) from all the bad things in life"

I could just tell she had no f ing clue what I was saying it was like chinese for her. I guess I am just baffled. Im not sure I am wired to experience emotions that other people call love anymore. Im concerned. We're sold on what I call the Disney dream. The dream that we will meet that special someone and fireworks will go off and we won't be able to live without them. Bla dee bla. Has never really happened to me unless you count the first year of dating my first love at 17. I had never masterbated so that was the first real orgasm for me not including wet dreams of which I can only remember one with Pamela Anderson.

Heres what really mind fks me though. When I said I want to protect you and the kids, my understanding of marriage is that liimited. Is there some other reason to get married? Im baffled.

I am at an impasse. Im 30 never married no kids yet and this girl is a good candidate. I want to make her happy and protect her because she is the most innocent, pure and good 30 year old I have ever met. Thats my type to be honest. I have a buddy, he wants the girl that will spar with him. He wants fake tit girl who points out her previous f- buddy at the gym (true story). It baffled me for the longest time, then I started to understand. He sees himself as the lion the king of the jungle. He can't date a koala bear. He has to f a cheetah. Nevermind the cheetah is butterfaced with fake tits and got plowed by some jacked f buddy he sees at the gym every tuesday. Thats his type. The koala bear would just bore the fk out of him. He'd be like "thats great.. you are.. offering to share your eucolyptus leaves with me.. you little bitch".

Im 30 and ive never considered marriage seriously until now.

I need to understand this thing. Why? For me its simple. I don't trust myself or my mind. I don't trust myself to find someone who lights the bon fire like they poured a gallon of gas over the wood first for me. I see it as a flaw within myself. Nothing has ever been good enough for me, why would some woman magically be good enough for me out there? Not to mention all the bad things I have done in my life. Here is a chance to help someone and love and experience the good things in life.

I need help I need insight. I know i post a lot of sappy threads on here but I really have found myself beaten lately and considering marriage. My life has been empty and not fun the last year. The moments with this girl have been very loving very kissing etc. Im not sure what I would be holding out for. Some hot bitch way out of my league? I mean... I dunno. I suspect none of this thread will mean much to those of you who consider yourselves basically normal. Your going to say some sappy shit about the one and cant live without her. Dont get me wrong I want everyones opinion. But its really the people who acknowledge they are different that intrigue me the most. To pick one example, some of you have been with a lot of women. So I wonder how one particular one would intrigue you the most to the point of marriage? Thanks.

I married the 1st girl I ever slept with. We were together for years when we were younger..... very much in love. Then we split and after a few years we got back. We were head over heels for eachother and got married. Then she completely ruined my life by royally fvcking everything up with drugs and alcohol.

I have never been with anyone that made me feelt he way she did when we first got together. Out of all the women I've been with..... I eventually lost interest. I don't plan to remarry again..... if it happens..... it happens. Right now..... I call bullshit on the whole thing.

~Haz~

[Razor]

Is it possible to be single and be happy?

[Hazard]

Is it possible to be single and be happy?

I've never been happier..... for now. Can't say it'll stay like that but I'm going to live shit up and enjoy it.....

~Haz~

[Razor]

What do you do at night with no one around?

[Hazard]

What do you do at night with no one around?

I enjoy the piece and quiet! Stretch my legs out..... fart..... and think about how I could be on the couch with a woman complaining about something

Seriously..... it was nice when we were dating..... it was nice when we were engaged..... after we got married it was all downhill. I'd rather spend a nite alone, enjoying my life, then hear one more complaint out of her mouth.

~Haz~

[Knockout_Power]

What do you do at night with no one around?

perfect time to rub one out and remind myself I didnt have to take my hands to dinner and a movie... = more money in my account

[Razor]

I enjoy the piece and quiet! Stretch my legs out..... fart..... and think about how I could be on the couch with a woman complaining about something

Seriously..... it was nice when we were dating..... it was nice when we were engaged..... after we got married it was all downhill. I'd rather spend a nite alone, enjoying my life, then hear one more complaint out of her mouth.

~Haz~

Yea i deal with clinical depression so being alone is hard..and the meds never work right. I seem to do better with a girl even if she is bitching, Ill bitch back and cause drama

[Hazard]

Also..... when you are married you have someone to answer to. You have someone at home waiting for you ALL the time. You have to check in with her and let her know you'll be late so she doesn't get worried..... you are just about required to come back home..... forget about going with the flo on a night out and going where the wind blows you. She has a say in everything you do..... whether she likes it or not doesn't matter..... because she's involved. If she likes it - it's a relief and if she doesn't - you'll never hear the end of it. If you want to have people over you have to run it by her. I'm not talking about having a friend over one night..... i'm talking about a group of friends.... maybe having a party..... who knows but it's disrespectful to not ask her.

So why live alone? Because I can do what the fvck I want when I want. I can find companionship when I want to..... and I can still sleep alone in my bed. There's no one to rip the covers off my side and there's no one to bitch when my tren cycle leaves the sheets soaking wet. Oh and I can fvcking snore as loud as I want without being nudged awake every 10 fvcking minutes.....

~Haz~

[Hazard]

Yea i deal with clinical depression so being alone is hard..and the meds never work right. I seem to do better with a girl even if she is bitching, Ill bitch back and cause drama

Well that sounds healthy..... lol

So you want companionship to right everything wrong going on with you? You feel like you are suffering so you want a female there to take part in it? One night when she says something to really really piss you off..... one night after you told her to move in..... one night when she's pissed off over trivial shit..... you're going to say "dammmm I now see what Haz was talking about"

~Haz~

[Razor]

Haha no its not like that...I guess I do better when Im around people than being alone..When I am around a girl I'm not suffering..thats one of my downfalls cause when I meet a girl I get really exited and then blow it cause I'm too into it.

[Knockout_Power]

Yea i deal with clinical depression so being alone is hard..and the meds never work right. I seem to do better with a girl even if she is bitching, Ill bitch back and cause drama

Im no expert or phychiatrist at all, but everyone I know who is diagnosed into the "depression" category, medicated or not, do not solve those issues with a partner. Moreso, you will see those people adding insecurities and jealousy leading to lack of trust in a relationship and that ends it pretty quick

[Razor]

Im no expert or phychiatrist at all, but everyone I know who is diagnosed into the "depression" category, medicated or not, do not solve those issues with a partner. Moreso, you will see those people adding insecurities and jealousy leading to lack of trust in a relationship and that ends it pretty quick

I dunno thats never been me though. Never gone the jealousy route...I just enjoy life better when I have a girl around that I like. My brother..he can sit in his room all day and smoke the reefer and is fine with being alone and being by himself.. I am always going in there trying to think up stuff to do

[big_ron]

Im no expert or phychiatrist at all, but everyone I know who is diagnosed into the "depression" category, medicated or not, do not solve those issues with a partner. Moreso, you will see those people adding insecurities and jealousy leading to lack of trust in a relationship and that ends it pretty quick

Agreed, you need to learn to be fine with being alone. find a healthy balance, there are times where your going to be around people alot, and others you may have no one around. Its one thing saying your depressed, and i believe everyone in their life time will go through it. you just may not be coping with things at the moment, it will pass if you want it to and you will become stronger, or replace the emptyness with something else and then depend on it, and fall to pieces when thats gone. Not to say you cant be heart broken or have troubles with girls but understand lifes goes on.

[Hazard]

I've always had an active lifestyle..... always had a lot of friends. I havn't done a lot of things since I got married and now i'm too heavy for most of it BUT...... I used to play volleyball a few nights a week, I used to rock climb (in a gym or nature), I used to hike and camp a lot, I used to spearfish...... I was always doing something.

Find other hobbies and see who's into them..... enjoy life a little. Go see shit you havn't seen and do things you havn't done. You'll be a better person for it.....

I never gave a thought to what it would look like to look down at hawks flying through valleys between mountains...... One day I went on a long hike with a few friends and went to the top of the mountain. I walked out onto a rock ledge and sat down..... there were the hawks flying below and it was pretty cool. Thats when I thought "man..... I never thought about this before but I'm glad I'm here"

~Haz~

[Hazard]

On another note..... I was with two of my best friends on that hike. I no longer talk to the one because he stopped talking to all of us when he got his new GF. They've now been together for a couple years and I havn't talked to him in over 8 months. Another vagina ruined something that was going good.....

~Haz~

[Razor]

I've always had an active lifestyle..... always had a lot of friends. I havn't done a lot of things since I got married and now i'm too heavy for most of it BUT...... I used to play volleyball a few nights a week, I used to rock climb (in a gym or nature), I used to hike and camp a lot, I used to spearfish...... I was always doing something.

Find other hobbies and see who's into them..... enjoy life a little. Go see shit you havn't seen and do things you havn't done. You'll be a better person for it.....

I never gave a thought to what it would look like to look down at hawks flying through valleys between mountains...... One day I went on a long hike with a few friends and went to the top of the mountain. I walked out onto a rock ledge and sat down..... there were the hawks flying below and it was pretty cool. Thats when I thought "man..... I never thought about this before but I'm glad I'm here"

~Haz~

Your a motivator man I like it. I will try new things

[Honkey_Kong]

I dunno thats never been me though. Never gone the jealousy route...I just enjoy life better when I have a girl around that I like. My brother..he can sit in his room all day and smoke the reefer and is fine with being alone and being by himself.. I am always going in there trying to think up stuff to do

Dude you don't have to just sit in an empty room staring at the TV when you're all alone. You end up getting hobbies or you go hang out with your friends. You also can bring broads home, bang them and send them on their way.

But let me tell you this, you'll never really be happy with somebody until you can be happy by yourself.

You know what really will keep you from being lonely at home? Get a pool table and put a bar in one of your rooms. Your buddies will be begging to hang out at your house just to get away from their girlfriends/wives.

[Honkey_Kong]

Hey Razr, I'll give you another way to look at things. Look at your parent's friends and aquaintances. They're all old now I'm assuming. Financially, look at the ones who aren't married and the ones who are. I bet you the only ones with pots to piss in were the ones who are single.

With bitches come money problems. In fact, it's the number one thing couples argue over.

[JohnnyVegas]

Marriage doesn't change anything. It SHOULDN'T make a relationship better or worse as it is just a piece of paper. BUT, it is a public display of commitment and will strengthen a relationship if both people believe the display of commitment is worth something. In other words, it works if you want it to work. If one of you is a selfish dick, well, then it doesn't work.

Having said that, the real advantages are legal and financial:

If you die, property automatically goes to her without probate or estate taxes. If you have a girlfriend and you die, your property will go to your kids or your parents. It will never go to your girlfriend because there is no legal commitment.

It makes seeing the other person easier if they go into the hospital with an emergency. Girlfriends and boyfriends do not get the same visitation rights as husbands and wives.

You can share a health insurance plan. In other words, one of you can put the other on a health plan that the other has through work. That is cheaper than individual insurance.

Social Security benefits go to a surviving spouse. This doesn't only matter when you are old.

You have protections when there is a break up. If you are married, your wife can't empty your bank accounts and take off with property...but a girlfriend can. The structure of marriage protects both parties.

So there are all the unsexy, but totally important reasons marriage is good.

[JohnnyVegas]

Hey Razr, I'll give you another way to look at things. Look at your parent's friends and aquaintances. They're all old now I'm assuming. Financially, look at the ones who aren't married and the ones who are. I bet you the only ones with pots to piss in were the ones who are single.

With bitches come money problems. In fact, it's the number one thing couples argue over.

You are dating the wrong girls. My girlfriend (now wife) came with a good job, a great education and little debt. She has made my life better in almost every way. We have a strict "you're not the boss of me" policy that works very well because we are compatible and both constantly show that we are deserving of trust.

Yes, money is the main thing couple argue about but it has nothing to do with marriage. All couples fight about money, especially if they have different goals and spending habits. It is even worse if one (or both) are selfish.

[Hazard]

Marriage doesn't change anything. It SHOULDN'T make a relationship better or worse as it is just a piece of paper. BUT, it is a public display of commitment and will strengthen a relationship if both people believe the display of commitment is worth something. In other words, it works if you want it to work. If one of you is a selfish dick, well, then it doesn't work.

Having said that, the real advantages are legal and financial:

If you die, property automatically goes to her without probate or estate taxes. If you have a girlfriend and you die, your property will go to your kids or your parents. It will never go to your girlfriend because there is no legal commitment. I wouldn't mind my kids getting the property. They should.... I'd be pissed off if my parents divorced and my dad remarried and she got the house. I don't wanna sound like a dick and i'm waitin for him to die lol but wtf.... that doesn't seem fair. What if he was amrried for 2 months and died....?

It makes seeing the other person easier if they go into the hospital with an emergency. Girlfriends and boyfriends do not get the same visitation rights as husbands and wives. This is true if she's unconscious..... But it's no reason tog et married IMO.

You can share a health insurance plan. In other words, one of you can put the other on a health plan that the other has through work. That is cheaper than individual insurance. RIGHT..... Let me tell you what a "plus" this is! I left my job at the hospital to go do what i'm doing now (I love it btw) - This job didn't have a health plan set up so I went on my wifes policy. Now I'm dependant on her..... and guess what..... she fvcked up and got fired. I was left with no health plan..... So I had to purchase one for us. $500 a month later we were covered. Oh and I couldn't just boot her off the plan when we seperated..... I had to keep her on it. So while she was out boozing - I was paying $500 a month for her hospital visits. This was a huge plus for me..... let me tell yah.

Social Security benefits go to a surviving spouse. This doesn't only matter when you are old. Yeah this is true too.... just not a good enough reason to get married.

You have protections when there is a break up. If you are married, your wife can't empty your bank accounts and take off with property...but a girlfriend can. The structure of marriage protects both parties. Well thisis false imo..... it work for both parties if both parties are equal bread winners maybe..... and even then.... men more than likely get hosed. Wanna know my protection plan with a girlfriend? Don't have a joint bank account..... I'll pay certain bills with my account and she can pay other bills with hers. The money is still divided between the two of us equally but she has no access to fvck me over. If we live together why would she leave when she would be named ont he lease or mortgage? This is abandonment. If anything.... I'd move in with her before she moves in with me..... haha.

So there are all the unsexy, but totally important reasons marriage is good.

^^^^ In bold

~Haz~

[Honkey_Kong]

You are dating the wrong girls. My girlfriend (now wife) came with a good job, a great education and little debt. She has made my life better in almost every way. We have a strict "you're not the boss of me" policy that works very well because we are compatible and both constantly show that we are deserving of trust.

Yes, money is the main thing couple argue about but it has nothing to do with marriage. All couples fight about money, especially if they have different goals and spending habits. It is even worse if one (or both) are selfish.

You're right, I do date the wrong chicks. But, I've yet to meet the right kind of broad, much less date her. I don't think they even exist, but that doesn't matter either. I enjoy living alone.

When I was young, I lived with a girlfriend for a few years. In fact I moved out of my parent's house with her. But when it was over, I for the first time ever had to sleep in an empty apartment by myself. It was awkward at first and I didn't like it. Looking back, it was rough on me only because I was just bored. I hadn't got to explore any of my interests much. Like for instance, if I were to read a good novel, I could expect to get interrupted every couple minutes.

So I was pretty much left to find out what my interests were.

[Honkey_Kong]

^^^^ In bold

~Haz~

Dude my brother is getting divorced right now. While he was deployed, his wife not only spent every dime he had, she maxed out his credit cards, took out new cards and maxed them out, didn't make their house payments and all the while she was cheating on him and paying for this side-boyfriend's cellular phone. I guess she was doing a lot of drugs as well, but there was nothing in the laws that prevented her from royally fvcking my brother over.

[Hazard]

Your a motivator man I like it. I will try new things

Thanks - and really look into gettin out there man. I'm tellin you..... you can live and then die..... or you can LIVE before you die.

Dude my brother is getting divorced right now. While he was deployed, his wife not only spent every dime he had, she maxed out his credit cards, took out new cards and maxed them out, didn't make their house payments and all the while she was cheating on him and paying for this side-boyfriend's cellular phone. I guess she was doing a lot of drugs as well, but there was nothing in the laws that prevented her from royally fvcking my brother over.

Thats what I mean..... sorry to hear that man. Really sucks to go through something like that.....

Despite hating your sports teams..... you're an okay dude lol *no homo* - we actually have similar views.

~Haz~

[Honkey_Kong]

Thanks - and really look into gettin out there man. I'm tellin you..... you can live and then die..... or you can LIVE before you die.



Thats what I mean..... sorry to hear that man. Really sucks to go through something like that.....

Despite hating your sports teams..... you're an okay dude lol *no homo* - we actually have similar views.

~Haz~

Yeah, you're an alright dude too except your love of the shittiest teams in all of sports.

[JohnnyVegas]

^^^^ In bold

~Haz~

My reasons are only valid if one marries a great person. They are mostly useless if the relationship sucks.

Dude my brother is getting divorced right now. While he was deployed, his wife not only spent every dime he had, she maxed out his credit cards, took out new cards and maxed them out, didn't make their house payments and all the while she was cheating on him and paying for this side-boyfriend's cellular phone. I guess she was doing a lot of drugs as well, but there was nothing in the laws that prevented her from royally fvcking my brother over.

Same thing happened to my brother. He went to buy her a car as a surprise and they ran his credit. $60k in credit card debt for a gambling problem. That was ugly.

I have been divorced once, but it went smoothly. I took the stuff I wanted and she refinanced the house and bought me out. Easy peasy. We remained friends and she came to my wedding when I literally married a woman half her age.

[cherrydrpepper]

Thanks - and really look into gettin out there man. I'm tellin you..... you can live and then die..... or you can LIVE before you die.~Haz~

Comment crocop approved

[rockinred]

There are various perspectives of marriage. Here is mine. It is something to think about... it might be a little deep.

1. yes, it is just a piece of paper as pointed out. But it is also your commitment to a person that you want to be with them. So whether you throw out the legal aspect of it on paper or the religious aspect of it... one thing stands true, and that it is your commitment to a specific person.

2. Marriage to me is about two becoming one and whole. Think of it as a yin yang design. The two fit perfectly together to become one circle and a journey. It is also known as the other half. Look at your body. You have two halves split directly down the middle. Two halves that come together to make one. Many go through marriage for various reasons, but once you understand that it is your other half on a journey as one, it makes much more sense. Everything you do in life is amplified and better. It is much more than just sex and reproduction. Everything is easier and each of you compliment the other. Naturally the fact is a man has traits that a women doesn't have and vice versa. But together they come together in perfect balance of life. Think of a child. As a man, I am not as good giving the early stages of care that the mother does. but once the children get older, the mother can't do the things that a father can in raising a child. The same can be said for protecting the family, working, duties, etc... Once this is understood, then marriage takes on a whole new level of meaning.

Anyways, I don't want to rant too long as I am known to, but that is what I take.

[Flier]

I uh.. Ok.. Yeah you guys know me. Most of you. A few drinks and Im ready to open up a little.

Im really one sick fuk.

I can't say half the shit that goes on in my head. I know im not alone. My best lifting buddy ever I met in AA. Some of the lifting buddies I have met through him. We are not normal. Yeah. Read into it.

I am going to just come out with it. I don't understand marriage.

My girl and I have talked about it several times. It feels like she is wearing me down for lack of a better descriptor. I told her this tonight and I know she had no idea what I was saying:

"I just feel like if we got married I could protect you (and our kids) from all the bad things in life"

I could just tell she had no f ing clue what I was saying it was like chinese for her. I guess I am just baffled. Im not sure I am wired to experience emotions that other people call love anymore. Im concerned. We're sold on what I call the Disney dream. The dream that we will meet that special someone and fireworks will go off and we won't be able to live without them. Bla dee bla. Has never really happened to me unless you count the first year of dating my first love at 17. I had never masterbated so that was the first real orgasm for me not including wet dreams of which I can only remember one with Pamela Anderson.

Heres what really mind fks me though. When I said I want to protect you and the kids, my understanding of marriage is that liimited. Is there some other reason to get married? Im baffled.

I am at an impasse. Im 30 never married no kids yet and this girl is a good candidate. I want to make her happy and protect her because she is the most innocent, pure and good 30 year old I have ever met. Thats my type to be honest. I have a buddy, he wants the girl that will spar with him. He wants fake tit girl who points out her previous f- buddy at the gym (true story). It baffled me for the longest time, then I started to understand. He sees himself as the lion the king of the jungle. He can't date a koala bear. He has to f a cheetah. Nevermind the cheetah is butterfaced with fake tits and got plowed by some jacked f buddy he sees at the gym every tuesday. Thats his type. The koala bear would just bore the fk out of him. He'd be like "thats great.. you are.. offering to share your eucolyptus leaves with me.. you little bitch".

Im 30 and ive never considered marriage seriously until now.

I need to understand this thing. Why? For me its simple. I don't trust myself or my mind. I don't trust myself to find someone who lights the bon fire like they poured a gallon of gas over the wood first for me. I see it as a flaw within myself. Nothing has ever been good enough for me, why would some woman magically be good enough for me out there? Not to mention all the bad things I have done in my life. Here is a chance to help someone and love and experience the good things in life.

I need help I need insight. I know i post a lot of sappy threads on here but I really have found myself beaten lately and considering marriage. My life has been empty and not fun the last year. The moments with this girl have been very loving very kissing etc. Im not sure what I would be holding out for. Some hot bitch way out of my league? I mean... I dunno. I suspect none of this thread will mean much to those of you who consider yourselves basically normal. Your going to say some sappy shit about the one and cant live without her. Dont get me wrong I want everyones opinion. But its really the people who acknowledge they are different that intrigue me the most. To pick one example, some of you have been with a lot of women. So I wonder how one particular one would intrigue you the most to the point of marriage? Thanks.

You said it. It´s all about timing.
So not so much about finding the right one, but the right time.
At the right time, many prospects that you would never consider before becomes valid.
If we look back at your past GF´s, I am sure you will find, as I do, many near perfect prospects for a wife and mother of our children. But back then, the focus was completely different.
If you now have become serious about finding a life partner instead of a fvck, you will find there is a lot of women looking for the same thing as you.

[gixxerboy1]

30 is still young. most people now a days arent married at 30. The new average age for a women to get married is 30.

[Hazard]

There are various perspectives of marriage. Here is mine. It is something to think about... it might be a little deep.

1. yes, it is just a piece of paper as pointed out. But it is also your commitment to a person that you want to be with them. So whether you throw out the legal aspect of it on paper or the religious aspect of it... one thing stands true, and that it is your commitment to a specific person.

2. Marriage to me is about two becoming one and whole. Think of it as a yin yang design. The two fit perfectly together to become one circle and a journey. It is also known as the other half. Look at your body. You have two halves split directly down the middle. Two halves that come together to make one. Many go through marriage for various reasons, but once you understand that it is your other half on a journey as one, it makes much more sense. Everything you do in life is amplified and better. It is much more than just sex and reproduction. Everything is easier and each of you compliment the other. Naturally the fact is a man has traits that a women doesn't have and vice versa. But together they come together in perfect balance of life. Think of a child. As a man, I am not as good giving the early stages of care that the mother does. but once the children get older, the mother can't do the things that a father can in raising a child. The same can be said for protecting the family, working, duties, etc... Once this is understood, then marriage takes on a whole new level of meaning.

Anyways, I don't want to rant too long as I am known to, but that is what I take.

Why does a piece of paper mean that i'm more committed to her? This is how I see it..... that piece of paper is like a "life lock" - once you have it..... there's no easy way out if things turn bad. You can think you know someone but the truth is..... people can change. They can become someone whom you never thought they could have. This can take a long time..... It can happen quickly..... but IF it happens..... that piece of paper wont let you just leave. Now some will say well if you got married then you agreed for better or for worse...... but some people don't want to be helped. If that happens..... you're screwed. So more or less all that piece of paper really says is "I know this can fvck me over, I know I can stand to lose a lot, but I'm banking on the fact that you wont do that to me."

I just don't see any reason to get married anymore..... it doesn't mean you love someone anymore than you do without it.

Also regarding parenting..... I'm a single father of a 4 month old daughter and I'm doing a damned god job of taking care of her. Having her mother in her life would be the worst thing for her. While I get your point..... both men and women can do just fine on their own. We only need the other sex for reproduction...... everything else we can do on our own.

~Haz~

[jasc]

Why does a piece of paper mean that i'm more committed to her? This is how I see it..... that piece of paper is like a "life lock" - once you have it..... there's no easy way out if things turn bad. You can think you know someone but the truth is..... people can change. They can become someone whom you never thought they could have. This can take a long time..... It can happen quickly..... but IF it happens..... that piece of paper wont let you just leave. Now some will say well if you got married then you agreed for better or for worse...... but some people don't want to be helped. If that happens..... you're screwed. So more or less all that piece of paper really says is "I know this can fvck me over, I know I can stand to lose a lot, but I'm banking on the fact that you wont do that to me."

I just don't see any reason to get married anymore..... it doesn't mean you love someone anymore than you do without it.

Also regarding parenting..... I'm a single father of a 4 month old daughter and I'm doing a damned god job of taking care of her. Having her mother in her life would be the worst thing for her. While I get your point..... both men and women can do just fine on their own. We only need the other sex for reproduction...... everything else we can do on our own.

~Haz~

Spot on bro.. Marriage is an institution put in place n demanded by women.. Why you may ask? It's simple, it calms their insecurity n fear of being alone plus they get half your sh*t or more when you get divorced. Hell if she has a good enough lawyer, she may even get lifetime alimony. 99% of the time women don't lose out in a divorce, rather gain, so there's no downside n little risk for them to get married. Men on the other hand can lose everything they spent their whole life working for. In a society where men and women are equal and marriage is supposed to be an equal commitment from both parties, why is it that 9/10 times the rulings in a divorce case favor the women?

I've been with my gf for 3 yrs. Things are goin great and her n I are very compatible. I'm approaching 30 within the next year and haven't even given a thought to marriage. My feeling is, if things are going soo well, why do we need an expensive piece of paper to legally recognize our commitment?
I see no need to go get married n put on this whole big social display, just because that's the norm in this society. Over 50% of marriages fail n when that happens we lose it all.. To me it makes no sense. It just adds complication to something that is already going great. I sure as hell wouldn't bet half of everything I've ever worked for on any other bet where the odds were stacked against me, why would I wanna take this bet?

[evander87]

What do you do at night with no one around?

Any god damn thing I want! lol

I'll watch what I wanna watch. Eat what I wanna eat. Drink what I wanna drink. Go where I wanna go. Hang with who I want to hang with. Flirt with who I want to flirt with.

[rockinred]

Why does a piece of paper mean that i'm more committed to her? This is how I see it..... that piece of paper is like a "life lock" - once you have it..... there's no easy way out if things turn bad. You can think you know someone but the truth is..... people can change. They can become someone whom you never thought they could have. This can take a long time..... It can happen quickly..... but IF it happens..... that piece of paper wont let you just leave. Now some will say well if you got married then you agreed for better or for worse...... but some people don't want to be helped. If that happens..... you're screwed. So more or less all that piece of paper really says is "I know this can fvck me over, I know I can stand to lose a lot, but I'm banking on the fact that you wont do that to me."

I just don't see any reason to get married anymore..... it doesn't mean you love someone anymore than you do without it.

Also regarding parenting..... I'm a single father of a 4 month old daughter and I'm doing a damned god job of taking care of her. Having her mother in her life would be the worst thing for her. While I get your point..... both men and women can do just fine on their own. We only need the other sex for reproduction...... everything else we can do on our own.

~Haz~

I am not trying to convince you to see things differently and I doubt you are going to convince me otherwise too. We probably will just agree to disagree. I do have a few comments on yours too though.

I never said the piece of paper means anything. I said when you say you want to "marry" or "marriage" in itself means your commitment to a women. You say you can just be with her and the actions are louder than words. Which is true, but when you don't commit, you are telling her that at any time you guys can walk away. Now if that's how you want it, then so be it for both. But as far as paper becomes more binding that isn't true. There is a thing called common law marriage where you still have to split shit. So by not getting marriage it doesn't save you from any of that type of disputes.

My take on marriage is to offer a different perspective to the OP. It is not about just reproducing to many or just protecting. It is about growing together. So, yes what you said about people changing or not knowing them is kind of true. You know someone, yet we constantly change and grow in life. So you do these things together. That's why you see pre arranged marriages work out, you see people that dated for 5 years before marriage get divorced, because when changes happen, one or both are not willing to adapt and change also.

You probably are a good dad and many people will provide an unhealthy environment for a kid like you said the mother might. That happens often and there are always actions to take to protect children. But as a whole there is no kid that would ever say that they didn't want to have both mom and dad together to take of them. That is an unhealthy environment. Your idea of just reproduction leads to orphans and dead beat dads and dead beat moms. I don't believe in any of that. Not saying you are because obviously not, but look around. The lack of successful marriages is always centered around someone being selfish. Like you said your babies mom probably isn't holding up to her end due to selfishness of some sort.

Sounds to me like you got a bad deal handed to you on your first marriage. It doesn't mean that committing and being with one together is a bad idea and that's what I was trying to get across to OP. Sorry you had to go through that in life bro, it sucks big time. I understand completely. In my opinion it is a mans world and women need men to protect them and guide them to an extent and come together as one and go through a great journey together. just my opinion. and peace to all the iron bros on here.

[JP-MAN]

all this reading about marriage almost made my head explode..

i hate marriage.
my empire was divided., i now am worth half what i should be, actually its alot less.
never again....

[JohnnyVegas]

all this reading about marriage almost made my head explode..

i hate marriage.
my empire was divided., i now am worth half what i should be, actually its alot less.
never again....

This only happens if you marry someone that doesn't contribute. My wife deserves half the stuff if we split.

[evander87]

This only happens if you marry someone that doesn't contribute. My wife deserves half the stuff if we split.

Well my ex-wife deserved half but her and her lawyer convinced the judge she deserved more.

[spywizard]

only read the 1st post sorry..

my observation is you both have 2 complete views of what marriage is.. hers' more traditional and what she's been programmed to want/understand.. yours on the other hand is very limited, and very scewed..

my advice is to seek marriage counseling now, way before marriage.. they have weekend retreats that will do this..

good luck

[SexySweetheart]

Hey Razr, I'll give you another way to look at things. Look at your parent's friends and aquaintances. They're all old now I'm assuming. Financially, look at the ones who aren't married and the ones who are. I bet you the only ones with pots to piss in were the ones who are single.

With bitches come money problems. In fact, it's the number one thing couples argue over.

lol true most relationships end over money issues
untrue the more financially stable are the single men

(some times I read posts here and actually wounder if I am in an alternate world than you all, cuz I dont know or understand these "women" you all know or meet~ they scare and confuse me lol)


Cherry ~ maybe your just not the marry me kinda guy? or maybe you are, but our afraid of it and that’s why your so confused..?
its not a big deal if you never marry, unless its a deal braker for the one you love.

But really its no different than a loooooong term relationship ~meaning that it is what you make it or let it morph into.
IMO being anxious about it means only that its an important decision to you, that you take very seriously (as it should be) and without an underlining excitement or crave to make your gal your wifey, I would prob wait