I uh.. Ok.. Yeah you guys know me. Most of you. A few drinks and Im ready to open up a little.

Im really one sick fuk.

I can't say half the shit that goes on in my head. I know im not alone. My best lifting buddy ever I met in AA. Some of the lifting buddies I have met through him. We are not normal. Yeah. Read into it.

I am going to just come out with it. I don't understand marriage.

My girl and I have talked about it several times. It feels like she is wearing me down for lack of a better descriptor. I told her this tonight and I know she had no idea what I was saying:

"I just feel like if we got married I could protect you (and our kids) from all the bad things in life"

I could just tell she had no f ing clue what I was saying it was like chinese for her. I guess I am just baffled. Im not sure I am wired to experience emotions that other people call love anymore. Im concerned. We're sold on what I call the Disney dream. The dream that we will meet that special someone and fireworks will go off and we won't be able to live without them. Bla dee bla. Has never really happened to me unless you count the first year of dating my first love at 17. I had never masterbated so that was the first real orgasm for me not including wet dreams of which I can only remember one with Pamela Anderson.

Heres what really mind fks me though. When I said I want to protect you and the kids, my understanding of marriage is that liimited. Is there some other reason to get married? Im baffled.

I am at an impasse. Im 30 never married no kids yet and this girl is a good candidate. I want to make her happy and protect her because she is the most innocent, pure and good 30 year old I have ever met. Thats my type to be honest. I have a buddy, he wants the girl that will spar with him. He wants fake tit girl who points out her previous f- buddy at the gym (true story). It baffled me for the longest time, then I started to understand. He sees himself as the lion the king of the jungle. He can't date a koala bear. He has to f a cheetah. Nevermind the cheetah is butterfaced with fake tits and got plowed by some jacked f buddy he sees at the gym every tuesday. Thats his type. The koala bear would just bore the fk out of him. He'd be like "thats great.. you are.. offering to share your eucolyptus leaves with me.. you little bitch".

Im 30 and ive never considered marriage seriously until now.

I need to understand this thing. Why? For me its simple. I don't trust myself or my mind. I don't trust myself to find someone who lights the bon fire like they poured a gallon of gas over the wood first for me. I see it as a flaw within myself. Nothing has ever been good enough for me, why would some woman magically be good enough for me out there? Not to mention all the bad things I have done in my life. Here is a chance to help someone and love and experience the good things in life.

I need help I need insight. I know i post a lot of sappy threads on here but I really have found myself beaten lately and considering marriage. My life has been empty and not fun the last year. The moments with this girl have been very loving very kissing etc. Im not sure what I would be holding out for. Some hot bitch way out of my league? I mean... I dunno. I suspect none of this thread will mean much to those of you who consider yourselves basically normal. Your going to say some sappy shit about the one and cant live without her. Dont get me wrong I want everyones opinion. But its really the people who acknowledge they are different that intrigue me the most. To pick one example, some of you have been with a lot of women. So I wonder how one particular one would intrigue you the most to the point of marriage? Thanks.