Crazy Mike and I need to get this out

[crazy mike]

So I have something to say!!

Hi everyone. I have been thinking and looking at some of my recent actions and mind set. Not just only on here but my life in general. So with that in mind I want to apologize to for any outburst or things I’ve said that have been out of line on this forum. My reference being what I was opposing on the Anabolic Lounge, particular reference to the “Ask DSM Anything” thread. But there are others.

Let me tell about this. My first step in my recovery with drugs and alcohol was admitting I had a problem and my life was becoming unmanageable. Such the same in retrospect to my Bi-Polar disorder. Once I admitted to myself and accepted I have a problem I could step back and get with some form of recovery and take proper actions to stop the insanity and my behavior. I had to be honest.

I started taking my inventory as to my most recent behavior, my attitude, thoughts, selfishness and wild n crazy behavior. I realized that I was having some problems and my behavior and was headed for a crash. Some of you guys don’t know what I’m talking about but it has to do with just insane thinking. I was beginning to argue with any and all authorities. Going against the grain of most everyone. Ignoring sound judgment and becoming very selfish in everything I thought and did. Like the thread “Ask DSM” I wanted everyone to change for me.

I reflected on some of my sharing at AA meetings and realized I was just gonna show them and tell them how right I am and they need to do it my way…huh?

So I realized through all this that I’m headed out the door and totally off the chain. I’ve been clean and sober for 1 yr. and 10 months and have been doing so good that I was down to one medication and had stopped the mood stabilizer that I’ve been on for many years.

When I started to feel like drugging and drinking I got out my AA book and looked at some suggestions and the 12 steps. I’m not going to preach AA stuff to you. I don’t go to many meetings anymore. I’m doing great and my obsession has been lifted, BUT here I am beginning my stinking thinking and manic crazy behavior.

What I did was look at the steps and realized I can work them again and not so much for addiction but for my Bi-Polar disorder and the resulting behavior. Realizing that there might a problem with me and not you. Then I admitted it. I got down to some prayer. I put into action a personal inventory, disused this with someone else, promptly admitted my wrong and so on.

I needed to slow down, think, think, think before I move on it. I need a break in the pressure I am putting on myself with my cycles and my trying to force feed, my impatience with my bodybuilding and the gym. Not growing as fast as I want and to stop trying to keep up so much with guys like you BB’ers. After all I am getting much into my senior years.  That’s the other thing I need to accept, while I still keep the drive.

So again my apologies for some of my behavior and I tell you truthfully I will slow it down. I need to plug my mood stabilizer as I have already.

Thanks if you read all of this and it makes sense to you all. Remember I am Bi-Polar and I sometimes find that my aas use can have some negative effect on my behavior. For that I am responsible. …crazy mike

[bass]

Mike you're crazy! LOL! I had no idea you Bi-Polar, I can't imagine what's that like, but I am sure its hard to deal with. to be honest I rather enjoy your posts, short right to the point, and sometimes funny! keep posting Mike, you are a good addition to our community.

[marcus300]

Mike up the medication my friend

[crazy mike]

Thanks man. I just need to slow it all down. I just seem to be getting in trouble more. I'm pretty knowledgeable about my Bi-Polar disorder. It takes my wife to point it out sometimes that I'm not doing so good and then I check what I've been up to. If you haven't read my Interview with Marcus back in the Lounge and you know me better. Thx again. ..crazy mike

[DSM4Life]

No need to apologize since we are all entitled to our own opinions here. I just found it odd to enter my thread and then complain about it. It's like going into a bar and complaining that too many people are drinking. Lol.

Don't worry about it man. Just focus on getting yourself straight. I have had/have family members who are battling addiction so i know first hand how awful it can be. I feel for you. Good luck on your recovery.

[Lunk1]

Now DSM and CM can kiss and make up

[tgunn]

I like your posts. . You tell people what's up! And your extremely knowledgeable as well..

With all the f'd up posts lately it could make anyone go... well... Crazy!

And I'm always looking forward to your response! lol

Keep your head up bro!

[knuckles69]

Hey mike. I read your posts with great interest as i can relate to your past and way of thinking. I think you are a valuable member of this community which I am very fond of as you have some impeccable advice due to your years of experience. I have been clean for nearly 10 years and even after all this time I still think about a few times a week but I know in my heart how much better off I am now compared to then and that re-assures me to not fall back to my old ways. So my advice to you is find something in your life that gives you immense joy and happiness and focus on that. Every time I had a craving or I was about to have an episode but worked through it without causing a scene I would buy myself a small gift like a DVD to congratulate myself for overcoming it. Best of luck to you mate and I look forward to reading your posts

[Tnatious]

Mike, good shit man! Clean your side of the street bro!
Take care

[Rwy]

Do you drop your medication dose as you start to feel better? Is that a reason its harder for you to cope or is this common with the disease?

I am curious as one of my clients suffers from bipolar disorder

[kelkel]

Glad you came out of the closet (so to speak) on this one.

Also glad you're a part of our community. Always "think" before you hit that post button brother!

kel

[crazy mike]

Do you drop your medication dose as you start to feel better? Is that a reason its harder for you to cope or is this common with the disease?

I am curious as one of my clients suffers from bipolar disorder

Not really. You see I've been on meds continuously since 1975. I know so many. Every time I had stopped one or all ( used to be 5 meds) it got real insane within 4 -5 days. Since clean n sober almost 2 yrs and I was feeling so good I just stopped the one for mood. II will never stop my anti-depressant, that I know can and has before been deadly.
The answer is that no one with such a disorder should cold turkey. I've been off it now for three or more months. I was good to go but it started to creep it's way back. THX ...crazy mike

SO I am only on two and that's well enough.

[spywizard]

primo makes me happy... just ran it for the 1st time, and I don't get the emotional issues (anger/aggression) that i can get with test, etc...

just a thought...

bipolar... hmmmmm

when people point out that i'm being a dick, i just say i forgot my meds.... but i do appreciate being informed that i'm acting out..

stay well..

you old fart

[crazy mike]

....

[madmuscler]

I got mad respect for you CM.... I get a lot of info from your posts.... You just went through a spiritual battle..... I remember around two years I started taking my will back and forgot who was boss and rescued me (God)..... I'm not gonna preach but I just wanna encourage you to continue on being aware of your attitudes and actions.... Sometimes others see it before we do and it's just a matter of whether or not we listen.... I affirm your courage and honesty

[crazy mike]

I got mad respect for you CM.... I get a lot of info from your posts.... You just went through a spiritual battle..... I remember around two years I started taking my will back and forgot who was boss and rescued me (God)..... I'm not gonna preach but I just wanna encourage you to continue on being aware of your attitudes and actions.... Sometimes others see it before we do and it's just a matter of whether or not we listen.... I affirm your courage and honesty

Thanks, glad your aware of what I'm doing. Stayin cool. ...crazy mike

[Zodiac82]

its all good mike...we're human so we arent perfect...good luck with everything

[ppwc1985]

It's cool CM we all go through things, been there to so I can relate. Like cancer said no one is perfect.

[Rusty11]

You're a good man, Mike. I enjoy your posts. There are plenty of opinionated, in-your-face members. You're tame in comparison.

[sapo59]

Thanks for sharing. Hang in there bro. Love your post CM

[BG]

Never forget steroids are drugs, especially if you have had a past with others. Been there, had to step back and use instead of abuse. Good luck.

[RipOwens]

"No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines."

[GirlyGymRat]

Be thankful you recognize behavior that could lead to destruction and able to make a course correction. And we all have done some things we regret-you a big person by making amends.

You and crazy mike "be calm and stay cool"

[crazy mike]

"No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines."

Thanks Rip we know that's "How it Works"

Be thankful you recognize behavior that could lead to destruction and able to make a course correction. And we all have done some things we regret-you a big person by making amends.

You and crazy mike "be calm and stay cool"

That's the progress I've made, recognizing and taking action. Thanks, I'll make sure ...crazy knows what's up. ...cm

[SexySweetheart]

So I have something to say!!

Hi everyone. I have been thinking and looking at some of my recent actions and mind set. Not just only on here but my life in general. So with that in mind I want to apologize to for any outburst or things I’ve said that have been out of line on this forum. My reference being what I was opposing on the Anabolic Lounge, particular reference to the “Ask DSM Anything” thread. But there are others.

Let me tell about this. My first step in my recovery with drugs and alcohol was admitting I had a problem and my life was becoming unmanageable. Such the same in retrospect to my Bi-Polar disorder. Once I admitted to myself and accepted I have a problem I could step back and get with some form of recovery and take proper actions to stop the insanity and my behavior. I had to be honest.

I started taking my inventory as to my most recent behavior, my attitude, thoughts, selfishness and wild n crazy behavior. I realized that I was having some problems and my behavior and was headed for a crash. Some of you guys don’t know what I’m talking about but it has to do with just insane thinking. I was beginning to argue with any and all authorities. Going against the grain of most everyone. Ignoring sound judgment and becoming very selfish in everything I thought and did. Like the thread “Ask DSM” I wanted everyone to change for me.

I reflected on some of my sharing at AA meetings and realized I was just gonna show them and tell them how right I am and they need to do it my way…huh?

So I realized through all this that I’m headed out the door and totally off the chain. I’ve been clean and sober for 1 yr. and 10 months and have been doing so good that I was down to one medication and had stopped the mood stabilizer that I’ve been on for many years.

When I started to feel like drugging and drinking I got out my AA book and looked at some suggestions and the 12 steps. I’m not going to preach AA stuff to you. I don’t go to many meetings anymore. I’m doing great and my obsession has been lifted, BUT here I am beginning my stinking thinking and manic crazy behavior.

What I did was look at the steps and realized I can work them again and not so much for addiction but for my Bi-Polar disorder and the resulting behavior. Realizing that there might a problem with me and not you. Then I admitted it. I got down to some prayer. I put into action a personal inventory, disused this with someone else, promptly admitted my wrong and so on.

I needed to slow down, think, think, think before I move on it. I need a break in the pressure I am putting on myself with my cycles and my trying to force feed, my impatience with my bodybuilding and the gym. Not growing as fast as I want and to stop trying to keep up so much with guys like you BB’ers. After all I am getting much into my senior years.  That’s the other thing I need to accept, while I still keep the drive.

So again my apologies for some of my behavior and I tell you truthfully I will slow it down. I need to plug my mood stabilizer as I have already.

Thanks if you read all of this and it makes sense to you all. Remember I am Bi-Polar and I sometimes find that my aas use can have some negative effect on my behavior. For that I am responsible. …crazy mike

Mike that took a lot of courage to throw out on board. So there's no denying anyone should give you props for that :-)
God knows we all have bad days and months and make bad choices but it takes a strong individual to stand up and say- you know what ...I'm kind of ****ed up in the head right now and I'm sorry.
Apologizing is truely honourable.

you've never offended me personally but some of your comments did send a shiver up my back lolbut that's what happens when people from different backgrounds share their opinions in a safe place so it's to be expected :-)just in case you may have thought that you did Offend ME (can't speak for others) I just wanted to let you knowthat we're cool and we always have been.
I miss sure my opinion doesn't really matter lol but one thing I know is that sometimes people affect us in ways they don't know of. And just in case I was 1 of the crowd that affecting you- I wanted to put your mind at ease :-)

[tdoe11]

Awesome your sober buddy. Sobriety is the best gift On earth. Through the mercy of God I will have 8 years sober on November 10. Did 90 meetings in 90, 12 steps, had a sponsor commitments etc. these last few years been having kids and running a business so not much time for as. BUT when the crap hits the fan I am back in there sharing in a quick minute. God bless ya bro with out sobriety we will have nothing (literally)

[lovbyts]

Mike up the medication my friend

You mean it's time to get the estrogen checked dont you? lol

Crazy Mike, it's always good to self reflect and we all could do more of it and be better for it but be reassured most of us like you the way you are. That is the clean and sober you but outspoken.

No matter how much you watch your P&Q there is always someone who will get their feelings hurt but if you feel you need to change things then dont let me or anyone convince you different.

Always wishing you the best and admire your honesty and life experiences.

[EverettCD]

Mike, stepping up & posting that takes a responsible man to do so. Good job on being the responsible man. I enjoy reading your posts & have learned a thing or 3 from you. I have no idea what it's like to have bipolar disorder so my hats off to you for dealing with this for so long, do what you need to do to keep yourself in a good place. If that means some meds, so be it. Like I say about myself being on TRT, it's all about improving your quality of life. Life is way too short to be miserable, every day is a blessing.

A BIG CONGRATULATIONS on being sober & staying sober.

I'm not going to go on a Bible pushing mission on here but Church & my strong faith in God has gotten me & my family through a lot of really shitty times.

Best wishes brother, take care of yourself & stay active here.

[crazy mike]

..........