Need advice about a girl

**musclestack** · 09-29-2013, 11:38 AM

Hey guys. Well, here's the story. I met up with a long time acquaintance (I use this term because we're kind of friends, but we've had a history together. We've slept together once a long time ago, and I've always had a thing for her). Anyways, I met up with her last Thursday after being out of the country for almost 3 years. Went out, had dinner, then drinks. We went back to her place afterwards. We both laid in bed, she took her pants off and, at first we were going to ****, but I told her I wouldn't right then because I didn't know how she'd feel about it in the morning when she was sober (this happened last time we did it, and she didn't feel the same afterwards). She agreed that we probably shouldn't and just wait to "see how things go". We did fool around a bit though; kissing, a bit of finger play, and a little oral. I left her house on the morning and we were both on really good terms. We hugged and kissed on the cheek. I went back to another town I was visiting, and she said she may be in that town on Saturday.

Saturday comes. I don't hear from her all day, so I figured she wasn't coming. I met up with a buddy of mine that I hadn't seen in 3 years. We started drinking at about 4PM at his house and by about 8, we were pretty tipsy. Finally she texted me around 9 and told me she was going to a bar with some friends in town. My buddy and I decided to meet up with her. Well, the drinking didn't stop there. Within an hour of being at the bar, I was pretty wasted. I normally don't drink a lot, so I can only imagine how much of an a$$ I was making of myself. We went to a few other bars (it was all pretty blurry though). At one point she told me she was going to another bar with her friends. I stayed at the other bar with my friend. After a little while I texted her, no response. Then I called her a couple times, no response. I finally found her outside a club. We talked for a couple minutes; she said sorry, but her phone had died. I asked her if she wanted to come back to my friend's house after the bars closed, but she said she was really drunk and just wanted to go home. I said ok, no worries, and that was all I remember.

So, the next day, I call her. I already knew I had been a drunk idiot the night before, so I asked her if I had done anything 'inappropriate' last night. She seemed to not make too big a deal about it by the way she sounded and talked. The only thing she said was that outside the club, where I saw her last, I kind of 'pulled' her away from her other friends while she was talking to them. She also said she got a voicemail from me that was 2 minutes long; that I must not have hung up the phone after calling her so it was just me talking to my friend in the background. Sidenote: I was pretty irritated with her for leaving with her friends and leaving me at the other bar (which may or may not have been because I was drunk) and after I phoned her one of the times, I threw a little temper tantrum after she didn't answer, so I'm wondering if she heard anything or not. The only thing she said was that she couldn't make out anything I was saying, and that she only recognized my voice so she knew the voicemail was from me. I hesitated after she told me this, and she went on to tell me "it was nothing embarrassing". She sounded very calm about it, didn't make any big deal about it and went immediately on to tell her about another voicemail she got from her mom that night also. I'm pretty sure she didn't hear what I said in the voicemail, but it's still in the back of my mind. I told her I was sorry for 'pulling' her away from her friends, and she said "no worries, you were just drunk" with a little giggle.

I texted her the following night (Monday) and apologized again for being an a$$ and that I'm not used to drinking that much. She said "Thanks. You weren't being an a$$, you were just being drunk". We continued to text back and forth for a few minutes, but every time I tried joking around with her, she wasn't nearly ammused as she usually is. There were no "lol's" or "Haha's" in her responses. Her attitude seemed to totally change.

I haven't heard from her since then, and I don't want to text/call her because I don't want to be a "chaser" because I know that's a turn-off for her. But I also want to hear from her. Not sure what to make of all this and what's going through her mind. I figured I'd give her some time and, after a while, I would text her.

So, what do you guys think of all this? Is she just turned off now that we had such a great night together on Thursday, then she saw me all drunk? How long should I wait before texting her if she doesn't text me (remember, I don't want to look like a "chaser"). Is there a way to fix all this, and how would you go about it?

I've already apologized twice now, and I don't know what to do. I'm in a bit of a vulnerable position here since I don't remember a lot of what happened that night (and neither does my buddy). I'm calling on all you "ladies men" out there for advice!

P.S. would like to get some advice from the women here in the forum as well.

**musclestack** · 09-29-2013, 11:44 AM

P.S. Before all this, we would usually text each other an average of twice a week.

**austinite** · 09-29-2013, 11:54 AM

lol. Wow man....

1. You have no right to be upset that she left the bar with her friends.
2. You screwed up, should have fukked that broad like there's no tomorrow.
3. She is no longer interested, let it go.

**DAAS** · 09-29-2013, 11:56 AM

Just briefly skimmed through this, maybe she doesnt have the same "crush" like feelings for you. She might just want you as a friend she can hang out with when she wants and occasionally ****. You should have ****ed her. Last time she probably seemed like she didnt think it was a good idea to do that as a way to keep you from taking it as a sign she wanted to date you. Like she really wanted to have sex with you but didnt want you to think you guys should date so she acted like she regretted it.

**austinite** · 09-29-2013, 11:58 AM

Too clingy with all the calls and text messages. No one likes that. That'll turn anyone off, male or female. Leave them alone and they will come. Not this one though, it's too late.

**musclestack** · 09-29-2013, 12:15 PM

Not really the advice I was looking for Austintine, although I appreciate it. I need to try and fix it. However much you don't feel this will work, I need you to advise me. I know at some point she's going to text; she'll eventually hate not talking to me anymore. I just need to know what to do when this happens? How should I act? Ask her if she wants to get together?

Knowing that at some point she's going to text me, I think I'll just sit back and wait for it.

Please guys, help me out. I know before Saturday, she was giving serious thought to a relationship. I don't want to just ****her and that's it. I can do that with other girls. If it were you, and you really wanted this girl and not give up or say "it's too late", what would you personally do?

**musclestack** · 09-29-2013, 12:19 PM

I can agree with you Austintine, that I had no right to be upset with her. But do you think it's rational for her to be upset with me for this long for being drunk?

**--->>405<<---** · 09-29-2013, 12:21 PM

dude u sounds like a school girl with an 8th grade crush.. personally im turned off by reading that long explanation and as austin said "clingy" texting and apologizing and calling.. grow some ****ing balls man.. let it go and find another one.. there are plenty of other girls even hotter out there.. u said u dont want to be a chaser.. too late! u already are..

and why would u apologize twice for being drunk at a bar??

really i wouldnt apologize at all unless she brought it up and even then id have to evaluate the situation.. it looks like u were fishing too hard.. it seems ur the dumb ass that wouldnt let it go..

p.s. (

)

**austinite** · 09-29-2013, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by musclestack

I can agree with you Austintine, that I had no right to be upset with her. But do you think it's rational for her to be upset with me for this long for being drunk?

Well, most broads have an on/off switch. Once it's turned off, you'll need a miracle. She's not thinking of you and her mind is completely elsewhere. Per your statement, she is not upset, she just decided to move on from this.

Sucks to hear, I know.

**musclestack** · 09-29-2013, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by austinite

Well, most broads have an on/off switch. Once it's turned off, you'll need a miracle. She's not thinking of you and her mind is completely elsewhere. Per your statement, she is not upset, she just decided to move on from this.

Sucks to hear, I know.

Yea, it sucks, but like I said, I know she's going to text at some point. She IS going to want back in my life, there's no doubt. All I need to know is what to do to to turn her switch back on.

**austinite** · 09-29-2013, 12:38 PM

Originally Posted by musclestack

Yea, it sucks, but like I said, I know she's going to text at some point. She IS going to want back in my life, there's no doubt. All I need to know is what to do to to turn her switch back on.

You're out of order, man. Pulling her away from friends, constantly apologizing, texting nonstop, calling her repeatedly, confident and confirming that she want back in your life....

Restraining order comes to mind here. You seem hotblooded and potentially damaging to yourself and others. You might consider therapy. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you need to read what you're typing very carefully and see what I'm seeing.

**--->>405<<---** · 09-29-2013, 12:49 PM

Originally Posted by musclestack

Yea, it sucks, but like I said, I know she's going to text at some point. She IS going to want back in my life, there's no doubt. All I need to know is what to do to to turn her switch back on.

SMH.. whoa dude..

get over it! thats the best thing u can do. there are a couple BILLION other women out there.. whats wrong with you??

back in my life.. LOL.. smh

**Brett N** · 09-29-2013, 12:54 PM

One question you need to ask yourself musclestack...

Do you want someone to tell you the truth or are you just looking for someone to agree with what you think?

Most who ask thoughts from others are just wishing upon a star that they find just one guy to agree with them.

My advice, move on to the next girl. Quit trying to find someone to get serious with and just enjoy living. If this girl was for you, it would of already happened without hesitation. Finding the perfect girl is not a 4 year process of bullshit drunk cat and mouse games. That's not how it works. She wanted you to bang her, you wanted more. It's over. If you don't see it that clearly, you need to take off your rose colored glasses.

**musclestack** · 09-29-2013, 12:57 PM

Maybe I wasn't explaining myself very clearly. I don't cling all over her; we've just managed to stay in touch with each other constantly while I was overseas. I never call her. And she texts me WAY more than I text her. And I only apologized for being drunk and an idiot when her attitude changed. I knew she wasn't happy about it, even when she says its 'ok'.

I realize I'm coming off as some kind of 'stalker' in my post, but I would really just like to see where it goes with this girl. If, in the end, it doesn't work out, then so be it. But of she isn't angry about it, then why would she be avoiding me after 3 years of texting me, sometimes on a daily basis?

**austinite** · 09-29-2013, 01:04 PM

We're not talking about the last 3 years. You've been clingy "lately". And guess what broads think ALL THE TIME? The same thing that a smart boss thinks about his employees... "What have you done for me LATELY".

If you don't have longevity in a relationship, it's all about recent events. There's no long term memories to be at the stage of "Choose your battles", it's about moving on at this stage.

**Brett N** · 09-29-2013, 01:09 PM

Long distance relationships are great because you only remember the best things about each other and you only talk to each other for a few great minutes at a time. Sometimes when you get back together, feelings can change . Things aren't always as good as they might be remembered. I got back with my ex wife after 2 years of divorce and no contact. After only a couple weeks I realized that nothing had changed and I needed her to stay out of my life indefinitely.

It sounds like you have made this thread to find someone to agree with you though. If you think you have a chance in hell...Act like she doesn't exist until she makes the move to contact you!!! Once she contacts you, act aloof. Don't tell her you've been thinking of her, don't say you have been wondering what she was doing, don't say you miss her, quit apologizing for things you did drunk (we all do dumb shit drunk, you're no different) and do not offer up any ideas about meeting or getting together. If she suggests meeting for such and such...tell her you have plans that day but you might have some time the following week.

Do you get what I am saying? You won't get her by pursuing her, make her chase you. Make it seem like your time has more value so she wants it more.

**Hazard** · 09-29-2013, 01:35 PM

I didn't read your full post and I've only read bits as pieces of replies......

Based on what I read it sounds like you're controlling and you pushed her away by being too aggressive.

If there is any shot in hell at you getting her back...... It'll be by you letting go and seeing if she texts you. If she does..... There's your chance to not fvck it up with the same attitude. If she doesn't...... Then you need to let it go. Nothing on this earth, short of winning the lottery, will get you back into her good graces.

Assuming she texts you...... You need to play it cool. You need to remember that you're the catch here..... But you need to lightly make her feel like it. You don't want to put the pvssy on the pedestal. Let her think you can take her or leave her. After all...... There's a million other women out there. Don't respond to her text right away. I'm sure you were doing this before..... So it'll be an eye opening change. If she wants to make a plan...... Tell her you fvcking can't. Atleast not on that night...... Push it off for anyday AFTER the one she wants.

When you go out with her don't be looking around at guys checking her out. Be attentive to her..... Listen when she talks..... An don't be over eager. Don't ask her out again..... Let her go home without knowing what tomorrow will bring.

If you keep listening to yourself you'll still have one foot in the grave. The way you are going about this CLEARLY isn't working.

**musclestack** · 09-29-2013, 01:45 PM

Thanks Brett. That's more along the lines of what I was looking for.

But after re-reading everything that everyone has said, I'm just going to forget about it. F*** it.

My next question was going to be: "What should I do when she texts me? How do I handle it?" But I think you answered my question Brett.

Thanks for all the replies guys, even the harsh ones lol. We'll see how it turns out, bit I'm going to take Brett's advice and not pursue it at all. If she wants to be around, she'll let me know.

**musclestack** · 09-29-2013, 02:13 PM

Thanks Hazard. Basically the same thing Brett said. And that's what I'm going to do.

To be clear, up until last Saturday, I HAVE been playing it 'cool'. Even when living abroad, she was usually always the one who texted me. And I would usually always wait about 10-15 min to respond to all of her texts...not to play games, but just because I in fact did have other things going on. And she Knows that I never take my phone to the gym also...training always takes priority lol! Yes, I was drunk and acting like a fool for that one night. I only apologized after I realized she was 'avoiding' me as her demeanor changed so I thought I did something to offend her.

Good stuff guys. I'm going to leave it alone on my end and when she texts me eventually (and she will at some point), I'll take Brett's and Hazard's advice.

**Brett N** · 09-29-2013, 02:18 PM

Good luck. That perfect chick is right around the corner, you just need to find out which corner it is.

**Lunk1** · 09-29-2013, 02:23 PM

Should have banged her the first night. Enjoy the friend zone!

**Cuz** · 09-29-2013, 02:28 PM

Im glad I don't have to go through this shit anymore. Good luck bro.

**Mp859** · 09-29-2013, 02:52 PM

Why do people look for relationship advice on a steroid forum.

You should of layed pipe and you didn't. Move on to the next one.

**musclestack** · 09-29-2013, 04:12 PM

Originally Posted by Lunk1

Should have banged her the first night. Enjoy the friend zone!

Think I got out of the friend zone after the last time I f***ed her. And I don't see this girl as a bang her and leave her type of girl. She was drunk that night and I decided not to take advantage of her. If she wants a 'friends with benefits' type of relationship, then I'm not interested anyway. Not with this girl at least.

**Lunk1** · 09-29-2013, 04:32 PM

Originally Posted by musclestack

Think I got out of the friend zone after the last time I f***ed her. And I don't see this girl as a bang her and leave her type of girl. She was drunk that night and I decided not to take advantage of her. If she wants a 'friends with benefits' type of relationship, then I'm not interested anyway. Not with this girl at least.

Drunk or not she wanted sex. If she needed alcohol for an excuse or to lower her inhibitions then that's her choice. You failed to deliver and basically turned her down. You can play the "good guy" all you want but she didn't want a "good guy", she wanted laid!

**Rwy** · 09-29-2013, 06:32 PM

I must be a dirt bag because never in my life have I ever passed on banging a girl because she is drunk. If she is messy and falling all over herself then I would pass. IMO being the good guy is redesigning the vagina and showing her no one delivers the meat like me.........and then stick a finger in her ass

**Rwy** · 09-29-2013, 06:32 PM

Originally Posted by chadcuz1985

Im glad I don't have to go through this shit anymore. Good luck bro.

You like to put yourself in the friend zone also?

**Bert** · 09-29-2013, 07:31 PM

Originally Posted by Rwy

I must be a dirt bag because never in my life have I ever passed on banging a girl because she is drunk. If she is messy and falling all over herself then I would pass. IMO being the good guy is redesigning the vagina and showing her no one delivers the meat like me.........and then stick a finger in her ass

Nice guy.

**Hoggage_54** · 09-29-2013, 07:46 PM

**Honkey_Kong** · 09-30-2013, 04:10 AM

Originally Posted by musclestack

Yea, it sucks, but like I said, I know she's going to text at some point. She IS going to want back in my life, there's no doubt. All I need to know is what to do to to turn her switch back on.

The only way you're going to get her back is to get a lot of money and make her an offer she can't refuse.

**Capebuffalo** · 09-30-2013, 06:25 AM

How old are you?

Let it go it's over.

**Othello** · 09-30-2013, 07:31 AM

from my experience, you need to get her space mate...IF she decides to text u, text back...stay cool...let her take the initiative but put it in your mind there is a thin chance of this happening. thats 1.

2- next time you are given a chance, take off the gentleman hat please...it never served shit...especially with her in your bed and her pants OFF... just bang bang bang...she should be the one with afterthoughts not you mate.

3- easy on the multiple textos and stuff...play the mystery card. let her run after you... let her wonder if you are still interested, if you got another girl etc...so when u get a texto, DO NOT REPLY ASAP. give it time...an hour, two, a day even if you can control yourself. be casual about it. DO NOT TRY TO INSTIGATE THAT first sms man...been there, done that a zillion times...never helps... you need to have her on the questioning end. you need to have her wondering why what who etc...NOT YOU.

women are complex and simple at the same time...sometimes by over analyzing them we f**ck up... just take it as it is... do not go into analysis paralysis mode...you'll screw yrself up.

so to sum up.
1) put it in your mind she has moved on. if she hasnt it will be a good surprise, if she really has, you would have anticipated this.

2) easy on the possessive/controling part. give her as much room as she needs...let her do the wondering and the questioning not you.

3) if she does sms, give yourself time to reply. trust me this will be the deal closer. the more thought she gives the less she takes you for granted, the more she will want to get you...

as for the drunk event, just put it aside. NO MORE aplologies. you have done enough. had you abused her in a way, id have said send her flowers and let it be...but you have not so no need to flog yourself. its done its gone. drop it.

**Bert** · 09-30-2013, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by Capebuffalo

How old are you?

Let it go it's over.

Some cant'

**Capebuffalo** · 09-30-2013, 07:37 AM

Originally Posted by Hoggage_54

You got an address? And did you leave the door unlocked when you left? A window maybe?

**Shol'va** · 09-30-2013, 10:38 AM

[QUOTE=--->>405<<---;6688124]SMH.. whoa dude..

get over it! thats the best thing u can do. there are a couple BILLION other women out there.. not to mention several million men as well so you have choices, lots of them....

**Shinalynn** · 09-30-2013, 08:54 PM

yall are HORRIBLE!! You have been over seas for 3 years.. and attention from the opposite sex is attention, she wasnt giving you good attention so you went for the bad. If the two of you were as close as you say you are, and IF the two of you go as far back as you say you do, you wouldnt be on this forum asking for advise bc you would already know what to do. Since you are on here, maybe you need to reevaluate your situation.

**Honkey_Kong** · 09-30-2013, 09:05 PM

OP, I think you should keep calling her. Smother her with interest and care, chicks dig that. Come on here and tell us what happens.

**GirlyGymRat** · 09-30-2013, 09:29 PM

Musclestack.

she's just not that into you. she wasn't 3 years back and she still isn't. I think you already know this, but it's hard to accept. don't worry....there is another gal that will be better suited for you.

sometimes it is harder to see when it deals with your own heart.

don't hate on me now, you asked for female input.