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  1. #1
    Kärnfysikern's Avatar
    Kärnfysikern is offline Retired: AR-Hall of Famer
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    Overcoming shyness??

    When Im alone with someone Im usualy a very chatty and nice fellow. I almost never run out of things to talk about.

    But when Im with a group of people that I dont know, or dont know very good I usualy become very shy and ususaly just sits, observes and listen. Its very anoying because then people get the idea that Im a boring kind of guy when Im realy the opposit. Not even when Im drunk do I function properly around groups of people I dont know so good.

    Does anyone know any good way of overcoming this? I have suffered from social fobi thats now slowely disapering so that is a big part of it. When it was at its worst I would get all sweaty and nervous about just beeing forced to talk to store clercs or similiar if I needed to buy something. Thats all gone now, but situations where Im going to have to be decently social around lost of people I dont know still scares me
    Going to move soon to a town where I dont know anyone to start college there. I guess that will teach me to overcome it, but I still would like to get a better grip on it before I move otherwise it can become very unplesant for awhile.

  2. #2
    clockworks's Avatar
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    yeah, i got the same prob: great one on one, really quiet in groups that i don't know well. dunno what to tell ya, i just consider it a part of my personality...=)

    -- clocky baby

    Quote Originally Posted by johan
    When Im alone with someone Im usualy a very chatty and nice fellow. I almost never run out of things to talk about.

    But when Im with a group of people that I dont know, or dont know very good I usualy become very shy and ususaly just sits, observes and listen. Its very anoying because then people get the idea that Im a boring kind of guy when Im realy the opposit. Not even when Im drunk do I function properly around groups of people I dont know so good.

    Does anyone know any good way of overcoming this? I have suffered from social fobi thats now slowely disapering so that is a big part of it. When it was at its worst I would get all sweaty and nervous about just beeing forced to talk to store clercs or similiar if I needed to buy something. Thats all gone now, but situations where Im going to have to be decently social around lost of people I dont know still scares me
    Going to move soon to a town where I dont know anyone to start college there. I guess that will teach me to overcome it, but I still would like to get a better grip on it before I move otherwise it can become very unplesant for awhile.

  3. #3
    LORDBLiTZ Guest
    Yeah, i was like that a long time ago. I just started to pull my dick out in situations like that. It's a great ice breaker.

  4. #4
    symatech's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LORDBLiTZ
    Yeah, i was like that a long time ago. I just started to pull my dick out in situations like that. It's a great ice breaker.
    cant argue with that.

  5. #5
    Terinox's Avatar
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    Man I sure would like to know the trick to this too!!!!!!!!

    Fuck I'm just as bad! When I was younger, like in Highschool, I was like that too, very nervous in public places, and still i get a bit nervous if there are a LOT of people, like going to a mall in a busy place, but it's almost on a depends basis. I can sometimes go with friends and I'll be fine, but other days, it almost seems like people are staring at me, and I get kind a freaked out feeling.

    It has gotten MUCH better, I can pretty much talk very well, even with people I kinda don't know, going to stores/offices are much better. But STILL sometimes I might try to avoid a situation or two if I can. I guess univ. and having this 50hrs a week job is helping out. I can usually talk to adults fine too. The MAIN problem is people my own age, and ESPECIALLY girls. My God, I nearly shit my pants around them. But it also depends who it is, I get sweaty, and start losing my voice sometimes, and my eyes tend to water a lot too!!!

    FAAAAAAAAAAAK!!!

  6. #6
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    As shitty as the advice might sound I think the only way to overcome shyness is to slowly but surely be more open and just forget about what people might think about what you say. Just talk! Most people really don't have much interesting things to say, it is usually all small talk in groups anyways. How often is a conversation serious or meaningful in big groups. You say you have one on one down good, and I think that is more important anyway... Relationships grow on a one on one basis, not usually in groups ya know...

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by LORDBLiTZ
    Yeah, i was like that a long time ago. I just started to pull my dick out in situations like that. It's a great ice breaker.
    lol ill have to try that next time im around some strangers.....

  8. #8
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    WOW guess Im not the only one this happens to I think I will always be shy in a group of people unless I get drunk then I lighten up a little but not much

  9. #9
    Kärnfysikern's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Terinox
    The MAIN problem is people my own age, and ESPECIALLY girls. My God, I nearly shit my pants around them. But it also depends who it is, I get sweaty, and start losing my voice sometimes, and my eyes tend to water a lot too!!!

    FAAAAAAAAAAAK!!!
    Ahh the damn girls!! They are always the tricky ones blah.

    Bimbamboom your right, the problem is to get one on one with people especialy girls if shy around crowds and groups .
    All my date so far I have gotten through internet and its getting kind of old

  10. #10
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    Well, you will only get good at it through experience, forget how you get there ( be it the internet or in person ). You will only learn how to feel comfortable with girls by being around them more. I suggest you form friendships with girls you arent sexually attracted to, as this will help you break the akwardness of what to say to a girl that you would pursue sexually. I feel that if you are not interested in a girl sexually it is much easier to be yourself around that girl. Who knows, as soon as you have practice with girls like this and you form friendships with them you can get in with their friends that you do want... haha

  11. #11
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    i am very shy when it comes to meeting girls (that i like or might like), but on ANY other occasion, friends, girl i like that i already know, or even just one on one, i am the LEAST bit shy.i think ur way to worried of what other people might think of u. u have to be more confident in urself and most importantly, be yourself!

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by clockworks
    yeah, i got the same prob: great one on one, really quiet in groups that i don't know well. dunno what to tell ya, i just consider it a part of my personality...=)

    -- clocky baby
    I am the same way bro, I just figured in the end it was part of who I was. Some people are born bullshitters, and other people like real conversations. Persoanly I cant stand most people, matter of fact! alot of people get on my fuking nerves.

    Oh well, a few drinks to start up the night never hurt anybody. Sux if your a alcoholic though.


    just except yourself for who you are and say fuk it!~

  13. #13
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    shit thats easy man you are all that and a bag of chips!! just get out there crack a joke or like LORDBLiTZ said just wip the cock out im sure it is a great conversation peice!

    You just have to pretend your cool and be nice and everyone will like you. When around girls you gotta touch one then it makes all the others jealous and they want you instantly... remeber first impressions last a lifetime!

  14. #14
    peam's Avatar
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    I'm with ya abstrack..... I'm quiet around lots of people but it's mostly just because I don't want to talk. It's not like I'm sitting there trying to get a word in. A lot of people I meet just don't seem worth my time. Why have a relationship if it's not meaningful? I don't need a bunch of fake people to hang out with if they won't be there when I need them.

  15. #15
    lloyd_cannon's Avatar
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    no flame peam but why cant you have both i mean make some people feel good because they had a good time its shouldnt be all about yourself

  16. #16
    lloyd_cannon's Avatar
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    if people are in a tight group and you want in just run and take out the whole group! then when regroup occurs guess what your in it. Or you can pretend to get in to a dramatic soap opera love affair fight with one of the girls. I dont really have trouble with this though i used to now people see me and their like "hey whats up lloyd get your ass over here"

  17. #17
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    Let me stress that I believe one on one relationships are far more important than being the "cool guy" of any group. One on one relationships is what life is really all about. I believe Johans referring to it being hard for him to be collected when such events occur in which he is in a large group. It is hard to be yourself somtimes in big group, and I think that taking small steps to help better his self esteem by "practicing" being more open will , in the end, help him grow out of that fear. So just try finding things in common with people and that could be your ice breaker. You already have the listening part down, so just sit back pay attention to what you are hearing. By doing so you will know the person you wish to meet before they even know you. ( this also helps filter out assholes before you even have to deal with them, haha)


    I sit back and pay attention to people and how they interact with others before I ever talk to them, it gives me an idea of how that person is before I even speak one word to them....

    excuse me for rambling, ill shut up now... haha

  18. #18
    peam's Avatar
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    I didn't mean for it to sound like it's all about myself. I'm a complicated person. So, I guess there's a LOT more to it than what I said. I don't to be around fake people.... because I don't like them. I want everyone to be themself and never have a problem with what people think of them. I definitly am always there when my friends need me... and them for me... so I don't know. It would be nice to just be able to kick it with whoever and not really care who they are..... maybe I'm too shy for that. yeah... see.. I confuse myself.

  19. #19
    Kärnfysikern's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BimBamBoom
    Let me stress that I believe one on one relationships are far more important than being the "cool guy" of any group. One on one relationships is what life is really all about. I believe Johans referring to it being hard for him to be collected when such events occur in which he is in a large group. It is hard to be yourself somtimes in big group, and I think that taking small steps to help better his self esteem by "practicing" being more open will , in the end, help him grow out of that fear. So just try finding things in common with people and that could be your ice breaker. You already have the listening part down, so just sit back pay attention to what you are hearing. By doing so you will know the person you wish to meet before they even know you. ( this also helps filter out assholes before you even have to deal with them, haha)


    I sit back and pay attention to people and how they interact with others before I ever talk to them, it gives me an idea of how that person is before I even speak one word to them....

    excuse me for rambling, ill shut up now... haha
    That sounds like a very good way!

    Lots of great advices in this thread. Thanks!!

    Im going to do everything possible to get over this anoying shyness asap. Going to start talking to people I dont know every chanse I get. Especialy females.
    Your all right, I think way to much about what people will think about me.

  20. #20
    abstrack's Avatar
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    If your more concerned with the females, than just talk to them and ask one out. If she says no?? who cares!! move on to the next with confidence. If you get shut down, it kind of makes it easier the next time because you get use to it and sometimes shit will suprise you and the girl will not shut you down

  21. #21
    palme's Avatar
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    I guess we hafto put you on testosterone all year round Johan

  22. #22
    Kärnfysikern's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by palme
    I guess we hafto put you on testosterone all year round Johan
    Not a bad idea palme

  23. #23
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    the easiest way is, to forget about every one else, theri opinions, looks, the way they talk...etc, just be yourself, and try to feel like you are in your own house where you feel comftroble, dont take of your cothes though...it seems the more i observe people, the more frustrated i become, when i was younger 12-14, i had a bunch of friends and was the "cool" kid just because i didnt give a shit about any one else, girls loved me and guys wanted to be my friends, so now i will try to do the same thing, just be myself around the crowd.

  24. #24
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    I'm the same way, worst part is I act like a real moron with all the hot chicks that approach me, I tense up and don't know how to be or how to stand around people I don't know or am not confurtable with....It has been the biggest problem for me to overcome this issue, I was prescribed Celexa, as my doctor diagnosed me with socio phobia, yet I could not stand the side effects, so I stopped!

    I try every day to work this issue, with no luck, although I improve, sadly, it will always be part of me...

    Nice thread, good to know I'm not alone...

  25. #25
    Tock's Avatar
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    Look at it this way . . .
    You're a good conversationalist with one or two people because you have something interesting to chat about. When you get with larger groups, the topic up for discussion is usually not particularly interesting, so if you don't have something to contribute to the conversation, you're doing the smart thing and not saying anything at all, which will reflect well on your character. Chances are most of the people in the group will be as bored with the discussion as you are, and most will be silent as well.

    My advice . . . don't worry about it. Conversations in groups tend to either
    (1) descend to the lowest common denominator (in which case you may demean yourself by joining in) or be
    (2) monopolized by some sort of egomaniac (in which case, again, you may demean yourself by joining in).
    You'll discover that the quality of a conversation is often inversely proportional to the number of people involved in it.
    Trust what you feel about the groups you get involved with . . . ignore those that bore you, and stick with the ones that interest you. After a while you'll figure all this out and it won't be a concern . . .

  26. #26
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    Think of it this way.. chances are, the person who you are talking to or want to talk to is most likely feeling the same way you are. I'm no social animal, in fact im the kinda guy that sits around when i'm with a group of people that i don't know, but i've gotten better over the years and i continue to get better everyday. One way that has helped me a lot is working in places where i HAVE to talk to strangers ie. resturants and sales.

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