going to sleep is the hardest thing for me to do.. massive anxiety. I'm afraid of the dreams I'm going to have and the things my mind is going to see.. thankfully I have not gotten sleep paralysis in awhile. I used to wake up in the middle of the night but I couldn't move at all , my body was totally frozen and stuck,, and then this dark entity would enter my room and torture my soul. . if I could just get my toe or fingers or something to move it would unlock me and then I could summon the dark spirit to go away.
crazy shit.
I hate sleep. I want to be alert and mindful of everything around me all the time at all times.. and sleep makes me vulnerable.
my wife was sitting outside with me yesterday, and a military plane flew over head and she pointed it out like "wow its been so quiet" and she sees the plane .. and I pointed out to her that was the 26th plane of the day thats flown over our house just this day alone , and you only notice one. lol .. I see and pay attention to everything around me.
thats probably why I have such bad anxiety . I can't shut my brain off ... where as my wife , she is just a "sheep" , not a shepherd .. she falls asleep in 2 minutes and sleeps 8 hours without a worry . while I'm up all night struggling to pay attention to life and everything around me and constantly thinking and seeing visions.
some days I just want to be a sheep.
but good news is , look what I got for my birthday
