Narkissos: Performance Nutrition 101

NarkSide: Captain’s log – April 28th 2012

Warning: if you’re easily offended (or have woken up this morning with sand in your internet-vagina), this rant is not for your tender eyes cupcake.

/end disclaimer

That said:

img src: zonepublik.com

“I am here to sell *****…not to talk ****,” I heard a prostitute say at a strip-club once. (By the way, this rough colloquialism loosely translate to: “I’m here to provide sexual favours…not to waste time with idle bullshit”.)

Whores, ladies of the night, prozzies, prostitutes…or whatever you want to call ‘em – these are some hard-working women. “What’s so hard about spreading your legs Nark?” While I wouldn’t know how to answer that personally (even though I do happen to be a spreader of lady’s legs as well), I can say: it can’t be easy. Come rain or shine, these women are out on the corners plying their trade. Despite the risk of mortality, arrest, and character defamation, these women are finding their butts out there making their quota…no excuses.

img src: wherepeacocksdare.blogspot.com

“What the hell does that have to do with me Nark?” In my honest opinion? Everything!
How many times have you decided “I’m not going to the gym because of [*insert insignificant, whiny, bitch-assed excuse here*]?”

How many times have you had to re-start a fitness plan because you could not muster the dedication to stick with it?

“I’m a mother so [*insert bullshit excuse that has ****-all to do with motherhood*].”

If you’re the average gym-goer, I’d fathom that you’ve done either (or maybe all) of the above more times than you can count. If you’re a regular (time-wasting) user of facebook, youtube, and/or twitter, I’d fathom that you’re doing it right ****ing now. No time for the gym, but you’re watching videos of laughing babies right now…aren’t you?

*Pauses to give each of you “the look”*

img src: troll.me

Continuing…
Clearly, if what you have been doing thus far fitness-wise hasn’t been working, it MUST be time for a change.

~ ENTER WHORE MODE! ~

On the NarkSide (www.GetNarked.net), we toss the word ‘whore’ around a lot. Much like in this article, we don’t mean it in a derogatory manner. Much to the contrary, we use it as a suffix…attaching the ‘hustling’ mindset to multiple areas of existence. I suggest that you do too: adopt the mentality.

• Be a cardio-whore: make your aerobic quota.

• Be a gym-slut: no time for excuses.

Don’t just try to meet your goals. No… I want you to **** ‘EM TIL THEIR KNEES GET WEAK, and then move on to the next one.

C’mon… Grow a pair.

img src: tom-yum-addiction.blogspot.com

Your brother in fitness,
-C. “Narkissos” Springer
Owner of:
“The NarkSide” Fitness Forums
Apollo Fitness Barbados
NarkSide Apparel