chuck NORRIS

[swizole]

tell me this bros, Have any of ya'll heard about chuck norris beating bruce lee in a fight. I heard that it was true, dont kill me; just wanting to know if anyone else ever heard this. It sounds kinda far fetched

[sonar1234]

Chuck was the shit back in the 70 in full contact karate, i would not be surprised if that was real.

But Chuck did get beat by Billy Superfoot Wallace, shame cause he is another martial arts legend and we never eard about him

[swizole]

no doubt, I think I have heard of him, man you seen any of chuck's old flicks? He looked funny as shit with no beard, huge side burns, and nappy ass hair. Cracked me up, but dude was serious!

[hardgainer12]

bruce lee was a bad dude tho! Anyone read his book!? Dude is crazy!!

W/O a total body fitness gym

[swizole]

haha, good one. "****ing Chuck Norris." -Ben Stiller in dodge ball

[Billy_Bathgate]

chuck norris doesnt sleep....he waits.

[Sharky72]

I'll tell you this much. Super foot Bill Wallace and Joe Lewis were badd ass back in the day and Chuck was right there with them. He may not be Al Pacino, but he's not a Van damm. I think Bruce was like a modern day Gomi IMO

[DizzyBoy]

Gomi would smoke Lee... LOL Gomi = certified bad ass...

[sooners04]

Bill Superfoot Wallace was the baddest of all the PKA fighters, undefeated I beleive. His left leg was clocked at 60mph!!!

[AnabolicAndre]

dude chuck is totally in dogeball at the end he is one of the panels of judges, I watched it last night and was so happy

[WHOADY4SHOADY]

Chuck's tears cure cancer, to bad hes never cried.

[Cleaner13]

from what Ive read, Bruce hasnt ever lost a fight in his entire life.... I look up to him alot, with that said, I should also consider the source, which I think was from either one of his friends or books, but I really dont think it could have happened, Bruce is a machine..

with that said


- When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake he doesn’t get wet the water gets Chuck Norris'd.
- Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
- When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
- Chuck Norris is on first name basis with Mr-T.
- it takes forty-four muscles for Chuck Norris to smile, but only two to destroy an orphanage.
- Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection.There were no Survivors.
- When Chuck Norris had his first wet dream, his neighbours drowned.
- When Chuck Norrisl was born, the nurse said, “Holy crap! That’s Chuck Norrisl!”Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- The eternal conundrum “what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object” was finally solved when Chuck Norrisl punched himself in the face.
- You are what you eat. That is why Chuck Norri’s diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
- Chuck Norris ripped out of all Charlie Brown’s hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he’d come back to eat him.
- Chuck Norris was the hunter who shot Bambi’s Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children’s hospital.
- Chuck Norris was originally cast as Aragorn in Lord of the Rings. He was fired for eating the Hobbits between takes and making Orlando Bloom his bitch.
- Geeks didn’t invent the internet, Chuck Norris did, and WWW doesn’t stand for WORLD WIDE WEB, it stands for WORLD WIDE WAR.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t break wind: he destroys it.
- Chuck Norris pours Tobasco Sauce down the throats of bald eagles and smokes them.
- The grass is greener on the other side except for when Chuck Norris stands on it, then it’s bloody.
- Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
- There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property
- Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
- God wanted 10 days to create the world. Chuck Norris gave him 6.
- Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas
- Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
- Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly
- Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by pointing at her and saying “boo-ya”
- Chuck Norris kills 14 white people at the end of every week just to prove he isn’t racist.
- Chuck Norris likes to “knit sweaters” in his spare time, and by “knit” I mean “kick”, and by “sweaters” I mean “babies”.
- Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes so he can “accidentally” roundhouse kick kids in the neck.
- chuck norris lost his viginity before his dad did
- Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shower. Dirt is too scared to touch him.
- 150,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris related accidents every year.
- Chuck Norris isn’t cool, cool models itself after Chuck Norris.
- When someone sneezes, God says Chuck Bless you.
- Chuck Norris knows the secret to world peace, He just thinks its more fun to kill people
- Someone once told Chuck Norris his hair looked good. He roundhouse kicked him in the face and told him that he made the hair look good.
- The only child ever to survive a roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris was Gary Coleman. He has not grown since.
- Bush started the Iraq war, but only because Chuck told him to.
- the true story of how the ninja turtles came into existence is that chuck norris
ate a live turtle!.. when he shit, the turtle was now 6 ft tall and a master in
martial arts!!!!!!
- Chuck Norris doesnt lose his virginity. he takes yours.
- the last person to survive a roundhouse kick by chuck norris was michael
jackson. then he turned white.
- When Chuck Norris was in elementary school, he had to write an assay on
"courage". He wrote two words; "Chuck Norris".
- Chuck Norris can rhyme a word with "orange". The word means "roundhouse kick" in
badass.
- Chuck Norris is the only man to have played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded
gun and win.
- on walker texas ranger… chuck norris’s partner isn’t black.. he’s bruised

1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. But he is so badass, he has never cried. Ever.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
8. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Indian.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
12. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
13. Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.
14. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
15. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.
16. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
17. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
18. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
19. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
20. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
21. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
22. Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
23. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
24. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
25. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
26. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
27. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
28. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
29. The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
30. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
31. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
32. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
33. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
34. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
35. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
36. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris
37. Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
38. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.
39. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
40. If you say Chuck Norris’ name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.
41. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
42. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
43. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
44. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
45. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
46. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
47. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.
48. Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
49. As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
50. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

[sonar1234]

Man Chuck Norris truly is a god then if he did all of this

[scriptfactory]

When Chuck Norrisl was born, the nurse said, “Holy crap! That’s Chuck Norrisl!”Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

LMFAO!!!!!

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

That's messed up, but funny as hell!

[Cleaner13]

Im not sure if I listed it above, but they had one that i think is hilarious


Chuck norris once counted to infinity, twice!

[WEBB]

chuck norris once round house kicked the down syndrome out of a 14 yr old boy.

[grizzly_adams]

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE! YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't F**K with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.