This game and your mental state...

**gbrice75** · 09-29-2010, 05:39 PM

By the time you're through reading the first sentence, you'll wonder why I posted this in the diet section. Well, it's the only section people know me in, so sue me!

Seriously, if it's an issue then I ask that a mod move it for me.

I got to thinking today, and it's becoming clear to me why this 'thing' becomes such an obsession, why bodybuilders are never satisfied with what they have and always want more. I can only relate this to myself, so i'll tell you my story:

Just about 2 years ago, I was 255lbs and 7 months away from my wedding. I had been fat and out of shape for 10 years, and I'd had it! If ever there was a motivation to make a change, it was my wedding. I did NOT want to be that fat groom, squeezed into my tux and then have pictures on my wall forever in that state. No way!

I joined a gym and looked around. Great! Not a hardcore gym, just a good mix of people. Naturally I would compare myself to just about everybody I saw. At that point, my mentality was 'if I can just get thin, i'll be happy'. I would see guys in the gym who weren't big at all, really had no muscle tone or definition, but weren't fat - that was enough for me.

In a few short months, I was pretty much there. Needless to say, that wasn't enough. I wanted more! I started to zero in on guys who were small but had a bit of tone - guys that you could tell worked out, but only if they were in a tank top or something. That's what I wanted! 'God, if I could only have a bit of muscle tone, i'd be so happy!' was the new mindset.

Eventually, I got there too. Clearly that wasn't enough. I started setting my sights higher. I actually took notice of a dude who works in my company - stocky solid looking guy, decent v-tapered back, very evident that he works out even when wearing a t-shirt. 'Now THAT'S what I want!!! If I could get to that point, I couldn't imagine wanting more!'.

That brings me to present time. I'm in at least as good a shape as that guy, probably better to be completely honest. Am I happy? FVCK NO!!! I wanna be RIPPED. I want vascularity! I want separation and definition in every single muscle! I am concerned about muscles on my body that I never paid ANY attention to, tiny muscles in my back, legs became very important, rear delts, etc. And not only do i want to be ripped, but I want to be BIG. Big and ripped, that's the current goal.

This goal is going to take alot longer to achieve then a few short months. If we're being honest, it's possible I may never achieve what I have in mind, because my genetics simply might not be capable. And even if they were, if I achieved a build like a real bodybuilder... even people on this board like Fireguy or LB, would I be happy with it? Right now i'd say OF COURSE! But I'm willing to bet I would want more.

I'm realizing it's all relative to where you are in your current situation. I just thought it was interesting and wanted to share this. Let me know if you feel the same way!

**First6** · 09-29-2010, 06:09 PM

Hey Bro, We gotta talk about all this lookin at the guys. Seriously.
LOL I kid.

I can sooooo relate it's scary. I'm guessing a lot of guys will relate to that.
For me it wasn't a wedding it was just a trip to the beach. My wife and I went with two other couples and both of the other guys were in very good shape. Both were prob around 10-12%bf. I was the fat guy at my 30 or whatever %. That was it. I snapped. No more. I wanted thin! Then I wanted tone. Then..... you get the rest.

Great post Bro!

**UberSteroids** · 09-29-2010, 07:29 PM

Yeah man, I know exactly what you mean.

With me it is a little different as far as the reason "why" I am doing this.

It is strictly a psychological issue with me. When I was a kid I was a bit chubby, I would never go swim in the pool with other kids, I would never go dance etc. I was always concious of the way I looked, even though no one gave a sh!t.

Back then I had do damn idea about what to even do to start making changes. Then after years in 2005 I pretty much typed in the word "steroids " in google and started reading everything I could about them. Then I found this forum, registered, went straight to Steroid Cycle section and posted a question of "How much and when to take it". Hahaha!

Then I got flamed and received some solid responses that made me go and read all the stickies about diet and workout. So pretty much this is how it started. Till this day I never touched any anabolics and still getting myself ready for that first cycle naturally.

I accomplished a lot, pretty much all thanks to guys on this web site. I am definitely still not happy with myself, I don't think I ever will... as to the psychological issue from the years back, I still have it... maybe not to the same extent, but I am still concious of the way I look, quite above what you would descibe as "normal". I only hope that I will feel great and give myself a little credit when I finally reach that ultimate goal of 255Lbs @ 8%

Currently 6'3 234 @ 15%, long way to go, but there is no reason to stop now!

After I am finished with a medical school, I will prescribe all the test I want to myself, legally. Haha!

Good post mate!

**bigslick7878** · 09-29-2010, 08:51 PM

Working out is literally the only thing that keeps me sane in my current situation.

If I did not have it I would be a lost soul right now....

15% trying to get to 10-12%, what ever it takes. For example, I will be doing my second hour of cardio for the day in about an hour.

**Twist** · 09-29-2010, 11:11 PM

I like this thread. Wish everyone would share their experiences.

**Failure** · 09-30-2010, 01:24 AM

You know, your posts do inspire me because I seem to be following the same exact mindset and path as you that it's scary. Same weight, height, mistakes, it's weird.

That's all I do at the gym is look at other dudes that are all ripped and wish I was that skinny. I'm tired of getting off the treadmill to go get a paper towel to wipe it off and watching myself walk toward myself in the mirror and seeing the outlines of my fat gut and slanted bitch tits. I'm more than sure once I get there I will want more because that is how I am. It's how everyone is, not just having to do with bodybuilding. It's the same for money, cars, women, whatever drives you or whatever your passion is. It's just another aspect of us that makes us human.

And while we are on the subject, wipe your machine off. It's disgusting when I see people just walk away from it and not clean it.

**scotty51312** · 09-30-2010, 06:33 AM

GB i can totally relate. When i'm in the gym everything is a competition with me in my head. Ofcourse i don't act that way openly. I get super pissed when i see some guy smaller than me that can out bench press me or a guy that has the bicepts i want. Its my fuel for busting my ass. I joined the gym i'm at now a little over 2 years ago. Since then i've went from 240lbs at probably high 20's in bodyfat to 216 at 17%. I've put 2.5 inches on my chest, lost 7 inches on my waist and added an inch and a half to my arms. The only real satisfatcion i seem to get is when i see people i've passed up along the way. That and when people come to me for advice. Probably the reason i did my personal trainer certification. Thats the whole point we're never satisfied, if we were what would even drive us to maintain the muscle we had? Without the desire to always better ourselfs we fall into the abyss of mediocrity

**gbrice75** · 09-30-2010, 05:23 PM

Thanks all!

**Times Roman** · 09-30-2010, 06:01 PM

I think if they took all the mirrors away, it would be easier to be satisfied when we get to a relatively good physique

**gbrice75** · 09-30-2010, 06:03 PM

Originally Posted by Times Roman

I think if they took all the mirrors away, it would be easier to be satisfied when we get to a relatively good physique

Agreed... mirrors are the worst invention EVER! It's impossible for me to stay away from them though... and obviously in the gym you can't walk 2 feet without smacking into one.

**MACHINE5150** · 09-30-2010, 06:36 PM

haha.. you guys sound like a bunch of girls.. get rid of mirrors haha..

I can relate to this totally.. i have an obsession with being the biggest guy i can be.. and i am bigger now than i have ever been.. But now i want to be ripped.. and once i get ripped i know i will want to be bigger.. and the cycle continues

***t-gunz*** · 10-10-2010, 01:08 AM

i think most people are you in your shoes GB.

when i notice a change in my physic i am over the moon. next day im like dam. i need to do some more work.

**Damienm05** · 10-10-2010, 06:01 AM

Originally Posted by gbrice75

By the time you're through reading the first sentence, you'll wonder why I posted this in the diet section. Well, it's the only section people know me in, so sue me!

Seriously, if it's an issue then I ask that a mod move it for me.

I got to thinking today, and it's becoming clear to me why this 'thing' becomes such an obsession, why bodybuilders are never satisfied with what they have and always want more. I can only relate this to myself, so i'll tell you my story:

Just about 2 years ago, I was 255lbs and 7 months away from my wedding. I had been fat and out of shape for 10 years, and I'd had it! If ever there was a motivation to make a change, it was my wedding. I did NOT want to be that fat groom, squeezed into my tux and then have pictures on my wall forever in that state. No way!

I joined a gym and looked around. Great! Not a hardcore gym, just a good mix of people. Naturally I would compare myself to just about everybody I saw. At that point, my mentality was 'if I can just get thin, i'll be happy'. I would see guys in the gym who weren't big at all, really had no muscle tone or definition, but weren't fat - that was enough for me.

In a few short months, I was pretty much there. Needless to say, that wasn't enough. I wanted more! I started to zero in on guys who were small but had a bit of tone - guys that you could tell worked out, but only if they were in a tank top or something. That's what I wanted! 'God, if I could only have a bit of muscle tone, i'd be so happy!' was the new mindset.

Eventually, I got there too. Clearly that wasn't enough. I started setting my sights higher. I actually took notice of a dude who works in my company - stocky solid looking guy, decent v-tapered back, very evident that he works out even when wearing a t-shirt. 'Now THAT'S what I want!!! If I could get to that point, I couldn't imagine wanting more!'.

That brings me to present time. I'm in at least as good a shape as that guy, probably better to be completely honest. Am I happy? FVCK NO!!! I wanna be RIPPED. I want vascularity! I want separation and definition in every single muscle! I am concerned about muscles on my body that I never paid ANY attention to, tiny muscles in my back, legs became very important, rear delts, etc. And not only do i want to be ripped, but I want to be BIG. Big and ripped, that's the current goal.

This goal is going to take alot longer to achieve then a few short months. If we're being honest, it's possible I may never achieve what I have in mind, because my genetics simply might not be capable. And even if they were, if I achieved a build like a real bodybuilder... even people on this board like Fireguy or LB, would I be happy with it? Right now i'd say OF COURSE! But I'm willing to bet I would want more.

I'm realizing it's all relative to where you are in your current situation. I just thought it was interesting and wanted to share this. Let me know if you feel the same way!

All I can say is, "Yup, nail on the head."

The better my physique gets, it seems the more miserable I make myself and the more I dwell on what I'm lacking. Currently, my serratus muscles or lack thereof are causing me to lose sleep. 2 years ago, I would have been happy just to have decent pecs and now, I'm miserable with pretty damn good ones.
I'll tell you when I'm not miserable though: when I go out to clubs and bars and see all these other clowns who either don't workout or do half-assed but likely don't follow a decent program or diet. Even guys who are big still look bloated and disproportionate. When I get away from training with guys who've been in the game for 10+ years and reading threads here, I realize that I'm in the top 1% physique wise, and that makes all the misery, second guessing, nightmares that i cheated on my diet, etc worthwhile.

And yeah, mirrors suck except for when you're on AAS. Around week 4, I can make an evening of it.