Need relationship advise quick!

**flatscat** · 05-24-2010, 07:41 AM

Ok my good bro's I have a relationship question - I am good on my protocol, and am enjoying all the benfits of trt.

My problem is my wife. One of the reasons I started trt was that my libido had been almost gone for three or four years and I really didnt even know it. One day I woke up and realized what was happening and decided to make a change for myself and my wife.

Now all is great with me physically. I am like a teenager wanting sex all the time. I am more passionate, love my family harder and am more active in every aspect of my life.

But, my wife is not keeping up with me. I guess I just wanted her to throw a switch on and go back to how it was when we first got married. She is really getting aggrivated with me to the point of our relationship is worse now than it was when I was a slug. This has progressed over the last couple of years and I dont see her wanting to change. I will not go back to how I was before - I like the new me. She will not go see my doc, although I have asked many times for her to get here hormones checked. We are both in our early forties with the usuall three kids, two jobs, and all of the things that can be stressful. I am almost to the point of doing something I said I would never do, because I am craving someone to show me as much passion and caring as I am giving. She should know if can't get it at home, you could get it somewhere else. I cant believe I am saying this.

I don't think I can be the only one going through this - so any advise would be great.

Thanks,

Flats

**Dont wanna be old** · 05-24-2010, 08:03 AM

Kind of funny , I feel like this is something I would write .
Wife would rather kneel on frozen peas than make out with me .
Not sure all of your TRT meds . I have been on TRT 2 years .
I lowered my HCG a little and back off test 50mg when I feel my libido is overboard . It takes a little trial and error .

Just try not to let eyes wonder . I live in Detriot , next to Windsor where professional women are legal . I was thinking , Hmmm . A women with small hands would be a dream come true . LOL !

Good luck .
Dont wanna be old .

**flatscat** · 05-24-2010, 08:18 AM

Thanks bro - it is really frustrating - maybe she is getting me back for those years when we only had sex like two or three times -

**Bigdog99** · 05-24-2010, 08:59 AM

Kneel to frozen peas!!! lol

I have been married 10 years. I am at the point now that I'd rather jerk off than **** my wife......

**flatscat** · 05-24-2010, 09:12 AM

lmao - I am getting there and this is our tenth year.

**PPC** · 05-24-2010, 09:41 AM

Would your wife be open to reading some of Suzanne Somer's books? 'The Sexy Years' and Breakthrough' are good ones. The best book I have read regarding Women's hormones is 'The Natural Superwoman' by Dr Uzzi Reiss.

But...she's probably not going to go out and buy it if you tell her to. Somehow you have to leave it enticingly next to her bed table or maybe even in the bathroom when she's got nothing better to do other than pick it up. After the first couple of pages, she'll likely be intrigued.

This probably sounds crazy on a male forum, but as a woman, I can tell you, if you wrote a nice note with a couple of compliments on it along with the gift of that book, she may be open to reading it. Our minds think so differently.

I hear this over and over again, the frustration that occurs when one partner gets tuned up and the other is not interested in doing the same. It's hard. I got my health back through hormones and my husband started to go down hill just as I was feeling so much better. I gently persuaded him for two years before he was open to it, now he is feeling so much better and I am starting to see the man I married reemerge.

There is another book called, 'Love your husband, love yourself.' It has eleven chapters just on the health benefits of sex for a woman and reasons to do it even if you don't feel like it. It is written by a religous woman but I think it can be life changing for many couples if a woman would read it.

I hope you are not too uncomfortable with me replying to this as a female.

**flatscat** · 05-24-2010, 10:02 AM

Not at all - I appreciate your comments. Problem is she is the type that everything needs to be her idea, hell, I bought her a cosmo the other day and she got pissed because she though all I bought it for was so she could read how to please your husband. So, me leaving a book about hormones by the bed would be a disaster most likely.

I think I am focusing too much on her, I need to find something else to do/think about.

**Vettester** · 05-24-2010, 01:30 PM

Flats, this kind of goes beyond the typical HRT advise that I usually find myself giving, but I'll stick my neck out on a limb.

For starters, sorry you're going through this. This situation is definitely a department that can make and break a marriage.

My suggestion before taking a step out ... Do everything you can to have a heart-to-heart with her about what you're feeling. Tell her to give you 10 minutes on the floor without anything coming out of her mouth. Tell her straight up that the current state of your condition makes you feel like a 20 year old again, and that there's nothing wrong with that. Tell her to remember back to the times when she also had that passion, so she knows the validity of it.

Loss of libidio, menopause, andropause , lethargic demeanor, it's all a normal course that the body has been programmed with for thousands of generations. She can be the fortunate 1st generation of her family genetic disposition to actually reverse many of the side effects by exploring the potentials of bio-identical hormone replacement. Ask her if she thinks it's just a fluke with you. Also ask her to at least research, but prefer to see a consultant. (just make sure you get one that knows their shiat, you got one shot). Ask her to weigh out the pros & cons. The only cons are going to be cost and time consumption to administer, but if that isn't worth the price of getting a piece of your youth back then nothing is!

But, bottom line ... Have that hard discussion with her. Even to the point of telling her where you stand about getting your needs taken care of. Some might disagree, but I believe your chances for success will be greater if every card is on the table.

**Jupiter2** · 05-24-2010, 01:44 PM

Flat, I read a book some time ago that opened my eyes to a lot of things. I don't recall the name of the book or the author but I will try to get that info for you.

The gist of it was this: Men and woman have different needs. A man's needs are physical. Sex is physical confirmation of a woman's love for him. Without sex, the words "I love you" are little more than words. A woman's needs on the other hand are emotional. She needs to hear the words "I love you" and get noticed when she does her hair differently. She needs to be complimented when she gets dressed up, and taken out every now and again. A walk through the park while holding hands is as physical as she needs at times to be assured of your love for her, and your desire to be with her.

What all this gets to in the end is that men (if everything is working properly) are hardwired to go at a moments notice, but a woman truly needs that emotional buildup (emotional foreplay) in order to get into the mood. But understand that this type of emotional attention and affection can't occur only when you suddenly get the itch to roll around in the hay. It has to be an all day thing. Which means most men have to make some adjustments in their way of thinking. If you are already one to do these types of things for your wife and she is not responding to you, then it may be that she is now the one going through a hormonal change as PPC suggested.

**flatscat** · 05-24-2010, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by vetteman08

Flats, this kind of goes beyond the typical HRT advise that I usually find myself giving, but I'll stick my neck out on a limb.

For starters, sorry you're going through this. This situation is definitely a department that can make and break a marriage.

My suggestion before taking a step out ... Do everything you can to have a heart-to-heart with her about what you're feeling. Tell her to give you 10 minutes on the floor without anything coming out of her mouth. Tell her straight up that the current state of your condition makes you feel like a 20 year old again, and that there's nothing wrong with that. Tell her to remember back to the times when she also had that passion, so she knows the validity of it.

Loss of libidio, menopause, andropause , lethargic demeanor, it's all a normal course that the body has been programmed with for thousands of generations. She can be the fortunate 1st generation of her family genetic disposition to actually reverse many of the side effects by exploring the potentials of bio-identical hormone replacement. Ask her if she thinks it's just a fluke with you. Also ask her to at least research, but prefer to see a consultant. (just make sure you get one that knows their shiat, you got one shot). Ask her to weigh out the pros & cons. The only cons are going to be cost and time consumption to administer, but if that isn't worth the price of getting a piece of your youth back then nothing is!

But, bottom line ... Have that hard discussion with her. Even to the point of telling her where you stand about getting your needs taken care of. Some might disagree, but I believe your chances for success will be greater if every card is on the table.

Tried it - she thinks it is just the t making me want it - when I tell her all the time that it is only her i want to give it to.

But thanks - all of your words make sense. I bet there are plenty of us that go through this and I am glad we are talking about it.

**flatscat** · 05-24-2010, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by Jupiter2

Flat, I read a book some time ago that opened my eyes to a lot of things. I don't recall the name of the book or the author but I will try to get that info for you.

The gist of it was this: Men and woman have different needs. A man's needs are physical. Sex is physical confirmation of a woman's love for him. Without sex, the words "I love you" are little more than words. A woman's needs on the other hand are emotional. She needs to hear the words "I love you" and get noticed when she does her hair differently. She needs to be complimented when she gets dressed up, and taken out every now and again. A walk through the park while holding hands is as physical as she needs at times to be assured of your love for her, and your desire to be with her.

What all this gets to in the end is that men (if everything is working properly) are hardwired to go at a moments notice, but a woman truly needs that emotional buildup (emotional foreplay) in order to get into the mood. But understand that this type of emotional attention and affection can't occur only when you suddenly get the itch to roll around in the hay. It has to be an all day thing. Which means most men have to make some adjustments in their way of thinking. If you are already one to do these types of things for your wife and she is not responding to you, then it may be that she is now the one going through a hormonal change as PPC suggested.

I think she is sick of me complimenting her all of the time - so she either needs some supplimentation or we are headed for a cliff and fast.

**PPC** · 05-24-2010, 02:47 PM

Sounds like you've done all the things that would normally entice a wife to respond. But people just can't be made to feel what they don't feel. Just like when we are children and sexuality does not really enter our minds....declining hormones is likely doing the same thing to your wife.

But I have to say this. I really hope you two can stay together but it is in her hands. She can change and needs to. It's not fair if she doesn't. I think you sound like one of the good guys because you don't want to cheat on your wife, you desire her and you are desperate for her to come around. What woman shouldn't appreciate that?

I found a book in the library once that changed my life and my marriage. It's called, 'The Surrendered Wife.' It talks of how many woman are miserable in their marriage because they think their ways are the best and things should be done their way. This leads to a lack of respect and admiration for their husband and makes them start to hate themselves for acting bitchy.

It is actually fun starting to learn how to treat your husband like a hero again. It works but it takes a brain shift and it's not a popular notion in our culture. I now think if Women left their feminism at the door once they got home, there would be so many more happy marriages and less need for antidepressants. I'm all about equality for women but you need sex and she could find great joy giving it to you with just a simple mind change and a few hormones.

Maybe you could get someone to anonymously send her this type of book. At this point what do you have to lose?. But I think you'll say she'll never read it.

**flatscat** · 05-24-2010, 02:53 PM

Originally Posted by PPC

Sounds like you've done all the things that would normally entice a wife to respond. But people just can't be made to feel what they don't feel. Just like when we are children and sexuality does not really enter our minds....declining hormones is likely doing the same thing to your wife.

But I have to say this. I really hope you two can stay together but it is in her hands. She can change and needs to. It's not fair if she doesn't. I think you sound like one of the good guys because you don't want to cheat on your wife, you desire her and you are desperate for her to come around. What woman shouldn't appreciate that?

I found a book in the library once that changed my life and my marriage. It's called, 'The Surrendered Wife.' It talks of how many woman are miserable in their marriage because they think their ways are the best and things should be done their way. This leads to a lack of respect and admiration for their husband and makes them start to hate themselves for acting bitchy.

It is actually fun starting to learn how to treat your husband like a hero again. It works but it takes a brain shift and it's not a popular notion in our culture. I now think if Women left their feminism at the door once they got home, there would be so many more happy marriages and less need for antidepressants. I'm all about equality for women but you need sex and she could find great joy giving it to you with just a simple mind change and a few hormones.

Maybe you could get someone to anonymously send her this type of book. At this point what do you have to lose?. But I think you'll say she'll never read it.

You know she might if it was her idea - or like you say came from a friend or something. Now i just have to find a friend of hers that would giver her a book like that...

**flatscat** · 05-24-2010, 02:54 PM

Great feedback guys - I wouldnt mind hearing from some other women as well.

**Epic Ed** · 05-24-2010, 10:10 PM

Glad I clicked on this thread. I'm in a similar position, but the wife has been reaching out to find some answers. We've both been bouncing along for a couple of years with sex as a very low item on the priority list. Two kids in two years, both of us with busy careers, we both gained a lot of weight since physical activity has also been low on the list. The "relationship libido" has been low for a while. I've been in the boat where I'd rather punch the clown than actually make the effort to have sex. TRT has completely turned that around for me. I'm not just horny -- I'm more passionate about her and want to make her passionate about me. I genuinely am in love with the woman -- again.

She's been a pretty good sport, but it's always at my prodding and initiation. She rarely ever flirts or initiates sex. Our communication is outstanding, though. We've talked about it a couple of times recently and she's reaching out to friends for advice and has discovered she's definitely not alone in the loss of sex drive category. Now we just need to figure out what to do about it.

**flatscat** · 05-25-2010, 06:23 AM

Sounds like a common theme for some of us trt guys. I am glad she is reaching out for answers - you are a lucky man.

I guess the other thing that bothers me is that she always complained about my weight, and how I looked. I really didn't notice or care too much back then. But I have dropped about 40 lbs, and I think I look damn good compaired to what I used to. I thought that would make a difference too to her, but not yet. It is making a difference with other females though as I find myself in situations with other women that could easily turn into something I don't want to do. We did talk last night and she said I was just a zombie for so long that she got used to it and changed her life to deal with it by shutting down as well. Now out of the blue I am filled with emotions and passion and she is not.

Man, I thought getting my protocol dialed in was hard, but it is nothing compaired to this.

**flatscat** · 05-25-2010, 06:28 AM

I also think before one starts trt, they need to know these things and have the discussion with their wife about what is going to happen! Just seems like there would be more understanding about the process and what trt will bring you back to and she can get prepaired for it - wish I would have known and done it this way.

**lovbyts** · 05-25-2010, 07:01 AM

that's why you dont get married until you are in your 40s, on TRT and make sure your wife/steady GF is at least 15 years younger than you

Im 47, she JUST turned 30...

Does she like a tan? Talk her into trying melanotan II, one of the side effects is increased libido. Also it has been said a little test ups the girls libido also. If you have androgel for HRT/TRT mix a little in with some oil and offer to give her a massage a couple times a week. hehehehehe

**flatscat** · 05-25-2010, 07:33 AM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

that's why you dont get married until you are in your 40s, on TRT and make sure your wife/steady GF is at least 15 years younger than you

Im 47, she JUST turned 30...

Does she like a tan? Talk her into trying melanotan II, one of the side effects is increased libido. Also it has been said a little test ups the girls libido also. If you have androgel for HRT/TRT mix a little in with some oil and offer to give her a massage a couple times a week. hehehehehe

If I had only known....lmfao

I'm on inj's - and already tried the MTII and PT141 angle - no go, but thanks and have fun with that 30yr old!

**PPC** · 05-25-2010, 07:53 AM

Atleast you two were talking and she shared some of her feelings last night. Baby steps. Hang in there.

I'm fifteen years younger than my husband. He always had a good libido and we were passionate about each other even through having five children together. When he turned 50, he got high blood pressure and seemed to decline for the next two years. His personality and libido disappeared at the same time.

During those two years my health went down too but I found the answer in balancing my hormones. I came out of it rearing to go and he was just content to keep declining. Told him, I gave him the best years of my life and I needed him back. Kept giving him studies on what testosterone could do for him. I made two appointments for him with a hormonal doctor which he cancelled. Finally he agreed to go and it all changed for him when he was faced with his low numbers.

I'm so thankful he loved me enough to reluctantly change. Things are slowly improving but I hate to think what would have happened if he never came around. Keep applying the pressure, lovingly. Do all you can before you throw in the towel and then you'll know it wasn't for lack of trying. Books, studies, whatever. She'll read something eventually. Your pride may hurt a bit but it's worth it.

If you ever need info on what and how regarding Womens hormones. I can help.

Good luck.

**flatscat** · 01-26-2012, 11:42 AM

I finally get in a sticky and it is about this subject..... geeze, lmao very RANDOM...

I had forgotten about this thread... I guess I should update since it has been a year and a half. Thing slowly and I mean slowly got better between us. She NEVER went to the doc or had any levels checked. I know now there were other situations that were effecting things as well.

We now have sex about twice a week with me initiating 99.9% of the time (of which I still want more). She never went to the doc or had levels checked - I think she just gave in (which is another whole problem in and of itself).

Still wanting her to believe she can be better in all areas of womanhood - maybe one day.

Flats

**sirupate** · 01-26-2012, 11:48 AM

I don't think I was even a board member when you posted that originally. I'm in that boat too. I have ups and downs on the libido thing, but my wife doesn't seem to have much libido at all. I got her to schedule a OB/GYN who has done some bioidentical hormone repla***ent therapy for patients in the past (compounding pharm. information), and I am hoping something can come from that in a few months.

We'll see. Life certainly has its twists and turns, ups and downs doesn't it? I was pretty non-functional for a few years until the docs figured out that I needed TRT. Now the wife may be needing help too.

**flatscat** · 01-26-2012, 11:55 AM

Brother, I am so happy for you that you got her to go get it checked out - that's 95% of the battle.. Great news for you -

**sirupate** · 01-26-2012, 12:17 PM

Originally Posted by flatscat

Brother, I am so happy for you that you got her to go get it checked out - that's 95% of the battle.. Great news for you -

Yeah...well, she hasn't gone yet and it is dependent on her willingness to initiate the discussion about all of this with the new doctor, rather than just go through her annual exam, but there is hope. She is near the end of menopause, or maybe even done, who knows? But menopause sure messes with most of them (women that is).

**bass** · 01-26-2012, 01:20 PM

haha, i just read through the whole thing! LOL, this is one negative side of TRT we don't pay much attention to (horny 24/7)! Flats, do you remember this thread http://forums.steroid.com/showthread...SEX!&highlight=

here is how i dealt with it, by lowering my does! when i was on 200mgs ew i was horny animal 24/7, now that i am on 120mgs ew it slowed down just enough to be equal to my wife. i too start things 99.99% of the time, LOL! life is good!

**SEOINAGE** · 01-26-2012, 01:23 PM

I find this an interesting topic and something that has been on my mind a few times. When my wife first went on birth control it really did a number on her libido, rarely ever wanted it, and slowly stopped trying hard, then her libido started to come back after her first child, it was slow but it got to the point where we were pretty even, and then to the point where I was far behind her, and she was getting frustrated with me. I've started TRT but very worried I will surpass her and even though she thinks it will be a good thing I am afraid she will get annoyed with me wanting it very often. In the past when her hormones were low she would say things like you only touch me and show me affection when you want some, I'm worried those comments will come back. We managed to avoid birth control pills so it wouldn't happen again, but i know when she is pregnant her hormones will drop.

Flatscat and others dealing with this I really hope the woman is willing to step up and want to make things work. I understand biologically and naturally a man will want sex a lot more than women. Personally I think men should have multiple women like in the old days of wives and concubines etc lol. That is how the body works when functioning properly. Of course that isn't acceptable in our society, more importantly if religion is involved as well. I really would never cheat, but I also don't want to live my life feeling like I don't enjoy it so I understand how you would feel. I personally think hrt is extremely important in women as they get older and I hope everyone can make a good transition and keep things strong, I know marriage can be tough. I married someone 8 years younger than me so hopefully that will offset some things haha.

My mother in law openly complains about my father in law trying to get her to have sex every day, I wouldn't want that on anyone, but at the same time I am jealous that he has such a strong libido.

**sirupate** · 01-26-2012, 01:27 PM

Starting things 100% of the time...I wonder how common that is? Same situation for us...I initiate. That's usually OK and works. I think a some years ago I asked her why she didn't initiate more of the time and she told me (I think), that I was the one who didn't seem to like it. Hmmmm. Once again, this could be hormone ups and downs. If mine were low at that time, I might not have been very interested (or confident) about her initiating.

**SEOINAGE** · 01-26-2012, 01:48 PM

wow bass that thread is awesome only on page two though might have to finish later. Learning a lot of good info.

**bullshark99** · 01-26-2012, 02:20 PM

Yep, I too am a member of the 99.9 club!

**yannick35** · 01-26-2012, 02:27 PM

Originally Posted by flatscat

I finally get in a sticky and it is about this subject..... geeze, lmao very RANDOM...

I had forgotten about this thread... I guess I should update since it has been a year and a half. Thing slowly and I mean slowly got better between us. She NEVER went to the doc or had any levels checked. I know now there were other situations that were effecting things as well.

We now have sex about twice a week with me initiating 99.9% of the time (of which I still want more). She never went to the doc or had levels checked - I think she just gave in (which is another whole problem in and of itself).

Still wanting her to believe she can be better in all areas of womanhood - maybe one day.

Flats

My girlfriend has the same problem, i get it like 2-3 times per week, and sometimes i feel she forces herself.

The problem is that sex is the only problem in my relationship the rest is just fine.

My girlfriend went for a consulation to a sex doctor sorry i don't know how you call that in english, she told her that us male have 4 litres of testosterone in the body and women have yet a small dice and the reason why they don't want sex has much has we do.

I was looking into cialis for women apparently its a bomb for them, but even so not sure.

I guess that at some point you either need to live with it, get on porn sites if you are too horny (that freaken sucks), or find someone else. Sorry bro that is the only tips i can give you being in a similar situation.

I have tried many things to make sex better but my girlfriend is just no interested.

**yannick35** · 01-26-2012, 02:29 PM

Originally Posted by Jupiter2

Flat, I read a book some time ago that opened my eyes to a lot of things. I don't recall the name of the book or the author but I will try to get that info for you.

The gist of it was this: Men and woman have different needs. A man's needs are physical. Sex is physical confirmation of a woman's love for him. Without sex, the words "I love you" are little more than words. A woman's needs on the other hand are emotional. She needs to hear the words "I love you" and get noticed when she does her hair differently. She needs to be complimented when she gets dressed up, and taken out every now and again. A walk through the park while holding hands is as physical as she needs at times to be assured of your love for her, and your desire to be with her.

What all this gets to in the end is that men (if everything is working properly) are hardwired to go at a moments notice, but a woman truly needs that emotional buildup (emotional foreplay) in order to get into the mood. But understand that this type of emotional attention and affection can't occur only when you suddenly get the itch to roll around in the hay. It has to be an all day thing. Which means most men have to make some adjustments in their way of thinking. If you are already one to do these types of things for your wife and she is not responding to you, then it may be that she is now the one going through a hormonal change as PPC suggested.

The book is Women are from Venus and Men from Mars i think or vice versa i read it too.

**lvs** · 01-26-2012, 02:53 PM

Just throwing this out and I'm sure most of you already know, but any of your women are on an anti-depressant (the SSRIs) this will kill any of their desire to have sex.

**bass** · 01-26-2012, 03:02 PM

Originally Posted by lvs

Just throwing this out and I'm sure most of you already know, but any of your women are on an anti-depressant (the SSRIs) this will kill any of their desire to have sex.

thats good to know, but also birth control is known to kill libido!

**SEOINAGE** · 01-26-2012, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by bass

thats good to know, but also birth control is known to kill libido!

Yeah I wish I knew that a few years ago. If more people knew that would women take it?

**NOSUPERMODEL** · 01-26-2012, 03:15 PM

Hey Flats do you think she might be jealous that it was so easy for to change? Do you think possibly there is somebody else she is interested in?<---- Not a question to piss you off, but you have stated that you love your family dearly, compliment her all the time etc.... and the only "downfall" I see is that you are extra horny. So if your doing all that you say, and your a little extra horny I don't quite understand. Of course I am also only 34 and my wife is 31, so maybe this problem will come up later in my life. Just seem like from what all you have said is that your the ideal husband/father but just a little too horny.

My wife has always said that both her mother and grandmother told her and still do...."If he's not getting it at home, he's getting it somewhere." Not that I would EVER step out on her, but I am sure there are times she has sex with me and its the furthest thing from her mind at the time.

**yannick35** · 01-26-2012, 03:35 PM

My girlfriend is 34 and she is on the pill, i read that this can have some effect on her libido... problem there is that she can go off the pill due to menstrual pains. When she is on she is all good.

**bass** · 01-26-2012, 03:38 PM

there are good posts by few girls from here regarding the pill is worth reading. check out Slim's post in this section in the stickies.

**PPC** · 01-26-2012, 04:58 PM

Yes, it's interesting to see this thread again and what was written in it. I'm glad Flats, that things have not regressed and that they have made a small turn for the better.

Looking at the things I wrote back then, I still see the need for hormone repla***ent when sex hormones are missing. Now though, I think attitude plays equally or even greater a part. Having a great libido stemming from a good hormone profile is a wonderful thing. But I think there has to be a heart change too. I have witnessed some women get hormonally tuned and then put all their new gusto and energy into things other than their sexual relationships. Don't know why that happens, but it does sometimes, maybe these types are just low desire due to the way they think about sex. It might have to be a strong physical urge before they realize they are horny rather than just simply sexual thoughts or feelings of closeness with their spouse inspiring sexuality.

Sometimes spouses just get to a place where they think it's okay to have a lagging sex life and other things take greater importance. I'm not polite enough to keep my mouth shut with any of my female friends about this. Probably they see me coming and run LOL. But if you signed up for marriage, you essentially signed up to be a sexual person. Marriage is defined by that sexual love, it's what separates it from all other relationships. Anything other than honoring that sexual relationship is bait and switch. Cultivating sexuality in a long term relationship takes much practice, frequency, devotion and focus. Maybe I feel so strongly about this because in my marriage, I have worn the shoe from the other foot and know what it feels like for you guys who's partners lose interest.

So I wanna tell your partners, "Hey, give your guy great sex, what's not to love about it!!!" But of course, they won't hear that from me. Instead, they often hear the same complaints from their married friends and feel justified in their attitude to sex.To hear it from you they just think, blah, blah, he's on about sex again.

A good book is "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands," but how do you tell your wife to read that without having her immediately bristle? Dunno. Patience is good, but keeping up communication about what you need and how wonderful and important sex is to the relationship is also key. That's my latest rant on the subject. I hope things just keep on getting better Flats.

**bass** · 01-26-2012, 05:10 PM

great post as usual PPC! my wife read that book and she loved it because it confirmed to here that she is a good wife. my only problem was she couldn't keep up with me so i made some changes just to slow down to her pace, but once she's on HRT (hopefully) I'll reload and up my dose and...................

**JohnnyVegas** · 01-26-2012, 05:30 PM

This is a topic that has interested me for a while, and I know we have all talked about it on occasion.

Before TRT I had no libido and it was embarrassing. My wife is younger than me, so I thought her libido was probably higher than mine and I wasn't doing my part. Funny thing happened when TRT boosted my libido...we became LESS sexually compatible. Birth control has always dropped her interest way down, and it messes her up emotionally. Unfortunately, she is a mess physically when she isn't on birth control.

We had a recent turn though. She had to stop birth control for a surgery and has been off for two months. She also has an appointment this Saturday to talk to my doc about hormone levels and how to stabilize and improve them. Our hope is for her to get dialed in and we will need to find an alternative BC method.

My wife is very open to this sort of thing, so I expect only good things. I will let you know what happens.