My teenage steroid use and my eventual recovery. Warning to young guys wanting to use

[Ymcmb]

The previous month has been the best I can remember, my balls are hanging super low and my test is hovering around 800ng/dL, after being hypogonadal for almost 2 years.

I am about to turn 21, I did my last cycle around my 19th birthday. It all began when I was 17 years old and me and 2 buddys discovered lifting. As you can imagine we quickly discovered gear. We even browsed this site and forums. We saw all the older guys posting warnings, telling young guys the consequences. But of course at that age you feel like you are an adult and have been for a long time. You feel the rules dont apply to you. We repeated excuses to each other like "Arnold started at our age and look at him now." We eventually found a source, and started our first cycle of test pr0p, 400mg/week for 8 weeks. We wanted to do more but had no money, thank god. From this cycle I noticed no real side effects. no gyno, no post cycle depression, no loss of gains. It seemed to be great. One thing I will note is that in the 7 months leading up to my cycle, I grew 2 inches in height. After that first cycle I never grew another millimetre. Something I deeply regret.

We planned another cycle soon, but teenage life got in the way and it was one year before we did another one. We were almost 19. This time it was just me and 1 buddy, I did 700mg pr0p. He did a combination of test, dec and equi. We blew the up to say the least. My friend seemed to be quite resistant to sides, and never suffered any loss of sex drive or depression coming off that harsh cycle. He bounced back fast. I did not, I had severely shrunken balls that pct would not bring back. My only hope was Human CG, which i desperately tried to get to acquire, with no luck. The depression I felt during this period was unlike anything I have ever felt before or since. I felt completely isolated from the world. I could not go to work, i lost my job. My entire body was severely water bloated. Muscle just dropped off me. I could not get hard to save my life. I had incidents where I would eat food and throw up for no reason. I literally wanted to die and wondered how i could of been so stupid to do this.

Slowly but surely, over the period of months, I sort of recovered. My balls gained a bit of size back, I started to be able to function in day to day life a little. Still very depressed. Most of all I felt OLD. everything seemed to ache. I had terrible brain fog and tiredness no matter how much I slept. everything was an effort. I tried some more clomiph, and it just worsened the depression something terrible.

I'm not sure why, but I started to ignore the problem hoping it would slowly fix itself. pct just made things worse, and i couldnt get more gear if I wanted to. I began drinking and working a minimum wage job and hanging out with some losers. It was an escape sort of, and they didnt expect anything of me.

Finally, when I realized how bad my life was I visited a doctor. I told him my problem and he had me tested. I had crept up to about 400ng/dL test but still felt utterly horrible. He told me I was normal and not to worry. He didnt seem to know what he was talking about.

I began to do round after round of clomiph. Each time it would raise my test to 1000ng/dL, but the depression from it was so BAD that it felt no different to having low test. Not to mention it dropped my test LOWER each time I came off. My balls had become completely hypogonadal again. They were tiny and would always go up inside me.

But I was still *just* within normal range apparently, and after 4 different doctors still couldnt find any that even seemed interested, let alone willing to work with me and help me.

I decided to give nolva a shot. I found that it made me feel a bit better and didnt seem to bring the depression that clomiph did! I decided I would stay on it indefinitely. Finally I had relief! I even started to do well at work again. Eventually, for a reason I'm not sure, the depression and all other symptoms came back. I felt completely low test again. I decided I would give up, and accept my fate. I would try to acquire some gear, crash my test levels as low as they could go, and force a doc to give me TRT. But before I came off I decided to go for one last blood test. My levels came back at 850ng/dL. I had no idea why I still felt terrible. I tapered off the nolv.

Quickly I noticed I was waking up feeling amazing! I felt well rested, I felt motivated, I felt ALIVE. I felt happiness. My balls had become extremely big and fat and were hanging so low for the first time since i could remember.
I waited 1 more month, and used all my new energy to start getting my life back together. I went for another blood test 2 days ago, exactly 1 month after stopping nolv, and my total test was 770ng/dL. It was an afternoon test too, so I assume it is higher in the morning.

I am so so happy and relieved. I know I am not out of the woods. With such a huge and long disruption to my HPTA at souch a tender young age, I realize everything could fall apart again down the track. I may end up on TRT still.

But for now I am the best I have felt in 2 years. Sorry for the huge essay, but I am hoping if at least one young guy reads this and decides NOT to juice, it will be worthwhile. When researching gear it is easy to focus on all the superhuman good parts, and ignore the sometimes devastating side effects. Stay away until you are AT LEAST 21. I would say 25, but I know hothead young guys like myself wouldnt listen. Please at least give your body until 21 so it has all your important development and growth out of the way. This path may not be the one you want to take for the rest of your life, so really think about it, seriously.

[lovbyts]

Nice to hear you finally recovered. Sounds like a very long and hard journey. Hopefully you will share with fellow newbies who are you age wanting to cycle and you might save a couple of them going through the same thing.

A lot of people dont even realize it was cycle related because sometime it happens 3 months, 6 months or longer after PCT.

[Mr.BB]

Thanks for your essay, too bad you had to learn the hard way

Hormones are not the only thing that can trigger depression. There is a whole bunch of variables that could make you feel that way.

[Mr.BB]

Double post

[kelkel]

Thanks for posting! Stick around, help others.

[jimmyinkedup]

Thank you for sharing your experience. Im glad you were one of the ones it worked out for ultimately. As the guys said, stick around, share your experience, it is invaluable to others and will help you to not forget yourself.

[Joco71]

Thanks for sharing !! Hard lesson learned, the good ones always are.