Obsessed with sex, you too?

[ramble]

I started TRT about 3 years ago as an anti-aging therapy, (250 mg every 14 days). Stats, 68, 5' 7", 165 lbs. It has turned into so much more! Also I am just as obsessed with sex as a teenager.
I am constantly thinking about tits, ass and everything in between. I feel a little like I am abusing my wife. I love her dearly but am bonking her 5 to 6 times a week and licking it more than that. I would probably feel guilty if I didn't enjoy it so much. Wife has started HRT herself so she could keep up. I am still not getting enough as I am trying to get her interested in bringing another woman home or maybe taking a vacation in Las Vegas. So far she has declined.
I wasn't like this before I started. I am showing great gains at the gym, or I was before I injured both shoulders. Had to stop a decent amount of weight about 6 months ago, started jogging.
This may sound like I am bragging and maybe I am a little but I didn't think TRT affected everyone like this.

[fastman9]

Everyone is different. Getting your wife on board with a threesome, lol, I'd say good luck as that will just push her away likely. Very few women are into that and its not good for a marriage as someone usually gets hurt. I'd keep her happy or she will shut you down and your have to do yourself more often.

[APIs]

Sounds about right OP, what's the problem again?

[bullshark99]

Dude, God bless ya! 68, you still getting hard ons naturally or with the help of Cialis or the "blue diamond". Don't mean to be so personal, I could naturely care less but it's more of a curiosity thing?? Us " middle" age'ers like to know there is still hope LOL!
Good advice above on the threesome, someone always gets hurt, it's not worth it! If you gotta have it ( bucket list) make a trip to Vegas yourself.

[Beethoven]

I had to re read it again, 68? God bless you man. Don't pick anything up around you. Lol. Back to the wall.

[2Sox]

Obsessed with sex? When I have thoughts like this, it's when I knew I was more obsessed with loving myself and having power - and using the closest person to me to do it. I'd suggest you take a look at the film, "Thanks for Sharing". You can stream it on Netflix. It's a comedy/drama about people who try to come to terms with their addiction to sex - including the types of thoughts that you describe. Mark Garafolo, Gwyneth Paltrow, Tim Robbins, Pink. You get a real sense of the self loathing and pain people with this question experience. And the film presents it with just the right amount of humor.

And you're absolutely right - TRT definitely does NOT effect everyone like this.

And one more thing. If anyone I knew spoke about a desire to bring home a woman to his wife - whether he admitted it or not - I would know right off he really didn't love his wife. Certainly, it would make clear that he had no respect for her. Or for himself for that matter.

[ramble]

Dont get me wrong 2Sox, I am absolutely devoted to my wife, she is everything to me. However I don't equate sex with love, it's more of a recreational thing. I don't get jealous, well, I was pretty well put out when she had a little fling about 26 years ago but that's because she didn't tell me about it right off. If I had gotten to watch, I think it would have been sexy. She told me if I ever stepped out on her I had better tell her about it first. I did on the first two occasions, then she told me to stop and I did. I expected the same from her but after a few hours, I got over it and it was back to a lovely life.

[2Sox]

Uh huh. See the movie when you get a chance.

[kelkel]

How about those Eagles!

[Joco71]

They are looking good kelkel.

[OingoBoingo]

Dont get me wrong 2Sox, I am absolutely devoted to my wife, she is everything to me. However I don't equate sex with love, it's more of a recreational thing. I don't get jealous, well, I was pretty well put out when she had a little fling about 26 years ago but that's because she didn't tell me about it right off. If I had gotten to watch, I think it would have been sexy. She told me if I ever stepped out on her I had better tell her about it first. I did on the first two occasions, then she told me to stop and I did. I expected the same from her but after a few hours, I got over it and it was back to a lovely life.

Take your wife on a Bangkok holiday. Dreams come true every night at Nana Plaza. That's what they do.

[OingoBoingo]

If you like to read, check out Sex at Dawn.

The book is an entertaining read, and discusses the idea that casual sexuality was normal for our hunter-gatherer forefathers and foremothers, and that faithful pair-bonding in the form of monogamous marriage really only came about after settled agriculture around 10,000 years ago, and thus is against our sexual nature as human beings.

[lovbyts]

Take your wife on a Bangkok holiday. Dreams come true every night at Nana Plaza. That's what they do.

Are you sure about that?

[OingoBoingo]

It certainly looks like they did in *your* case!

[ramble]

I will definately look at the film. Just as soon as I get back to the house. I can't get any videos or social media through the rig filters.
Swapping is not new to us. It has been over twenty years though and I can see her side of it. She called a halt when Aids came to the states and I had to agree. It was just with close friends though, and all in the same bed. She would enjoy it just as much as I did and would sometimes initiate it. We are still good friends with most of them, just not so intimate.
I do draw the line somewhere though. I wouldn't go so far as to loan any of them my guns. That's just asking too much.

I would absolutely love to go to Bankok. I was there during my term in the Navy and can agree with you. If I can get wifey on board with that it would be a heavenly holiday. I am still doing my best to hold back from sex without her participation. I dont think she will change her mind any time soon. I finally got her to say she would go to Las Vegas with me so I still have hope.

Last note, no pills to help dysfunction, just doesnt seem to make a lot of difference. I have tried the free samples the Doc's give out. You do last a little longer but by then you're ready to quit anyway.

[lovbyts]

I will definately look at the film. Just as soon as I get back to the house. I can't get any videos or social media through the rig filters.
Swapping is not new to us. It has been over twenty years though and I can see her side of it. She called a halt when Aids came to the states and I had to agree. It was just with close friends though, and all in the same bed. She would enjoy it just as much as I did and would sometimes initiate it. We are still good friends with most of them, just not so intimate.
I do draw the line somewhere though. I wouldn't go so far as to loan any of them my guns. That's just asking too much.

I did that once, it didn't end well.

[2Sox]

If you like to read, check out Sex at Dawn.

The book is an entertaining read, and discusses the idea that casual sexuality was normal for our hunter-gatherer forefathers and foremothers, and that faithful pair-bonding in the form of monogamous marriage really only came about after settled agriculture around 10,000 years ago, and thus is against our sexual nature as human beings.

It may also say something about our ethical evolution. I'll have to read the book.

I believe the most important thing about homo sapiens is that we have the power of choice.

[APIs]

And one more thing. If anyone I knew spoke about a desire to bring home a woman to his wife - whether he admitted it or not - I would know right off he really didn't love his wife. Certainly, it would make clear that he had no respect for her. Or for himself for that matter.

No offense, but that's a pretty broad reaching & self serving statement. Who are you to cast stones at anyone? You'd better serve people by exclusively keeping it in the "I" when choosing to sling such opinions @ people (i.e. "I feel...or...In my opinion"). Just saying...

[Beethoven]

No offense, but that's a pretty broad reaching & self serving statement. Who are you to cast stones at anyone? You'd better serve people by exclusively keeping it in the "I" when choosing to sling such opinions @ people (i.e. "I feel...or...In my opinion"). Just saying...

I agree. Even though I share 2sox beliefs as far as my wife goes, to each his own. They are consenting adults, and if that's what floats your boat so be it.

[2Sox]

No offense, but that's a pretty broad reaching & self serving statement. Who are you to cast stones at anyone? You'd better serve people by exclusively keeping it in the "I" when choosing to sling such opinions @ people (i.e. "I feel...or...In my opinion"). Just saying...

Good point. "In my opinion" or It's my feeling" should be inserted. By the way, there is nothing at all self serving in my statement whatsoever, if you will look a it again.

Kind of busy now. But detailed elaboration will follow.....

[Jaydenn]

This is a great read, Keep it up, until you can't hahahahaha

[2Sox]

First, I want to say to that before I was married, I had been there - threesomes, foursomes, swapping. (During the heyday of Studio 54, and before AIDS, I worked in one of the hottest and longest running night spots NYC. Spent fifteen years in this business.) So I have some basis from which to speak. This wild life felt great while it was going on; I was king of the world. But afterwards, I began to feel vacant. Even though I had plenty of women and lots of sex, I wanted more women and wilder and stranger sex. The more I had, the more I felt it didn't satisfy me. And after the initial rush wore off, I felt increasingly empty and numb. I was surrounded by women and the night life but I still felt strangely lonely. I didn't connect how bad I felt with what I was doing; not until later. After spending some time living this wild life, I always, ALWAYS, came back to the feeling that I wanted to be "of someone" - care for someone deeply. I'd choose a girl to be with and things worked out for awhile but this other desire would start getting a hold on me. I'd play around, invariably to f--k up the relationship, and go back to the wild side again. Does this sound familiar?

I learned later on that two desires in me were in a fight. What is it in a man (and a woman) that drives him in this way? I learned we can use anything, ANYTHING to have power and to conquer the world - including a woman. Very often a man has used a woman in sex to feel he is the master of the universe - for awhile. But it always has a man feel bad in ways he may not even be aware of at the time. It boils down to this - the two fighting desires: We're either going to be fair to reality, give it what it deserves - respect. In this case a woman. Or we're going to have contempt - go for conquest, put something under our control, do with it what we want, deeply make less of it, rob it of its reality - to get a cheap, quick, false self-importance. Very often a man and a woman can be in a silent agreement to use each other this way - i.e., swapping, "open" marriages and such. I've been testing this philosophic principle for over thirty years. Invariably, I've seen it as true in every instance, and specifically here, in every relation between a man and a woman. Don't believe this until you test it for yourself and see if it's true yourself.

The most interesting thing about this is that each choice - contempt and respect - has its payback - and I only learned this later on. These principles of Aesthetic Realism, I have been scientifically testing for over three decades - so I come from a place of personal experience and knowledge, that I again encourage you to test for yourself.

Respect - giving a person or thing what it deserves, ALWAYS has a person feel proud, larger, more substantial. It makes for enormous and growing self-respect. Contempt ALWAYS has a person feel ashamed. These two desires are in us all the time. The good news is that respect - the desire to like the world and people and things in it and give them the value they deserve, is the deepest, strongest desire in all of us.

At this point I must state that saying "In my opinion" or "It's my belief" is not applicable - because I've tested this and lived this with my blood and soul and seen the consistent results every time. I can only tell you what I know to be true and ask that you to test it for yourself. If you are honest with yourself about what you find, I know you will be very pleased - and relieved.

Having this knowledge in NO way makes me immune to the thoughts and desires that have been described here which we are all familiar with. But it gives me a consciousness and a basis from which to criticize these thoughts so in the end I can respect myself.

I hope this clarifies my statements in my previous post above and why I felt so strongly about them.

[Buster Brown]

First, I want to say to that before I was married, I had been there - threesomes, foursomes, swapping. (During the heyday of Studio 54, and before AIDS, I worked in one of the hottest and longest running night spots NYC. Spent fifteen years in this business.) So I have some basis from which to speak. This wild life felt great while it was going on; I was king of the world. But afterwards, I began to feel vacant. Even though I had plenty of women and lots of sex, I wanted more women and wilder and stranger sex. The more I had, the more I felt it didn't satisfy me. And after the initial rush wore off, I felt increasingly empty and numb. I was surrounded by women and the night life but I still felt strangely lonely. I didn't connect how bad I felt with what I was doing; not until later. After spending some time living this wild life, I always, ALWAYS, came back to the feeling that I wanted to be "of someone" - care for someone deeply. I'd choose a girl to be with and things worked out for awhile but this other desire would start getting a hold on me. I'd play around, invariably to f--k up the relationship, and go back to the wild side again. Does this sound familiar? I learned later on that two desires in me were in a fight. What is it in a man (and a woman) that drives him in this way? I learned we can use anything, ANYTHING to have power and to conquer the world - including a woman. Very often a man has used a woman in sex to feel he is the master of the universe - for awhile. But it always has a man feel bad in ways he may not even be aware of at the time. It boils down to this - the two fighting desires: We're either going to be fair to reality, give it what it deserves - respect. In this case a woman. Or we're going to have contempt - go for conquest, put something under our control, do with it what we want, deeply make less of it, rob it of its reality - to get a cheap, quick, false self-importance. Very often a man and a woman can be in a silent agreement to use each other this way - i.e., swapping, "open" marriages and such. I've been testing this philosophic principle for over thirty years. Invariably, I've seen it as true in every instance, and specifically here, in every relation between a man and a woman. Don't believe this until you test it for yourself and see if it's true yourself. The most interesting thing about this is that each choice - contempt and respect - has its payback - and I only learned this later on. These principles of Aesthetic Realism, I have been scientifically testing for over three decades - so I come from a place of personal experience and knowledge, that I again encourage you to test for yourself. Respect - giving a person or thing what it deserves, ALWAYS has a person feel proud, larger, more substantial. It makes for enormous and growing self-respect. Contempt ALWAYS has a person feel ashamed. These two desires are in us all the time. The good news is that respect - the desire to like the world and people and things in it, is the deepest, strongest desire in all of us. At this point I must state that saying "In my opinion" or "It's my belief" is not applicable - because I've tested this and lived this with my blood and soul and seen the consistent results every time. I can only tell you what I know and ask that you to test it for yourself. If you are honest with yourself about what you find, I know you will be very pleased - and relieved. Having this knowledge in NO way makes me immune to the thoughts and desires that have been described here which we are all familiar with. But it gives me a consciousness and a basis from which to criticize these thoughts so in the end I can respect myself. I hope this clarifies my statements in my previous post above and why I felt so strongly about them.

That was extremely well put and at 44 believe what you are saying to be extremely accurate.

[ramble]

I have to agree with Buster Brown too. You have more experience in this area than I do and I respect your opinion.
I am also glad I haven't had those problems. After 40 years, my wife and I have never been closer. Aside from the fact that I seem to live for sex lately, I am a lucky man. I have a lovely wife and she does everything she can to keep me happy. Of course I bend over backwards for her too.

[2Sox]

I have to agree with Buster Brown too. You have more experience in this area than I do and I respect your opinion.
I am also glad I haven't had those problems. After 40 years, my wife and I have never been closer. Aside from the fact that I seem to live for sex lately, I am a lucky man. I have a lovely wife and she does everything she can to keep me happy. Of course I bend over backwards for her too.

We both know (as does every married man) that making a successful marriage takes a lot of work. From how you write, you sound like a very lucky man who's doing that work.

[2Sox]

Thanks Buster and Ramble for your replies.

Don't you find it interesting that it's been almost 24 hours since my lengthy post above and there has been no discussion at all?

I have plenty more to say on this. Would love to hear from you guys.

[Times Roman]

the other side of that discussion, the point you didn't mention, is that you won't be able to develop and support that position until after having went through it. Quite often, once an evolutionary desire is satiated, then you can move on, and evolve to a higher emotional level.

These unfulfilled needs quite often, especially in our younger years, become the driving force compelling us to act a certain way.

Being told as a youth by a parent "you are a loser" can quite often motivate and drive an individual in their adult years to achieve, in compulsive ways.

Being bullied as a youth, due to size and lack of physical maturity, can quite often drive that individual in physical ways the rest of their lives. Martial arts, weight lifting, and getting in fights; with minimal provocation.

Not having a sexual outlet post puberty, frustrating the libido for years, can cause excessive sexual activity well into advanced adulthood, as if "trying to catch up".

The point I am trying to make, is that not only does a desire need to be satiated, but at the right time, in order to progress in one's development.

I think this may partially explain compulsive behavior, to a certain extent.

(I think we would all agree it's pointless to discuss higher "meta needs" development, when one's stomach is empty.)

[Buster Brown]

I am actually trying to conquer my own first mid life crisis (and hopefully my last). I left my wife almost a year ago and have realized that most of the problems I had/have in my marriage are issues that I have had to own up to and take my share of responsibility. Through some solid counseling hopefully we can reconcile. I enjoyed reading what you wrote and what I got out of it is that you need balance in life. I think the problem for most of us is realizing what balance truly is.

[2Sox]

the other side of that discussion, the point you didn't mention, is that you won't be able to develop and support that position until after having went through it. Quite often, once an evolutionary desire is satiated, then you can move on, and evolve to a higher emotional level.

These unfulfilled needs quite often, especially in our younger years, become the driving force compelling us to act a certain way.

Being told as a youth by a parent "you are a loser" can quite often motivate and drive an individual in their adult years to achieve, in compulsive ways.

Being bullied as a youth, due to size and lack of physical maturity, can quite often drive that individual in physical ways the rest of their lives. Martial arts, weight lifting, and getting in fights; with minimal provocation.

Not having a sexual outlet post puberty, frustrating the libido for years, can cause excessive sexual activity well into advanced adulthood, as if "trying to catch up".

The point I am trying to make, is that not only does a desire need to be satiated, but at the right time, in order to progress in one's development.

I think this may partially explain compulsive behavior, to a certain extent.

(I think we would all agree it's pointless to discuss higher "meta needs" development, when one's stomach is empty.)

I'm not sure exactly what your trying to say and I don't know what you mean by "meta needs", but I would argue (as I have on previous threads on various subjects) that although our pasts do deeply affect us and often the decisions we make, we all have the power of choice. No matter our family backgrounds, economic status, or past traumatic experiences , we can always choose. We all know the stories about children being raised in the same family and environment and how some turn out "bad" and others "good". Why? Not to be simplistic but it's choices.

I spoke about the Aesthetic Realism principles of contempt and respect. If you study the social sciences, it's not hard to see that this has always been part of humankind but it was unearthed and formed into this body of knowledge in the 1940s by its late founder, Eli Siegel. I've seen (as I've described) that once we know we have those two drives, once we are aware of them - and the consequences and rewards of each - this awareness gives us the power to make the right choice for our happiness and self respect. The idea is beautiful in its simplicity, but tremendous! And completely revolutionary. Contempt and respect are part of us. We have to SEE the fight and win it - though conscious choice. We may indeed fail, but at least we can know why so we can do better the next time. Test it and see if it's true for yourself.

[kelkel]

I've missed some good posts here.






Was watching porn......sorry.

[Times Roman]

I'm not sure exactly what your trying to say and I don't know what you mean by "meta needs", but I would argue (as I have on previous threads on various subjects) that although our pasts do deeply affect us and often the decisions we make, we all have the power of choice. No matter our family backgrounds, economic status, or past traumatic experiences , we can always choose. We all know the stories about children being raised in the same family and environment and how some turn out "bad" and others "good". Why? Not to be simplistic but it's choices.

I spoke about the Aesthetic Realism principles of contempt and respect. If you study the social sciences, it's not hard to see that this has always been part of humankind but it was unearthed and formed into this body of knowledge in the 1940s by its late founder, Eli Siegel. I've seen (as I've described) that once we know we have those two drives, once we are aware of them - and the consequences and rewards of each - this awareness gives us the power to make the right choice for our happiness and self respect. The idea is beautiful in its simplicity, but tremendous! And completely revolutionary. Contempt and respect are part of us. We have to SEE the fight and win it - though conscious choice. We may indeed fail, but at least we can know why so we can do better the next time. Test it and see if it's true for yourself.

Meta needs (from psychology classes years ago in college)
meta-need - definition of meta-need by Medical dictionary

"As described by Abraham Maslow, a general term for any higher need of an individual, such as for personal growth, truth, justice, meaningfulness, creative expression, transcendence of self, and for peak experiences." AKA - self actualization needs.

The base needs are to satiate

hunger and survival

beyond that, is procreation

then the higher meta needs that lead us towards self enlightenment. Happiness, etc.

My point, is that unless you can satisfy to a certain extent a base "meta" need, sex, at the right time in your development, it can drive us with the compulsive need to over compensate. Yes, this compulsion can be conquered, but is difficult. We inhibit this desire early on. We are told to just say no to sex. We are taught abstinence. We abstain, yet we crave. This early on, when our brains are still developing, gets "hard wired" somehow into our make up. So we "overly" crave, which can lead to sexual addiction, and unhappy midlife crisis. This is just a tendency, not a certainty, but helps explain to a certain extent, what we do.

[Times Roman]

This also explains why depression era folks will and did continue to horde food well after it was no longer scarce. It is not surprising to find, after someone's death that lived through the depression, to find out they were extreme hoarders. My wife's grandmother was that way. She was a young girl in the depression, and had to hoard food because she never knew where her next meal was coming from. All her life, she acted as if her next meal was not a certainty, which was no longer a rational position.

[2Sox]

Meta needs (from psychology classes years ago in college)
meta-need - definition of meta-need by Medical dictionary

"As described by Abraham Maslow, a general term for any higher need of an individual, such as for personal growth, truth, justice, meaningfulness, creative expression, transcendence of self, and for peak experiences." AKA - self actualization needs.

Yes, I'm familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Having been an educator for thirty years, this was pounded into us over the years. Very valuable and interesting stuff, but rather incomplete thinking, in my opinion. I've explained why previously.

[Chicagotarsier]

Great thread.

Mazlow worked "back int he day" when survival of the fittest was in play. Now with "free first 4 tiers" of Mazlow in play...not so much.

I am an Alpha Male since birth and a Leo so an entourage has been standard and have never had one girl only in my life. I have never had to hire a bar girl or resort to paying to get the threesome..foursome etc action. It is a normal part of life but it has its emotional toll. Paying for it might be a better avenue. Just from the experience of all the men I managed in the military I cannot think of one time where a threesome with the wife was what you thought it would be. it never ended well.

Do I need sex? A lot before TRT now about 4x as much.
Can one woman supply that? No.

It is a tough spot to be in.

But back on point. i find more truth to Zodiac sign personalities than Mazlow today.

[APIs]

Was watching porn......sorry.

Me too. Man, we're sick. I guess we need a moral compass...

[2Sox]

Me too. Man, we're sick. I guess we need a moral compass...

[APIs]

That is pretty funny...

[ramble]

Great thread.

Mazlow worked "back int he day" when survival of the fittest was in play. Now with "free first 4 tiers" of Mazlow in play...not so much.

I am an Alpha Male since birth and a Leo so an entourage has been standard and have never had one girl only in my life. I have never had to hire a bar girl or resort to paying to get the threesome..foursome etc action. It is a normal part of life but it has its emotional toll. Paying for it might be a better avenue. Just from the experience of all the men I managed in the military I cannot think of one time where a threesome with the wife was what you thought it would be. it never ended well.

Do I need sex? A lot before TRT now about 4x as much.
Can one woman supply that? No.

It is a tough spot to be in.

But back on point. i find more truth to Zodiac sign personalities than Mazlow today.

It Never Ended Well? I am surprised to hear that. Of all the threesomes I have had, just a few really, with another lady or even another man, it always ended very well. I can't speak for the third person but for the wife and I, we felt much closer and are very much in love still. I actually prefered one of my male friends to share with as I felt more like a third wheel, watching two ladies.
You guys are just Way more into the psychology of things than I am and able to express it well too. I just know how I feel after something like that and thats pretty good.

[ramble]

I just love that moral compass! I always thought I needed one of those, Now I have one.

Hey! Sex flicks should be on the Good side.

[Brett N]

Lots of good posts but I, like everyone else, will add my 2 cents. I will keep it fairly short.

Your 68, if you and your wife both equally want to do something than do it.

My wife and I have been married only 17 years. Our sex life is awesome. Even better since I started TRT. We don't feel comfortable adding someone into our bed as a play partner. Male or female, it's not something either of us feels good about. On that note, if either of us doesn't feel good about anything in this aspect then it is 100% off. No questions and no pressure to change opinions. Has to be all agree or nothing.

We wanted to up our sex life to something new and exciting. We found that the best solution for us was more of a same room type situation. No contact with others but watching and performing was good all around. Think of it as live porn. It's exciting to us, we don't cross any moral issues either of us might have and there is no need to be jealous.

Anyways, summed up, there are plenty of ways to step up the sex life without having to cross lines that make anybody feel uncomfortable. Even if it is watching a porn together, if a couple hasn't done it before it could really spice things up and become a bonding experience. If the experience doesn't add to your relationship, it is a toxin to it and should be avoided no matter how strong the desire.