6 year breakup.... anyone have any motivational speaker audio clips / videos ?

**tripmachine** · 06-10-2009, 11:01 AM

Well my ex and I were together for about 5 1/2 years with our issues throughout the relationship like most couples have.... broke up 'technically' about a year ago. We have been hanging out though as we were still a couple a lot of the time (hold hands, kiss, hug, have sex, go on trips... etc..) she just told me on Friday that we need to slow down and start going our own ways but be friends at some point still... (i want her back basically and she doesn't right now) anyway.... i don't need to get into the whole thing....

what I'm looking for are some recommendations to some motivational speaking or something of that nature... I want to become more confident with myself, be a better people person and just learn how to get girls by being able to TALK to them instead of be nervous around them initially... anyway if anyone has any video clips, audio, or anything that would be awesome!! That kind of stuff really helps me take my mind off of her telling me Friday that we aren't going to be seeing each other ANY more until I have moved on.. (we were happy too but i guess that's what she wants)

**_CrossroadS_** · 06-10-2009, 11:23 AM

Alot of guys sweat over what to say to girls. Half the time girls don't expect guys to just walk up to them randomly and start a conversation (outside of bars, social scene, drinking, etc).

Walk up to a cute girl in the grocery store and say hi and make conversation. All of a sudden the playing field is leveled and she's nervous because she probably rarely gets put in this situation. Don't try and get laid either. Just talk to her. And do this everywhere you go. You'll eventually see that girls are not looking at you all the time like you are some sex starved pervert, and you have to say the magic words to break into their world.

Stay in shape, hang out with your buddies in places where single girls congregate, and mingle. Like I said, if you talk to girls without the intention of getting laid, it'll happen.

**tripmachine** · 06-10-2009, 11:27 AM

Originally Posted by _CrossroadS_

Alot of guys sweat over what to say to girls. Half the time girls don't expect guys to just walk up to them randomly and start a conversation (outside of bars, social scene, drinking, etc).

Walk up to a cute girl in the grocery store and say hi and make conversation. All of a sudden the playing field is leveled and she's nervous because she probably rarely gets put in this situation. Don't try and get laid either. Just talk to her. And do this everywhere you go. You'll eventually see that girls are not looking at you all the time like you are some sex starved pervert, and you have to say the magic words to break into their world.

Stay in shape, hang out with your buddies in places where single girls congregate, and mingle. Like I said, if you talk to girls without the intention of getting laid, it'll happen.

cool man! thanks for taking the time to respond to my post.... all of that information is great... I'll take what you said and use it... i think that's true what you say about going in to talk without trying to get laid because it seems whenever I'm looking to get a girl as a g/f or to 'plow' it never happens.... usually always happens when i least expect it... thanks again!

Anyone else have anything to add? I'm also really looking to get a good audio book, any suggestions? Thanks!

**Dancer** · 06-10-2009, 11:35 AM

Originally Posted by _CrossroadS_

Alot of guys sweat over what to say to girls. Half the time girls don't expect guys to just walk up to them randomly and start a conversation (outside of bars, social scene, drinking, etc).

Walk up to a cute girl in the grocery store and say hi and make conversation. All of a sudden the playing field is leveled and she's nervous because she probably rarely gets put in this situation. Don't try and get laid either. Just talk to her. And do this everywhere you go. You'll eventually see that girls are not looking at you all the time like you are some sex starved pervert, and you have to say the magic words to break into their world.

Stay in shape, hang out with your buddies in places where single girls congregate, and mingle. Like I said, if you talk to girls without the intention of getting laid, it'll happen.

+++2

I do think to build your self up you do need to go out and get somethin strange... Go out with the friends you have and make friends with thier friends work your way around...

Sitting on your ass aint gonna do shit but make it worse...

go on son be a ho make me proud!

**Kratos** · 06-10-2009, 11:42 AM

I've been there buddy.

You don't want her back now or ever, trust me.
You're the man, she rejected you. It will never be the same.

You're in good shape now. It may sound like stupidly simple advise, but find someone new.

**Big** · 06-10-2009, 11:44 AM

Use the time to really get to know yourself and what makes you happy. Often in relationships we tend to give of ourselves, and if you aren't careful you find years later that you've given yourself away. Find yourself first and you may be surprised how quickly you find someone after that. One day you will look at the pain you're feeling now as just a road that took you where you wanted to be.

**stack_it** · 06-10-2009, 11:47 AM

I went through the exact same thing with my ex. 5 1/2 years and then we were broke up but basically still together for about a year after. From experience I can tell you it only gets better with time. Put yourself out there and the confidence will grow

**IBuryyou** · 06-10-2009, 11:48 AM

Dont know of any videos but i was married for 7 years and got divorced. I was down in the dumps thinking whos going to want to date a 30 year old divorced man. What i learned was there are ALOT of women in your exact sistuation. I started getting phone calls from women that i knew that heard i was getting divorced that wanted me to go out for coffee with them. After dating different people for a couple of years i met the girl at the gym I always checked out that just ended her 2 year relationship with her man. Now im dating a 27 y/o highly educated women that has dedicated her life to working out like me. Life is very good now and I couldnt be happier about my divorce.
You dont have to try to be smooth. I met her cause she said to me at the gym one day "Dont you think its hot in here?" That started a stupid conversation about the gym. If I would have responded with "Yes its hot but thats because your in here" she would have ditched my @ss immediatley.

Right now theres no women because your still hanging out with your ex. No women is going to mess with a man whos hanging with his ex.

**tripmachine** · 06-10-2009, 11:48 AM

Originally Posted by Dancer

+++2

I do think to build your self up you do need to go out and get somethin strange... Go out with the friends you have and make friends with thier friends work your way around...

Sitting on your ass aint gonna do shit but make it worse...

go on son be a ho make me proud!

lolol ok i'll work on myself and confidence with girls so i can make you proud of me being the ho i should have been long ago... ;p what do you mean by get somethin strange? haha Thanks for the reply!

Originally Posted by Kratos

I've been there buddy.

You don't want her back now or ever, trust me.
You're the man, she rejected you. It will never be the same.

You're in good shape now. It may sound like stupidly simple advise, but find someone new.

yeah I don't think it has been the same since about 4 years ago as she has totally dominated the relationship by exploiting my financial hardships and past irresponsible behavior.. she would treat me more as her son than a b/f... I'm basically looking for information to get me up to par with the whole 'dating game' and socializing thing.... :] I know if I just sat around and focussed on every possible way to get my ex back i'd only be hurting myself a great deal more and IF we did get back together you're right.... things just wouldn't be the same =/ Thanks for the help!

**Kratos** · 06-10-2009, 11:50 AM

Originally Posted by tripmachine

I'm also really looking to get a good audio book, any suggestions? Thanks!

Screw books and audio books. This is the only audio you need.
You start getting in books and picking away at your brain, it's just gonna jack you up. Be friendly to everone you meet, and have fun in everything you do. I've spent my 20's single more often then not. I have the best times when I'm single. Rather then try to scheme to get her to change her mind, change your mind about her. There is a sea of people out there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpgq8...eature=related

**tripmachine** · 06-10-2009, 11:57 AM

Originally Posted by Big

Use the time to really get to know yourself and what makes you happy. Often in relationships we tend to give of ourselves, and if you aren't careful you find years later that you've given yourself away. Find yourself first and you may be surprised how quickly you find someone after that. One day you will look at the pain you're feeling now as just a road that took you where you wanted to be.

WOW.... that's basically what happened it seems.... I gave myself away to her and now without her I feel like I'm nothing and don't know what to do with my time.... I don't even know what is fun anymore because I have trained myself to just hang out with her and that's what makes me 'happy'.... Very nice words... Thanks!

now i just have to figure out how to 'get to know myself' Avoiding a rebound relationship is probably step 1 I'd imagine.

Originally Posted by stack_it

I went through the exact same thing with my ex. 5 1/2 years and then we were broke up but basically still together for about a year after. From experience I can tell you it only gets better with time. Put yourself out there and the confidence will grow

Thanks for sharing what happened with you as well... How long did it take after you guys stopped hanging out that last unofficial year did it take for you to feel truly 'ok' with not being together? Who's choice was the breakup? Thanks again!

Originally Posted by IBuryyou

Dont know of any videos but i was married for 7 years and got divorced. I was down in the dumps thinking whos going to want to date a 30 year old divorced man. What i learned was there are ALOT of women in your exact sistuation. I started getting phone calls from women that i knew that heard i was getting divorced that wanted me to go out for coffee with them. After dating different people for a couple of years i met the girl at the gym I always checked out that just ended her 2 year relationship with her man. Now im dating a 27 y/o highly educated women that has dedicated her life to working out like me. Life is very good now and I couldnt be happier about my divorce.
You dont have to try to be smooth. I met her cause she said to me at the gym one day "Dont you think its hot in here?" That started a stupid conversation about the gym. If I would have responded with "Yes its hot but thats because your in here" she would have ditched my @ss immediatley.

Right now theres no women because your still hanging out with your ex. No women is going to mess with a man whos hanging with his ex.

awesome man! I love stories like this because obviously I'm in the 'sh!tty' part of the story that I am going to tell someone in the future.... This kind of stuff really helps me out so I certainly appreciate it. :] Thanks!

**tripmachine** · 06-10-2009, 12:02 PM

Originally Posted by Kratos

Screw books and audio books. This is the only audio you need.
You start getting in books and picking away at your brain, it's just gonna jack you up. Be friendly to everone you meet, and have fun in everything you do. I've spent my 20's single more often then not. I have the best times when I'm single. Rather then try to scheme to get her to change her mind, change your mind about her. There is a sea of people out there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpgq8...eature=related

yeah those books DO make me over analyze things which probably isn't the best.. lol. That rocky video is awesome! I loved the last part where he's up all the stairs overlooking the city with his fists in the air... I get the sense that he's just happy with where he has taken himself and nothing else really matters. added that to my youtube favs... great motivational video + song Thanks :]

**stack_it** · 06-10-2009, 12:08 PM

I can't really remember exactly how long it took. It's very similar to body building and how you see the changes your body makes. It gets better every day whether you notice it or not. It's been about 8 months since I moved out and I feel I'm completelyover the relationship. We still talk every now and then but only as friends no kissing, sex, etc. People tend to think back only on the positives of the relationship and never think about the negatives. So I would think about the things in the relationship that I didn't like.

**_CrossroadS_** · 06-10-2009, 12:10 PM

I'd do my best to stay 100% isolated from her for at least a few months. Its amazing what that time apart can do for you. You will see things so much more clearly without your feelings for her clouding your vision. You remove the anger, sadness, jealousy, self-pity, loathing, pain and begin to replace it with good things. It is going to hurt, and for a while. But each day will be better, and you'll reach a point where you can move on happily.

**Necrosaro** · 06-10-2009, 12:12 PM

You got to understand not to put her on a pedistal. Keep busy with stuff and don't look busy...if she wants you back make her work for it. This may go on for a few months but if she bites make sure she is hook line and sinker. Give it time

**zimmy** · 06-10-2009, 12:14 PM

Joel Olsteen's "Become a better you"

It is a christian book but it does more than discuss religion. I have it on audio book and it was great to listen to while driving and running.

**IBuryyou** · 06-10-2009, 12:28 PM

Aren't we sensative? I think we all need to take some Letro and hit the gym!

**tripmachine** · 06-10-2009, 12:36 PM

Originally Posted by zimmy

Joel Olsteen's "Become a better you"

It is a christian book but it does more than discuss religion. I have it on audio book and it was great to listen to while driving and running.

Cool thanks! i'll look into that and see if i can find it online somewhere to download... Is it big in size? If it's not too big maybe you could send it to me possibly?? Thanks again

Originally Posted by IBuryyou

Aren't we sensative? I think we all need to take some Letro and hit the gym!

I'm taking some letro right now... haha just doing about .25mg ed Maybe I need to bump it up a tad though.... nipples are getting that tender feeling again so maybe bumping the letro up will help me not be such a pu$$Y ;p

Everyone else: Thanks for the replies and great info! So far I feel I can keep coming back to this to read for some reminders and great info for me to work on.

ANY other suggestions or words of wisdome/advice are definitely welcome! :]

**vpchill** · 06-10-2009, 12:38 PM

Brother as someone who is the Probably the Most Confident person on this side of the sun... You must sit back and do you before you worry about anyone else.. Find yourself and take ME time. Im confident because I believe in myself and dont care for doubters until after I proved them wrong.
No speaker or anyone else can help you gain confidence. You do have those that fake confidence to hide there weak shell. You must break out of wutever it is that is holding you back from yourself.
Confidence is inside YOU. You cant buy it or deny it. Everyone has it, Just some dont/wont believe enough in themselves to show it.
One thing about breaking up, You can let it break you or you can let it make you stronger. I love to be alone, because it gives me time to be me. Everyone wants someone but dont find yourself needing them to the point you lose yourself.
jmo

**Dancer** · 06-10-2009, 12:44 PM

Straneg ***** and lots of it.... go out and be a ho... hit some strange shit... **** that bitch that used you when you were weak and threated you like her son... **** her....

Oh if she has a sister hit that pisses off and it will be funny.

So out make friends dont sit at home and be a ho.

**tripmachine** · 06-10-2009, 12:45 PM

Originally Posted by vpchill

Brother as someone who is the Probably the Most Confident person on this side of the sun... You must sit back and do you before you worry about anyone else.. Find yourself and take ME time. Im confident because I believe in myself and dont care for doubters until after I proved them wrong.
No speaker or anyone else can help you gain confidence. You do have those that fake confidence to hide there weak shell. You must break out of wutever it is that is holding you back from yourself.
Confidence is inside YOU. You cant buy it or deny it. Everyone has it, Just some dont/wont believe enough in themselves to show it.
One thing about breaking up, You can let it break you or you can let it make you stronger. I love to be alone, because it gives me time to be me. Everyone wants someone but dont find yourself needing them to the point you lose yourself.
jmo

wow.... those are some more awesome words to read.... Thanks for taking the time to type that up for me and share what you know. Seriously all of this is sooo valuable to me.... one thing is I hear everyone saying I need to 'find myself' etc... How does one go about doing that if they have been lost for so long? Does it just take time alone and that's it? (sorry might be a silly question but I'm serious... I want to know how to be happy with ME and find myself)

Thanks again!

**Dancer** · 06-10-2009, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by vpchill

Brother as someone who is the Probably the Most Confident person on this side of the sun... You must sit back and do you before you worry about anyone else.. Find yourself and take ME time. Im confident because I believe in myself and dont care for doubters until after I proved them wrong.
No speaker or anyone else can help you gain confidence. You do have those that fake confidence to hide there weak shell. You must break out of wutever it is that is holding you back from yourself.
Confidence is inside YOU. You cant buy it or deny it. Everyone has it, Just some dont/wont believe enough in themselves to show it.
One thing about breaking up, You can let it break you or you can let it make you stronger. I love to be alone, because it gives me time to be me. Everyone wants someone but dont find yourself needing them to the point you lose yourself.
jmo

Amen... And go out and get you something strange.

**tripmachine** · 06-10-2009, 12:48 PM

Originally Posted by Dancer

Straneg ***** and lots of it.... go out and be a ho... hit some strange shit... **** that bitch that used you when you were weak and threated you like her son... **** her....

Oh if she has a sister hit that pisses off and it will be funny.

So out make friends dont sit at home and be a ho.

yeah man.... seriously **** her for doing that.. You know what is the craziest motivation / power that can be applied towards anything you'd like whether it be positive or negative? it's HATE. HATE makes me sooooo motivated to work out really hard and make my life all it can be. I'm working on it way more now that I'm HATING what she has done to me... I'm hating that she could just drop me out of the blue. I'm hating all the past she has put me through too so I'm funneling that hate and using the energy that comes with it to my advantage... That sh!t is awesome!

**vpchill** · 06-10-2009, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by tripmachine

wow.... those are some more awesome words to read.... Thanks for taking the time to type that up for me and share what you know. Seriously all of this is sooo valuable to me.... one thing is I hear everyone saying I need to 'find myself' etc... How does one go about doing that if they have been lost for so long? Does it just take time alone and that's it? (sorry might be a silly question but I'm serious... I want to know how to be happy with ME and find myself)

Thanks again!

Its Not Silly. Its honesty. You have to find you and what you like. Make yourself happy. Make yourself smile. Do the things you couldnt do too often because your relationship didnt allow you the time.
As the saying goes, You cant love someone unless you love yourself 1st.
DO YOU - excatly what it says. You take the time and DO for yourself.

**tripmachine** · 06-10-2009, 12:59 PM

Originally Posted by vpchill

Its Not Silly. Its honesty. You have to find you and what you like. Make yourself happy. Make yourself smile. Do the things you couldnt do too often because your relationship didnt allow you the time.
As the saying goes, You cant love someone unless you love yourself 1st.
DO YOU - excatly what it says. You take the time and DO for yourself.

Ok cool... I will start working on myself and doing everything for me now.... I used to rely on her for a lot of things but I shouldn't have ever relied on her or anyone for that matter.... it only seemed to make me weak and vulnerable. This game of life is tough but it's awesome at the same time. Very crazy. :] This help from this thread i'm getting is seriously making my day a MUCH happier day..

**calgarian** · 06-10-2009, 01:00 PM

And while you are trying to find yourself start hitting couger's night club that will boost ur confidence and its free sex as well

Make sure u do anal these old bitches like it

On a serious note follow the advise of all these good ppl. I never understand the concept of hanging out with Ex. Ex means u r done Move on. The reason she is an ex cause u cant stand her but yet u r too clingy to move on.....kick her on the side there are plenty where it came from.

**vpchill** · 06-10-2009, 01:06 PM

Any Time Brother. Just get your mind right and the women will come. People notice confidence.

I also agree with Cal

**fit4ever** · 06-10-2009, 01:25 PM

Check at the book 'Wild at Heart' by John Eldredge. This book disects the masculine heart and it will illustrate why you are the way that you are.

I'm a counselor so feel free to PM me anytime.

**thegodfather** · 06-10-2009, 02:20 PM

Breakups are a time to reinvent yourself. Use that time to do just that.

**DSM4Life** · 06-10-2009, 02:46 PM

**tripmachine** · 06-10-2009, 02:48 PM

Originally Posted by fit4ever

Check at the book 'Wild at Heart' by John Eldredge. This book disects the masculine heart and it will illustrate why you are the way that you are.

I'm a counselor so feel free to PM me anytime.

Cool I will look into that book... Thanks! and also thanks for letting me know you don't mind me PMing you any questions I may have, that means a lot.

Originally Posted by thegodfather

Breakups are a time to reinvent yourself. Use that time to do just that.

I didn't know such few words could make so much sense but it makes complete sense to me.... Gotta make myself better for myself in all regards... Thanks for the great words!

**tripmachine** · 06-10-2009, 02:49 PM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

lololol Wtf!? hahahaha soooo what's it take to get the girlS to do that?? lol

**CptAmericaX** · 06-10-2009, 02:56 PM

find the other guy and beat his @$$ 2.... just wanna put that out there been in ur situation theres another guy. I hope she sees hes just what ever but if u find him crush him.

**fit4ever** · 06-10-2009, 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by thegodfather

Breakups are a time to reinvent yourself. Use that time to do just that.

The idea of reinventing yourself basically says that "my true self obviously wasn't good enough so I must change who I am from this day forward to be liked once again". Rather than doing that, be proud of what you are and who you are through yourself. It's human nature to want to be loved by any and all. But if you're not happy with yourself, then you won't be happy with someone else.

**yannick35** · 06-10-2009, 04:59 PM

Try to find a good psychologist they can really help, i was lucky the one i have turned my life around.

Sentimental issues are never easy to deal with either. Confidance you will have to work at it but they can also help you with this, its a 50/50 work.

**thegodfather** · 06-10-2009, 06:00 PM

Originally Posted by fit4ever

The idea of reinventing yourself basically says that "my true self obviously wasn't good enough so I must change who I am from this day forward to be liked once again". Rather than doing that, be proud of what you are and who you are through yourself. It's human nature to want to be loved by any and all. But if you're not happy with yourself, then you won't be happy with someone else.

I look at it from a different perspective. No one is 'perfect,' in market terms, becoming "satisfied" means becoming complacent. When you become complacent you get beaten, you loose, be it profts or otherwise. I believe there is always room for improvement, to become better. If Ronnie Coleman went home after the Olympia and said, "Im fine with myself," he would not have won the event 8 times. There is nothing wrong with reinventing yourself to correct small flaws and inefficiencies. It does not signal to anyone that you are weak or unhappy with yourself, only that you constantly strive to be the best. The fact that him doing this coincides with them breaking up is only important in the regard that now he has more time to devote to himself instead of someone else.

**fit4ever** · 06-10-2009, 07:06 PM

Originally Posted by thegodfather

I look at it from a different perspective. No one is 'perfect,' in market terms, becoming "satisfied" means becoming complacent. When you become complacent you get beaten, you loose, be it profts or otherwise. I believe there is always room for improvement, to become better. If Ronnie Coleman went home after the Olympia and said, "Im fine with myself," he would not have won the event 8 times. There is nothing wrong with reinventing yourself to correct small flaws and inefficiencies. It does not signal to anyone that you are weak or unhappy with yourself, only that you constantly strive to be the best. The fact that him doing this coincides with them breaking up is only important in the regard that now he has more time to devote to himself instead of someone else.

Comparing your heart and soul to bodybuilding (the flesh) is like apples and oranges. Your heart and soul has certain deposits within them, making them what they are today and forever.

And to expand on my earlier post, if you were once in a relationship acting as someone that you're not, then you're probably better off not being in that relationship any further. Then you may need to reinvent what you once were in an attempt to rediscover what makes you who you are (or were).

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