10 Rules for Dating my Daughter from G-S

[mass junkie]

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waistline.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing some kind of “barrier method" can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating my daughter. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places
where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I am a 255lb gear head, short tempered, and not playful. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, a backhoe, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid, Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. Or a fighter jet over the desert in Kuwait. When my Agent Orange or other things I have been exposed to start acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine

[Maraxus]

LoL that is awesome

[SV-1]

[yooo]

Good read for all you fathers out there!

[Blown_SC]

I have a shotgun, a shovel, a backhoe, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid, Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. Or a fighter jet over the desert in Kuwait. When my Agent Orange or other things I have been exposed to start acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine[/B]

LMFAO...

That's hilarious! Awesome read...

[DF2003]

classic g-s! rare form

[slizzut]

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I am a 255lb gear head, short tempered, and not playful. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, a backhoe, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.


HAHAHAHHAHAHahahah tthats classic

[juicehoe]

why dont u just clean your guns in front of him while he waits for your daughter to get ready too lol

[cb25]

Two responses. When I was 16 and meeting my first girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad gave me something very similar. It was more of an "application for dating our daughter" type thing...very funny stuff, but they were half-way serious, and i could tell.

Second, in response to juicehoe -- the same dad, the first time i met him, he was cleaning his shotguns for a "hunting trip" the next morning...i walk in and he shouts out "Duuuuude!" and then cocks the gun and says, "what's up!!?"

i was a little bit intimidated...freaking psycho family though. i'm more scared now that i know them than i was at the time!!

[Swellin]

Two responses. When I was 16 and meeting my first girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad gave me something very similar. It was more of an "application for dating our daughter" type thing...very funny stuff, but they were half-way serious, and i could tell.

Second, in response to juicehoe -- the same dad, the first time i met him, he was cleaning his shotguns for a "hunting trip" the next morning...i walk in and he shouts out "Duuuuude!" and then cocks the gun and says, "what's up!!?"

i was a little bit intimidated...freaking psycho family though. i'm more scared now that i know them than i was at the time!!

You datin my cousin boy?

[juicehoe]

Yea thats known to happen... the old cleaning of the shot gun. classic

Second, in response to juicehoe -- the same dad, the first time i met him, he was cleaning his shotguns for a "hunting trip" the next morning...i walk in and he shouts out "Duuuuude!" and then cocks the gun and says, "what's up!!?"

[Prime]

Mass isnt your kid like 2 Bit young to be dating IMHO!

[Z-Ro]

lol classic man classic

[max-it]

sorry but i have to print a copy for my wife, that is hilarious!

[AnabolicBoy1981]

MASS JUNKIE IS THE MAN!!!!
That is the way to parent! I blame bad parenting for all the teen pregnancies in this country. Parenting today is a joke. Parents are not strict enough with theeir daughters and do nothing to protect them. I totally commend Mass Junkie and I hope I am just like him one day if i have a daughter.

When i was 17 I met my first girlfriends dad. It was an intimidating experiance. Her mom was cool, but all the moms were becuase they all wanted to **** me prolly, cuz i'm sexy. But anyway, after the first few times, i started to see the father as a pussy, and the intimidation factor went away. That is how it became with many of these "fathers". I figured "Why should i be afraid of this ****. I'm a stronger, in better shape, and I wrestle. If he ****s with me i'll just rip his arms off." After i realized this, all the other fatherly enounters seemed quite commical. The more stern the old man, the funnier it got. I would have a seroius but pleasent look on my face as I would speak to the father, nodding my head and pretending to be slighty stupid and in reverence to him, but inside I was smiling, cuz i was thinking "Yeah. I'm gonna wiggle my finger into your daughters butthole tonight."
If he was a real father, he wouldn't even be letting her date in highschool, let alone attend a coed school. I just lost all repect for these lousy excuses for parents and their daughters.
Every parent wants to be the "cool parent" so much that they forget that it is their job to protect them from society. Mothers are more to blame for this than fathers. But sometimes i would get these really softy fathers, who almost befriended me, and i just thought "You idiot. Do you have any idea how much of a whore your daughter is?"
It is this lack of parenting that has produced so many young women underserving of the title "Mrs. AnaBolicboy". I just can't take a girl seriously when she starts acting like a porn star. Nobody raised their daughters the old fashined way, cuz i have yet to meet an old fashioned girl.

Parenting in america is a joke.
My hats off to Mass Junkie. Well done.

[Blown_SC]

Mass didn't write it...

[FCECC2]

mouahahahahah havnt laugh like that in a while!!! G-S is one big mofo!!

[pretty_tony]

i hope i have a son

[drdeath613]

lol funny as hell leave it to mass to leave a smile on everyone

[Steroids101]

lol!

A couple of years ago I dated the daughter of a huge motherfacker. This guy was roided to the gills, he was about 6' 2" 240-60 without much fat. He was always chewing gum very loudly and giving me a stare more intense than clint eastwood. I think he's probably a member of these boards so Ill shut up now...

[Doc M]

Sounds like someone is a little too full of themselves!! And your statement of, "Why should I be afraid of this ****". Funny..You just had a lack of respect for her parents, it had nothing to do with the fact that they were whimps..You're just lucky you didn't run into a father that decided to hand your arrogant ass to you on a platter..You wrestle!! I know that frightens me!! You obviously are not suffering from a lack of self-esteem.. I guess I will just dismiss your post as that you are obviously too young to know ANYTHING about parenting, and you have been eating a few too many dream pops in your youth..

Doc M

MASS JUNKIE IS THE MAN!!!!
That is the way to parent! I blame bad parenting for all the teen pregnancies in this country. Parenting today is a joke. Parents are not strict enough with theeir daughters and do nothing to protect them. I totally commend Mass Junkie and I hope I am just like him one day if i have a daughter.

When i was 17 I met my first girlfriends dad. It was an intimidating experiance. Her mom was cool, but all the moms were becuase they all wanted to **** me prolly, cuz i'm sexy. But anyway, after the first few times, i started to see the father as a pussy, and the intimidation factor went away. That is how it became with many of these "fathers". I figured "Why should i be afraid of this ****. I'm a stronger, in better shape, and I wrestle. If he ****s with me i'll just rip his arms off." After i realized this, all the other fatherly enounters seemed quite commical. The more stern the old man, the funnier it got. I would have a seroius but pleasent look on my face as I would speak to the father, nodding my head and pretending to be slighty stupid and in reverence to him, but inside I was smiling, cuz i was thinking "Yeah. I'm gonna wiggle my finger into your daughters butthole tonight."
If he was a real father, he wouldn't even be letting her date in highschool, let alone attend a coed school. I just lost all repect for these lousy excuses for parents and their daughters.
Every parent wants to be the "cool parent" so much that they forget that it is their job to protect them from society. Mothers are more to blame for this than fathers. But sometimes i would get these really softy fathers, who almost befriended me, and i just thought "You idiot. Do you have any idea how much of a whore your daughter is?"
It is this lack of parenting that has produced so many young women underserving of the title "Mrs. AnaBolicboy". I just can't take a girl seriously when she starts acting like a porn star. Nobody raised their daughters the old fashined way, cuz i have yet to meet an old fashioned girl.

Parenting in america is a joke.
My hats off to Mass Junkie. Well done.

[Doc M]

Her mom was cool, but all the moms were becuase they all wanted to **** me prolly, cuz i'm sexy.

Sorry, I forgot to highlight this one..This has to go down as one of the funniest statements..

Doc M

[chicamahomico]

IMO it's all in the parenting, lil whores go hand in hand with crappy parents. I know some respectable girls (yes they actually still exist in today's world, few and far between) and they all have one thing in common......a good family that cares about them.

[decadbal]

rice paddy in hanoi.... i feel th pain..

[flexin-rph]

This is a great post...my daughter is one of the main reasons I lift...so I can put the fear of God in future boyfriends.

[RussianVodka]

LMAO:-) That's hilarious! Awesome post!!!

[rambo]

so I can put the fear of God in future boyfriends.

Then just show them a picture of me.

[RATM]

Mass my friend, being a fellow daddy to a little girl, I commend you on the best post you have done.

by the way, 255???? who you kiddin?? 155 at best.

[Mass Quest]

that girls going to be an OLD SPINSTER!
lol

[artcien]

hahahaha great post!

[AnabolicBoy1981]

Sounds like someone is a little too full of themselves!! And your statement of, "Why should I be afraid of this ****". Funny..You just had a lack of respect for her parents, it had nothing to do with the fact that they were whimps..You're just lucky you didn't run into a father that decided to hand your arrogant ass to you on a platter..You wrestle!! I know that frightens me!! You obviously are not suffering from a lack of self-esteem.. I guess I will just dismiss your post as that you are obviously too young to know ANYTHING about parenting, and you have been eating a few too many dream pops in your youth..

Doc M

Excuse Doc. Why do you insult me?
I am assuming you are a parent. I am assuming that you have a negative attitude towards me becuase you view me as the enemy,as apossible threat(or people like me). Yes, I am a male, i am horny, and I was horny in highschool and I will always be horny. It is not my fault that several teenage girls willingly gave their bodies to me. It's not like I put GHB in their drink and knocked 'em out. I was making a statement about parenting in this country. I am the one who has devirginized several girls, therfore, don't you think can say a little something about the quality of females this world has produced? Don't you think I have the right to be a little irritated that it is very hard to find a respectable girl these days to marry?
Well I am not the enemy. I just think you did not like the manner in which I presented my opinion.
And why do you attack me saying "you are obviously too young to know ANYTHING about parenting, "?????????
True. I'm not a parent. And I'm sure I don't know as much as you(assuming you are a parent), but I do know what kind of parenting doesn't work, and that is what I'm saying.
Excuse me if I came off as arrogant, but i can't help but think someone is a pussy when they try to act tougher them somebody who can kick there ass in 5 seconds. I also have a problem with people who complain about something, and do not take REAL actions necessary to change it. For instance, some parents get irritated when they're daghters get knocked up. Well, maybe they should be stricter with the next daughter and not let her date till she moves out, instead of acting like a badass to the guy who comes to pick her up. It's like the fatass who won't get his ass to the gym. Complains about being fat, and does nothing REAL to improve his situation, except for halfheartedly attempting a fad diet. That's what parents do about discipline. They halfheartedly try to be strict. And everybody knows it's bull****, cuz it sure ain't workin.

Please don't insult me. I am not the enemy. Bad parents are.

[max-it]

Excuse Doc. Why do you insult me?
I am assuming you are a parent. I am assuming that you have a negative attitude towards me becuase you view me as the enemy,as apossible threat(or people like me). Yes, I am a male, i am horny, and I was horny in highschool and I will always be horny. It is not my fault that several teenage girls willingly gave their bodies to me. It's not like I put GHB in their drink and knocked 'em out. I was making a statement about parenting in this country. I am the one who has devirginized several girls, therfore, don't you think can say a little something about the quality of females this world has produced? Don't you think I have the right to be a little irritated that it is very hard to find a respectable girl these days to marry?
Well I am not the enemy. I just think you did not like the manner in which I presented my opinion.
And why do you attack me saying "you are obviously too young to know ANYTHING about parenting, "?????????
True. I'm not a parent. And I'm sure I don't know as much as you(assuming you are a parent), but I do know what kind of parenting doesn't work, and that is what I'm saying.
Excuse me if I came off as arrogant, but i can't help but think someone is a pussy when they try to act tougher them somebody who can kick there ass in 5 seconds. I also have a problem with people who complain about something, and do not take REAL actions necessary to change it. For instance, some parents get irritated when they're daghters get knocked up. Well, maybe they should be stricter with the next daughter and not let her date till she moves out, instead of acting like a badass to the guy who comes to pick her up. It's like the fatass who won't get his ass to the gym. Complains about being fat, and does nothing REAL to improve his situation, except for halfheartedly attempting a fad diet. That's what parents do about discipline. They halfheartedly try to be strict. And everybody knows it's bull****, cuz it sure ain't workin.

Please don't insult me. I am not the enemy. Bad parents are.

This is where loz used to jump in and yell JERRY JERRY JERRY, boring now that he is not hanging here often.

[THA GONZ]

Excuse Doc. Why do you insult me?
I am assuming you are a parent. I am assuming that you have a negative attitude towards me becuase you view me as the enemy,as apossible threat(or people like me). Yes, I am a male, i am horny, and I was horny in highschool and I will always be horny. It is not my fault that several teenage girls willingly gave their bodies to me. It's not like I put GHB in their drink and knocked 'em out. I was making a statement about parenting in this country. I am the one who has devirginized several girls, therfore, don't you think can say a little something about the quality of females this world has produced? Don't you think I have the right to be a little irritated that it is very hard to find a respectable girl these days to marry?
Well I am not the enemy. I just think you did not like the manner in which I presented my opinion.
And why do you attack me saying "you are obviously too young to know ANYTHING about parenting, "?????????
True. I'm not a parent. And I'm sure I don't know as much as you(assuming you are a parent), but I do know what kind of parenting doesn't work, and that is what I'm saying.
Excuse me if I came off as arrogant, but i can't help but think someone is a pussy when they try to act tougher them somebody who can kick there ass in 5 seconds. I also have a problem with people who complain about something, and do not take REAL actions necessary to change it. For instance, some parents get irritated when they're daghters get knocked up. Well, maybe they should be stricter with the next daughter and not let her date till she moves out, instead of acting like a badass to the guy who comes to pick her up. It's like the fatass who won't get his ass to the gym. Complains about being fat, and does nothing REAL to improve his situation, except for halfheartedly attempting a fad diet. That's what parents do about discipline. They halfheartedly try to be strict. And everybody knows it's bull****, cuz it sure ain't workin.

Please don't insult me. I am not the enemy. Bad parents are.

Honestly so your saying the only way to be a good parent is to lock your children up until they move out??
I know many girls who's parents were very strict and still turned out a mess more as a rebelious thing than anything else. I am not a parent nor do I claim to know the proper way to be a parent but your ideas are very foolish and uneducated.
As for what Doc M said, I agree with him, You sound very full of yourself and you're Obviously very immature!
I usually ignore these kinds of posts, but 2 consecutive posts completly contradicting yourself is to funny.

This post is about people not wanting to let their daughters date losers and you say you agree 100%, Then you go on to tell stories about how you date girls and disrespect them and their parents.
I bet if you were dating the daughter of the guy who made this thread origianlly he would kick you're ass because you are in essence exactly the type of kid he is trying to keep his daughter away from.
Do you still agree with his post??

[Gaucho77]

This reminds me of the scene in Bad Boys II

[brian11]

This reminds me of the scene in Bad Boys II

Me and my roomate already have plans for that same scene when one of us has a daughter. We figure that by that time we will be some big mofo's and it will be hilarious.

[956Vette]

bump

[1819]

awesome. too bad no matter how tough a father acts, or is, those little punk kids really dont care.

[NYGIANTS21]

HAHAHA that was great. I better never have a daughter.. But I love rule 9

Good stuff

[Bigen12]

Having a 14 year old daughter, I use this method of rooting out any potential problems.

I make sure that I meet any and all potential boyfriends. I walk up really close to them invading their personal space as I warn them of the anger management issues that cause my life to sometimes spiral into a violent blood lust.

[oldman]

My daughter is almost 16 and is a cute girl.. When she starts to talk about a new boy she likes I go pick her up and school so I can meet him. I generally just put my hand out to shake theirs and when they stick their hand in mine I squeeze real tight (not to hurt them but so they can't pull away) and I pull them close and whisper, "that is my only daughter and I love her so if you make her cry I will make you cry more". Then I smile and get back in my car..

The strange thing is my daughter does not have any boyfriends this year?? I can't figure out why


Oldman