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06-29-2005, 08:34 PM #41
i cant believe you guys went through this thread without me........... very upset right now........
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06-29-2005, 08:36 PM #42
well.....there was the one night....wow I must have blocked it out. I drank sooo much that I blacked out. When I came to.......Heavy Hitter was asleep next to me. We had been reverse spooning and he was asleep on my arm.
I was so scared that I would wake him up that I chewed off my own arm to get away. OMG he scared me so bad.....I haven't been able to have sex since!1. Once a cheat always a cheat!
2. YES, SHE can get pregnant the first time!
3. NO, PULLING out IS NOT a RELIABLE method of Birth Control. DAMMMMIT..... Wrap that shyte UP!!
Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.
What the mind can conceive....the body will achieve!
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06-29-2005, 08:39 PM #43Originally Posted by BlInDsIdE
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06-29-2005, 08:54 PM #44
Meet this Mom(didnt know she was a mom at the time) through my work. GO to her place have dinner, chocolate, wine. She busts out some oils, starts massaging me, f***ing. I pass out. Next thing i know its 5 in the morning and some 3 yo kid its kicking me in the head. Im ass naked on the floor, blood all over my grinder, and a blood shaped heart on my stomach from her ass. I grab my clothes, tell the kid to F**k off and bolt out the door. half way down the street i realize i left my wallet. i say f**k it and keep running. some dudes driving by pick me up cause they say i look normal untill the notice the blood on my hands. ask me wtf happened to you i say i dont know. they take me home. i take a long hot bath. I HATE KIDS
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06-29-2005, 09:03 PM #45
chick slept over one night, next day couldnt find her panties. no big deal probably stuck in the sheets or somethin. next night while im hittin it, i look over and see my dog eating her undrewear. swallowed them and all. laughed my ass off. of course when we were done i never said a word. she probably thought i was some kinda nut and was stealing them.
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06-29-2005, 09:05 PM #46Originally Posted by BlInDsIdE
god, what nerve of him! lol
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06-29-2005, 09:57 PM #47
Originally Posted by Tock
Well, my sex life is pretty much plain vanilla, and I like it that way.
But the freakiest moment I can remember is when my sweetie & I were basking in the afterglow and he mentioned that he had worked on an election campaing for Phil Gramm (a Republican US Senator). It was like he had just dumped a bucket of ice on me . . . I jumped out of bed in horror and disgust, and I would have ended things right then and there if he hadn't been such a good lay.
-Tock
Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi
Ugh!
-Tock
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06-29-2005, 10:41 PM #48
since you guys will never meet me in real life...i was screwing around with this crazy bitch and she told me if i let her put an object in my ass that she would let me **** her in the ass. I wont explain how it came about, but I really wanted anal so i let her shove a glowstick in there... the sad part is that i didnt get anal after!! Needless to say she was properly dispensed of a few days later.
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06-29-2005, 10:54 PM #49Originally Posted by 3Vandoo
No crazy stories here.
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06-29-2005, 10:55 PM #50
Michael, Michael and David.........SUCK!!!!
EDIT: f-ck, I posted a reply instead of starting a new thread.
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06-29-2005, 11:04 PM #51
ok,
so it was my first date with this real hot hooter's waitress.. turns out she loves to drink, so we get hammered.. things go good in my favor, and were going back to my place..
well, here in texas if you get smashed, you go eat at a 24hr mexican food place afterwereds (just goes so well together)
so we eat, go back to my place... got her in just a thong and she gave me great oral, ya know no big deal.. (but, this girl had a great body, was a hooters rep at their promo events)
but, jeeeeeeeeeeeez.. while she was sleeping she kept giving me the worst, mexican food, dutch ovens.. i mean she was hot but i was suffering.. to make it worse she gets up, while i'm pretending to sleep, and goes to the bathroom to take the longest shit..
it was for the best though.. she was feeling bad about me not calling her.. and one of my boys was being a good guy and makin' feel better.. now, they love each other and live together..
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06-29-2005, 11:23 PM #52Originally Posted by Tazwell
Btw, your story was hilarious. Did you tell your friend (her current bf) about the dutch ovens?
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06-29-2005, 11:55 PM #53Retired Vet
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- Nov 2001
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- IRELAND.
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- 4,185
I really don't think I've had any freaky sexual encounters, I've enjoyed them all more or less. Sorry!.
But dammit Dally's story is going to make it into the AR classics!.
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06-29-2005, 11:56 PM #54Originally Posted by Tock
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06-30-2005, 12:26 AM #55Originally Posted by clockworks
yea, i told him. when ever i see them together i always say something like, "y'all gonna get some taco cabana" we start laughing she has no idea why.
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06-30-2005, 06:00 AM #56Anabolic Member
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- Jun 2004
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Originally Posted by Luminaire
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06-30-2005, 06:23 AM #57
I've done a lot of kinky and non-traditional things, but I don't think they qualify as weird....not in my book though.
I was dating this nympho for a short time that crossed the line with me though. We were getting in on, she asked for anal and being the gentleman that I am, of course I obliged. So I hit it like a deer in the highway, pulled the stinky sausage out and blew my load all over her back. I'm about to clean up when she turns over, takes my feces covered dick in her mouth and starts sucking it, I'm like....hhmm, whatever gets you off man. Bought that time she grabbed my head and tried to kiss me....naw bitch, you need some Aqua Fresh and Listerine first. The same girl insisted that I fuk her on the rag multiple times...no biggie.
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06-30-2005, 07:21 AM #58
Three months into dating this guy, im playing with my rocket pocket and he jumps on top of me. He askes me to use it on him so I begin the journey. Put it on high vibrate and listen to him moan with pleasure....so intense for him. The lube on the rocket pocket made it very hard to hold on to and before I knew it my BF asked, where is the vibrator? OH MY GOD, IT"S GONE! totally up there in the darkenss vibrating....... I was so damm embarrassed, he didn't know what to do and I couldn't reach it..... I take him to the toilet and start giving him Lamaze classes.... Breath baby Breath.... Push Push Push.... Thank god it came out cause I didn't want to take him to the hospital.
We're still together 3 years later and laugh about that often.
It wasn't awful but it could have been.
First time Im with my bf we're having awsome sex. I begin to have an orgasm, a vaganal orgasm, it's not common for most women but it is the type that usually floods the bed and can shoot across the room .
Well apparently he had never been with a woman having an orgasm like that and suddenly he stops, jumps off me and yells!!!! ARE YOU PISSING?????? I guess I scared him to death. lol
I explained it and he is still shocked when it takes 2 days to dry out his mattress.Last edited by LAW; 06-30-2005 at 07:34 AM.
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06-30-2005, 07:28 AM #59
Not as freaky but weird. I was asked to come over to a womans house to hang a ceiling fan. Keep in mind this was a casual aquaintance. I was installing the fan when she asked me to come in the next room to look at something. When I went in she was nude, on the bed and had a glass of wine. She asked me to have sex with her. I was so caught off guard, as I moved quickly to the bed, I fell and hit my head on her headboard. I got 13 stitches......Yes she was doable and yes I hit it before going to the emergency room................. I am such a whore!
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06-30-2005, 07:32 AM #60Originally Posted by LAW
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06-30-2005, 07:33 AM #61Originally Posted by oldmanliftr
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06-30-2005, 07:38 AM #62
All you bum hole bandits, that $hit ant for me ,something gay about it..lol
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06-30-2005, 09:31 AM #63
well, I can't say I've ever hit assy again after that shit.
I can't believe I forgot about this biatch I banged... she was a squirter.... its was one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen/rinsed with.
First time it happened I was over at her place and we were having some wine, what a fukin dump that place was come to think of it... and there were dirty clothes behind/under the couch and everything, I mean CLEAN THE FUK UP if your having some cack over... FACK!
so anyways, having some wine, and she starts honkin on bobo... couldnt do it well at all... fuk it I said, grabbed her put her up against the wall and started from behind, whenever my whopper popped out.... I could hear all this splashin fukin shit all over the hardwood... I was like wtf...??? course I didn't say anything, so we go into the bedroom (fukin pig pen) and she squats on my pecker and starts riding away.... she comes to a full O and I fukin swear to god, RINSED my sweaty fukin nutsac in the most fricken poon juice, you could imagine, it smelt like salty fukin water (pissy), I was like what the .... HELL WAS THAT!!
she's like thats... .cum.
I'm like your fukked thats NOT CUM... I grabbed some random shirt layin on the ground wiped my fukin nuts and assy and said yah I gotta get my smokes and left!
ewww gawd...dudes I tell ya, it was gross, I talked to her a few days later and was horny so I went back for seconds.... fuk what a waste of fukin time that was... she was like, I want you to suck my pussy, I'm like NO FUKIN WAY... your gonna spray me with that "cum" and blind me... or gimme a fukin facial (rash) I was like the only way I'm gonna eat your carwash is if you suck my whopper and eat the special sauce.
she says fine... so of course I get my whop sucked first .... one rule was IF IM GONNA DUMP SOME WAD, I HAVE to let her know, I HAVE TO tell her right before... FINE.
no problems, I was gonna away...so she's back at it, I'm having to teach her how to work the hand etc and she's got it down, thank god shes a fast learner... I about to spit dump on her and I say, its gonna bloowwwww and she pulls it out ... and I swear to god it blasts her right in the EYE.... and she shuts em, then UP THE NOSE like RIGHT in there and then all over her hair... HAHHHA yaep... and I made her rinse off the drainage leftovers ...
and there she is HER FIRST TIME, takin dump "in the mouth" and she's got it in the EYE, up the nose and in the hair!!
THEN I LEFT AGAIN!
dumb ass slobby coounch!
sorry thats not as good as the other, but, well, I'm kinda tired today
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06-30-2005, 09:48 AM #64Member
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- Dec 2003
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- Texas
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Originally Posted by Tazwell
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06-30-2005, 09:48 AM #65
Holy shit Dally. You are one funny mofo. I'm sitting in my office laughing out loud like an idiot.
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06-30-2005, 10:01 AM #66Member
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- Dec 2003
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Originally Posted by Dally
Another Dally classic.
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06-30-2005, 10:23 AM #67Originally Posted by LAW
YOU were embaressed???
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06-30-2005, 10:26 AM #68Originally Posted by LAW
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06-30-2005, 11:12 AM #69Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi
Yeah CB... but you forgot to mention EXACTLY why you werent able to have sex after that... might I add why you couldnt walk for a week as well!!! Yep, the reason why she was so scared was b/c she was so sore from the night before that she knew she wouldnt be able to take it again in the morning!!! The reason for not having sex until this day is b/c she doesnt want to ruin the memory of the feeling i gave her from it!!
for ex. she bangs a guy like Dally... she'll be so disappointed from the difference in big "O" she would get...... its nobodys fault Dally... just something I do to girls.....
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06-30-2005, 11:18 AM #70Originally Posted by co2boi
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06-30-2005, 11:45 AM #71
So it was with my ex gf from Saskatchewan who always says "eh"
so thats freaky enough for me!
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06-30-2005, 12:19 PM #72Originally Posted by 3Vandoo
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06-30-2005, 12:21 PM #73Originally Posted by co2boi
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06-30-2005, 12:23 PM #74
Oh ok, so they just say "eh" a lot in Saskatchewan? I thought that was the freaky part...lol
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06-30-2005, 12:24 PM #75Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi
always thought a little name calling when in that kind of mood was pretty hot...only time being called a whore is exceptable...but we all have our intolerables...as for me...just won't do the facial thing...just seems so degrading...and i'll punch a guy in the face if he ever tries pushing on the back of my head...in the words of Dally..."when suckin a whopper"..i work at my own pace...no complaints yet
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06-30-2005, 12:26 PM #76AR Hall of Fame
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- Dec 2002
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Originally Posted by VIXI
~SC~
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06-30-2005, 12:27 PM #77
had a guy ask me to pee on him once when we were in the shower...at first I was like no way...but hey...i realize we all have our own little fetishes...so what the hell...I told him I'd try...and...I just couldn't...I tried...and tried...but there's just some things you can't unlearn...finally just said "sorry...apparently I'm too well house trained"
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06-30-2005, 12:29 PM #78Originally Posted by SwoleCat
ummmm...that's hot...bet I could kick your ass...hehe...and even if I lose ...I still win...
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06-30-2005, 12:29 PM #79AR Hall of Fame
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Now, if a girl pees on me, I'm punching HER in the face!!
Nasty!!!!!
~SC~
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06-30-2005, 12:29 PM #80AR Hall of Fame
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Originally Posted by VIXI
Two losers who are winnin'!
Works 4 me.
~SC~
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