very depressed, i think GF wants to break up!

**Pooks** · 05-25-2006, 07:38 AM

Originally Posted by Timm1704

dude there are afew ppl on here that are taking this advice alittle seriously lol. i however, am taking it in jest

Its sad that this board has become a cross between Dr. Phil and some SEX CHAT thing

**Timm1704** · 05-25-2006, 07:40 AM

lol there has been alot of relationship q's lately, il admit, even i have started a thread about a women situation hehe

**helium3** · 05-25-2006, 07:43 AM

all rellationships demand compromise but if shes askin you to pack in then id say forget it,depends how much she means to you,a few hours a week shouldnt hurt but spending all your time at the gym leavin little for her will not work either,end of the day you have to decide no-one on here can make your mind up. my 2c

**mwolffey** · 05-25-2006, 08:27 AM

bodybuilding is more important imo...if she was the right girl she would not even ask this of you...she would understand how important it is to you

**lucabratzi** · 05-25-2006, 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by Pooks

Its sad that this board has become a cross between Dr. Phil and some SEX CHAT thing

haha no shit...i've noticed this too...girls make u crazy though and u have to vent somewere...

**Mizfit** · 05-25-2006, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by lucabratzi

haha no shit...i've noticed this too...girls make u crazy though and u have to vent somewere...

Im with Pookie

A lot of relationship issues lately on the board

sorry hun, but men and women both drive each toher crazy

**lucabratzi** · 05-25-2006, 08:43 AM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

Im with Pookie

A lot of relationship issues lately on the board

sorry hun, but men and women both drive each toher crazy

ok i'll give that to u...cause i can be a dick sometimes too...nobodies perfect though...

**ward065** · 05-25-2006, 10:19 AM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

I disagree with you.. TOTALLY.

This might solve things for about a minute.. then when reality sets in.. shit hit's the fan.

Back to the topic..
Do you spend enough time with her, or are you constantly putting training before her and actually sacrifice time with her for the gym?

women need to feel like a prioirty and if your putting the gym before her all the time.. this might be an issue ina relationship... If she doesnt have the same love and passion for the gym that you do. this could also be an issue if you are not willing to make some sacrifices.

I'd love to ask Dr. Phil for his input, lol..

anyways, you are right. I have had more time to clearly think about the issue. Bodybuilding comes before everything else in my life, whether it be the sleep, eating, or training. If/ When i need to make choices between this and time with her, 95% of the time it's bodybuilding. This is probably where the center of the problem lies. It takes up so much time.

Later today we are going to have a discussion.....I am going to basically mention the way it is, the fact that i will *try* to spend more time together (keyword try.......) And unfortunately i will have to be blunt, ultimately, you either accept me, or you break up for good with me. It's this part that will be the most difficult...

**ward065** · 05-25-2006, 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by mwolffey

bodybuilding is more important imo...if she was the right girl she would not even ask this of you...she would understand how important it is to you

Great point. When we first met i was no where near as serious about it as i am now. I was training and stuff; everything was just much more scattered with it. Within the past 14 months, bodybuilding has gained so much more significance in my life prior to that time.

on a somewhat different, but not totally unrealted note, i think i really need to socialize with people more than i am now. I used to party a bit, but ever since i got out of that and really started putting my life into this, the friends who i used to party and hang out with have kind of given up on me since; they no longer contact me frequently. Many have, similar to my mother's comments, Chastized me for bodybuilding, asking the question "Why? What's wrong with you?!" These comments/ expressions are funny if it's being made by a stranger, but not by a friend.

This is another area that i'd like to have resolved. Maybe there is a balance of some type that i can apply to my life.

**Mizfit** · 05-25-2006, 11:09 AM

Ward- can she go to the gym with u at all?

**Pooks** · 05-25-2006, 11:15 AM

I dunno bro..

Think about the consequences too.

If u go in with "this is how its gonna be"
u're going get a break in the relationship, more anger towards yah... etc.. basically blow up the problem to even bigger proportions... and even good chance of breaking up for good.

than u'll be single again...
unless u really have no emotions for this girl, u'll prolly feel bad about it, maybe some nights lonely etc... than u'll have to go date other girls, etc.. which will waste more time.. away from the gym.

U could completely cave in to her, and cut back on your bodybuilding for a while..etc...

but i still believe bro, all she prolly wants from you, is to acknowledge that she is right, and you are wrong..

and i bet yah, all she really wants is a moral victory, and to feel good bout herself, knowing u care about her more than the bodybuilding..
and i could almost 100% guarantee, that u could go on with your normal daily schedule and she won't say anything about it, still living of the emotional high, u gave her, by telling her how she's right, and how much u love/appreciate her, blah blah blah LOL

This way bro, u keep the peace.. u stick to your routine..
good chance the statues quo continues.. and all is good.

Girls just wanna be able to say to their friends how much u love them n stuff, they dont wanna say, he's obsessed with bodybuilding lol Thats Proven with words.. not really actions, since they are Emotional creatures.. .. what u really do, bodybuilding, it won't matter as long as u disguise it with words she wants to hear.

**tretch187** · 05-25-2006, 11:22 AM

I think you should cut back on the 3 hr workouts regardless of wtf you do with your girlfriend.

**IBdmfkr** · 05-25-2006, 11:25 AM

How do you workout for 3-3.5hrs? Do you stop mid way through and eat and then continue to finish the workout? I'm not understanding the advantage of spending that long in the gym or what you are even doing for 3hrs?

**tretch187** · 05-25-2006, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by IBdmfkr

How do you workout for 3-3.5hrs? Do you stop mid way through and eat and then continue to finish the workout? I'm not understanding the advantage of spending that long in the gym or what you are even doing for 3hrs?

lol.

Hold up bros... lemme knockout this sammich real quick.

Dammit, now I want a sammich...

**squatdaddy** · 05-25-2006, 02:27 PM

yeah, agreed 3 3.5 hrs/workout is way to long, NOT doing your body any good. If you do a balls to the wall workout it would be impossible to do a 3 hour workout... Lee Haneys motto "Stimulate, not Annihilate"
If muscle mass was a direct function of how much time you spend in the gym then I guess the guys at the top level just rent a space in the corner of a gym so they can workout 24/7
Lots of studies that prove working out to long puts your body in a catabolic state... want to grow? get out of the gym and eat

**ward065** · 05-25-2006, 03:14 PM

ive always gotten the best results with long workouts, and yes it is balls to the wall......see what progress i've made in the gym. i always train to failure......but, i do take plenty of rest time- about 3 mins- between sets and yes i do take a 5-10min break halfway through the workout before continuing. I stretch plenty and take my time, but i still train very intensely when performing my sets- I am fortunate to have never gotten an injury working out, like a muscle tear, i think that's because i don't rush things. I would rather take my time than going through a workout too quickly, even if it is more than normal. And the 3 hours or slightly more i spend in the gym, does include cardio, usually 15-20 mins at the end.

anyway we talked today and i am not feeling very good about it. I honestly don't think in the end this will work out with us, regrettably. I think ultimately i will need to find a committed partner who is willing to accept my way of life. In the end though, what will be will be, even if it is not to my agreement, i must accept it.

**playboii** · 05-25-2006, 03:38 PM

Im my opinion i think you shouldnt be in the gym 24/7 if your not training to be mr olympia you shouldnt be spending endless hours in the gym..2 hours in the gym 4 to 5 days a week is good enough my schedule is mon-thurs gym fri-sun my girl...all im saying is if your not training to be mr olympia theirs no need for all the endless hours in the gym besides endless hours = over training.

**squatdaddy** · 05-25-2006, 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by ward065

ive always gotten the best results with long workouts, and yes it is balls to the wall......see what progress i've made in the gym. i always train to failure......but, i do take plenty of rest time- about 3 mins- between sets and yes i do take a 5-10min break halfway through the workout before continuing. I stretch plenty and take my time, but i still train very intensely when performing my sets- I am fortunate to have never gotten an injury working out, like a muscle tear, i think that's because i don't rush things. I would rather take my time than going through a workout too quickly, even if it is more than normal. And the 3 hours or slightly more i spend in the gym, does include cardio, usually 15-20 mins at the end.

anyway we talked today and i am not feeling very good about it. I honestly don't think in the end this will work out with us, regrettably. I think ultimately i will need to find a committed partner who is willing to accept my way of life. In the end though, what will be will be, even if it is not to my agreement, i must accept it.

there is going to be no changing your mind about your workouts, I know this, so this really is a lesson in futility and yes you made progress, good progress BUT did you ever think that maybe you could of made better progress with less? I know you think that you are resting enough but unless you are wolverine, your body needs a little more recoopertive time than what you are giving it...if you weren't on gear your body would simply fall flat, I have seen it, guys with all the heart in the world, in the gym religiously 5 days week, there before I get there and still at it long after I leave... unfortunately there isn't much change in their body from year to year... and even on gear, it helps the repair process but man...again I know you are not going to change your ways, you have a formula that you think works and that's it but I have to at least tell you, you might see even quicker gains if you give your body the time it needs... sorry to keep going on about it and I know it isn't why you started this thread, I am sorry for your girl troubles, it's never easy and right now at this point in your life you have your own set of priorities, that right there answers your question, you are not ready for what she wants... just in different places in your life and that's ok.. sit her down have a heart-to-heart, tell her your passions, dreams and desire to at least give it a shot, let her know that in order to be truthful to anyone, you need to first start with yourself and if you don't pursue this you will always live with that regret and she wouldn't want you to do that since she cares for you so much.
anyway,
goodluck

**taiboxa** · 05-25-2006, 10:10 PM

OH for the love of god TAI is going to put an end to this thread w/ ACTUALY BENEFICIAL KNOWLEDGE

Here www.askaninja.com !

HA J/K bout that! but it was funny

anyways here it is
*** WARNING ACTUAL HELP FROM TAI BELOW***
HOW often to u train?
how long are your sessions?
do your meals/eating habits dick up ur QUALITY TIME w/ her? (i.e. cant go out tomovies or something kuz u kant eat at a resturaunt kuz they dont have ur HEALTH FOOD?)
answer those then i will tell u EXACTLY how to train so that you still get EXCELLENT Gains and still have quality time w/ your woman!
i have been through this SCENERIO COUNTLESS TIMES

**abstrack** · 05-25-2006, 10:15 PM

Originally Posted by SwoleCat

If all you both ever do is f*ck and watch movies, then what's the loss?

You can do that w/many women who won't change who you are.

Accept all of me, or get none of me.

~SC~

Mayb be they could compromise and fuc and watch movies at the same time to save a few minutes for personal time with each other. HA

**BEER WHORE** · 05-28-2006, 12:31 AM

get the pussy as long as possible fukcing and watching mioviesain the worst thing in the world imho

**J-Dogg** · 05-28-2006, 05:58 AM

I can tell your fusterated, and confused.

Honestly though bro, their are 168 hours in a WEEK what is the big deal if you dedicate TWELVE of them a WEEK to your Hobby/Lifestyle? Most guys will spend 40 of those hours in front of the T.V.

**Mizfit** · 05-28-2006, 06:03 AM

This thread reads.. like the mind of someone with ADD or ADHD..

Damn now that i think about it i can count a whole slew who posted.. NEVERMIND

**zimmy** · 05-28-2006, 11:00 AM

Originally Posted by lucabratzi

ok i'll give that to u...cause i can be a dick sometimes too...nobodies perfect though...

that's not what my mom tells me

:P

BG · 05-28-2006, 11:31 AM

Get her a second job.

**taiboxa** · 05-28-2006, 01:01 PM

This one time.. when i was younger my dad had brand new siding put on the side of his garage (HUGE WORK SHOP) and it was winter and there were ice cicles haing from the hangoff and i got this brilliant idea to throw a HAMMER at them to knock them down.

after about 15.. 16 good throws i got tired and went inside.. the next day my father is like WTF!!!!!!! and he calls me out there .. there were like 12 huge wholes in the side of his brand new siding

i was grounded

**Maetenloch** · 05-29-2006, 11:08 PM

Basically all we do is screw and maybe watch a movie once in awhile maybe, hang out, sometimes go to the mall but not too much more than that.

But i do not go to bars & drink, do not party because there isn't time for that. I have to sleep and train to do well, and i do not have time to party all night and then sleep for 5 hours. I have a strong feeling although she enjoys our SEXUAL relationship, she thinks that we need a better overall relationship, and THUS, i must make sacrificies which i cannot make.

Never listen too closely to the words a woman says - listen to the feelings behind them instead.

The problem here is not your workout routine. The real issue is that she's not getting enough attention from you and is wanting a more emotional connection. The time in the gym is just a convenient target she can point to, so no amount of logical arguing about is going to convince her that you're right. Don't make this a choice of the gym or her because it's not. It's not even about the time you spend in the gym, it's about how she _feels_ about the time you spend with her.

I can't tell from your description what your real feelings for her are. If it's just a casual sex thing, then let her go and continue on your path. Don't waste her time and distract yourself from your goals if you're not interested in a long term relationship.

However if the relationship is important to you, my reccomendation is the next time you see her, pull her tightly to you, kiss her, and then hold her and tell her how much you love her and how much she means to you. This is MAGIC and is often all a woman really needs to feel a lot happier.

Then schedule some nice 'dates' with her over the next few week and make an effort to really pay attention to her (note this may involve talking about feelings and chick flicks - believe me, the payoff is worth it).

If you have to trim your workouts for a couple of weeks, it's really no big deal in the long run. It's almost impossible to train flat out for long periods of time without overtraining, so you're likely due for some recovery anyway. Trust me, no one ever missed out out on winning Mr. O because they did lighter workouts for 3 weeks.

**Anna Bollick** · 05-30-2006, 09:10 AM

Where are your priorities? It is nothing to be ashamed of, if your relationship is more important than bodybuilding, or vice versa. I know, tough choice, but put the ball in her court a bit. Where are HER priorities? Who is closest to delivering an ultimatum? Is there no wiggle room?

Personally, I would be like this: "Hey, I was training when you met me. This is who I am. This is who I was then. You wanted me. Did you want me as I was, or did you want what you thought you could change me into? I am not changing for you. I satisfied you when we met, but you have decided that you are no longer satisfied with the way things have always been from the start. I don't want change. You do. So go change somebody else. You conniving scheming little smegma sucker." Or something like that.

Either way, it is not the end of the world. You can always start training again. You can also always get another girlfriend or whatever blows your skirt up. This might seem like a terrible choice to have to make right now, with grave consequences, but in twenty years you probably will barely remember this, so buck up, girlfriend, and just deal with it. What would Dr Phil recommend?

Love
Anna

**Mizfit** · 05-30-2006, 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by Anna Bollick

Where are your priorities? It is nothing to be ashamed of, if your relationship is more important than bodybuilding, or vice versa. I know, tough choice, but put the ball in her court a bit. Where are HER priorities? Who is closest to delivering an ultimatum? Is there no wiggle room?

Personally, I would be like this: "Hey, I was training when you met me. This is who I am. This is who I was then. You wanted me. Did you want me as I was, or did you want what you thought you could change me into? I am not changing for you. I satisfied you when we met, but you have decided that you are no longer satisfied with the way things have always been from the start. I don't want change. You do. So go change somebody else. You conniving scheming little smegma sucker." Or something like that.

Either way, it is not the end of the world. You can always start training again. You can also always get another girlfriend or whatever blows your skirt up. This might seem like a terrible choice to have to make right now, with grave consequences, but in twenty years you probably will barely remember this, so buck up, girlfriend, and just deal with it. What would Dr Phil recommend?

Love
Anna

Great advice as usual