Bo's Philosophy on Relationships

[Bojangles69]

I apologize in advance..

Within the content of any decision lies the information/value assessment. Many people as they come into these forums with relationship problems seem to be highly approval seeking in nature. They are confronted with some sort of conflict in a relationship and their first thought is to “seek information” or another words “seek approval” regarding the right thing to do. This leads us to briefly access the value of the information we’re about to receive. One common fault people make in life is using the age of someone to determine the value of the information. So lets take a look at some facts.
Basic first fact one. Its estimated that roughly 50% of every thought a person has through out the course of a day revolves around the sex/relationship area. Therefore there is bound to be a surplus of faulty information regarding the right thing to do because EVERYONE has not only one, but often a thousand opinions, and feels the need to express every one of them. For the majority, people form their foundations, boundaries, and standards in relationships at a young age, and although their views may change throughout a lifetime, this “foundation” will always remain pivotal in their thought process.
One of the most common examples is a line mommy probably uses about a thousand times in the course of our adolescence, the “just be yourself” line. This is to say the least from any rational perspective, a recipe for absolute disaster. How so you ask? Well take a look at yourself 5, maybe 10 years ago. Maybe when you were 14 for this specific example. Mommy says “just be yourself”. This implies that accepting this advice would condemn you to a life lived in the mentality of a 14 year old. We as humans, in nature, are constantly evolving, responding, and changing creatures. Even in the event of approaching a woman, failing to go outside your character and try something new or different will afford you absolutely no improvement whatsoever. We had to learn how to cook, we had to learn how to wipe our ass, so why should relationships be anything that’s ingrained into our natural struggle for comfort? Its not, it will never be, so stop “being yourself”. After all who is yourself? Just who YOU think you are. So as long as you think your someone who has to struggle in relationships, and continue to just be yourself.. your doomed for failure.
The cliché “with age doesn’t always come wisdom” rings MUCH truth especially in this area for the fact that people are somewhat embarrassed or resilient in exposing their personal relationship problems. Because this is a natural tendency, the person you receive advice from most likely will have went through a similar issue and will only have mediocre at best advice to dispense. With wisdom, comes one thing, willingness to experience. And also, the ability to decide without contemplating the outcome for too long. People who contemplate outcomes, rob themselves of the wisdom their decision will provide them. The most successful people in this world make decisions and do it often. Delaying decisions, perpetuates confusion, and fills your information banks with less valuable data. This doesn’t go to say act without thinking, but more to avoid the think without acting syndrome so prevalent with people today.
Another factor in relationships that is rarely noted is climatic changes. With the arrival of summer, and the scarcity of clothing, biological urges naturally become more pronounced. This is why the majority of conflict in relationships arises with the onset of warm weather. And it is in my opinion that most break ups happen around September/Octoberish. The time in between the onset of summer and its departure usually marks the length of time it takes someone to make a decision, like breaking up. They’ll spend their summer in a masquerade of flings, infidelities, and uncertainty. Than as winter peeks its frosty face, the need for closure increases.
So as natural the cycle of weather, as natural these threads become bombarded with “approval seekers”. Raising questions like “is she cheating” or “can you help me solve MY relationship problems. Interesting how we become so desperate we’ll pose a question on an internet forum, relying on someone half way around the world who knows neither the specifics of the relationship, nor the specifics of our individual personalities (or our partner). So we type a paragraph or two, cross our fingers, and make a decision we still most likely will have made regardless of posting the thread in the first place.
Here’s a few basic rules of thumb. At the first hint of disinterest or suspicion of infidelity, PULL BACK. Women despise approval seekers. You posting a thread is only perpetuating that function of your personality. A wise man recently said (and wrote a book about) the saying, “attraction is not a choice”. No amount of bickering, whining, complaining or supplicating will change anyone’s mindset, and is most likely to repel them even further. Relationships diminish your social skills to a degree. Instead of working to gain those skills back, you may naturally, yet sadly want to save it at ANY cost. Some of the issues I’ve read about should not even have been brought into this world as a “decision” but as a “direct action”. She’s pulling away, you NEVER EVER EVER under ANY circumstance, step forward. You never SEEK APPROVAL about the right thing to do. Its like chasing your dog when it gets loose, unless you’ve trained the shit out of it most likely it will run away. And even when it does come back there’s the relief, but a lingering disappointment that you got what you wanted and that your dog was “loyal” but too ****ing weak to do what it really wanted, like run into oncoming traffic.
Ask yourself a few serious questions prior to making your decision. First, if there was no such thing as a romance movie or novel how would that change your overall perspective. Where did you learn to love? You weren’t born knowing how to love. You learned it from your environment, and a lot of times a lot of what society believes is love is simply what they learned from movies or books. Because how else can we teach society? Start teaching love in school? (some places may scratch the surface, but ultimately that would ruin the true essence of love) So examine you own personal beliefs, be sure to have as few ideals as possible. Idealistic love is the product of social conditioning, social conditioning is realer than a heart attack, but the source of social conditioning is often illusive, idealistic or completely non-existent.
The fact is relationships are very comparable to business economics. Both partners are trading different forms of currencies to suit their needs. But the ultimate and most valuable currency in any relationship is self esteem. When two partners decide to become an “item” their self-esteems will merge into the same tank. So depending on the amount of self-esteem your partner has, that’s exactly how much your own self-esteem will increase when your with them. This is why when you first meet someone you actually feel like a different person, happier and (as some narcissist’s would like to dispute) more confident.
Other forms of currency are social value/status, sexual favors, protection, financial benefits, time, freedom, (ie: a good looking woman may pay a rich man time, freedom, and sexual favors in turn for his financial benefits, and social recognition) The specific currencies we value determine the mate we ultimately choose.
I can turn any relationship into a map of currency exchange (and sometimes people will refuse the idea because of their social conditioning) but w/e the case your paying your partner something to gain something in return, as much as you’d like to believe otherwise (Its ok, those are the romance movies thinking for you, I won’t be offended) that’s exactly the case.
But the main point of this thread is to point out that as much as you fumble around and debate the “right thing to do” there are LOTS of people out there who won’t give it a second thought and know the EXACT right thing to do in your situation. As obvious as the answer is to them it is to you to, you just are insecure about yourself therefore insecure about the decision.
Self-esteem is what delays decision, if you find yourself a very indecisive person, it’s a tell-tale sign of your insecurity. Secure people are secure within their decisions, trust themselves, and have faith that things will work out for the best. The only way you gain self-esteem is to conquer fears. If you have a fear of getting your heart broke and devote your life to avoid that, you’ll always be insecure in relationships.
So I’ll end on this note, before you post that thread, I assure you, you know exactly what you should do. Don’t complicate things. Ask yourself what would your ideal self do in that situation? And miraculously the answer will come, unless your ideal self is a squirrel or some shit.
And I should note, this thread wasn’t made to belittle or offend ANYONE. I genuinely care about my fellow man and I don’t profess to be anything more than what I am, I just hate to see people make things so hard on themselves, or fumble around and **** up the most obvious thing in the world.

And I’ll end with a favorite quote:

If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back its yours,
If it doesn’t, it never really was in the first place.

~RC

[SwoleCat]

Whoa! I appreciate your willingness to put the "pen to the pad", but u need paragraphs and people need 4 days to read it all.

Lo siento!

~SC~

[Bojangles69]

muchos gracias!!

[G-1000]

Wow that was long.

[WEBB]

Bo, I cant read but all those words look very pretty on the page....do you approve???

good read man, well said too...i will wait for the readers digest condensed version later this month on Oprah....

[THE_DOME]

bo looks like a good post i am going to need to break it down into a few days

[Bojangles69]

Bo, I cant read but all those words look very pretty on the page....do you approve???

good read man, well said too...i will wait for the readers digest condensed version later this month on Oprah....

yes.. Oprah could def use a little AR in her life.

[Bojangles69]

bo looks like a good post i am going to need to break it down into a few days

yeh i just kinda started and couldnt stop, figured the more i write now the less i have to write in the future.

[Mizfit]

I actually read the whole thing, but i don't think i am one of the one's that needed too.

[Prada]

Well one thing that crucial for our personel development is to be able to adapt to our surrounding environment. Also be able to learn and comprehend from our environment. Those that do not ultimatly fail somewhat especially in todays day and age.

As far as decision making, there is the factor of risk. Some are more comfortable taking them while others have no yen whatsoever to confront risk.

For the weather and "flings" theory.......well Ill have to evaluate that and think about it. Interesting theory nonetheless. Out of experience I can admit the sexual urge it there, especially in Nordic countries when summer comes.

The last points, well I think that it is not neccessairly human nature to become less social because of a relationship but more so on social conditioning. We are conditioned to act like it is the norm. There are these preset attitudes that we are engraved in. Some who are completly oblivious to that fact. Indeed it might seem quaint but it is indeed a fact of reality. Some do it at diffrent degrees.

[BARLOW]

double space..paragraphs..ADD kicked in.....i skimmed it....
ur pretty much saying..dont chase shit and go with instinct...
like me!! cuz theres so many more fish in the sea!!

[F4iGuy]

I learned a lot from that. I am one of those who always takes forever to make up my mind with stuff, the bigger the decision, the longer it usually takes me. I admire the people who can decide on just about anything without any hesitation, for one thing its a lot less stressful and saves time in the long run.

[Bojangles69]

I learned a lot from that. I am one of those who always takes forever to make up my mind with stuff, the bigger the decision, the longer it usually takes me. I admire the people who can decide on just about anything without any hesitation, for one thing its a lot less stressful and saves time in the long run.

yes extremely decisive people have a hard time realizing what the'yre doing is counterproductive. intellectually, it makes sense, "let me think about this issue as much as possible" logically it doesnt. because you can literally waste your entire life contemplating a decision. for instance if i go to buy a car i dont go back and forth between dealerships trying to figure out what car suits me best.
i KNOW EXACTLY what car i want and go and buy it. people come into my job to buy things and once i notice they're highly decisive ill talk them out of it. ill make a comment like "the thing is you think your trying to make a smart decision but you really dont want to buy it at all which is why you cant make up your mind" the amount of people who take this advice shows exactly how insecure indecisive people can be and how easily swayed they are. a lot of times its the insecurity that pops into thier head and says "lets go buy something" or for a woman "lets go meet a man" but insecure people will go looking for something not realizing why they want it in the first place. but 99% of the time they're only shopping for feelings, and the feeling they expect from the purchase that will cover up the way they feel now (behavoir thats mostly governed unconciously) .. but im not going to open up that can of worms, thats a whole nother post.

[Mizfit]

yes extremely decisive people have a hard time realizing what the'yre doing is counterproductive. intellectually, it makes sense, "let me think about this issue as much as possible" logically it doesnt. because you can literally waste your entire life contemplating a decision. for instance if i go to buy a car i dont go back and forth between dealerships trying to figure out what car suits me best.
i KNOW EXACTLY what car i want and go and buy it. people come into my job to buy things and once i notice they're highly decisive ill talk them out of it. ill make a comment like "the thing is you think your trying to make a smart decision but you really dont want to buy it at all which is why you cant make up your mind" the amount of people who take this advice shows exactly how insecure indecisive people can be and how easily swayed they are. a lot of times its the insecurity that pops into thier head and says "lets go buy something" or for a woman "lets go meet a man" but insecure people will go looking for something not realizing why they want it in the first place. but 99% of the time they're only shopping for feelings, and the feeling they expect from the purchase that will cover up the way they feel now (behavoir thats mostly governed unconciously) .. but im not going to open up that can of worms, thats a whole nother post.

i think the problem is that people are holding on to false hope.. they want to beleive in rainbows and miracles and want others to tell them something that isint logically possible.

[biglouie250]

im going to take a shot in the dark and guess that you are some sort of psych major? yea i dont believe in that. falls under the same category as voodoo, tarot cards, and astrology lol!!!!! your reading too much into things. the whole "be yourself" argument is pure psycho babble nonsense designed to make us make an issue out of a nonissue.

[Mizfit]

im going to take a shot in the dark and guess that you are some sort of psych major? yea i dont believe in that. falls under the same category as voodoo, tarot cards, and astrology lol!!!!! your reading too much into things. the whole "be yourself" argument is pure psycho babble nonsense designed to make us make an issue out of a nonissue.

Why is all of what he says psychological? most of it is common sense

[taiboxa]

look like SC said
PARAGRAPHS

especially for people like me w/ ADD

kant hangle LARGE LOADS OF WORDS! it just confuses me... kinda like shiny objects

[biglouie250]

Why is all of what he says psychological? most of it is common sense

some of it is. but i cited the "be yourself" argument as pure pscho babble. stupid rhetorical garbage like this "After all who is yourself? Just who YOU think you are" is a tell tale sign of pyscho babble nonsense.

[IronAdam]

I'll save you lot of frustration, you can't explain love, nobody ever has, nobody ever will. Love is what is, don't try breaking down with a bunch of philosophy and psychobable bullshit cuz it doesn't make sense. If you have the time to think up and write all that crap you have the time to space it and spell check it. Can you say hypergraphia?

[DamnYouMSN]

anyone have cliff notes to this thread?

[Bojangles69]

im going to take a shot in the dark and guess that you are some sort of psych major? yea i dont believe in that. falls under the same category as voodoo, tarot cards, and astrology lol!!!!! your reading too much into things. the whole "be yourself" argument is pure psycho babble nonsense designed to make us make an issue out of a nonissue.

have you ever actually read anything remotely related to psychology.. psychology falls under voodoo?? this is a perfect example of why psychologists exist in the first place.
"dont believe in psychology", ahahahaha
the devil, maybe. thats as logical as saying you dont believe in science, because thats EXACTLy what psychology is. SOCIAL SCIENCE.
i love people who have the slightest clue what they're talking but still feel like they have to say something, its ok, ill give you a free sesssion first time.
now go read a psych book.

[Bojangles69]

some of it is. but i cited the "be yourself" argument as pure pscho babble. stupid rhetorical garbage like this "After all who is yourself? Just who YOU think you are" is a tell tale sign of pyscho babble nonsense.

dude.. your a complete idiot, i try to be nice to people but the reason why stupid people are stupid is because noone usually tells them. what was your major in school? sleeping?
just cost you dont reflect, or have any deeper thought process than "mmm cookie, me eat cookie" doesnt mean other people do to.

[taiboxa]

dude.. your a complete idiot, i try to be nice to people but the reason why stupid people are stupid is because noone usually tells them. what was your major in school? sleeping?
just cost you dont reflect, or have any deeper thought process than "mmm cookie, me eat cookie" doesnt mean other people do to.

HEY!.. i like COOKIES!

[Bojangles69]

HEY!.. i like COOKIES!

its ok, you have a brain

[biglouie250]

dude.. your a complete idiot, i try to be nice to people but the reason why stupid people are stupid is because noone usually tells them. what was your major in school? sleeping?
just cost you dont reflect, or have any deeper thought process than "mmm cookie, me eat cookie" doesnt mean other people do to.

you have your opinion i have mine. society has become weak, enter pyschologists. or vice versa. no need to resort to name calling.

my major was accounting, something i enjoyed, still enjoy and something that will allow me to enter any field i want if i choose to.

i never said i dont reflect, i just think that you are over thinking simple things and over complicating them. everyone needs down time to allow their mind to wander and think.

I believe in science. Psychology is as much science as is astrology. Now, Nuero-Psychology....THATS a science. Thats why the term social science was created. Because it does NOT belong next to the likes of Physics, and Chemistry. Just because you add the suffix "ology" to something it doesnt make it a science. See "scientology" and the writings of L. Ron Hubbard.

I would not form an opinion on a subject had i not researched it to some degree. Every piece of literature ive come across on the subject matter seems to be rhetorical nonsense with no way of proving or disproving ones beliefs. How can one take a field seriously when its most famous person in its field was a coke head that was kicked out of his country and had a penis obsession?

[biglouie250]

its ok, you have a brain

i guess i dont have a brain. im sorry i didnt take a cake walk major that bimbos and people that work at BK did. Every person ive ever met that was a psych major needed some sort of mental help themselves.

[taiboxa]

tai GOOD at Chemistry! AND PHYSIQS!
gravity makes things go DOWN

[Tren Bull]

i have a very simple philosophy on relationships. you pay attention to what makes your woman happy, and what doesn't. then you do everything in your power to make her smile, which includes buying her lots of gifts, getting to know her really well and establishing a strong friendship. and giving her lots of back rubs and lots of tongue.

females love that

[biglouie250]

tai GOOD at Chemistry! AND PHYSIQS!
gravity makes things go DOWN

not so good at history and govt tho lol!!! that was my minor. love that shit. Dont know who said it but it will make Bojangles happy, (Paraphrase) "how can we know where we are going as a society if we dont know where we've been"

[taiboxa]

not so good at history and govt tho lol!!! that was my minor. love that shit. Dont know who said it but it will make Bojangles happy, (Paraphrase) "how can we know where we are going as a society if we dont know where we've been"

I STILL DONT KNOW if Benjamin franklin was president or not!~ ><

[Mizfit]

its ok, you have a brain

He borrowed mine i swear!

[taiboxa]

He borrowed mine i swear!

i DID i DID!!!
I LOVE SHOPPING!
><

ok i gib it bak now

[Bojangles69]

you have your opinion i have mine. society has become weak, enter pyschologists. or vice versa. no need to resort to name calling.

my major was accounting, something i enjoyed, still enjoy and something that will allow me to enter any field i want if i choose to.

i never said i dont reflect, i just think that you are over thinking simple things and over complicating them. everyone needs down time to allow their mind to wander and think.

I believe in science. Psychology is as much science as is astrology. Now, Nuero-Psychology....THATS a science. Thats why the term social science was created. Because it does NOT belong next to the likes of Physics, and Chemistry. Just because you add the suffix "ology" to something it doesnt make it a science. See "scientology" and the writings of L. Ron Hubbard.

I would not form an opinion on a subject had i not researched it to some degree. Every piece of literature ive come across on the subject matter seems to be rhetorical nonsense with no way of proving or disproving ones beliefs. How can one take a field seriously when its most famous person in its field was a coke head that was kicked out of his country and had a penis obsession?

here we go again, and you've read how many books about Freud?? most famous to who? you? You ever hear of Erickson, Jung, Milgram, Pavlov, Ellis, Rogers? This is an example of what you just said encase you didnt realize.
..We have someone who knows almost nothing about lifting, all they know in fact is what their friends told them or a distant memory they have in school from what thier teacher once told them. They're taking a fitness class one day and the teacher says Arnold use to use steroids . They take this person (because they're famous) and decredit the whole world of bodybuilders making the false attribution that BODYBUILDING is something not to be taken seriously and has no significant place in society. Can someone say overgeneralization? Because that is EXACTLY what you just did.
So hmmm, depression. That comes from psychology, i guess it doesnt exist, anxiety, parnoia, repression, behavoir, emotions, yeah im sure all this stuff is just made up!! Wow!! you are really smart!!! you can be the next Sigmund Freud!!!
And you say you've researched psychology to a degree. Im curious to know what a degree is to you Mr. Accountant. Go count or something, or write a book about how psychology doesnt exist or is like astrology and see how many people buy it. This is a waste of my time, if can feel this stupid just writing to you in a forum i can imagine how stupid people feel when they actually speak to you. Oh and thats not name calling, thats me just wondering again.

[Mizfit]

I STILL DONT KNOW if Benjamin franklin was president or not!~ ><

nope

[taiboxa]

nope

whoa.. and ur canadian!

[Mizfit]

here we go again, and you've read how many books about Freud?? most famous to who? you? You ever hear of Erickson, Jung, Milgram, Pavlov, Ellis, Rogers? This is an example of what you just said encase you didnt realize.
..We have someone who knows almost nothing about lifting, all they know in fact is what their friends told them or a distant memory they have in school from what thier teacher once told them. They're taking a fitness class one day and the teacher says Arnold use to use steroids . They take this person (because they're famous) and decredit the whole world of bodybuilders making the false attribution that BODYBUILDING is something not to be taken seriously and has no significant place in society. Can someone say overgeneralization? Because that is EXACTLY what you just did.
So hmmm, depression. That comes from psychology, i guess it doesnt exist, anxiety, parnoia, repression, behavoir, emotions, yeah im sure all this stuff is just made up!! Wow!! you are really smart!!! you can be the next Sigmund Freud!!!
And you say you've researched psychology to a degree. Im curious to know what a degree is to you Mr. Accountant. Go count or something, or write a book about how psychology doesnt exist or is like astrology and see how many people buy it. This is a waste of my time, if can feel this stupid just writing to you in a forum i can imagine how stupid people feel when they actually speak to you. Oh and thats not name calling, thats me just wondering again.

HMM you didn't mention my issue but i know it exists and now im mad too!!!!

[Mizfit]

whoa.. and ur canadian!

I took american history too

History was a portion of my University major.

[biglouie250]

here we go again, and you've read how many books about Freud?? most famous to who? you? You ever hear of Erickson, Jung, Milgram, Pavlov, Ellis, Rogers? This is an example of what you just said encase you didnt realize.
..We have someone who knows almost nothing about lifting, all they know in fact is what their friends told them or a distant memory they have in school from what thier teacher once told them. They're taking a fitness class one day and the teacher says Arnold use to use steroids . They take this person (because they're famous) and decredit the whole world of bodybuilders making the false attribution that BODYBUILDING is something not to be taken seriously and has no significant place in society. Can someone say overgeneralization? Because that is EXACTLY what you just did.
So hmmm, depression. That comes from psychology, i guess it doesnt exist, anxiety, parnoia, repression, behavoir, emotions, yeah im sure all this stuff is just made up!! Wow!! you are really smart!!! you can be the next Sigmund Freud!!!
And you say you've researched psychology to a degree. Im curious to know what a degree is to you Mr. Accountant. Go count or something, or write a book about how psychology doesnt exist or is like astrology and see how many people buy it. This is a waste of my time, if can feel this stupid just writing to you in a forum i can imagine how stupid people feel when they actually speak to you. Oh and thats not name calling, thats me just wondering again.

good points. got me there(thats not sarcastic). you were just guilty of what i did yourself, accountants dont "count" anything lol! my gf has anxiety, and i probably have ADHD. I never knew however we needed psychology to discover emotions. those are pretty basic human functions we all have to some degree.


and tai....... ben franklin was NOT president lol. he took acid and thought it would be cool to fly a kite in a thunderstorm. claims he saw some cool shit.

[biglouie250]

I took american history too

History was a portion of my University major.

so sad that ive never taken a class that had ANY canadian history in it. dont think my school even offered it, and i took a "religions of the world" class!! aside from a few paragraphs here and there there was no such thing as canada!! basically mentions it indirectly when dealing with other issues. IE: brits take colonies, french settled north.

[Mizfit]

Psychology
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Psychology Portal
Psychology (Gk: psyche, soul or mind + logos, speech) is an academic and applied field involving the study of the human mind, brain, and behavior. Psychology also refers to the application of such knowledge to various spheres of human activity, including problems of individuals' daily lives and the treatment of mental illness.