How do you forgive someone?

[Flagg]

good post

+ 2.

[legobricks]

Wow dude thats strong but im on the same page as you and most here. If you cant forgive her then forget about her. Make her known that she is not worth your time and that she is a piece of shit in ways then just words. I think you held your head up high in that convo and i would have done the same thing. She knows its done, so either she will keep bugging you or not becuase she knows u hate her and/or want to forget about her. Dude she is just looking at it as "nobody can hate me" so honestly i would NOT apologize....i mean what is apologizing if you still feel the anger or hatred towards that individual? It means nothing so if its not meant then just forget her.

[Atomini]

Wow dude thats strong but im on the same page as you and most here. If you cant forgive her then forget about her. Make her known that she is not worth your time and that she is a piece of shit in ways then just words. I think you held your head up high in that convo and i would have done the same thing. She knows its done, so either she will keep bugging you or not becuase she knows u hate her and/or want to forget about her. Dude she is just looking at it as "nobody can hate me" so honestly i would NOT apologize....i mean what is apologizing if you still feel the anger or hatred towards that individual? It means nothing so if its not meant then just forget her.

Yeah what's done is done and she ended up making less work for me by running off. I feel I will stand my ground and let time take it's course and do the rest. I wasn't thinking about all this forgiveness stuff between the time our relationship ended and when she contacted me again. I guess the last chat we had got me thinking about it and that's why.

[Doc.Sust]

dont forgive if you dont feel like she is really sorry, and even if she is real sorry, if you dont feel ok with it, than you just arent ready and may never be. thats ok. you dont have to forgive everyone that treads on you. the best thing you can do with an ex is right them off, the reminder of what happened isnt a good thing. the way i look at is this, you truly cant forgive anyone until you really dont care at ALL and the only way one really gets over someone is when they find someone right and the ex is just a bad memory. at that point, if you have someone that special, there really is no need to talk to the ex or say you except the apolgy because you really dont care or need her anywhere near your new life. my advice close the door, move on , and never look back. there is no need to find out why she did it, or how it happened or if she is truly sorry. you just wont care at all about any of it anymore.

[gst528i]

DUDE FORGIVE AND FORGET IS OVERRATED.
Besides what if you forgive and that makes it okay for you two to start talking. She will hurt you again some how. Maybe you not forgiving her will allow you stay away from someone that's shown to be hurtful in the past.

NEVER LET ANYONE GET CLOSE TO YOU.

() THE ABOVE IS ONLY MY OPINION...

[TranscriptionFactor]

Ugh...
First of all, good posts above by 40+newbie. I am older too so perhaps we have a similar perspective.

Forgiving is for YOU. for YOU. for YOU. Not primarily for her. And no matter what you say, she may not forgive herself anyway, that is between herself and God or whatever higher power she orients herself towards - though that may be you at this point in her life.

You don't HAVE to do it, you don't have to do anything. The older you get I think you will see that you will want to let go of resentments because they BIND you. You and her are bound together as long as there is this energy. This is just a waste of energy, and time, unless you want to remain bound in this carousel.

What did she really do which was so wrong? Really?? Doesn't it make you feel weak to realize how affected you are by this hurting? What have you done to her or anyone else that you wish to be forgiven for? Think hard... I am sure there is something. And yes, it was Jesus who said Forgive and you shall be forgiven....which is what we all wish, to be forgiven, to be clean.

Yeah, hate, anger, resentment are all normal feelings. Its fine to have them, they mean you're human and have experienced some pain. Well have you had enough yet??
You can carry them for as long as you like, for your whole life it you like. But WHY? What is that accomplishing for you? Seriously, what benefit do you get out of it? People hold onto resentments because they want to continue to feel a victim. Are you a victim? Are you not free, in control of your destiny?

Of course you don't forget...because you probably can't. You may, you may not, that's ok. You don't forget because that is self protective. You will be on the lookout more carefully the next time. You will see that IN SOME WAY you played a part in making this happen, YOU have some responsibility.
There is a saying in medicine, my profession, "Forgive but remember" - this is when we discuss the mistakes of our colleagues. The saying implies that we have some responsibility to learn from all mistakes as if they were our own, even it if was the mistakes of "others".

I am not saying it is easy to let go. It takes time, because it is literally a transformation of who you are. If you do try, it will probably take a lot of discussion with someone else (not her) like a therapist, good friends, support group or something like that. Do whatever you want, the question is are you satisfied staying exactly the way you are.

OK I'm done

[CSAR]

If you feel she's done you wrong and hasn't made an honest apology, then why forgive her? Let it go, forget about her, and move on. From what you've posted about her, I'd say she wasn't worth the effort.

[VeraDeMilo]

Aside from the whole forgiving issue, there is one other thing I think I should hit on. Having experienced a similar situation in my past, one piece of advice that I would also like to give you is this:

Try to take something positive from this whole situation. Sometimes when people get cheated on and hurt, they try to punish every other girl that comes next, for the previous girls actions. Don't do this!
This is kind of a fork in the road in your life. Where you could go either way. If you yourself were a cheater before, take a moment to dwell in the feeling that someone doing this to you made you have. And in a way, make a promise to yourself that you will never make anyone feel like she made you feel. (Don't punish the next one for her actions, because she may actually be one of the good ones, and not deserve that.)

Also, this should help you truly appreciate a new girl in the future more. When you find one that doesn't have the same characteristics as this one. Kind of like the saying "Sometimes you have to taste the bitter, before you can truly appreciate the sweet."

Let this be a life lesson. Learn and grow from it. Good luck

[sunshine69]

Omg isn't this the freaking truth!! I just got screwed over and your post seriously made me realize how fvcked up some ppl can be. Selfish ****s!

QUOTE=Nicotine;4204365]i forgive no one.

why?

cuz people don't change.

every time i've forgiven someone - they come around and fuk me over worse the next time. people take and take and take. people are selfish.

i dont forgive, i dont forget.[/QUOTE]

[Xtralarg]

Omg isn't this the freaking truth!! I just got screwed over and your post seriously made me realize how fvcked up some ppl can be. Selfish ****s!

QUOTE=Nicotine;4204365]i forgive no one.

why?

cuz people don't change.

every time i've forgiven someone - they come around and fuk me over worse the next time. people take and take and take. people are selfish.

i dont forgive, i dont forget.

[/QUOTE]

You are replying to a 2 year old thread!

[kameng_41]

You are replying to a 2 year old thread! [/QUOTE]
made a mistake like that b4, oopsie. lol

[scorpion62]

The past is in the past let it remain there you move on you were hurt I take it you have delt with this hurt,she trying to get back in your life,someone that hurts you that bad you dont need

[AlphaGenetics]

The past is in the past let it remain there you move on you were hurt I take it you have delt with this hurt,she trying to get back in your life,someone that hurts you that bad you dont need

I think hes over it by now. Its been two years since he posted this.

[Flagg]

You are replying to a 2 year old thread! [/QUOTE]

She obviously hasnt forgotten or forgiven yet! LOL

[scorpion62]

I think hes over it by now. Its been two years since he posted this.

What a ASS lesson learnt read the date of the thread

[number twelve]

if ur a monster i dont wanna know what ud call me

[lovbyts]

forgiving her is one thing but trusting her is another

Well said.

That being said. I find it easy. I just make sure I do something 2x as worse but dont get caught, then it's all good.

Ahhh another newbie learning to use the search button and pulling up OLD post. LOL

[calgarian]

Well said.

That being said. I find it easy. I just make sure I do something 2x as worse but dont get caught, then it's all good.

Ahhh another newbie learning to use the search button and pulling up OLD post. LOL

Dude.....u sure we r not freaking Twins????

[NVR2BIG1]

When somebody ****s me over, I let them know what an asshole they are, then shut them out of life altogether and move on. I lose no sleep, I dont think of it, it doesn't eat at me, I just move to a new Chapter. They get no second chances, they wouldn't have been a selfish asshole to begin with if they really cared. I just sort of let them flock to the other losers, and me I hang with the winners

[Hazard]

When somebody ****s me over, I let them know what an asshole they are, then shut them out of life altogether and move on. I lose no sleep, I dont think of it, it doesn't eat at me, I just move to a new Chapter. They get no second chances, they wouldn't have been a selfish asshole to begin with if they really cared. I just sort of let them flock to the other losers, and me I hang with the winners

Then you'd be living in Jersey - hangin with me.....

~Haz~

[calgarian]

Then you'd be living in Jersey - hangin with me.....

~Haz~

then both of u will be in Calgary/Edmonton hanging out with me and bertuzi

[Atomini]

LOL this is an old ass thread I made 2 years ago and someone revived it!

I guess it's good to get some retrospective 2 years later lol.

Yes i'm well over it, folks!

[calgarian]

LOL this is an old ass thread I made 2 years ago and someone revived it!

I guess it's good to get some retrospective 2 years later lol.

Yes i'm well over it, folks!

good to know u r freaking alive bro....

[D3m3nt3d]

LOL this is an old ass thread I made 2 years ago and someone revived it!

I guess it's good to get some retrospective 2 years later lol.

Yes i'm well over it, folks!

Well damn I just read every post...so spill it.

Did you ever forgive her?

Did you ever take her back?

[Atomini]

No I did not take her back, but here's an update on what happened with this person since I started this thread:

In the winter and Christmas of 2008 / new years 2009, she was sending me messages on facebook. I ignored her messages at first, but then after several messages, I recieved this from her:

January 13, 2009 at 7:54pm
Hey, I know I hurt you, well more than hurt. But I miss you and I don't want you to think I'm like your crazy ex like the one that you were telling me about. But I've been in a relationship since me and you and were not together anymore. And when I think about what I want in a guy.. all I think about is that I want you. So text me ..905-***-**** or email or something. I just want to hear from you baby.

So after getting spammed by her, and then this, I figured i'll talk to her. So I did, and i've kept her added on MSN and facebook since. Of course, everything she said was bullshit because whenever she initiates conversation with me, it was always because she was going through problems with a current boyfriend. So essentially she treated me as a go-to person for her whenever she's going through anything with someone. She did this several times over the period of a few months until I got fed up with it, and I told her she's not even treating me as a real friend, so I told her to **** off.

The End.

As to whether or not in my mind i've forgiven her for what she did? I haven't thought about that. I don't really give a shit. Some people are so oblivious to what they did/do that you feel like you're wasting your time debating trivial shit - like forgiving someone - in your head. It's like staring down at an ant crawling along the sidewalk... it doesn't even know it exists.

[Hazard]

I'd let her talk to me and then put a hurting on her asshole whenever she was in need.....

Use her ass right back..... if not..... pm me her #

~Haz~

[Atomini]

I'd let her talk to me and then put a hurting on her asshole whenever she was in need.....

Use her ass right back..... if not..... pm me her #

~Haz~

lol i'll seriously give you her #, email address and facebook account if you really want. Sounds like an awesome prank to pull that would be hilarious.

[sunshine69]

Awesome thinking Dude! If there is ANYTHING I can do, let me know. I was just ****ed over by someone, intersting thoughts. :-) Great minds think alike.....

[calgarian]

No I did not take her back, but here's an update on what happened with this person since I started this thread:

In the winter and Christmas of 2008 / new years 2009, she was sending me messages on facebook. I ignored her messages at first, but then after several messages, I recieved this from her:



So after getting spammed by her, and then this, I figured i'll talk to her. So I did, and i've kept her added on MSN and facebook since. Of course, everything she said was bullshit because whenever she initiates conversation with me, it was always because she was going through problems with a current boyfriend. So essentially she treated me as a go-to person for her whenever she's going through anything with someone. She did this several times over the period of a few months until I got fed up with it, and I told her she's not even treating me as a real friend, so I told her to **** off.

The End.

As to whether or not in my mind i've forgiven her for what she did? I haven't thought about that. I don't really give a shit. Some people are so oblivious to what they did/do that you feel like you're wasting your time debating trivial shit - like forgiving someone - in your head. It's like staring down at an ant crawling along the sidewalk... it doesn't even know it exists.

Awesome thinking Dude! If there is ANYTHING I can do, let me know. I was just ****ed over by someone, intersting thoughts. :-) Great minds think alike.....

Holy hell And I though I had issues

[ReX357]

Hey, I know I hurt you, well more than hurt. But I miss you and I don't want you to think I'm like your crazy ex like the one that you were telling me about. But I've been in a relationship since me and you and were not together anymore. And when I think about what I want in a guy.. all I think about is that I want you. So text me ..905-***-**** or email or something. I just want to hear from you baby.

Analyze this message above.

This person hasn't changed. She has the same old pattern. Except this time she's setting it up in a way where you're the person she's gonna cheat with.

You're just the guy on the other side now. "All I think about is that I want you", "I just want to hear from you baby". Pfffft. Stupid bitches.

[wanabeMASSIVE!]

Forgive and forget she ever existed.

The End

[FranciscoG]

No I did not take her back, but here's an update on what happened with this person since I started this thread:

In the winter and Christmas of 2008 / new years 2009, she was sending me messages on facebook. I ignored her messages at first, but then after several messages, I recieved this from her:



So after getting spammed by her, and then this, I figured i'll talk to her. So I did, and i've kept her added on MSN and facebook since. Of course, everything she said was bullshit because whenever she initiates conversation with me, it was always because she was going through problems with a current boyfriend. So essentially she treated me as a go-to person for her whenever she's going through anything with someone. She did this several times over the period of a few months until I got fed up with it, and I told her she's not even treating me as a real friend, so I told her to **** off.

The End.

As to whether or not in my mind i've forgiven her for what she did? I haven't thought about that. I don't really give a shit. Some people are so oblivious to what they did/do that you feel like you're wasting your time debating trivial shit - like forgiving someone - in your head. It's like staring down at an ant crawling along the sidewalk... it doesn't even know it exists.

Sounds like you went through the motions and learned.

Life is a journey and ment to have downs on the way.
You handled it right. Great for you. **** that whore.

Forgiving is the right thing to do spiritually that is. But in some situations it is better to keep your guard up.

[Friend]

i forgive no one.

why?

cuz people don't change.

every time i've forgiven someone - they come around and fuk me over worse the next time. people take and take and take. people are selfish.

i dont forgive, i dont forget.

x2..

[Stigmata101]

x3..

[calgarian]

x2..

x3..

Not disagrreeing with both of you but i like the following better....to me its all about mind games the satisfaction u get after u outplayed the player is next to nothing....call me stubborn but i hit where it hurt.

Well said.

That being said. I find it easy. I just make sure I do something 2x as worse but dont get caught, then it's all good.

Ahhh another newbie learning to use the search button and pulling up OLD post. LOL

[40plusnewbie]

It's funny how people change. I just did a search of my posts and came across this thread. I read all the lovie dovie stuff I wrote (which was where I was at at the time) and honestly believe that it is where I should be now.

Where am I? Well I got a tattoo on my back a couple of weeks ago saying Vengeance Is Mine and saw my father in the hospital yesterday. He has back problems and can't walk. A month ago we stopped speaking, with the exception of me calling him 2 weeks later and telling him I had some things to say to him and that he could listen or hang up, but there would be no conversation.

I laid into him for some horrible shit he said to me when I was in severe distress and also threw in some memories from my childhood that I'm sure tortured him, like telling him he treats his own dog better than he treated me when I was a little boy...

Against my own judgment, at the advice of my wife, I impulsively went to see him in the hospital yesterday. He brought up the convo and I suggested we talk about that another time but he persisted in laying into me, blaming me for all sorts of shit, basically spitting in my face. He admitted to exactly Zero wrong doing. I told him "have a nice life" and walked to the elevator.

My mother followed me and I told her "That is the last time I will ever see him again, alive or dead."

Life is a strange roller coaster ride sometimes......

At least I'm drinking like 40-50 egg whites a day thou lol, this is what gets me through the day now, my drive to turn my body into a 6'2" piece of Iron.

[calgarian]

It's funny how people change. I just did a search of my posts and came across this thread. I read all the lovie dovie stuff I wrote (which was where I was at at the time) and honestly believe that it is where I should be now.

Where am I? Well I got a tattoo on my back a couple of weeks ago saying Vengeance Is Mine and saw my father in the hospital yesterday. He has back problems and can't walk. A month ago we stopped speaking, with the exception of me calling him 2 weeks later and telling him I had some things to say to him and that he could listen or hang up, but there would be no conversation.

I laid into him for some horrible shit he said to me when I was in severe distress and also threw in some memories from my childhood that I'm sure tortured him, like telling him he treats his own dog better than he treated me when I was a little boy...

Against my own judgment, at the advice of my wife, I impulsively went to see him in the hospital yesterday. He brought up the convo and I suggested we talk about that another time but he persisted in laying into me, blaming me for all sorts of shit, basically spitting in my face. He admitted to exactly Zero wrong doing. I told him "have a nice life" and walked to the elevator.

My mother followed me and I told her "That is the last time I will ever see him again, alive or dead."

Life is a strange roller coaster ride sometimes......

First sorry to hear that...second I will never see a father doing it. My father (god rest rest his soul) and me becoming one of a beautiful son I just dont see myself doing it father and mother symbolizes love/caring to me. My mind cant grasp why would you do shit like this to ur own blood? bigger question is HOW can u ? knowing its ur blood.

[40plusnewbie]

In the winter and Christmas of 2008 / new years 2009, she was sending me messages on facebook. I ignored her messages at first, but then after several messages, I recieved this from her:

So after getting spammed by her, and then this, I figured i'll talk to her. So I did, and i've kept her added on MSN and facebook since. Of course, everything she said was bullshit because whenever she initiates conversation with me, it was always because she was going through problems with a current boyfriend. So essentially she treated me as a go-to person for her whenever she's going through anything with someone. She did this several times over the period of a few months until I got fed up with it, and I told her she's not even treating me as a real friend, so I told her to **** off.

The End.

I used to be a pick-up artist before I finally got a steady girlfriend at the tender age of 36 and entered my first exclusive relationship. I had a few friends who actually went on to make a nice living teaching dudes how to talk to and pick up chicks.

We used to refer to guys in your positions (no offense bro, lesson learned) as 'emotional tampons'. Someone like me would fu** them and then ignore them and then they would call someone like you to be their emotional tampon to cry to. Glad u figured out your problem bro, we all have them.

BTW, I used to be so proud of being able to talk to tons of chicks and land one night stands (or ZNS's) Zero Night Stands (fu^* somewhere other than one of our houses and then go home separately, none of this spend the night shit lol) until I met my wife and fell in love with her. At that moment, the 15 some odd years I spent out on the prowl every Thur, Fri, and Sat looking for a new chick to bang like a junkie driven to get his fix.... and bragging about all my conquests to my friends.... suddenly seemed like a complete and utter waste. It went from being a primary thing my ego was built on to being utterly useless in an instant, right after I told her I loved her for the first time.

Just putting that out there to let you know I'm not trying to belittle you in any way for the situation you were in. Live and learn my friend. We are all human and all make mistakes.

Congrats on figuring out your issue, now you are FREE!

Now it's me who has the problem you used to have, hate in my heart and an inability to forgive.....

[40plusnewbie]

First sorry to hear that...second I will never see a father doing it. My father (god rest rest his soul) and me becoming one of a beautiful son I just dont see myself doing it father and mother symbolizes love/caring to me. My mind cant grasp why would you do shit like this to ur own blood? bigger question is HOW can u ? knowing its ur blood.

It runs in the family. I have become my father. Well not exactly, I don't scream at, beat, abuse, and neglect my children. I don't treat a dog better than my own son.

[calgarian]

It runs in the family. I have become my father. Well not exactly, I don't scream at, beat, abuse, and neglect my children. I don't treat a dog better than my own son.

so what did u learn from ur dad???? do u want ur son to hate u when all set and done? YOU have a chance to break this vicious cycle....the power is in your hand so when u r in the same situation as ur dad ur kids are on ur bed side....dont u think its only fair?