How to earn you girl's trust back?

**B.E.N.** · 12-14-2008, 10:15 PM

Originally Posted by Kale

Forget it. Women never, ever forgive or forget and I don't care what any of them say !!!!

^^ Kale wins. Game over.

And even if she says she does...she doesn't. You'll hear about it 10 years later and every single time you upset her in the future.

**KatsMeow** · 12-15-2008, 01:51 AM

I agree with Kale too, you can never forget a man hurting you and taking you for granted, I personally get tired of it and it's hard to even start learning how to gain back trust. Some people can do it, and I have tried but usually the constant questioning on my part ends up driving both of us insane and it just isn't healthy.

Men don't think, they react first. At leas in my experience. They they say it was a mistake, and thats fine, but you can't continually have one mistake after another. You have to prove that you are a better man than that otherwise, you will end up being her mistake.

**Kale** · 12-15-2008, 02:48 AM

Originally Posted by KatsMeow

I agree with Kale too, you can never forget a man hurting you and taking you for granted, I personally get tired of it and it's hard to even start learning how to gain back trust. Some people can do it, and I have tried but usually the constant questioning on my part ends up driving both of us insane and it just isn't healthy.

Men don't think, they react first. At leas in my experience. They they say it was a mistake, and thats fine, but you can't continually have one mistake after another. You have to prove that you are a better man than that otherwise, you will end up being her mistake.

Absolutely spot on response. Men think with there dicks not there heads. I certainly do. Men forgive and forget a lot easier than women. I could have a fight with my wife and forget the next day it even happened where as she can bring shit up from ten years ago.

**Amorphic** · 12-15-2008, 02:54 AM

Originally Posted by Kale

Absolutely spot on response. Men think with there dicks not there heads. I certainly do. Men forgive and forget a lot easier than women. I could have a fight with my wife and forget the next day it even happened where as she can bring shit up from ten years ago.

ive been fortunate enough to be able to do most of my decision making with my brain rather than my penis. i will admit its one hell of a battle at times though.

i also dont forgive very easily and usually never forget bad shit that people have done to me, so there are guys out there that are exceptions.

**Doc M** · 12-15-2008, 11:55 AM

Originally Posted by sizerp

Hehe thought you meant keep her in the pantry

Like in cans or something. That'd be freaky

I'm sorry, but that line made me crack up out loud! I was thinking the same thing when he put "stock her". I was thinking wtf does he mean!! Absolutely hilarious!!

Anyway, it
's tough to get over stuff like this when there is distrust involved. It doesn't heal overnight and you can count on hearing about it in the heat of an argument in the future. Time does heal but it will be a bumpy process in the along the way. Hang in there and good luck. You don't want a breakup right a the holiday's.

Doc M

**calgarian** · 12-15-2008, 03:35 PM

Two simple solutions

Dont cheat
or Dont get caught

**higherdesire** · 12-15-2008, 03:55 PM

IF there aren;t anymore skeletons then you shouldn;t feel the brunt of this one forever. You said it wasn;t cheating, so how bad could it be? I am with the rest of the posters, women keep score for their entire life. My girl treats me certain ways because of how her EX was! The crap We didn;t even do matters to them. It won;t go away bro so I would make the call as to whether you can live like that or not and if not bail the f!ck out. It only hurts for so long.

**tcw** · 12-15-2008, 05:28 PM

There is an old Proverb...."Love over looks a multitude of Sin."

When you love someone...you overlook a lot of S~@. (excluding Capital Murder)

That's the bottom line!

Bro...if she won't forgive...then she doesn't love you!

....NEXT!

PS. What did you do...Run over her Cat?

Originally Posted by KatsMeow

I agree with Kale too, you can never forget a man hurting you and taking you for granted, I personally get tired of it and it's hard to even start learning how to gain back trust. Some people can do it, and I have tried but usually the constant questioning on my part ends up driving both of us insane and it just isn't healthy.

Men don't think, they react first. At leas in my experience. They they say it was a mistake, and thats fine, but you can't continually have one mistake after another. You have to prove that you are a better man than that otherwise, you will end up being her mistake.

**DSM4Life** · 12-15-2008, 06:38 PM

This could have been answered in my thread easily:
There is no way to earn it back.

**xavier_888888** · 12-15-2008, 06:44 PM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

This could have been answered in my thread easily:
There is no way to earn it back.

There you go! Thread close. LMAO

**DSM4Life** · 12-15-2008, 06:49 PM

**WOLFCRAFT** · 12-15-2008, 07:22 PM

Well to solve the mystery, here's what I did...

1. Didn't tell that I used to sleep with a girl that she knew.
2. Told her another girl I used to sleep with was "just a friend".
3. Didn't tell her for 18 months that I slept with another girl while her and I were dating but were not yet committed to each other.

So I basically lied to her about 3 different girls.
Yes, they were all before we were together, but it's important to her that I'm honest and I wasn't. Three times.

And I don't want any "she needs to get over it" or "find a new chick" comments because she's TRYING to get over it and I don't want another chick. So just save that shit. I'm looking for helpful feedback here.

I basically started this thread to get any ideas on what I can do, through words, behavior, or otherwise, to get her to trust me again.
Because there really are no more skeletons. I voluntarily told her about the last one because I wanted a clean slate. Maybe that was stupid, but I didn't want to keep any more secrets from her.

I'm a big pvssy I know.

**DSM4Life** · 12-15-2008, 07:27 PM

You shouldn't have said anything to begin with.

**Amorphic** · 12-15-2008, 08:07 PM

Originally Posted by WOLFCRAFT

Well to solve the mystery, here's what I did...

1. Didn't tell that I used to sleep with a girl that she knew.
2. Told her another girl I used to sleep with was "just a friend".
3. Didn't tell her for 18 months that I slept with another girl while her and I were dating but were not yet committed to each other.

So I basically lied to her about 3 different girls.
Yes, they were all before we were together, but it's important to her that I'm honest and I wasn't. Three times.

And I don't want any "she needs to get over it" or "find a new chick" comments because she's TRYING to get over it and I don't want another chick. So just save that shit. I'm looking for helpful feedback here.

I basically started this thread to get any ideas on what I can do, through words, behavior, or otherwise, to get her to trust me again.
Because there really are no more skeletons. I voluntarily told her about the last one because I wanted a clean slate. Maybe that was stupid, but I didn't want to keep any more secrets from her.

I'm a big pvssy I know.

all you can do it rationally explain it and say that you were not officially committed to her and your actions dont necessarily reflect the person you are when you are in a committed relationship.

if you have made it clear to this girl that you want to be exclusively committed to her, she should let things go.

**Phate** · 12-15-2008, 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by Amorphic

all you can do it rationally explain it and say that you were not officially committed to her and your actions dont necessarily reflect the person you are when you are in a committed relationship.

if you have made it clear to this girl that you want to be exclusively committed to her, she should let things go.

sadly bro, that one word right there is gonna be the downfall of the argument, most women don't think or fight rationally, that's why they always seem to win, you just can't debate logic with them

**B.E.N.** · 12-15-2008, 09:49 PM

Originally Posted by Amorphic

if you have made it clear to this girl that you want to be exclusively committed to her, she should let things go.

What?! Let things go? I don't think WOLF's girl is that foolish.

Hey I pretty much banged you and this other chickenhead at the same time for 1.5 years. But it's just you now. So swallow that shit sandwich and let's move on.

No bro...she's not going to let that go. Nor should she. That is personal experience speaking. Similar experience speaking to you WOLF. I did dirt before I starting dating my ex. And for about 12-18 months while I was still in school, not wanting to settle down I slept with her and multiple other sorority girls. We later started 'dating'...it last 4 years. Things were good but she never could let it go knowing my past and knowing all the girls that she basically shard me with for that period of time. She got bitter anytime I was around anything to do with college sororities. If we were watching a movie and sororities girls were in it I got crap, if girls that were just college friends said hello to me I got crap, if I ever wore my fraternity letters I got crap, etc. Basically anything that reminded her of 'our' college experience was a bad subject. She got bitter knowing I had sowed my oats and she waited around for me. It was a constant grudge with her that we could not ever work through. It won't ever go away really...

The sleeping with those girls before her is just that before her. She can't hold your past before her against you but she WILL hold the sleeping with another girl while your 'dating'...and she WILL do it for quite a long time.

Maybe your girl is more rational but I'm telling you she won't ever forget and she won't ever let you forget. So if you are prepared to tuck tail for a LONG time you may give it a shot but be prepared for her to be insecure and be prepared for her to be up your shit constantly.

**B.E.N.** · 12-15-2008, 09:51 PM

Curious...what age are the both of you?

**Amorphic** · 12-15-2008, 09:55 PM

ive made it clear to girls that ive been with that arent exclusive to me that i am doing other things. i tell them if they want me to themselves, they need to tell me. when im in a committed relationship i am 100% committed, and if im dating someone and like them enough, i am 100% committed as well. if its not a serious thing and no rules have been established the girl has nothing to use against you if you're sleeping with someone else. dating is only dating unless you make a point of making it exclusive, in which case you better stick to it.

Originally Posted by B.E.N.

What?! Let things go? I don't think WOLF's girl is that foolish.

Hey I pretty much banged you and this other chickenhead at the same time for 1.5 years. But it's just you now. So swallow that shit sandwich and let's move on.

No bro...she's not going to let that go. Nor should she. That is personal experience speaking. Similar experience speaking to you WOLF. I did dirt before I starting dating my ex. And for about 12-18 months while I was still in school, not wanting to settle down I slept with her and multiple other sorority girls. We later started 'dating'...it last 4 years. Things were good but she never could let it go knowing my past and knowing all the girls that she basically shard me with for that period of time. She got bitter anytime I was around anything to do with college sororities. If we were watching a movie and sororities girls were in it I got crap, if girls that were just college friends said hello to me I got crap, if I ever wore my fraternity letters I got crap, etc. Basically anything that reminded her of 'our' college experience was a bad subject. She got bitter knowing I had sowed my oats and she waited around for me. It was a constant grudge with her that we could not ever work through. It won't ever go away really...

The sleeping with those girls before her is just that before her. She can't hold your past before her against you but she WILL hold the sleeping with another girl while your 'dating'...and she WILL do it for quite a long time.

Maybe your girl is more rational but I'm telling you she won't ever forget and she won't ever let you forget. So if you are prepared to tuck tail for a LONG time you may give it a shot but be prepared for her to be insecure and be prepared for her to be up your shit constantly.

**B.E.N.** · 12-15-2008, 10:01 PM

Originally Posted by Amorphic

ive made it clear to girls that ive been with that arent exclusive to me that i am doing other things. i tell them if they want me to themselves, they need to tell me. when im in a committed relationship i am 100% committed, and if im dating someone and like them enough, i am 100% committed as well. if its not a serious thing and no rules have been established the girl has nothing to use against you if you're sleeping with someone else. dating is only dating unless you make a point of making it exclusive, in which case you better stick to it.

I'd love to hear that conversation with your chicks. That is pretty stone cold actually. What do you tell them if they want you exclusively and you aren't feel it? HA!

I always figured the chicks in bed knew the tick tock...

**sizerp** · 12-15-2008, 10:05 PM

What if you want to date a chick, and she just wants to be friends with benefits. However, when you request that she's exclusive with you, she agrees. IS she BSing you or not about being exclusive?

**Amorphic** · 12-16-2008, 12:03 AM

just to clarify this isnt something i do with all girls. some girls you just know better than to get attached to, others make their mark and you want them to yourself immediately. ive had both sides of the spectrum.

Originally Posted by B.E.N.

I'd love to hear that conversation with your chicks. That is pretty stone cold actually. What do you tell them if they want you exclusively and you aren't feel it? HA!

I always figured the chicks in bed knew the tick tock...

**WOLFCRAFT** · 12-16-2008, 12:03 AM

Originally Posted by B.E.N.

What?! Let things go? I don't think WOLF's girl is that foolish.

Hey I pretty much banged you and this other chickenhead at the same time for 1.5 years. But it's just you now. So swallow that shit sandwich and let's move on.

No bro...she's not going to let that go. Nor should she. That is personal experience speaking. Similar experience speaking to you WOLF. I did dirt before I starting dating my ex. And for about 12-18 months while I was still in school, not wanting to settle down I slept with her and multiple other sorority girls. We later started 'dating'...it last 4 years. Things were good but she never could let it go knowing my past and knowing all the girls that she basically shard me with for that period of time. She got bitter anytime I was around anything to do with college sororities. If we were watching a movie and sororities girls were in it I got crap, if girls that were just college friends said hello to me I got crap, if I ever wore my fraternity letters I got crap, etc. Basically anything that reminded her of 'our' college experience was a bad subject. She got bitter knowing I had sowed my oats and she waited around for me. It was a constant grudge with her that we could not ever work through. It won't ever go away really...

The sleeping with those girls before her is just that before her. She can't hold your past before her against you but she WILL hold the sleeping with another girl while your 'dating'...and she WILL do it for quite a long time.

Maybe your girl is more rational but I'm telling you she won't ever forget and she won't ever let you forget. So if you are prepared to tuck tail for a LONG time you may give it a shot but be prepared for her to be insecure and be prepared for her to be up your shit constantly.

Actually I only banged the other girl once, and it was during the first couple months that we were dating.
Since we've been "together" which has been about a year and a half, I haven't strayed.

**WOLFCRAFT** · 12-16-2008, 12:04 AM

Originally Posted by B.E.N.

Curious...what age are the both of you?

Late 20's.

**George Dubya** · 12-16-2008, 06:09 AM

Bro....this is probably the Best Wisdom i've read on this post so far!.....

But you don' want to hear the truth...you just want someone to tickle your ears...and feed you lies.....so you will feel better.

You are decieving yourself...and you will suffer for it.

Quite Frankly....the both of you sound very imature...

Originally Posted by tcw

There is an old Proverb...."Love over looks a multitude of Sin."

When you love someone...you overlook a lot of S~@. (excluding Capital Murder)

That's the bottom line!

Bro...if she won't forgive...then she doesn't love you!

....NEXT!

PS. What did you do...Run over her Cat?

**DSM4Life** · 12-16-2008, 06:26 AM

**B.E.N.** · 12-16-2008, 09:14 AM

Originally Posted by WOLFCRAFT

Late 20's.

I know you want answers to help you stay with her but there is no one answer. My personal opinion is that the relationship is doomed...and I'm speaking from 4 years of experience like I said. If you do want to make an effort you are going to need to prepare to humble yourself. I've read your post and you don't strike me as that kind of cat.

Basically if you are able to stay together you have given her an unending supply of ammunition to use against you forever. Which is not fair for you either...but women don't put time limits on making us feel guilty.

It's funny now but me and my ex actually went to a relationship Psychologist. The women basically told me in my one on one that we should not be together...HA HA! I'd have saved 2 years if I'd have listened!

**WOLFCRAFT** · 12-16-2008, 01:51 PM

Originally Posted by George Dubya

Bro....this is probably the Best Wisdom i've read on this post so far!.....

But you don' want to hear the truth...you just want someone to tickle your ears...and feed you lies.....so you will feel better.

You are decieving yourself...and you will suffer for it.

Quite Frankly....the both of you sound very imature...

Dude who the **** are you to question our maturity??
Couples go through shit sometimes, it's a fact of life.

And how am I decieving myself?

I don't want my ears tickled, I want helpful advice on earning her trust back. And I did recieve some. Shit the first post in this entire thread was the best advice I've recieved so far.

**Flagg** · 12-16-2008, 01:54 PM

The problem with women is that they are all big ****ing drama queens, why do you think things like soap operas and gossip magazines are so damn popular? Unless its 100% about them, they don't want to know.