I'm controlling and i want help

[Hoggage_54]

every time you act controlling take you cock out and put it on the table then take your hammer and smack it three times...It works bro, I was having a problem with masturbating in public and it only took one hit..

good luck and let me know how it goes...

Seriously though, post some pics of her, that will help us give better advice... thong shots work great

[fit4ever]

OK ill a admit it I'm a control freak and i cant help it i keep hurting my girl friend and i dont want to loose her. how do i stop this...

If you really care for her, then you'll address this issue. Because like it or not, your actions are a threat to your relationship. One who attempts to be over controlling is one who worries entirely too much. And worrying is attempting to control the uncontrollable. If you take care of your responsibilities, then everything will fall in place for you just as you hope that it will.

When you drive down the highway, you illustrate a certain degree of trust and faith in others drivers which gives you confidence that they won't crash in to you. If you can do it behind the wheel of a car, then you can do it in your relationship.

[Bojangles69]

I personally do not believe you can become less controlling but I will try my best to advise you of why and what to do.

From a developmental perspective, you really should not be in a relationship to begin. The reason I say that is to develop and change you need a dynamic of reward vs punishment.

The only real punishment right now would be if she dumped you. But w/out that happening you're just not going to find the drive to follow through and work on it I feel.

Is it possible? Yeh, but you need to think about a few things.
First, WHY do you want to change?

For her? You already said "I want to stop hurting her", and although your justification is noble, its misaligned with reality.

The reality is, you CAN NOT make this about her AT ALL.
You have to think about what is feels for you to lose control, and how uncomfortable it is for you.
You have to think about how uncomfortable you make HER when you're trying to make YOURSELF more comfortable (in your efforts to gain control w/e they may be). You have to see how selfish that behavoir is.

I will tell you this with 100% assurance, there is not a lot of men out there that creep women out quite like a controlling man. Low status men are controlling, men with low self esteem are controlling, men who NEED NEED NEED. High maintenance men essentially.
She may be with you now, but that will be the first thing she looks to avoid in her next partner, I guarantee it.

So now you want to be proactive about it and change.
And you want to know how.

I really hate telling anyone their insecure, because it really doesn't mean shit. When people say that they are usually always basing it on one instance of insecurity (ie your not secure when you're not in control) but you could very well be secure in other areas of your life.

I would recommend that you start by grabbing a simple NLP book. Its not exactly what I'd call "self help", its more a very effective description of human behavoir, why it happens, and how to remodel your behavoir by mirroring the behavoir of people who already possess the traits you want.

NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic *Programming*, and it works, its very direct and to the point. Not like a lot of self help books that are often vague, and overly depended on personal circumstance (what helps a wrestler is not gonna help a boxer, everyones different would be the idea)
But Id def suggest picking up an NLP book.

The jargon is very heavy and sometimes the reading is slow, but I guarantee if you're trying to change behavoir ON YOUR OWN, you really should start there. I've done a lot of work in NLP and can tell you its light years ahead of self help books.
It doesn't make accusations or deal with the past, it deals with the now and it outlines practical solutions that actually work. Would def suggest picking one up. You can actually start with "NLP for Idiots" then work your way to the classics like "From Frogs to Princes" by Bandler. But NLP is extremely helpful for self motivated behavoiral changes.

[thegodfather]

Ask yourself the three rational questions....

1. Is my thinking based on fact?

2. Does my thinking help me achieve my goals?

3. Does my thinking help me feel the way I want to feel?

For instance, if you get upset thinking about your girlfriend being in the presence of her ex-boyfriend, you are jumping the gun without any reason to believe something is actually happening, as you have already stated. So by getting upset about it, refer to question 3, is your thinking helping you to feel the way you want to feel? I am sure you do not want to feel upset about her being in a particular place/location. Therefore you need to change the way that you think, because it is clearly not rational. Cognitive restructuring, look it up or go see a licensed therapist that will help you achieve this. The likelyhood of you being able to say "I will stop this right now," is slim, and will work for you until the next time you are put into the situation, and then it will be out the door, because you have not addressed the problem.

[kickinit]

EXAMPLE? Of when and what happened to better explain....