The best jokes in the world!!! part 1.

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 01:01 PM

Anyone got some good jokes?
Please add them...
Ile start...

Two women on a night out stop in a graveyard for a wizz.
One wipes her ***** with her knickers and the other uses a wreath.
There two husbands were in the pub the next day.
One says, "ide better watch my wife. she came home last night with no knickers on."
The other man says," thats **** all, mine had a card wedged in her arse saying, "We'll never forget you, from all the boys at the firestation"

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 01:36 PM

Come on, somone must have some jokes...

Joke no 2

an army captain takes his post in iraq.
"Whats this camel doing tied up outside the barracks soldier?"
Soldier replies " There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes the men get 'urges' Sir!"
A month later and the captain has urges of his own. he puts a ladder behind the camel, gets up and ***** the camel.
The captain says, "Is that how the men do it soldier?"
Soldier replies, " NO SIR!, they usually ride it to the brothel!"

**corsa5000** · 01-26-2010, 02:16 PM

a bear and a rabbit are taking a sh!t in the woods, the bear turns to the rabbit and says hey do you have a problem with sh!t sticking to your fur? the rabbit says no...............

so the bear wipes his arse with the rabbit

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by corsa5000

a bear and a rabbit are taking a sh!t in the woods, the bear turns to the rabbit and says hey do you have a problem with sh!t sticking to your fur? the rabbit says no...............

so the bear wipes his arse with the rabbit

Hahaha, thats a gooden...

Got any more corsa?

**edgarr** · 01-26-2010, 02:46 PM

3 gay guys were sitting around talking after all of their lovers just past away. They were discussing what their plans were with the ashes from the cremations. The 1st says “well Bob and I really loved to go fishing, so I think I will take his ashes and dump them out on our favorite fishing lake” The others sigh in enjoyment. The 2nd says “Me and Jim loved to fly so I am going take his ashes and dump them out of the plane we use to fly together, he would really love that”. The others again are in aw. After thinking for some time the 3rd member finally says “Well I think I am going to take Tim’s ashes and dump them in a big bowl of hot, spicy chilly, then eat it all that way he can tear my arse up one last time!

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 03:08 PM

Originally Posted by edgarr

3 gay guys were sitting around talking after all of their lovers just past away. They were discussing what their plans were with the ashes from the cremations. The 1st says “well Bob and I really loved to go fishing, so I think I will take his ashes and dump them out on our favorite fishing lake” The others sigh in enjoyment. The 2nd says “Me and Jim loved to fly so I am going take his ashes and dump them out of the plane we use to fly together, he would really love that”. The others again are in aw. After thinking for some time the 3rd member finally says “Well I think I am going to take Tim’s ashes and dump them in a big bowl of hot, spicy chilly, then eat it all that way he can tear my arse up one last time!

hahahahahahaha, brilliant!!!

**stack_it** · 01-26-2010, 03:20 PM

whats the difference between santa claus and tiger woods?

Santa claus stops after three ho's!

**stack_it** · 01-26-2010, 03:22 PM

Why was everyone so relieved when the balloon boy situation was over?

Because we thought micheal jackson was ordering take out!

**stack_it** · 01-26-2010, 03:25 PM

You hear about the new micheal jackson burger at mcdonalds?

Its 44 year old meat in between 5 year old buns!

**stack_it** · 01-26-2010, 03:27 PM

Man to God: Why did you make women so beautiful?
God to Man: So you would love them.
Man to God: Then why did you make women so dumb?
God to Man: So they would love you.

**stack_it** · 01-26-2010, 03:28 PM

What happened when a jew with a boner walked into a wall?

He broke his nose!

no disrespect meant

**edgarr** · 01-26-2010, 03:29 PM

What is the most successful pick line ever??????

Does this smell like chloroform!!!

**stack_it** · 01-26-2010, 03:33 PM

Why did helen kellers dog kill itself?

You would kill yourself too if your name was mmmdfgrrrasdfsseu!!!!

haha im going to hell.

**alexISthrowed** · 01-26-2010, 03:37 PM

how come helen keller cant drive?

because she is a woman

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by stack_it

You hear about the new micheal jackson burger at mcdonalds?

Its 44 year old meat in between 5 year old buns!

Hahaha.
Thats pushin the boundrys!
still funny though.lol

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 03:47 PM

Originally Posted by edgarr

What is the most successful pick line ever??????

Does this smell like chloroform!!!

lol, would'nt like to be your date.

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 03:52 PM

Whats green and smells of pork?

Kermits middle finger!!!

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 03:54 PM

Originally Posted by stack_it

Why did helen kellers dog kill itself?

You would kill yourself too if your name was mmmdfgrrrasdfsseu!!!!

haha im going to hell.

Aaaaaaaaaarrgghhhhhhh!!!

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 03:57 PM

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 03:59 PM

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in."

So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!"

**jbran23** · 01-26-2010, 04:06 PM

Originally Posted by alexISthrowed

how come helen keller cant drive?

because she is a woman

Haha! Good one!

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 04:22 PM

During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied: "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 04:23 PM

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come". The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come"? and the Indian replies, "ear sticky".

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 04:27 PM

Still taking the bus to work then?....

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 04:28 PM

Or the train maybe?...

**DCB83** · 01-26-2010, 04:29 PM

Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon.... Michael Jackson has sex with little boys.

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 04:31 PM

Beware of sluts...

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 04:31 PM

Originally Posted by DCB83

Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon.... Michael Jackson has sex with little boys.

nice.

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 04:35 PM

....

**the big 1** · 01-26-2010, 04:40 PM

Stack it, is that your dog in your avy?

**terraj** · 01-26-2010, 06:12 PM

Why are women like clouds?
Eventually they fu*k off and its a really nice day...

**terraj** · 01-26-2010, 06:13 PM

I was at an ATM when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.

**NVR2BIG1** · 01-26-2010, 06:47 PM

Originally Posted by terraj

Why are women like clouds?
Eventually they fu*k off and its a really nice day...

best one I've heard in a long time

**bjpennnn** · 01-26-2010, 06:57 PM

i love jokes i dont know why. but i am pretty bad and telling them i laugh to much.

**ranging1** · 01-26-2010, 07:18 PM

Originally Posted by the big 1

Anyone got some good jokes?
Please add them...
Ile start...

Two women on a night out stop in a graveyard for a wizz.
One wipes her ***** with her knickers and the other uses a wreath.
There two husbands were in the pub the next day.
One says, "ide better watch my wife. she came home last night with no knickers on."
The other man says," thats **** all, mine had a card wedged in her arse saying, "We'll never forget you, from all the boys at the firestation"

^^^ that was shocking

Originally Posted by the big 1

Come on, somone must have some jokes...

Joke no 2

an army captain takes his post in iraq.
"Whats this camel doing tied up outside the barracks soldier?"
Soldier replies " There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes the men get 'urges' Sir!"
A month later and the captain has urges of his own. he puts a ladder behind the camel, gets up and ***** the camel.
The captain says, "Is that how the men do it soldier?"
Soldier replies, " NO SIR!, they usually ride it to the brothel!"

lmfao thats quality

Originally Posted by terraj

I was at an ATM when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.

ahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha

okay

1. 3 lebanese men in a car, whos driving?

the police officer

2. why didnt the lebanese go to work?

becuase he was FULLY SICK

3. what do you call a drunk lebanese lying on the side walk?

HAMMED

4. what do you call a drunk lebanese lying on the side walk, thats been robbed aswell?

MOHAMMED

lol soz to any lebos on this forum