@Bojangles

[stillm4tic]

I don't want any advice really based on my own relationship or anything like that, but I always see you posting about male/female interaction and it seems like you've been endowed with some endless knowledge about relationship psychology.

I don't care how or where you got it from, I just want some dropped on me asap.

I like having a detailed perspective on why we do the things we and it seems like you have it...

Sooo if you could just start rambling about something I would appreciate it

[MACHINE5150]

you should check out his and BigMc's conversation in the "Ask a Black Man" thread.. more about human relations than man/woman relations but still a good read

[stillm4tic]

Any idea what page?

[MACHINE5150]

the last page or two

[stillm4tic]

Of course I decide to start from the fifth page and go from there, lol.

I'm just want to see a bunch of reading material I remember one thread about approaching girls in the gym or something like that where he had awesome insight on body language, what to say and what not to say and a bunch of other stuff that was real interesting

[stack_it]

Bo has the gift of gab lol. Atleast most of the time it's interesting.

[DSM4Life]

I don't want any advice really based on my own relationship or anything like that, but I always see you posting about male/female interaction and it seems like you've been endowed with some endless knowledge about relationship psychology.

I don't care how or where you got it from, I just want some dropped on me asap.

I like having a detailed perspective on why we do the things we and it seems like you have it...

Sooo if you could just start rambling about something I would appreciate it

He is highly intelligent. When i read his post about the wind damaging his screendoor and him blaming global warming it was just mesmerizing.

[Shol'va]

Indeed, I was anxiously awaiting with baited breath, for his follow up. However I'm still waiting for him to PM me his pics that he could have promised me but didn't, well actually I'm not quite sure what he did say when he said what he did on the day he inferred whatever it was that was on his mind at the time he was saying what it was about when it was said. But with that all said I like his posts, short, concise, and to the point.

[stack_it]

Indeed, I was anxiously awaiting with baited breath, for his follow up. However I'm still waiting for him to PM me his pics that he could have promised me but didn't, well actually I'm not quite sure what he did say when he said what he did on the day he inferred whatever it was that was on his mind at the time he was saying what it was about when it was said. But with that all said I like his posts, short, concise, and to the point.

[stillm4tic]

He is highly intelligent. When i read his post about the wind damaging his screendoor and him blaming global warming it was just mesmerizing.

Everyone has a niche I suppose...

[bushido3374]

*hunkers down with popcorn and awaits Bojangles' response*

[Shol'va]

Lol ^^^^^

[auslifta]

*hunkers down with popcorn and awaits Bojangles' response*

After reading the original post he has been typing, and typing, and typing and typing.

[BuffBuffalo]

Indeed, I was anxiously awaiting with baited breath, for his follow up. However I'm still waiting for him to PM me his pics that he could have promised me but didn't, well actually I'm not quite sure what he did say when he said what he did on the day he inferred whatever it was that was on his mind at the time he was saying what it was about when it was said. But with that all said I like his posts, short, concise, and to the point.

Are you Kai Green?

[lovbyts]

I could be wrong (doubtful) but this reads a lot like a setup, new/old member payback, someone who has a grudge? Doesn't sound very sincere to me or am I the only one noticing it?

[bushido3374]

It does kind of come across as a troll job.

[stillm4tic]

You guys actually that paranoid? I honestly want to get some knowledge in me isn't that the reason why this forum exists?...do I really seem SOO sinister to coax this guy into replying in this thread just for some stupid sick enjoyment?

[drdeath613]

i like watching porn how bout you can you say porn i know you can PPPPPP OOOOOO RRRRRR NNNN

thats right billy porn good job

[Hazard]

~Haz~

[Hazard]

~Haz~

[Hard.On]

lol,
this isn't the first time I have seen Bojangles called out

does stillm4tik=swifto?

[stillm4tic]

lol,
this isn't the first time I have seen Bojangles called out

does stillm4tik=swifto?

SMH...

I'm not swifto, im stillm4tic. Flattering though...really

[Hazard]

~Haz~

[marcus300]

lol,
this isn't the first time I have seen Bojangles called out

does stillm4tik=swifto?

LMFAO, yes he did, i think swifto was a little drunk that night lol

[DSM4Life]

[dec11]

fvckin hell bo is still writing out a reply to this i'll bet lol

[stillm4tic]

Where you at bo?

[marcus300]

Swifto slapped him out of here

[HitIt]

i love this place

[bruary17]

I have a sixer in the fridge.....still waiting on Bo before I crack it...

[bushido3374]

LMAO @ Haz & DSM.

[Bojangles69]

I didn't start writing anything yet but I will. I just finished answering too many pms and am honestly a bit burnt out at the minute.

But if you want I can start by C&Pn my last pm? Its nothing profound and I honestly didn't even put time into it but its the mindset that counts
more than the material imo.

When I write shit for more than 1 person I tend to put more time into but let me know if you want me to start there and I will.
And I'd rather people don't say shit like I'm "intelligent". It just creates jealousy and bad vibes. I appreciate it but you can't learn much about
women if you're busy hating the man trying to help. Thats ALL I do is try to help, no more no less so let me know and I'll paste it when I get
out of the shower.

[Bojangles69]

Alright this was a pm from a guy who had taken 2 girls out on a date and got "LJBF'd" aka lets just be friends, both times. He didn't have many details to offer other than his own dissappointment in himself, so I wrote out a general format for avoiding the friends zone.

__________________________________________________ __________________

Ok look seriously bro getting laid is not that hard. I'm not floating my own boat here either but I think you may be desperate and are someway conveying that by your attitude when you take women out.
I can give you pointers all day long but I'm usually able to spot immediately in person when a guy says/does something wrong. And my question to you is don't you have some sort of male intuition telling you what your problem is? You should be able to have at least an idea most of the time. But I'll do my best either way.

When you take a woman out, the LAST thing you want to show her is any type of emotional investment. Not just because its weird, but because TOO MANY GUYS do it. And at the same time a lot of other guys will try to be "too cool". As in once they go on a date they try to slip on their shiniest pair of pimp shoes, drop their tone 10 octaves, and wind up coming off like a total sell out.

Research "the principle of lesser interest". This is not even PUA shit this is standard psychology. And this does not = be a dickhead. The person who has the least investments in any social interaction is always the person with the most power. You can witness this in action rather quickly with histrionics aka "attention whores". They invest so much just to get recognition, and the person who doesn't even speak a word winds up looking better. The reality is any relationship can be classified as either an "exchange" relationship or a "communal" relationship. And exchange are by far the most common. There are very simple ways of testing this, but investments play a huge role in any situation. This is more a rational move for preserving both your emotional and physical resources (sanity and money) than anything. Go read about it if you need otherwise you might break down what I wrote to something it actually doesn't mean. It has a lot more relevance than most people think it does. You’ve been raised on Romeo & Juliet and movies where the noble nerd gets the hot chick but in real life things are unfortunately much different.

I think in someway you're either flirting too hard, the wrong way, asking too many questions, trying to validate your ego by saying things like "is this ok?" or "what kind of men do you usually go for"? (aka "are those men like me"?) these types of statements are ALL murder to your sex life. Don't ask what she likes. You don't care because you don't even know her. Get to know her as a person, not the things she enjoys doing (there's a difference). Because why would you even care about that shit unless you knew what sort of person she was in the first place? Make her earn your interest in her superficial hobbies/career and what not. Never just come out and ask "sooo what do you like to do?" If she asks you, make up some obvious bs then ask if it really matters. If said with the right inflection it can go a long way. "I toss midgets for a living" is that ok with you? (its sarcasm and avoids spinning the wheels of desperate validation on either side, although you only care about your side, if she still wants to qualify herself even better). But when you do things like this (w/out being overtly rude) it forces a female to qualify to you. It will make them work harder to engage you, it starts that chase dynamic which once in motion is very easy to maintain.


You NEED to be ok with confrontation. I'm not asking you to start your own fight club, but what has served me continously after PUA is I realized how to make certain aspects of my personality work in my favor. And pissing people off just to get my jollies has always been one of those things I thoroughly enjoy in life.
When I'm on a "date", I'm not an overt dick, I act in a way that seems courteous, but at the same time I disconnect completely from the outcome of that night, and literally work on nothing but building tension. TENSION IS YOUR FRIEND. Why do you think women always want to fvck after a fight? You have to challenge them, you want to get their adrenaline flowing so they become less logical and more emotional. Women can be logical, but in a logical state they are much harder to seduce than if they are emotional about something (don't bring up their dead daddy lol). Its not necessarily your job to make a woman happy as much as it is to just make them FEEL while they're around you. And smiling is an easy way to make a person not feel challenged. I smile a half smirk when I first meet them. Then I continously guage my anxiety. Its always there when meeting a new girl, but I'm always trying to control how it comes out. Because it was only 5-6 years ago I'd spend my whole date fighting for words and laughing nervously at everything she said. No wonder I never got laid. This might sound crazy, but trust me, if you laugh too much on your first date NO WOMAN will feel any amount of sexual attraction. They will sense the beta male in you immediately and their vaginas will dry up worse than death valley.

Not laughing at a womans comments instantly makes her rethink in her own head if what she said was appropriate. Thats why I rarely if ever do it. I keep them on their toes the whole time, and even though at times they may appear frustrated, if you do it right it turns them on like nothing else. This is also a great way to test a womans self esteem. A women who gets angry at this behavior fast is likley not a woman who is that secure. Its ambiguous/neutral behavior that most of the time can only work in your favor. Never EVER compliment their looks in anyway. They're expecting it, be the exception. A compliment based on a behavoiral observation (aka cold reading) is what really gets them going:
"I noticed something weird about you. But when I first got your number you seemd really cold and distant. And I'm sure a lot of guys might tend to think your bitchy... but I think a lot of guys probably just misunderstand you. And I think you were really acting that way because a lot of men tend to only be interested in how you look, but I like the fact that you actually made me earn your trust. It shows you have self esteem and I like that".

blah blah you get it. But rather than compliment a positive physical trait (I like your eyes) its ALWAYS better, to notice a negative trait, then reframe it in a way that doesn't look negative. I'm telling you bro this shit really gets chicks going. The reality is although we all like compliments, 99% of them just feel fake and convenient. And we always feel this weird contempt for the people giving them. The ones that feel genuine are when someone is able to look through something most would consider bad, and reframe as the opposite. Seeing our "flaws" as virtues and what not. I stopped complimenting women years ago. And the reactions I get anytime Im able to pull this off are really incredible. Women value this shit so much more than a lazy "I like your dress". So please, never compliment anything regarding their appearance. And even nothing positive about their personality. Notice the bad things. It will make them feel very insecure at first, and then you bring them to the point of feeling genuinely understood.

Its the CONTRAST from bad >>>> all the way to >>> good, that makes them FEEL emotions. The larger the swing of emotion you can create, the more you become their heroin. I've even practiced the art of outright insulting a girl to her face, just to see if I could redeem myself afterwards. PRACTICE IT. It will help you a lot once you learn how to do it. Don't worry if you get smacked, that will be more educational than a random fools mate. You're learning how to calibrate your social arsenal. Just like real weapons, they need oil, tweaking, trial and error testing.

Joke, tease, but do little laughing. Play jokes on her when you're walking through the restaraunt and as you pass tables slowly walk against her side almost so she doesn't notice but is forced to walk into a table. Then when she knocks a chair over laugh hysterically. You have to do it from a place of joy and living in the moment and not from a place of being cruel or a dancing monkey. When she hands you something pull your hand away at the last minute and let her drop it, then ask her if she's been drinking. I'm telling you women love little games like this. They're stupid, but natural and effective.

If she gets up to go to the bathroom write a random phone number on a napkin and put it by her plate with a strangers name. Don't mention anything till she sits down and asks. Tell her it was the little mexican busboy pushing the cart around. Everytime he comes by she'll turn her face away from him and just laugh. But what will actually impress her is that you're on a date with her and ALLOWED someone else to give her their number. You could have just thrown it away. I'm telling you this will produce GOOD thoughts in her head. "OMG does he not like me? Why didn't he tell the guy I was on a date? Whats wrong with my hair? etc etc". And if she ever says anything to the guy (which they don't) just tell her it was a joke.

But there are THOUSANDS of ways of being playful. If you don't wanna read lines and go crazy practicing shit at least sit down and think of funny things you can do with women. I literally must have about 300 things I can do anywhere in any situation just to bust a womans balls. If you are a pro at this I'm telling you they won't think twice about fvckn you. If you can bring something different, and genuinely intriguing/fun to the table, she will worship the ground you walk on.

I started off doing patterns, reading technique after technique, nlp, m3 models, even hypnotic suggestions lol and YES a lot of that shit works perfectly. But the whole act of taking it soo seriously can ruin all the fun. And it puts a lot of pressure on the table when times comes to perform. But if you can seriously fvck with them, while maintaining that "principle of lesser interest", I'm telling you thats ALL you need to do. Women respond to looks, but almost any good looking girl can get any good looking guy she wants. It can get boring fast. And what women look for more than looks is substance and quality. A change of pace and format. Living outside the cold and sterile norms of everyday life. I promise if you can change your outlook to take on a new approach like this it will serve you very well because you will change HER OUTLOOK as well. People are innately too fvckn serious. We are robots now more than ever. And one day you'll realize there are actually wayy funner things to do with women than just fvck them. I realize that sounds preposterously gay but seriously, when you can really make a women OBSESS about being around you, one you actually want and care for, thats more an ego boost than the wildest sexual favor you can imagine from some random whorebag. Get into their mind, not their panties, and soon you won't even need to worry about getting in their panties.

Keep me posted!! And never take it too seriously. Also, if you get nervous at all on dates don't pop a xanax, take an inderal. They will keep you much calmer while keeping your wit in tact. Only IF you need it though. G/luck.

_______________________________________________

Ok that'll be it for tonight I added some more thoughts to it and as of now have no energy to do anything more till tommorow. Hope this helps!

[ReX357]

Everything he said is spot on. You and I think alike my friend.

[bjpennnn]

bro your a ****en madman bojangles hahaha. i love it.

[stillm4tic]

Genius I love it...this is exactly what I wanted

Wouldn't mind hearing the story of "outright insulting a girl to her face, just to see if I could redeem myself"

["Maximus"]

Damn BO, you're good man at this women stuff!

["Maximus"]

Gosh, I will have to start PMing you soon.. so expect a few PMs from me lol

[stillm4tic]

Okay so I do feel like I should ask some advice after some events that happened today.

So i've been with this girl for about a year or so now but we were dating for another year previously with about 6 months in between for reasons that don't really seem relevant to say at this point.

She's been in some emotionally "abusive" relationships in the past ie: guys cheating on her, lying ect.

As for me, i've never cheated and there are few things i've lied about, but I consider it for the best and I don't think it has any bearing on what's been going on.

Ever since we got back together she has been acting a little...crazy. She questions me, accuses and flips out over mostly every little thing. If there is a fractional change in my attitude towards her at any given time, it means i'm talking to another female. If I fvcking write I comment on someone else's page on the internet, it means I have some hidden agenda. GOD FORBID a number that isn't stored in my phone book calls me when we are together, it's automatically another female that wants a booty call.

Time line is as follows: Event happens, she has a totally irrational reaction, we argue for about 5 minutes (majority of the time me defending myself, she is stubborn beyond all human comprehension), we are both quiet for about 5 minutes, she apologizes, I say I understand. That's pretty much the confrontation in a nutshell.

I realize that maybe if I fvcking flipped my sh!t on her one good time it might sink in, but I highly doubt it...I would rather try a more rational approach than just yelling and screaming, but if that's the only solution than so be it.

It's pretty damn frustrating when every single night there is something new that I need to explain, or some accusation that in all honestly, comes from thin air.

[Bojangles69]

Oh yeh thats a fun situation lol.

I've done both research on post abusive relationships as well as delt with tons of women coming out of abusive relationships in the field and its always the same thing.
I really have a TON of shit to say about this but I also want to try keeping it somewhat focused on your specific scenario. But women coming out or going in to abusive relationships ALL have something called an "insecure attachment style". The thing is, after these relationships, they ALL search for a man with a "secure attachment style". And I actually had a Dr from my uni you has researched this his whole life, tell me "the easiest way for a woman like that to boost her self esteem, is to not stay single, and to actually pair bond with a man with secure attachment style".

I'm using a lot of lingo right now just so people can research if they want before I start breaking things down. But a secure attachment you can think of as being secure with detachment. In another words, a man with secure attachment will be hurt during a break up, but very little harm will be done to his self esteem. He can get over the break up much quicker, and thus does not invest himself in the same way a woman with insecure attachment would DURING the relationship. While for the women, a break up would literally crush her self esteem due to the insecure attachment style. It makes them paranoid ALL THE TIME. And yes there are plenty of women with secure attachment, but you will find NONE of them in abusive relationships. And you will find none of them in post abusive relationships either.

I hate to put any blame at all on these women as they've been through a lot. But in a very logical way, their attachment style all by itself would provoke an abusive boyfriend to be even more abusive. While if he was with a woman who had lets say a "fearful attachment style" (which is bad but not the same) he would likely be much less abusive towards her.

Women like this require to be desensitized (not beaten lol) into a good relationship. If they are pulled out and thrown right into a stable commited relationship too fastly they will almost always break up within the first 2 years. This is because they are wayy to fvcking paranoid about things getting too good, and you can't really blame them as even men act this way with the same attachment style.

But when I come back I'm going to cite some models to support this, show some less conventional ways of dealing with these types (apart from what mainstream thinks works best), some personal experiences which may seem a bit cruel at first but if you understand the logic why you'll realize its actually for their benefit, and then since you asked about the IR tactic (insult/redemption lol) I'll write a bit about that too. More for entertaintment sake.

I'll be back in 2-3 hours gonna get some errands done so I can kick back a bit when I get home.

-Bo