Gilfriend thinks its ok to hang out with exes

[Budss]

Definitely not ok CDP. Just because the relationship wouldn't work doesn't mean that they ain't still got a spark / attraction.

I have one ex my wife hates as she knows that we are just drawn to each other but could never make it work. I sure as hell wouldn't want to spend alone time with her if I wanted my relationship to work.

[gixxerboy1]

Immature, and lack of respect and dedication.
Ex´s shouldn´t even be on FB.
And Cherry, what are u still doing at Titty bars? What a ridiculous concept. Pathetic men drooling over half their age girls, actually thinking they have game....lol
If I went to a Strip club, my GF would break up with me, and rightfully so. If she went out for lunch or whatever with an ex, she wouldn´t hear from me again.

I go to them. not all the time. But if my friends are going and they call me i will go. My wife doesnt care. She will tell me to get a dance. I'm sure if it was a habit there would be an issue.
We have gone to them together also. I remember at our immigration meeting the lady asked what we did last week end and my wife goes we spent sat night at a gentleman club

No way.

I don't understand people staying in contact with exes. I dont make a habit of staying in contact with mine, and I wouldn't expect my partner to keep hanging out with hers. I don't care what kind of modern world we live in now, it just seems disrespectful to me.

i still talk to a couple. Some were good people and friends just we werent a good couple. Nobody hurt the other, just realized it wasnt for us to be together.

[spywizard]

easy to fix, go out with your ex gf.. and if they are not ex gf, new ones, how would she know??

and

she is the only one can make you feel secure, if she is unwilling to do that, time to move on..

[Flagg]

I go to them. not all the time. But if my friends are going and they call me i will go. My wife doesnt care. She will tell me to get a dance. I'm sure if it was a habit there would be an issue.
We have gone to them together also. I remember at our immigration meeting the lady asked what we did last week end and my wife goes we spent sat night at a gentleman club



i still talk to a couple. Some were good people and friends just we werent a good couple. Nobody hurt the other, just realized it wasnt for us to be together.

And you wouldn't have a problem if your wife hung out with an ex of hers all the time?

[gixxerboy1]

And you wouldn't have a problem if your wife hung out with an ex of hers all the time?

all the time? yes i would. Going to a bar yea. And occasional lunch? I wouldnt be thrilled about it but not worth fighting over it.

[calgarian]

im with gixxer. if she is gunna fvck someone else do you really think it will be the dude she dumped or the dude sitting behind him? maybe thats it. its a front to go stock the next dude she will bang at his favorite place to eat

Ok I am sick of all of you "Nice guys" out there .
Here is the scenario if she wants to cheat she has to meet a guy, then they have to talk , they have measure each other out see if sex will be ok with him. She is not sure how big his d!ck is or what he is like in bed and while she is figuring all that out you should be able to see the tell tell signs that she is getting ready to cheat.
With ex you dont have to figure this out she knows how he is like in bed what he likes and dont like.......what if there was a chemistry and part of her misses that with her current BF..........Am I the only one with the common sense here.....

SO the answer is FVCK NO.
and you dont want to get into "will it be ok if I see my ex" then it will becomes a pissing contest and cherry the comment "good cause sean is calling me" is the start of that pissing contest.
EX means just that....EX done no friends, no shit nothing. I dont understand y u broke up with someone and still be friends with? when its over its over....end of conversation.

[BrownGirl]

I agree with everyone else. It's just a bad idea. She should know better. Maybe she's deliberately trying to make you jealous because you won't marry her or something. I don't know. We girls can be twisted. lol If she's doing that then she's just petty. Ya'll have a problem. Like some of the guys said, ask her if she's okay with hanging out with your exes. If she says 'yeah go ahead', then it's probably time to let her go because like Calgarian said it's a pissing contest. If she says no, then make her understand how hypocritical she's being. This would be fine if she invited you along with her and the ex. THere absolutely no need to hang out with him by herself. It's weird.

[Honkey_Kong]

Honkey Kong that recording is amazing. DSM your a dik lol

It's the Tom Leykis Show. He is painfully right with every topic he has.

[JAB1]

Yeah a big hell no for me.. Nothing to do with trust, just common respect

[awms]

The "It ok to hang out with an ex" is such bogus! If she still wants to hang with an ex then she still has feeling for the guy! and he wants in her pants....why eles would they hang out?????? she left him for a reason so if she now wants to hang out with him all the time then why would she not get back with him???? The only reason I hang out with an ex is to sleep with her or atleast try! and when I hang out with an ex who has a bf that never stops her....they still flirt, still talk about old times...."remember the time we did...." "remember the sex we had...." I can guarantee they dont talk about bad times!

what do you do when you hang out with old friends? you reminisce about all the funny times you had together....my guess is she still has feelings for these guys or shes trying to make you jealous...either way its smells bad!

[awms]

Oh and its really simple and easy to deal with! you say "hun I am not comfortable with you hanging out with your ex's" and when she says "we are just friends" you say "I understand and respect that but it makes me uncomfortable and it needs to stop...would you like it if I went to dinner with my ex's"......If she makes issue of it you simple and in a calm voice say "Ok well I can see you pick you ex boys over me and our relationship so perhaps we should not be together anymore because I dont think we are on the same page as to what a relationship is" and then break it off! no need to waste your time with a girl like that! plus there are billions of other women out there!

[crispyCraka]

I agree with all the "hell nos" and "double hell nos" and I'll add a triple hell no! I've had more than one girlfriend who has done this, and they play all innocent in not understanding the problem, but it's my personal opinion that they are leaving their options open. I know some stupid girls, but I don't think any of them is so stupid to think that their ex asked them out just to shoot the breeze. That goes with new and strange guy friends. Dudes befriend chicks because they want to get in their pants, unless they're gay. Even then, I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them. If your lady has committed to you (e.g. professes love), then she should know better than to be associating with exes, or new guys that you don't know about and haven't met. She sure as hell shouldn't be going out with them without your consent and needs to respect your wishes. Period. If that's too much to ask for then she's not the one my man.

[JohnnyVegas]

I would hope my wife wouldn't want to get together with an ex, but she trusted me when I was friends with my ex wife. Hell, my ex was even invited to our wedding. We remained friends until she remarried and her new husband didn't like her talking to me. Ironic.

I don't keep track of my wife AT ALL. I don't ask her where she has been, or what she did. She has proven herself to be completely worthy of my trust and I do everything in my power to be worthy of hers. It is all about mutual respect.

You have told her how you feel and she will either compromise, or not. If she doesn't, you can put that in the "incompatibility" column and you need to break up when that column gets too full.

[NEMESIS RR]

Ok my girlfriend of over a year thinks its ok to go out just for lunch or just for dinner with an ex. She always tells me when shes doing it and no I dont think she has or would cheat on me but to me its inappropriate and violates basic relationship code.

Im just looking for a im overreacting or its inappropriate and wouldn't mind getting some both girl/guy perspectives.

I should include backstory for full disclosure. I have gotten drunk at least three times and gone to the strip club and told her about it at the end of the night and she trusts me not to cheat.

May I ask nationality and age?

And my answer is if she even asked it would be the end, kids and all.

[Bryan2]

Its all situational, shady that she doesn't want to have anyone else around when she is out with the ex though. Doesn't have to be you but maybe one of her friends that would be honest or keep her honest.

I still talk to my ex's.....At least the ones that I actually loved.

Its never to try and have sex with them though. Its usually a hey how is life for you now and its only exclusively lunch! If its dinner its too much of an actual date. But I can honestly say wholeheartedly that if they came onto me I would probably smash if I was single during the get together.

So yeah its not cool that she won't even compromise and let someone go with them! Sounds like she wants to keep something hidden.

[Gaspari1255]

Fvck this shit...

Totally unacceptable...Let me share my last relationship:

[Gaspari1255]

I agree with all the "hell nos" and "double hell nos" and I'll add a triple hell no! I've had more than one girlfriend who has done this, and they play all innocent in not understanding the problem, but it's my personal opinion that they are leaving their options open. I know some stupid girls, but I don't think any of them is so stupid to think that their ex asked them out just to shoot the breeze. That goes with new and strange guy friends. Dudes befriend chicks because they want to get in their pants, unless they're gay. Even then, I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them. If your lady has committed to you (e.g. professes love), then she should know better than to be associating with exes, or new guys that you don't know about and haven't met. She sure as hell shouldn't be going out with them without your consent and needs to respect your wishes. Period. If that's too much to ask for then she's not the one my man.

Exactly. Women can be so fvcking stupid and naive at times. "He's a reallllly good friend" yeah kiss my ass. Unless I meet the guy, and I approve of him being a "good friend" (which I have done a few times) she's not talking to him or hanging out with him. I do the same though, I don't have any reason to talk to other girls when I have a girlfriend. I've never had a female friend that I haven't wanted to have sex with- which is why I DON'T have female friends.

[SEOINAGE]

I would hope my wife wouldn't want to get together with an ex, but she trusted me when I was friends with my ex wife. Hell, my ex was even invited to our wedding. We remained friends until she remarried and her new husband didn't like her talking to me. Ironic.

I don't keep track of my wife AT ALL. I don't ask her where she has been, or what she did. She has proven herself to be completely worthy of my trust and I do everything in my power to be worthy of hers. It is all about mutual respect.

You have told her how you feel and she will either compromise, or not. If she doesn't, you can put that in the "incompatibility" column and you need to break up when that column gets too full.

Yeah this is the way to be, definitely shouldn't be keeping a watchful eye on your partner. If you don't feel comfortable and don't trust her then it would be time for someone else. Where we live now my wife has noticed most all her friends have really controlling husbands, one recently got divorced it was so bad. But the one she hung out with today, husband called her 4 times in an hour and was upset she wouldn't keep talking to him longer, and other ones that drive by people's house they are hanging out at, these girls do lots of activities, small town. You don't want to be that guy making things bad for the both of you. Sometimes its the partner making you feel insecure, I know I couldn't trust my ex, and now that I am with someone that I don't have that conflict I am a lot happier and have a better self esteem.

[SEOINAGE]

Fvck this shit...

Totally unacceptable...Let me share my last relationship:

My girlfriend meets a guy on facebook who she was attracted to. They never met up in person. I come along and we're dating for three months, things are getting very serious. I I see her still texting this guy at 3am, I see him calling her in the morning, She's writing shit on his facebook...So I said "Stacy- enough is enough. I understand you have a lot of guy friends, and the ones I met are really good dudes, but I want you to cut off contact with this jerkoff, it's bothering me."

She would reassure me that they never met in person, so I had nothing to worry about. She REFUSED to cut him out of her life. She would explain how he would talk about all his girl problems with her and they were just really good friends (who never met....right).

Moral of the story is she breaks up with me for some bullshit reason and 9 days later she's dating this guy....

If you give a woman an inch, she'll take a fvcking mile.

Put your foot down and lay down the law. If you let this slide- what's next? Going out for a drink with her ex? Stopping by to see his family? etc...

That's the kind of crap that you need to just deal with the fact its going to hurt but break it off. You don't want to be the guy that she just stays with until she has things lined up for her to move on. That sucks man, not good going through stuff like that.

[Gaspari1255]

That's the kind of crap that you need to just deal with the fact its going to hurt but break it off. You don't want to be the guy that she just stays with until she has things lined up for her to move on. That sucks man, not good going through stuff like that.

Absolutely right...I'm kicking myself in the ass for not leaving before I was left.

[big_ron]

Exactly. Women can be so fvcking stupid and naive at times. "He's a reallllly good friend" yeah kiss my ass. Unless I meet the guy, and I approve of him being a "good friend" (which I have done a few times) she's not talking to him or hanging out with him. I do the same though, I don't have any reason to talk to other girls when I have a girlfriend. I've never had a female friend that I haven't wanted to have sex with- which is why I DON'T have female friends.

Ive been through the same type of shit, and your right girls are that dumb they think these other guys are just friends. takes some time to realise for them selfs, but you have to speak up and say that type of thing would prevent me from moving any further with you.. after a while they get it, well mine did anyway, and her whole point of view changed, i didnt push it, but let her know how i think about that shit. and she came around on her own. Bottom line is if the rship is serious then you shouldnt have to put up with that shit, maybe they are to immature and dont take it seriously, if thats the case you will always have these issues 1 guy after another.

[Honkey_Kong]

Absolutely right...I'm kicking myself in the ass for not leaving before I was left.

We've all made that mistake before. If a broad you're dating wants to talk to other guys, that right there is the sign to GTFO of that relationship. And really, the same applies for chicks. If they see their man talking to other chicks whether it being exes or not, unless the chick is some hideous beast of a broad, dump his ass. Gixxer is the exception because look at his wife. Who is going to allow that to get ****ed up?

[calgarian]

ok i just thought of something if you are going to say no its not unacceptable she and every one she will tell (espacially her gfs) will think you are insecure.
Here is another thought....just tell her its ok but if i find you cheating emotionally or physically i can play this game better then u and trust me I WILL find out. not that i dont trust you but when u play with fire you will burn.
If she think she is a player she will laugh it off thinking "how the fvck u will know" or that will get her thinking.
I did the same thing to one she didnt listen I caught her (i can heck into almost anything and no i wont do it for you or anyone) she ended up holding my feet and wouldnt let me go for 30 minutes and then i just left ...........

[awms]

ok i just thought of something if you are going to say no its not unacceptable she and every one she will tell (espacially her gfs) will think you are insecure.
Here is another thought....just tell her its ok but if i find you cheating emotionally or physically i can play this game better then u and trust me I WILL find out. not that i dont trust you but when u play with fire you will burn.
If she think she is a player she will laugh it off thinking "how the fvck u will know" or that will get her thinking.
I did the same thing to one she didnt listen I caught her (i can heck into almost anything and no i wont do it for you or anyone) she ended up holding my feet and wouldnt let me go for 30 minutes and then i just left ...........

Thats a bad idea then he will really look insecure! He should simply say it not ok and wont happen anymore and if she says "to bad" then she should break it off and walk....that what someone with confidence would do...saying its ok when you really dont think it is and then leting her get away with it is like giving a dog a treat for shitting on your carpet lol

[calgarian]

Thats a bad idea then he will really look insecure! He should simply say it not ok and wont happen anymore and if she says "to bad" then she should break it off and walk....that what someone with confidence would do...saying its ok when you really dont think it is and then leting her get away with it is like giving a dog a treat for shitting on your carpet lol

ok....i am a contro; freak so sometimes i let the rope go and watch them hang themselves.......when the game is on i m all about game no feeling, no emotions and most definitely no regret

feel free to call me an asshole its just the way i m

[awms]

ok....i am a contro; freak so sometimes i let the rope go and watch them hang themselves.......when the game is on i m all about game no feeling, no emotions and most definitely no regret

feel free to call me an asshole its just the way i m

No I dont think your an ass hole but I think most men misunderstand how women think and how they will react to something. Women dont react at all in the same way a man would in the situation you stated...women by nature think very very different than men! men think with the "logical" part of the brain and women with the emotional and creative part of the brain...this is actually a fact! women respond much better to calm and assertive confidence and poorly to raised voices and games! If you want a women to do something you should never freak out or raise your voice! always state you case, make it a fact, and back it up by doing what you say you will do. example: "I dont want you to talk to your ex anymore it makes me uncomfortable and it needs to stop" If the women does not agree than a simple "Alright well I dont think we should be together if you are acting this way".....seems crazy but trust me its much more effective! when you try to argue your case and play the "get even" game it only makes a man look beta and weak! by nature women want to be with men who are "alpha" and in control and the best way to show this is by standing your ground, staying calm, and not raising your voice or playing games!

[supersize me]

Even if she isn't trying to, his goal is definitely to get his D wet. The real question is, how many drinks is it going to take her to decide she might want to.

[awms]

Even if she isn't trying to, his goal is definitely to get his D wet. The real question is, how many drinks is it going to take her to decide she might want to.

Yup! common we are all men and there is only one reason we hang out with any ex girlfriend lol lets be real! and to be honest most women dont think of them self as a cheater but after a few drink, a little step back down memory lane, and some moves on his part, she might just give in and bang the dude...Iv seen it all to often!

IMO a good girlfriend wouldnt put her self in a situation were she could cheat...I have the potencial to cheat we all do and anyone who says other wise is only lieing to them self! the difference is a good bf or gf doesn't put them self in a situation were they will cheat. I know if I hung out with an ex or an old fu@k budy, and had a few drinks there is a good chance I would end up banging them...but Im a good bf who cares about my gf so I dont put my self in those situations!

[Times Roman]

Double hell no! The easiest person to hook back up with, even for a night is an ex.....and they are ex.s for a reason.....exclude from your life!

double hell yeah agree!!

i've had too many issues with previous GF's hanging with an ex saying it was ok. she may think it's OK, but in every case i was aware, i totally suspected/knew HE was trying to get his claws back in her.

....the embers of an old relationship can be fanned back to new life. Easiest way to back slide is by hanging with an ex, add a little alchohol, shake it up, and "mistakes" are bound to happen

[SEOINAGE]

Absolutely right...I'm kicking myself in the ass for not leaving before I was left.

Don't worry been there before too, except she had someone else and still couldn't let me go, so I finally had to end it completely. Was kicking myself forever that I didn't do it years earlier, and when I see others going through it they don't see it and I try to give advice but it never works sadly.

[lovbyts]

Mabey she has no interest in cheating on you, but you can be 99% sure that he is looking for a ride, not what you want to hear but hey lets call a spade a spade here, I know only reason me and pretty much anybody else I know gets back talking to the ex is to either ride her or in the hope of riding her (gixxer we know you the exception here but in fairness your an anomoly, you have scary willpower)

If you trust her then its cool, but if there any doubt in your head at all then having an ex sniffing around is the last thing your head needs . . . .

Just talk her about it if it bothers you that much actually dont do that, it wont end well,

Hold on your doing the long distance thing arent you, so that means she came out and told you knowing you would never find out if she didnt want you to yeah? then relax your fine, its normal ( i think ) to be thinking the way you are but she seems like a good girl for telling you

Relationship code, well thats a tough one, every relationship has a different one, every girl has a different idea of whats ok and what isnt and trying to tell her she wrong wont end well

I agree with all the above. I am much like Gixxer in this case but I also am not a fool to think other guys are like me. I know 99.99% are not and even I have my weakness and limits.

Most guys like to think they are only being a friend they are the good guy but most all of them would jump at the chance if they had it to mount her. He will wait for a moment of weakness when she/you are having some problem or if the subject turn to reminiscing about the good old days.

If it's not OK for you it should not be OK for her and she should understand this. If she does not think he is interested in her in any way she is trying to fool you or fool herself. Girls/women should stick with other girls/women to go do things who are in similar relationships. Men should stick with other men to hang with who are in similar situations. Of course this is not a stead fast rule without exceptions. It's fine if it's on a rare occasion but not some weekly, monthly or even ever few months.

BTW Cherry, BS, you are NOT (We are very compatible) so compatible. Every one likes to say/think that especially when they have time and effort into a relationship trying to justify everything.
Point in fact.
1, You are comfortable with the relationship where it is at. She is pressuring you to get married.
2, She thinks it's OK to go out with an ex for lunch and you don't.
3, She will not agree with only seeing him when someone else is present.
4, If she was a GOOD girl she would have told you BEFORE she had lunch and asked you if it was OK. It's always easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

Now open your eyes and look at what is really going on. Yeah it sucks to have to start over but stop thinking about it as a failure or wasted time. It's all about learning whats right, wrong, who is right for you and who isnt and having fun. it's all part of growing up and it's much easier if you are true to yourself and not to worry about the little things like how long you have been going out or how much $$$ you have spent. Divorce is 100x more costly and the heartache is 100x worse.

Just my .02

[Scabtree]

It's funny; my wife would never allow me to go out with any girl alone... especially ex's. However, she goes for coffee/lunch with her last boyfriend now and again; which I have no problem with at all. Mostly because he's really fat now. I suspect he farts a lot too, but I have no solid evidence for that.

Basically no threat == no problem.

[calgarian]

No I dont think your an ass hole but I think most men misunderstand how women think and how they will react to something. Women dont react at all in the same way a man would in the situation you stated...women by nature think very very different than men! men think with the "logical" part of the brain and women with the emotional and creative part of the brain...this is actually a fact! women respond much better to calm and assertive confidence and poorly to raised voices and games! If you want a women to do something you should never freak out or raise your voice! always state you case, make it a fact, and back it up by doing what you say you will do. example: "I dont want you to talk to your ex anymore it makes me uncomfortable and it needs to stop" If the women does not agree than a simple "Alright well I dont think we should be together if you are acting this way".....seems crazy but trust me its much more effective! when you try to argue your case and play the "get even" game it only makes a man look beta and weak! by nature women want to be with men who are "alpha" and in control and the best way to show this is by standing your ground, staying calm, and not raising your voice or playing games!

I agree but if the tide are switched them=n its w new story...beieve me when i say this. Personally myself i dont care if I suspect i start digging and then when i dig I dig deeper and deeper try deleting emails, facebook message, text when i am on a roll i will dig out anything and everything thats how I am dont give me reason not to trust you if you give me reason then you will suffer the consequences.

[gonzo6183]

DEFINITLEY NOT...

What this all comes down to is respect for what your partner is ok with, if you respect her wishes when it comes to similar things then she should respect yours. Its that simple and that how a relationship works...

[Kk570h]

I agree but if the tide are switched them=n its w new story...beieve me when i say this. Personally myself i dont care if I suspect i start digging and then when i dig I dig deeper and deeper try deleting emails, facebook message, text when i am on a roll i will dig out anything and everything thats how I am dont give me reason not to trust you if you give me reason then you will suffer the consequences.

Couldn't have said it better , I'm the same way

[Honkey_Kong]

So, as I was going to visit my parent's house this last weekend, I was listening to some Christian radio station where they were discussing the path to adultery. The preacher explained that most affairs start off as friendships between a married person and somebody of the opposite sex. The fact that they are associating with somebody of a different sex while inside of their marriage meant that one of their emotional needs were not being met by their spouse. As those needs get met by somebody else, feelings are developed and that can cause people to cheat.

As far as I'm concerned, if a chick has friends outside of her relationship with other men, she is emotionally cheating on you. But part of that problem is you, you're not giving her what she needed.

[gixxerboy1]

i still say its not a big deal for lunch. also if it was a frequent thing it would bother me.
part of the reason my wife and i separated was because i was getting jealous and not trusting her. We both have discussed it. I should have trusted her and not gotten as angry, she also admitted that she can see now why some things made me upset. You need to communicate calmly.

[JohnnyVegas]

Yup! common we are all men and there is only one reason we hang out with any ex girlfriend lol lets be real!

This is how I can tell I am older than a lot of you guys. I "hung out" (mostly email and text) with my ex wife because we had been best friends for years. That part didn't go away when we split...which I realize is unusual. After we broke up we were finally able to be honest about what we were each doing to be selfish and we were able to fix a lot of our individual weaknesses. That is as far away from "I hang with that chick so I can bang her again" as I can imagine.

Not picking on your point of view, just finding it funny when compared to my personal experience.

[JohnnyVegas]

i still say its not a big deal for lunch. also if it was a frequent thing it would bother me.
part of the reason my wife and i separated was because i was getting jealous and not trusting her. We both have discussed it. I should have trusted her and not gotten as angry, she also admitted that she can see now why some things made me upset. You need to communicate calmly.

Communication. Can't have a relationship without it!

...and yelling is not communication. Heh.

[wmaousley]

I would pack her shlt for her and help her move to his house.