I went way too far this time...

[AD]

You think its ocd? I tot he was just horny..lol

[kif]

Man I would never treat my wife like that NEVER!!!! That shits not cool at all, kind of sick, hope you get the help you need bro

[gearbox]

Sad thing is, he will regret all this after she is long gone! I hope he can straighten up and treat her like a man should.

[JAB1]

Sad thing is, he will regret all this after she is long gone! I hope he can straighten up and treat her like a man should.

Truth

[Dukkit]

I dont think that was all that bad.

You didnt fukk anyone else.

You didnt get in a fight or get your ass beat.

You didnt go to jail.

Shit... if it was me telling that story back in my bad days... all of those would of been included.

You had some fun.

You feel bad.

Now get over it and act like an adult.

No harm done.

[redz]

I am not shocked by the critisism and the immigration thing for her parents is likely the only thing that held us together so long. I know this may have been wrong but her tracking me, checking all my e-mails, texts etc. The trust was gone. No trust no marriage.

[Dukkit]

Basically... and Im not saying this in a disrespectful way...

youre like a kid who is rebelling.

Plain and simple.

Your marriage is going down the drains and you dont know what to do.

So youre going out and trying to drink away stress and bullshit.

Its part of the human condition man.

Everyone and I mean EVERYONE does it. In some form. Whether its going home and eating a tub of ice cream cuz you hate your self. Or going to the bar every night cuz you hate your job. Its all about how we deal with shit.

At this stage in your life... you have no fukkin clue what to do right?
You feel like youre stuck, youre sinking, youre smothered.

You should talk to someone. Whether its a therapist or a good, close family member or friend.

Then you should talk to the most important person... yourself.
What do you want? Who do you want to be? Where do you want all of this to end?

Then you should talk to your wife.

Figure it out man.

We've all been there.
Ive lost everything. My friends, my fam, my house, cars, belongings. Etc. But guess what... I fought hard and got them all back. My life has never been better.

There are always hard times. The question is, will you push through them, or get stuck in them?

[Igifuno]

^^ good question to ask yourself. And this is good advice consistent with sound principle, which is something I think you're struggling with right now.

So what is your next step?

[redz]

I`m only 28 and if the split was ever going to happen it needed to be now so we could still have a life after. I know I still need to talk to a counsellor and it is something I am looking in to right now. I have made several enquireries in to it and will see what happens next. For now though I think we need to be apart, I know I went too far against myself, I know what is healthy and what is not and ultimately I`m not going to ruin everything I have worked for to get myself. I also can`t let someone else make me miserable. I have been talking to alot of family and they have been pretty supportive of whatever decision I make.

What do I want? to be happy......

[redz]

So hilarious timing my wife just got a full time job today so I asked her if she was going to celebrate and she said no. I said I would take her to dinner but I didn`t want it to be ackward. after a few more texts back and forth she asks me if I want to go to dinner after work. I say where and she tells me to pick so I suggested her 2 favorites and she picks the elegant one of course. I jokingly say what time should I pick you up knowing I`m going home to pick her up at my own house. Is this bad? or is it ok to take her out tonight? I already said I would. It feels like were going out on a date but really I just wanted to celebrate with her because she deserves to.

[gixxerboy1]

yes i think its a good idea to take her out. I would hold off on making jokes and stuff. im sure she isnt in the mood. I would be nice and everything but i dont think she would find jokes at this time funny

[redz]

I`m not sure the etiquette for things like this, is sex a no-no? I don`t want to make her think things are back on just like that.

[gixxerboy1]

I`m not sure the etiquette for things like this, is sex a no-no? I don`t want to make her think things are back on just like that.

i would not bring up sex or even attempt to start it. If she gets physical i would follow her lead.

[Igifuno]

I`m not sure the etiquette for things like this, is sex a no-no? I don`t want to make her think things are back on just like that.

Sounds like she loves you man. If she didn't she'd be gone - immigration thing or not. I may be wrong since I don't know you guys but that's what I think. I think, as long as you want to make it work, then this is a good thing. Otherwise don't lead her on. And I would forget about sex for tonight unless she is the instigator. You want her to know that it is meaningful and not all about sex at the end of the day.

Also, be careful about the "only 28" mindset. It feels like I was 28 yesterday (thinking the exact same way) and you blink and you're 35. I had a (very) wild hair up my ass from 23-31 and it almost cost me my marriage plenty of times. From someone who has done a lot worse than what you just did, believe me, get your mind right now and decide of marriage is for you. Last thing you want to do is waste 10-20 years of your life just to realize you've made a mistake.

[DCI]

I'm sorry but the I'm 28 thing aint going to fly to be honest man. You are 28, not 18, there should be a big difference in your mindset if you are married etc. I assume you never really have led the single, lets get off our heads drunk and chase women when you where younger ya? You did the whole relationship thing is all I can assume from just reading all your threads about you and your wife.

I think the best thing you can do is stop thinking about having sex all the time as it seems to not be helping you in any way. Take her out for dinner tonight and just talk over it sit their and chat to ye each other about normal shit like her friends the weather etc do like as if ye are starting again and draw a line under all the messing that has on with you and her because she also is not completely immune from blame from checking your phone etc. Ye need to start and clear the air properly and move with your lives together if ye want to, but by the sounds of it, either yourself or herself cannot drop the "trust" issues by the looks of it and until they are sorted that is your main key to open the door to having a proper and well balanced relationship again. I honetly hope it does work for you man as you married her so there must be some kinda connection between the two of ye.

[redz]

I think I just dove in we were only together 8 months before getting maried. I was a bit foolish to move so fast, and I never have lived the single life other than a couple of vacations. Ah well I guess that was my own fault.

[Standby]

sounds like your getting more chances congrats! how many you think you got left?

[Swifto]

A 5 days bender and alcohol and the cabbage were all that was needed? Shit.... by the end of day 1 I woulda been dead ass tired form the liquor without some other kinda help.

Next time call me..... I'm game

~Haz~

Yup.

Exactly what I thought.

[DCI]

I think I just dove in we were only together 8 months before getting maried. I was a bit foolish to move so fast, and I never have lived the single life other than a couple of vacations. Ah well I guess that was my own fault.

I knew it, sorry to sound like a dick but I've seen it all before with my own friends. They dive it kinda forget what they are doing and before they know it they are ina relationship looking back thinking where the **** did the last 5 years go.

As I said, ye have some kinda connection and ye need to find that and just draw a line under what has happened in the recent past and if that doesn't happen well ye need to go your seperate ways. Sure my old man was married at the same as you and had me when he was your age. Life isn't easy I remmeber my parents having huge fights all the time it happens but now that they are a little bit older and a lot of stress of life has weaned they are much better together. Do not just throw it away yet, 5 years is a long time with anyone. As I said ye just need to draw a line move on and if their are any more arguments int he future do not bring up skeltons that way no one benefits ye have to start a fresh

[redz]

sounds like your getting more chances congrats! how many you think you got left?

Not sure I want any more, I don`t want to keep hurting her.

[AD]

I think I just dove in we were only together 8 months before getting maried. I was a bit foolish to move so fast, and I never have lived the single life other than a couple of vacations. Ah well I guess that was my own fault.

I met my wife in a bar. Dated for 6months and we got married. That was 13yrs ago. We have 3 kids now. The youngest is 5months old.

It could have worked if both you and her wanted it to work.

But to be fair, when i met my wife, i was already about your age. Had enough of being single by then.

[redz]

Well that dinner was a bit surprising.......... I picked her up as planned and took her to the restaurant and the entire drive there she was on her cell phone even for a few more minutes once we got to the table. So I knew it wasn`t going well, finally she gets off and we order a drink and start talking seriously as soon as the drinks get there, she says she has decided she is going to leave the house now and she thinks it's our only chance etc. We talk about random things I will need to do for myself steaming my shirts, laundry,dishes cooking etc. Then at one point near the end she is being really nice but we start talking about the house and how she wants to start paying for things there because it is 'ours' then I ask what she means the house is mortgaged and she couldn`t afford it but I could and then it really was turning ugly. I told her now I am really worried, I stand to lose alot because I will be inheriting a 6 figure amount at some point and that person is not in good shape not that I want it to happen but if I am waiting to help her parents to get here and he passes and we aren`t divorced I`m screwed. She insists she is not going to do that and starts saying she didn`t mean it like that etc. I say lets get out of here by this point I`m heated. Another quiet drive home with the exception of her saying what kind of person do you think I am? so now things are worse.

[gearbox]

Well you were the provider and she may feel stuck in the corner. Maybe that's why she dealt with your childish behavior for so long. Anyways, hope you guys can deal with it like adults.

[Renesis]

Dude you are there to settle things out and the first thing you did was tell her she couldn't do something I mean really....

[JD250]

You're so fvcked!!!!! And S4MS is gonna rub your nose in it....along with a few others......you're a fvcking idiot dude, kiss it all goodbye!!! Can you say "consequences"? Better buy a van and park it down by the river cuz she's gonna be livin in your house and spending your inheritance.

[gearbox]

Sadly he is learning on his own, and not from our experience

[crunkee]

Geez . Its always good to hear some1 fcking up besides myself. You have/had a good girl.. Ive done wrong to mine as well. I def understand when u get to the point of no return. What if she did the same? sigh ..let me tell u this..it will not be the last time bro. less u get some help.. you have spread your wings once... you WILL wanna fly again

[redz]

She followed this up last night crying saying she would never do that to me just like she expects I would never do it to her (her dad is loaded too).She was saying I miss-understood her and she meant she would help me pay off the debt because she wouldn`t want to leave me with debt that was partially hers. Then after all that she came in to my bed and I was rubbing her back and we were getting pretty close before she decided we had to stop. She knows I don`t know what I want and it would just be sex. Then today now she is saying she isn`t leaving today but Sunday instead. Ah well I`ll just have to hope for the best.

[gixxerboy1]

i've been through a separation before. Just going by your post. You are really selfish and only think of yourself.

[gearbox]

Couldn't agree more! If it was me, I would have dinner made and rent a massage table with candles and massage her. Then let her take a bath or something
No on sex. Just think of her. Problem that got you into this imo was you were complaining things were not as.before and I bet that was more your actions then hers.
Good luck bro

[Mason380]

If your wife stays with you after this you have one good wife that loves you. Before you do something like this again just think what if she done the same thing to you, how would you feel? Would you forgive and still wana be with her ? You should think of those things before you go out and ruin things with the person you love. There's not one woman in the world you can date an not have bad days and something just want to end it. There all the same in one way or another. Just think yeah it's a good time goin out with boys have a few but once you do it and calm down your Gona feel bad an realize that it's not worth throwing away the love of your life over a few beers an a couple night of partying bc once you sober up you will always realize it wasn't worth it. Marriage / relationship is a give and take thing and it always will be. Just bc you have a bad day don't run away and go get shit faced, try talking about what's bothering you and face it head on. If that doesn't work go for a drive for an hour or 2 so the both of you have calmed down. When you go back to haw he talk again it I'll be a lot easier and a lot more sensible. You gota get your sh*t together.

[redz]

^Maybe I am being very selfish but I have sacraficed alot for her too. It's not all green here either and i know marriages aren`t always but not being happy isn`t an option either. This is way past a simple I`m sorry and I know that but I`m not sure I even want to make an attempt at this point. I will let some time pass to see how it makes us feel, I`m headed out with one of my sensible friends tonight to watch the OHL final here in town alot more reasonable then hitting the bars. I`m sure I could fix it if i wanted to.

[RaginCajun]

^Maybe I am being very selfish but I have sacraficed alot for her too. It's not all green here either and i know marriages aren`t always but not being happy isn`t an option either. This is way past a simple I`m sorry and I know that but I`m not sure I even want to make an attempt at this point. I will let some time pass to see how it makes us feel, I`m headed out with one of my sensible friends tonight to watch the OHL final here in town alot more reasonable then hitting the bars. I`m sure I could fix it if i wanted to.

really????????

[DanB]

^Maybe I am being very selfish but I have sacraficed alot for her too. It's not all green here either and i know marriages aren`t always but not being happy isn`t an option either. This is way past a simple I`m sorry and I know that but I`m not sure I even want to make an attempt at this point. I will let some time pass to see how it makes us feel, I`m headed out with one of my sensible friends tonight to watch the OHL final here in town alot more reasonable then hitting the bars. I`m sure I could fix it if i wanted to.

So she staying in the house for longer (to try save things) and your going out with your mate?

Come on man

[gearbox]

I think you will regret not making it work! I hope I am wrong though

[< <Samson> >]

He don't care, he's being a douche.


Nothing wrong with that though. Just BS'n around whenever you want.

No kids, you'll be fine. . . .

Getting all the pvssy most guys wish they could get, nothing really wrong with that.

[GetItHot]

Enjoy it. She's going to clean you out in the divorce.

[redz]

So she staying in the house for longer (to try save things) and your going out with your mate?

I thought going to a hockey game with a friend that is a good guy would be ok, she wouldn`t even be home tonight she always goes out and drinks at her friends place on Fridays.

Enjoy it. She's going to clean you out in the divorce.

The only way I get screwed is if I inherit money before it happens and even still I`m pretty sure she is sincere in saying she won`t take anything but who knows?

I think you will regret not making it work! I hope I am wrong though

Only time will tell and I haven`t really made up my mind either way, just because I`m going to watch a hockey game doesn`t mean I`m going to nail someone tonight it also doesn`t mean I wouldn`t try and get a girls number either.

[JimmySidewalk]

I think all this is actually a way for you to get out without actually saying it. Setting up things in such nature that what will come out of it is obvious. Not saying you do it on purpose.
If you would want to keep your wife you would bend over backwards to make it work.
She clearly is waiting around to see what do you actually want. So either chop it off completely or do your best to make up. In my opinion the second option would be better. You never actually feel the real value of someone/something 'till they are gone for good. There are certain things you take for granted that just arent.
I'll give you a little example: you dont go around kissing and worshiping your right hand, but if you were to lose itin an accident you would be fvcked and just then would you start to realise how much it actually meant for you.

On the other hand, you dont do what you did to a person whom you dont want to hurt and you care about. I'll even go as far as saying you did it uncontiously, not actively thinking/wanting to do it it, but you still did it. When deeply involved with someone your reflexes should be to protect that person.

In my opinion, give it another try, do your best. You can always break up, but sometimes you cant get back together no matter what, and it hurts like a mothafvcker.

[gixxerboy1]

I thought going to a hockey game with a friend that is a good guy would be ok, she wouldn`t even be home tonight she always goes out and drinks at her friends place on Fridays.

Only time will tell and I haven`t really made up my mind either way, just because I`m going to watch a hockey game doesn`t mean I`m going to nail someone tonight it also doesn`t mean I wouldn`t try and get a girls number either.

If you didnt go on a 5 day bender a few day ago going to a hockey game with a good guy wouldnt be a big deal.

Do you think she thinks you arent going to be talking to girls and getting numbers?
Even if she goes out i would stay home if you want it to work. I honestly dont think you care about her at all or want it to work. If you did you would make some effort