what do the male members think of this marrige report? true or false

[SexySweetheart]

Angela Lutin
"My experiment was a simple one.

As a writer and advice columnist writing about sex and relationships, I have become a confessional of sorts for those wanting to tell me the inner workings of their romantic endeavors. I have spent hundreds of hours interviewing and listening to men and women in a quest to determine what makes one relationship fail while another flourishes.

Everyday we are bombarded with stories of spouses that look for sexual satisfaction elsewhere. In a world where instant gratification is the only thing we've become accustomed to having, it is easier than ever for married men looking to cheat to find a way to break the fidelity bonds. I've been told those stories. The businessman that keeps an apartment for his girlfriend, or the seemingly content spouse that uses anonymous websites to find strangers to meet for an afternoon hotel tryst, and the hard working executive family man letting off steam on a "guys" trip only to visit a hotel suite filled with young women who are half his unsuspecting wife's age. Those stories are commonplace.

But what about the lives of those who remain faithfully monogamous, where monogamy has become the exception rather than the rule? I wanted to hear how they make it work. And so I sat down with three married, monogamous men to find out how they have kept vows they made many years before and what makes them different. They have allowed me to share their stories.

Angela Lutin: Why do you think married men cheat on their spouses?
Married Man 1: It's a grass is greener thing. Sure, we all go through it sometimes thinking our lives are routine and maybe momentarily think "what if" but I've never once been tempted by something strong enough that would ever break my loyalty to my wife.

Married Man 2: It's not just to your wife, it's loyalty to my family. I look at my life like this: My kids come first, then my wife, and then me. If I do something to disrespect my kids and my wife, only to satisfy myself, then the order is wrong.

AL: So are you tempted by other women?
Married Man 3: Every single day. Who isn't? (MM1 & MM2 reluctantly nod in silence)

AL: Do you think monogamy goes against inherent male traits?
MM1: Yeah, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

AL: Do you think your wives get tempted as well?
MM2: I don't think my wife runs into situations like that.

MM3: My wife is hot. I'm sure guys hit on her all the time. I just don't want to know about it.

AL: Obviously, the role of making a home for the family is sometimes underrated. Do you think because your wives being content in this role has something to do with why your marriages are successful?

MM2: I come from a very traditional background. My parents have been married over 40 years. I learned from them that the order of importance is: my kids, my wife, and then me. No matter what. That is really what makes my marriage successful. That loyalty to them comes above anything else.

MM3: I think I can speak for all of us and say that we give our wives a very long leash. They go out, they go away for girls' weekends and there is trust. They give us the same. I wouldn't want a relationship where my wife told me I couldn't play golf on a Sunday or play in a softball league every week. When you start putting too many restrictions on your partner, that's when someone looks for a way to rebel.

AL: What are the biggest misconception about men and marriage that you'd like to clear up?
MM3: It's much more important to me that she orgasms during sex. I think women believe all we care about is getting ourselves off, but in reality, I don't feel like a man unless I've satisfied my woman.

MM1: People who are having sex don't get divorced. It's that simple.

MM2: No marriage is perfect. It takes work. You don't give up on your family for sex. Ever"

[Times Roman]

It's also an awareness issue. True, the temptation to cheat is a strong one. But a man must be aware that when he does cheat, it means the end of his marriage. Cheating is another form of dishonesty. And a dishonest marriage cannot stand for long.

[spywizard]

it does take work, but with the right person, it's not that difficult..

[ironbeck]

I did not read the whole thing because its obviously bias towards men bashing!!! BS In my experiences and my friends experiences its the Women who cheat more.

[SexySweetheart]

I did not read the whole thing because its obviously bias towards men bashing!!! BS In my experiences and my friends experiences its the Women who cheat more.

lol, sorry you feel that way~ i did not see it as man bashing ~ i saw it as man reaffirming... reminding gals that there are loyal married men, and that a few bad stories from GF don’t make the populous, as well as showing from a man POV what they feel makes a happy secure marriage
...and as a chick, that i feel it’s always important to learn ways to keep a relationship healthy and happy

[evander87]

Two points I completely agree with. I want my woman to orgasm and people who are having sex don't get divorced.

[Times Roman]

Two points I completely agree with. I want my woman to orgasm and people who are having sex don't get divorced.

OK. So maybe it's a blind spot for me.

I just assumed that both should orgasm regularly?

Seems like I'm not doing my job if she isn't.

Don't most blokes think this way????

[rampaige77]

OK. So maybe it's a blind spot for me.

I just assumed that both should orgasm regularly?

Seems like I'm not doing my job if she isn't.

Don't most blokes think this way????

yes sir i feel like a dirtbag if i dont make it happen but being mid 30s i got great control n will do whatever it takes not like when i was a youngster & a selfish butthead

[rampaige77]

& i take my time on her 1st something i also dident understand as a kid , gotta warm up the car... wow this turned in to a Dr Ruth discussion

[Times Roman]

yes sir i feel like a dirtbag if i dont make it happen but being mid 30s i got great control n will do whatever it takes not like when i was a youngster & a selfish butthead

agree.

what i don't like is when i hear....

..."it's ok"

when she doesn't. It's almost anti climatical if she doesn't.

[Misery13]

I did not read the whole thing because its obviously bias towards men bashing!!! BS In my experiences and my friends experiences its the Women who cheat more.

No I'm almost positive that men cheat more. Women are very close to passing men in cheating, but men are still in the lead.

[thex95]

Sometimes I honestly feel ashamed to be a dude, and after reading this article this feeling was further reinforced. I would like to say this article is completely blown out of proportion but the sad reality is I would say it's pretty spot on. A ton of my buddies are pretty open with me about cheating on their girls. Some go as far as bragging about it.

To me cheating on your significant other is one of the lowest things a man can do. I think after you have the "relationship talk" and you both agree you are committed to each other there is absolutely no excuse for doing anything with another woman.I see it almost as a verbal contract, and if we consider an old saying "your only as good as your word" if you cheat your good for nothing. If a guy does I essentially see them as a weak willed spineless piece of s***.

I have about as much respect for guys that cheat on their girls as I do for crack addicts. They just glide through life without any morals to speak of and allow their lack of willpower to determine their actions. This results in them over-indulging on life without a shred of responsibility or accountability for their actions.

Sorry you have to put up with our dumbasses sexy4mysweetheart.

[Rwy]

it does take work, but with the right person, it's not that difficult..

i think you might want to check the divorce statistics spy lol

[Rwy]

I think that marriage report is horse shit.

Where are these men from. Geographic location is everything.

I bet 1/3 guys cheated on their wives.

[Times Roman]

Sometimes I honestly feel ashamed to be a dude, and after reading this article this feeling was further reinforced. I would like to say this article is completely blown out of proportion but the sad reality is I would say it's pretty spot on. A ton of my buddies are pretty open with me about cheating on their girls. Some go as far as bragging about it.

To me cheating on your significant other is one of the lowest things a man can do. I think after you have the "relationship talk" and you both agree you are committed to each other there is absolutely no excuse for doing anything with another woman.I see it almost as a verbal contract, and if we consider an old saying "your only as good as your word" if you cheat your good for nothing. If a guy does I essentially see them as a weak willed spineless piece of s***.

I have about as much respect for guys that cheat on their girls as I do for crack addicts. They just glide through life without any morals to speak of and allow their lack of willpower to determine their actions. This results in them over-indulging on life without a shred of responsibility or accountability for their actions.

Sorry you have to put up with our dumbasses sexy4mysweetheart.

many are very self orientated and it's all about "ME".

the thing that really makes me scratch my head is the idea that a man can cheat when his woman is pregnant. She is ready to bear his child they made together. she is extremely uncomfortable, miserable more like it. So some blokes see this as a green light to go out and fvck around?

It just goes to show there are low lifes everywhere.

[thex95]

many are very self orientated and it's all about "ME".

the thing that really makes me scratch my head is the idea that a man can cheat when his woman is pregnant. She is ready to bear his child they made together. she is extremely uncomfortable, miserable more like it. So some blokes see this as a green light to go out and fvck around?

It just goes to show there are low lifes everywhere.

ya guys that pull that shit are complete scum. I plan on cutting back on a lot of things I usually do eventually get my future wife pregnant. Mostly cut out almost all alchohol, I figure if she cant do it why should I be able to, shes carrying OUR child. Thats pretty extreme and I dont expect most guys to do that but thats just a personal ideology of mine.

[JohnnyVegas]

I did not read the whole thing because its obviously bias towards men bashing!!! BS In my experiences and my friends experiences its the Women who cheat more.

I didn't think it was man bashing. It isn't about who cheats more, it is just about why men cheat.

it does take work, but with the right person, it's not that difficult..

Agreed. Compatibility is key.

i think you might want to check the divorce statistics spy lol

I know you didn't reply to me, but I am the divorce statistics. Half my marriages have ended in divorce. Heh. I know what spy said is right because I picked a better mate the second time and it is insanely easier to make it work. I think a lot of us focus on hotness, or just insist on making it work with whoever we are with rather than putting in the work to find someone really suitable. Most of us are trying to force it.

Two points I completely agree with. I want my woman to orgasm and people who are having sex don't get divorced.

I will say that plenty of people having sex get divorced. Oftentimes the one cheating is sleeping with his/her spouse and someone else.

[Shol'va]

This crosses all sexuality boundaries as my last B/F cheated all the time and I never did on him. So it takes two to a commitment and if you don't have both trying then it will fail. Whats that old saying a house divided will surely fall. But I do think men much more than women cheat. I don't know if it's in the DNA of men to go forth and procreate or what the answer is on this one but it takes a whole lot of restraint to keep ones self in check when temptation knocks sometimes. Hey it's in the marriage vows to love and honor each other foresaking all others......

[jasc]

Kinda funny how she states that she has spent hundreds of hours interviewing couples and researching to see why marriages work or fail, yet she bases her article on the responses of 3 men..

That being said, I think the answers the men provided about the importance of family n priorities and the guy who states that couples who have sex stay married are spot on..

Maybe it'll make married women think twice about trying to use sex as leverage and only put out when they get things or are pampered... If women/men don't satisfy their partners needs the partner will stray.

[AXx]

I have been married twice first one left me for one of my "buddies". She was cheating for months before she left, I knew it but I was baiting her.

I am now remarried to a fantastic smart and witty girl. She too was cheated on.

We know what to compare things to, we do not have strict "rules" we always have our trust. She has her girl days and I have my guy days. That's what makes it perfect.

She has the mentality that a caged up dog will eventually find his way out of the fence. I I also feel the same way. I have never cheated on my wife or a girlfriend for that matter. There has been times that the opportunity was there. I am stronger than that. I have more respect for my bride and myself and my kids.

[SexySweetheart]

Sometimes I honestly feel ashamed to be a dude, and after reading this article this feeling was further reinforced. I would like to say this article is completely blown out of proportion but the sad reality is I would say it's pretty spot on. A ton of my buddies are pretty open with me about cheating on their girls. Some go as far as bragging about it.

To me cheating on your significant other is one of the lowest things a man can do. I think after you have the "relationship talk" and you both agree you are committed to each other there is absolutely no excuse for doing anything with another woman.I see it almost as a verbal contract, and if we consider an old saying "your only as good as your word" if you cheat your good for nothing. If a guy does I essentially see them as a weak willed spineless piece of s***.

I have about as much respect for guys that cheat on their girls as I do for crack addicts. They just glide through life without any morals to speak of and allow their lack of willpower to determine their actions. This results in them over-indulging on life without a shred of responsibility or accountability for their actions.

Sorry you have to put up with our dumbasses sexy4mysweetheart.

lol no appology ness ~ i was extra careful before I agreed to marry the 2nd time, and Tigershark is a honest ta goodness super hero threw n threw, that man has more honur an loyalty in his pinky finger than any other human I have met to this date

...and I gree with you about the evrbal contract, well said

[SexySweetheart]

Kinda funny how she states that she has spent hundreds of hours interviewing couples and researching to see why marriages work or fail, yet she bases her article on the responses of 3 men..

That being said, I think the answers the men provided about the importance of family n priorities and the guy who states that couples who have sex stay married are spot on..

Maybe it'll make married women think twice about trying to use sex as leverage and only put out when they get things or are pampered... If women/men don't satisfy their partners needs the partner will stray.

baaahahaha I thought the same thing...? her panel should have been much bigger ~ like say a board of horney men that were annonumus...lol

...this always confuses me and other gals. it makes sence BUT some marriges are very sexual and even open to allowing "others" but still some people cheat ...? like with Demi MOORE an Aston Kutcher, the had a sexual and open marrige but an seemed to have only a few rules, 1 being that noone played with other people unless they were both there, but Aston violated that (from what I have read from tabliods, not very reelible source lol) but I do know of people that have this set up and are still braking the agreed upon rules... makes me wounder if some people are just to selfish to have any honor or loyalty no matter what the other spouce does ?

[Times Roman]

Kinda funny how she states that she has spent hundreds of hours interviewing couples and researching to see why marriages work or fail, yet she bases her article on the responses of 3 men..

That being said, I think the answers the men provided about the importance of family n priorities and the guy who states that couples who have sex stay married are spot on..

Maybe it'll make married women think twice about trying to use sex as leverage and only put out when they get things or are pampered... If women/men don't satisfy their partners needs the partner will stray.

she picked three to typify some of the more common responses. and think about it. due to editorial restraints and the risk of readership disinterest, using 100 instead of 3 responders would have created a nightmare of an article, one that probably would never have made it to print, nor been read by others.

[SEOINAGE]

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[jasc]

baaahahaha I thought the same thing...? her panel should have been much bigger ~ like say a board of horney men that were annonumus...lol

...this always confuses me and other gals. it makes sence BUT some marriges are very sexual and even open to allowing "others" but still some people cheat ...? like with Demi MOORE an Aston Kutcher, the had a sexual and open marrige but an seemed to have only a few rules, 1 being that noone played with other people unless they were both there, but Aston violated that (from what I have read from tabliods, not very reelible source lol) but I do know of people that have this set up and are still braking the agreed upon rules... makes me wounder if some people are just to selfish to have any honor or loyalty no matter what the other spouce does ?

I think many people cheat to fulfill there own insecurities.. Many are attention-starved or need to prove to themselves that they still "got it". If your marriage/relationship is good there is no reason to cheat imo. If you really love the person you put their needs before yours.Cheating on them is a sign of true weakness and extreme selfishness.

Now if the relationship is bad and both partners needs aren't being met, then I could see why one would stray. Not saying I agree with it, but I can see why they would do it.

In Ashton's case I think it was a mix of insecurity n god-complex. Everyone around him kisses his ass and treats em like a king so he then feels like he's above everything n can do whatever he pleases. Tiger Woods would fit right in here too.
Now I don't follow celebrities n what we see in the media usually isn't the whole truth anyway, but if their home lives were good I think these would likely be the reasons.

[jasc]

she picked three to typify some of the more common responses. and think about it. due to editorial restraints and the risk of readership disinterest, using 100 instead of 3 responders would have created a nightmare of an article, one that probably would never have made it to print, nor been read by others.

I agree with you and see why she picked three, but to state that type of research n write an article on 3 people is just poor journalism imo. The article would have been 10x better if she had used her "hundreds of hours" of research and talked about the most common reasons/answers given. The answers of the 3 men were not representative of the whole study group n therefore the article is rubbish. That'd be like spending hundreds of hours researching why people use AAS n writing an article on the responses of 3 random people as opposed to the group as a whole. Makes for a very distorted perception.

[gearbox]

many are very self orientated and it's all about "ME".

the thing that really makes me scratch my head is the idea that a man can cheat when his woman is pregnant. She is ready to bear his child they made together. she is extremely uncomfortable, miserable more like it. So some blokes see this as a green light to go out and fvck around?

It just goes to show there are low lifes everywhere.

Well said tr.

I have never cheated on a gf or fiancee its a character thing.

[JD250]

The human condition requires resolve and comittment to overcome.........many times people fail and then just give up instead of trying to be a better person through communication ......... Communication or lack thereof is the reason so many incompatible people get married in the first place and also the reason people get divorced after 20 or 30 years of marriage.......being a decent person takes a lot of work and even more communication and sacrifice.

[Times Roman]

here's an interesting observation. my best mate has two sisters and a brother. everyone in their family has had at least one divorce. including parents

i have only one brother, but no one in my family has had a divorce. including parents. My folks have been married 50, and my brother and i, both our marriages are around 25.

I know i keep harping on staying married for the kids. but let's look at this for a moment. And I feel strongly about this.

Children learn from their parents. And if YOU are a quitter, then your children will learn that quitting is ok, and will become quitters too. Parents teach by example.

So when i hear all these blokes here on the board complaining that their woman doesn't excite them anymore, and want to get a new woman, that's just the grass is greener on the other side of the fence thinking, and pretty soon, your new woman won't excite you anymore than your old woman did previously.

[gearbox]

here's an interesting observation. my best mate has two sisters and a brother. everyone in their family has had at least one divorce. including parents

i have only one brother, but no one in my family has had a divorce. including parents. My folks have been married 50, and my brother and i, both our marriages are around 25.

I know i keep harping on staying married for the kids. but let's look at this for a moment. And I feel strongly about this.

Children learn from their parents. And if YOU are a quitter, then your children will learn that quitting is ok, and will become quitters too. Parents teach by example.

So when i hear all these blokes here on the board complaining that their woman doesn't excite them anymore, and want to get a new woman, that's just the grass is greener on the other side of the fence thinking, and pretty soon, your new woman won't excite you anymore than your old woman did previously.

Both my grandparents are still alive and married. My parents are still married 36 years. I have 3 siblings and me. Myself and sister are divorced other two are not. I truly believe you can be a perfect gentleman or lady and still be divorced. Some ppl decide they don't want to be married anymore.
I believe I married for the wrong reasons. I was physically infatuated with my ex wife. She was so freaking hot. But like some who are actually hot hot, comes insecurity, selfishness, high maintenance, and generally not a cool person to be around but nice to look at and touch.

[SEOINAGE]

.......

[Times Roman]

Both my grandparents are still alive and married. My parents are still married 36 years. I have 3 siblings and me. Myself and sister are divorced other two are not. I truly believe you can be a perfect gentleman or lady and still be divorced. Some ppl decide they don't want to be married anymore. I believe I married for the wrong reasons. I was physically infatuated with my ex wife. She was so freaking hot. But like some who are actually hot hot, comes insecurity, selfishness, high maintenance, and generally not a cool person to be around but nice to look at and touch.

That's fine, and no protest by me, UNLESS there are kids involved, then you should be making family decisions INSTEAD of selfish decisions.....

I think you make a good point. And i've seen these same things. But your last comment just goes hand in hand with my polygamy comment earlier, why worry about grass being greener on the other side if you could have all the grass?

I haven't put much thought into polygomy. My gut tells me polygomy would be preferable to divorce, ESPECIALLY if there are kids involved. AND all three would have to agree with the arrangement. NOT the husband simply comes home one day with a new wife....

[SEOINAGE]

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[gearbox]

Yep, as far as what I have gathered from people and groups that have practiced it in the last couple hundred years is their first wife and subsequent wives had to approve of the marriage. And the husband couldn't go around cheating or courting in the first place.

The husband also had to have $$$ to support to house holds. No thank you!

[SEOINAGE]

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[Times Roman]

Yep, as far as what I have gathered from people and groups that have practiced it in the last couple hundred years is their first wife and subsequent wives had to approve of the marriage. And the husband couldn't go around cheating or courting in the first place.

The husband also had to have $$$ to support to house holds. No thank you!

I think this is just called being in a responsible relationship.

Again, i haven't spent much time thinking of polygamy, but i really do not see what is so wrong with it? As long as everyone is getting what they need out of the relationship, then why not?

[SEOINAGE]

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[JD250]

Most men don't see a problem but women view relationships a little different..........as for me, I say your out of your fvcking minds wanting to deal with another wife....K-rist!!!! What would make you such a glutton for punishment?

[AnabolicBoy1981]

First,..lemme rant... why isn't some of the interview with WOMEN Because not to flame you dear, but YOU.... hypocritical. (Thats why you still haven't answered my PM, cuz it shut you down, aw yeah)Women do shady crap all the time, its not just the men. But no you had to go with just the men. A better question would be "Male Members: How many married women have you slept with. My answer would be 16+1(i counted 16, but I KNOW there was another one i just can't remember her name or the exact situation,...she was probably ugly) *rant finished*

Ok, that being said the reason PEOPLE cheat, is not because the marriage is bad but because..............dun du du du dun dunnnnnnnn: Other people are hot to us! What you think cuz you get a ring around you finger that other attractive people magically stop being attractive?! What you think its a magical ring? Theres no magical rings this is real life not The Hobbit. Why is this question asked over AND over again in these stupid magazines and stuff..we all know the answer. Cuz we're horny, duh.
Does having a bad marriage and bad sex increase the chance or hasten the process? You bet! But it would probably happen anyway. Also, ALOT more people would cheat if the "perfect situation" were handed to them on a silver platter. The sliver platter includes: 1.Realistic logistical opportunity,2.Attractiveness to the other person, 3.comfort/safety with that person, and 4.) no CONSEQUENCES(Low chance of anyone finding out)
#3 is more of a factor in women IMO.
Half the women that cheated with me had no specific problem with their hubby, and they still loved him. Those ones i felt somewhat torn on nailing.....but i did it anyway. The other ones had husbands that were superdork losers and overall lousy partners, and most of the time i felt almost completely ok with nailing them.
On the flip side, i was never married but have been in some monogomous realtionships. I cheated half the time, even when in love because im horny and like sex, and justified it as "it's just sex" I stopped cheating on monogomous partners after i was cheated on.
IMHO....The anatomy of a non-cheater does not necesarrily have to do with virtue, but with percieved sexual opportunity in life. Against common belief, it is not the people who have "game" and (can get themselves laid, have many sexual partners, have a high comfort level with engaging the opposite sex or same sex, and comfortable with dating and first dates especially), that are more likely to cheat in a monogmous/exclusive relationship. People with decent "game" have an inner "abundance mentality" and know that opportunites for sexual gratification will always be there. Without that solid belief, someone in an exclusive relationship will have a HELLUVA hard time passing up an opportunity when it finally does become available, because sexual opportunity is not as "common place"...which makes it much more alluring. My male friends who sit around and drink beer and dont work out, and who refuse to take chances, can't get laid worth a damn and go months/years without sex. They couldn't pick up a napkin, let alone chicks. These men who occasionally manage to get a girlfriend, will almost always take an opportity to cheat or sneak to a strip clubs against their partners wishes. That is because every sexual opportunity for them is like a cactus in the desert with water inside. They HAVE to take it..because who knows when the next one will come. They thirst. When i'm monogomous(if she's worthy) I can avoid situations that put me in temptations way, I can turn down sexual opportunities, and i have no problem telling the guys "I'm not going to strip clubs right now"...even for bachelor parties. But is it really "integrity" that allows me to do this? Or..is it that i'm just so horny and perverted that i've done much more to make myself attractive to the opposite sex, that i now have enough "abundance mentality" to do the right thing. But if i didn't have abundance.......i'd probably cheat.
Hope that makes sense.
Cheers

[GirlyGymRat]

AnabolicBoy..its been a while....where u been hiding????? welcome back!!!!