Wife's Iron Fist

**SEOINAGE** · 10-08-2012, 07:22 AM

Wow lately my wife is going crazy. Don't know if it's her hormones after her pregnancy or what. Started out great sex and she wanted it all the time. Turned into her being emotional all the time which is normal for post pregnancy. But then it turned into her constantly on my case for anything related to another woman's body. Started off with her having a fit that I would watch an R rated movie that had any nudity, got crap every day for like three days the conversation would be resolved and then she would bring it up the next day. Then I got in trouble for wanting to watch this one movie, didn't know there was nudity in it, she of course looks it up and has another fit, I didn't even watch the movie. It's not that I need to look at other women naked although I do admire beautiful women like any man would.

Last night it got even worse. Anyone read the series "A song of ice and fire?" More commonly known as Game of Thrones for you tv watchers. Apparently someone posted something about it on facebook calling it porn, and then she of course looked up reviews about it. So I fell asleep in the process of putting my daughter to bed, wake up to transition into my bed because I work early, only to be bothered by her wanting to get in some huge debate about how I am supposedly reading "porn." Personally I think the author's style and such is crucial to the development of the characters the situations and the feelings you get when certain outcomes take place, couldn't have done it making it G rated. HBO might have taken a different route, and sure I will never watch the series on tv, but the books? I mean seriously, I am on the fourth one right now and this pisses me off. It isn't a romance novel or anything like that. It doesn't go into as much detail as she thinks, and it is usually extremely brief, just so you know what happened and is going on.

How do I get her off my back, is it possible without changing my values to be more strictly conservative? She is young and was raised a certain way, at times I worry she will be like her father who is overly judgmental and a bit overly zealous or fanatical with a mix of hypocrisy in the middle. I have nothing against people being religious as long as they don't become those things, and become crazy. wtf do I do to appease her? I don't know how to open her mind about books, and I know she has read books with rape and torture in them.

**lovbyts** · 10-08-2012, 07:29 AM

Good luck brother. It will calm down once she gets passed menopause. lol

Wow dont really know what to say. I dont deal with that kind of stuff very well myself and would probably just walk away a lot without saying anything. Face it there is no logic behind it. It's 100% emotional hormonal womanhood but you will never be able to convince her of that in 1000 years and it will from now on and always be YOUR fault, at least this will be.

If she will go get her hormones checked it would be a blessing but I'm sure she will tell you nothing is wrong. There are some natural stuff out there that is supposed to help level womens hormones out and you might try that if she takes vitamins. Other than that try to be VERY patient. I'm sure it will last a few months at least.

Depending on your relationship you can also try the heavy handed approach. I'm a firm believer you need to call BS BS sometimes and lay down the law. Say it like it is and tell her if she want support from you then she needs to stop being this way NOW. Some women really do need this to put things back into perspective otherwise they just continue going nuts. it's worked for me and I know many others it works for but not everyone. It depends on your relationship and her upbringing/beliefs.

One more reason adoption is good. lol

**SEOINAGE** · 10-08-2012, 07:35 AM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

Good luck brother. It will calm down once she gets passed menopause. lol

Wow dont really know what to say. I dont deal with that kind of stuff very well myself and would probably just walk away a lot without saying anything. Face it there is no logic behind it. It's 100% emotional hormonal womanhood but you will never be able to convince her of that in 1000 years and it will from now on and always be YOUR fault, at least this will be.

If she will go get her hormones checked it would be a blessing but I'm sure she will tell you nothing is wrong. There are some natural stuff out there that is supposed to help level womens hormones out and you might try that if she takes vitamins. Other than that try to be VERY patient. I'm sure it will last a few months at least.

Depending on your relationship you can also try the heavy handed approach. I'm a firm believer you need to call BS BS sometimes and lay down the law. Say it like it is and tell her if she want support from you then she needs to stop being this way NOW. Some women really do need this to put things back into perspective otherwise they just continue going nuts. it's worked for me and I know many others it works for but not everyone. It depends on your relationship and her upbringing/beliefs.

One more reason adoption is good. lol

Yeah I tend to lay down the law a lot more than other men and tell her I won't put up with things. It has to be done in many situations for the reason you stated. Things could be much worse. As for last night I just told her this was ridiculous and I was going to bed and not going to even talk with her about it. It was hard to sleep but I eventually fell back asleep, but sucks when something like that is nagging on you.

**gearbox** · 10-08-2012, 07:37 AM

Sounds like she is feeling overly insecure for whatever reason

**lovbyts** · 10-08-2012, 07:52 AM

Originally Posted by SEOINAGE

Yeah I tend to lay down the law a lot more than other men and tell her I won't put up with things. It has to be done in many situations for the reason you stated. Things could be much worse. As for last night I just told her this was ridiculous and I was going to bed and not going to even talk with her about it. It was hard to sleep but I eventually fell back asleep, but sucks when something like that is nagging on you.

I hear you bro and it is tough sometimes especially like now when you know in a way she cant help it due to all the hormonal changes after child birth and physiological, emotional stuff going on. It's normal for women to feel insecure after child birth. It messes up their bodies but she should have known that ahead of time. It's also only temporary and they will/can get back in shape with a little effort.

Bottom line she just created life.

You need to re assure her but at the same time not let her blow things out of proportion. TRY to point out these things never bothered her before. You were not doing anything wrong then and not doing anything wrong now and for her to PLEASE accept and understand it's all in her head/hormones and she needs to just stop when you say stop and TRUST you....

**capetown** · 10-08-2012, 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by SEOINAGE

Yeah I tend to lay down the law a lot more than other men and tell her I won't put up with things. It has to be done in many situations for the reason you stated. Things could be much worse. As for last night I just told her this was ridiculous and I was going to bed and not going to even talk with her about it. It was hard to sleep but I eventually fell back asleep, but sucks when something like that is nagging on you.

Im not going to tell you how to deal with it but in my experience trying to put your foot down will not help. Im like you. If something is wrong, i will put it on the table and tell her to get over it. This hormone stuff is different. This is not them bro. I almost lost my marriage a couple of times after our kids until i figured this out. Just support her and give her time. Be thankful because it could be so much worst. I have a friend right now that is dealing with a new baby and a wife that cant be trusted with the baby. And she is an amazing person. Hormones are insane after baby comes.
I know how frustrated you are. My frustration kept putting my wife in a corner because she didnt understand her feelings. And she really wasnt even that bad!!!

**austinite** · 10-08-2012, 07:55 AM

Sorry you're having issues like this.

I think office depot sells Cubicle dividers.

**SEOINAGE** · 10-08-2012, 08:11 AM

Yeah thanks guys, I need to remember that. I'll see what I can do for now.

**LNT8799** · 10-08-2012, 09:08 AM

It will get better eventually, at least it did for me. My wife and I had a new baby three months. And dont get mr wrong, she was already nuts long before the baby was born, (and long before we found out she was pregnant). Lol, anyway, Like your wife, mine was feeling very insecure about herself after the baby, always getting jealous and mad about other women related things. So i tried a few different ways to approach things, and i found out what worked for me eventually. I guess you could call it a happy medium. If something came up, i wouldnt try to just be the boss and "put my foot down," but i wouldnt let her walk all over me either. Basically I would just reassure her that i still loved her and thought she looked beautiful, and let her know i would not be arguing or fighting with her about this, in a stern voice. And then i would just let it be... Eventually she would forget abt it, and everything was good (till the next situation), but it saved us alot of fighting

**SEOINAGE** · 10-08-2012, 10:02 AM

The other problem is she keeps dwelling on things I have done in my past. We overall haven't been that adventurous, it's been a lot better recently, although the other day she wanted to have sex in the back of the car, but then said, only if you've never done it before. If we were in the moment I probably would have lied and done it. But I told her she needs not think like that. Gotta remember too she is almost 8 years younger than me. I don't know how to help her with this issue, as it is a big problem.

**LNT8799** · 10-08-2012, 10:09 AM

I hope this doesn't offend you, but, IMO I would mark that up to a little bit of immaturity. More than likely she will grow out of that, i've always dealt with exactly the same thing. Again, I hope that doesn't offend you as i don't know you or your wife personally. Just my opinion

**SEOINAGE** · 10-08-2012, 10:11 AM

Originally Posted by LNT8799

I hope this doesn't offend you, but, IMO I would mark that up to a little bit of immaturity. More than likely she will grow out of that, i've always dealt with exactly the same thing. Again, I hope that doesn't offend you as i don't know you or your wife personally. Just my opinion

No it doesn't offend me and you are right, she honestly has grown a lot in many regards since when we started dating. Just a good thing she didn't know me when I was that age.

**LNT8799** · 10-08-2012, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by SEOINAGE

No it doesn't offend me and you are right, she honestly has grown a lot in many regards since when we started dating. Just a good thing she didn't know me when I was that age.

I think it will all work out for you, I know from experience it sucks dealing with those sort of things, but, alot of people do. My wife had a hard time dealing with the women i had been with before we started dating and got married. Eventually she got over it and things have been better. I'm sure it will be the same for you, they grow out of it eventually and realize you can't change the past, and its not worth getting mad over.

**spywizard** · 10-08-2012, 10:26 AM

You are the only person she trusts or accepts their opinion about who and what she is..

you and only you.. anything you do that upsets her or makes her feel badly is your fault, even when it's not..

so suck it up, say i'm sorry and it will get better. .

trust me on this..

**Lunk1** · 10-08-2012, 10:35 AM

Originally Posted by gearbox

Sounds like she is feeling overly insecure for whatever reason

^^^^^^yep!!!

Tread carefully OP. Been there done it. Made the mistake of taking my wife to her first all nude strip club (first ever strip club) while she was overweight. Payed for that one I tell you. Through years of growing and maturing I have learned it is the responsability of a good husband to make his wife feel like she is the queen and the hottest women he looks at. Women need this as much as men (men won;t admitt it).

Take her out...buy her something sexy to wear (not crotchless panties and lacey bra), Then take her out to a club and dance with her, spend time with her, show her you desire her. Pull over somewhere and tell her you can't take it anymore and that you are so turned on by her that you want her now and can't wait. Chicks eat this shit up!!

Make her feel like she is the object you desire more than anything...she will reciprocate if you do it right!

**LNT8799** · 10-08-2012, 10:38 AM

^^^^^ Good advice right there!!!

**Times Roman** · 10-08-2012, 10:50 AM

babies change women. period.

she has reidentified herself now as primarily a mommy. as such, "porn" seems contrary to the value system she wants in a family. You may be able to get your wife back, but it will take time.

Also, she is probably feeling insecure about herself. She is probably feeling "fat and ugly" and resents it to so certain degree. As such, she may be viewing porn as a threat, meaning that you are attracted as much to porn as you are to her.

Good luck!

**SEOINAGE** · 10-08-2012, 01:32 PM

well I'm completely screwed. apparently she hopped on the forum to check up on me, and I have said some things I haven't meant, some things I thought I said forever ago, and of course she takes it as now, and even though I said it jokingly in half seriousness as we often speak out of our rears on here I'm still screwed. WTF do I do now? She'll probably read this whole thread and everything else stupid I have ever said, but how does she stumble onto crap I don't even remember and pull that crap up first? can pretty much kiss me good bye. I'm really screwed now. I guess I need to have a different identity for every board I am on if I want privacy amongst those who know my screen name.

**capetown** · 10-08-2012, 01:40 PM

Originally Posted by SEOINAGE

well I'm completely screwed. apparently she hopped on the forum to check up on me, and I have said some things I haven't meant, some things I thought I said forever ago, and of course she takes it as now, and even though I said it jokingly in half seriousness as we often speak out of our rears on here I'm still screwed. WTF do I do now? She'll probably read this whole thread and everything else stupid I have ever said, but how does she stumble onto crap I don't even remember and pull that crap up first? can pretty much kiss me good bye. I'm really screwed now. I guess I need to have a different identity for every board I am on if I want privacy amongst those who know my screen name.

Or log out.

**SEOINAGE** · 10-08-2012, 01:49 PM

Originally Posted by capetown

Or log out.

she can see everything i've ever posted just knowing my username

**capetown** · 10-08-2012, 02:18 PM

Originally Posted by SEOINAGE

she can see everything i've ever posted just knowing my username

True.

**GirlyGymRat** · 10-08-2012, 02:32 PM

hmmmm...i've never been pregnant but have lots of gfriends who have been thru it. she sounds alittle irrational, but that's kindof typical i would think with all those hormones and body changes. she is probably alittle uncomfortable with her body....it has changed in the last 11 months and maybe feeling insecure, so do what u need to do. take a break from the forum, lay low, get her some meds...whatever. i would advise against being an butthole...cuz u do not want to mess with a hormonal wife. she probably doesn't like what is happening to her neither...at least i doubt that many gals would like being beotchy esp if can't control it. keep telling her you luv her, reassure her and i think it is better not to live in the past so just focus her on today and the future. she probably isn't feeling her sexiest so just make believe you have no sight and don't look at other women. hope u can get thru this.

there is another member who went thru a similar circumstance. maybe u should PM him for advice.

have u ever read the Five Love Languages....i

**SEOINAGE** · 10-08-2012, 02:37 PM

Originally Posted by GirlyGymRat

hmmmm...i've never been pregnant but have lots of gfriends who have been thru it. she sounds alittle irrational, but that's kindof typical i would think with all those hormones and body changes. she is probably alittle uncomfortable with her body....it has changed in the last 11 months and maybe feeling insecure, so do what u need to do. take a break from the forum, lay low, get her some meds...whatever. i would advise against being an butthole...cuz u do not want to mess with a hormonal wife. she probably doesn't like what is happening to her neither...at least i doubt that many gals would like being beotchy esp if can't control it. keep telling her you luv her, reassure her and i think it is better not to live in the past so just focus her on today and the future. she probably isn't feeling her sexiest so just make believe you have no sight and don't look at other women. hope u can get thru this.

there is another member who went thru a similar circumstance. maybe u should PM him for advice.

have u ever read the Five Love Languages....i

Yeah I read the book, thought it was pretty good, but I read it a long time ago, and really don't make a good enough effort to make her happy. Thanks for your response, problem is things got escalated and she read some crap I have previously posted on her today while I was at work, and apparently I said some awful things. I'm really screwed now and don't know what to do.

**gearbox** · 10-08-2012, 02:43 PM

Originally Posted by SEOINAGE

well I'm completely screwed. apparently she hopped on the forum to check up on me, and I have said some things I haven't meant, some things I thought I said forever ago, and of course she takes it as now, and even though I said it jokingly in half seriousness as we often speak out of our rears on here I'm still screwed. WTF do I do now? She'll probably read this whole thread and everything else stupid I have ever said, but how does she stumble onto crap I don't even remember and pull that crap up first? can pretty much kiss me good bye. I'm really screwed now. I guess I need to have a different identity for every board I am on if I want privacy amongst those who know my screen name.

I hope she read all these responses. There good and honest. And your on here asking because you CARE ABOUT HER

**LNT8799** · 10-08-2012, 02:54 PM

I was about to start a thread on here today about this exact same thing, lol, "What to do when your spouse gets on your account?" But seriously, I re-read your posts on this thread and I didn't really see anything that was THAT bad. You weren't bad mouthing her or anything, just looking for advice, I think that should be respected, if you didn't care about her you wouldn't be looking for a way to make things better IMO

**SEOINAGE** · 10-08-2012, 02:54 PM

Originally Posted by gearbox

I hope she read all these responses. There good and honest. And your on here asking because you CARE ABOUT HER

unlikely she'll see it, I can't even find what she referenced I said, so dunno how she even found it. Understand she would be mad, i've said plenty of stupid things in this lounge. She's never used a forum before either so I don't get it. But I think she is still on here somewhere looking at stuff because she's getting more angry.

**LNT8799** · 10-08-2012, 02:55 PM

Originally Posted by SEOINAGE

she can see everything i've ever posted just knowing my username

There should an option to make your posts private to guests!

**SEOINAGE** · 10-08-2012, 02:57 PM

Originally Posted by LNT8799

I was about to start a thread on here today about this exact same thing, lol, "What to do when your spouse gets on your account?" But seriously, I re-read your posts on this thread and I didn't really see anything that was THAT bad. You weren't bad mouthing her or anything, just looking for advice, I think that should be respected, if you didn't care about her you wouldn't be looking for a way to make things better IMO

No she read something I posted about how men aren't Monogamous creatures, although I didn't use those words and expressed feelings about our sex life I shouldn't have brought up. Sad thing is our sex life has been great recently and I would be perfectly happy if we were with each other like that. It was an older post apparently, I can't find it.

**JohnnyVegas** · 10-08-2012, 03:17 PM

One of things I like about this site is the ability to talk about a situation without everyone knowing who I am. It allows for honest feedback and less embarrassment compared to talking to friends that know my wife (or boss, employee or other fiends - whoever the issue it about).

Sorry you have lost that outlet. Also sorry that she has taken something you said as negative. You have never come across as a guy that is unhappy.

**Lunk1** · 10-08-2012, 03:34 PM

Pm admin...ask for a name change and change your AVI. Pow done.

I actually show my wife some of this stupid sht lol.

She just shekes hear head and calls it boys locker room talk. She is a great women and I doubt anyone on here has heard me say anything different (incase your searching this dear)lol.

Honestly...I agree with an earlier comment...get off of this site and the other sites (porn or not) and consintrate on her and your marriage. Wome are especially vulnerable after children. It's important now more than ever that you put EXTRA effort into her. Don't tell US how you feel, tell her. Good luck!

I am a crazy woman guru so feel free to contact me for any advise lol. I also run a wife/gf training business on the side and could quote you a nice package deal lol

**gearbox** · 10-08-2012, 03:53 PM

This is a place were most men and a few women come to vent share our opinions and talk about things. I will not be showing this with my wife. Not that I have anything to hide I just don't think it's her business. And even in a relationship you still need a sense of privacy and alone time

**MuscleInk** · 10-08-2012, 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by gearbox

This is a place were most men and a few women come to vent share our opinions and talk about things. I will not be showing this with my wife. Not that I have anything to hide I just don't think it's her business. And even in a relationship you still need a sense of privacy and alone time

My wife actually gives me some grief on the amount of time I spend here. I always find creative ways to make it up to her

**ironbeck** · 10-08-2012, 04:18 PM

k I read half the post and i have to say, she needs to get a job,(if you guys have someone to babysit or can afford day care) a job helps keep anyone grounded with reality, and helps all pl from over playing things in their mind( An idle mind is the devils play ground) over and over. to all you old fashion guys who have their "women" at home why they are the sole bread winner....sooner or later these woman will crack!!! in a way as to never be fixed....IMO.

And for hormones well if this is the sole culprit you are SOL buddy time may help, but I would suggest maybe some estrogen(hormone) treatment.

**ironbeck** · 10-08-2012, 04:21 PM

Also if you are in shape and looking good and she is not confident with her body as of now, of course she is going to be insecure, you just have to reassure her how much you love her!

**SEOINAGE** · 10-08-2012, 04:24 PM

Originally Posted by ironbeck

k I read half the post and i have to say, she needs to get a job,(if you guys have someone to babysit or can afford day care) a job helps keep anyone grounded with reality, and helps all pl from over playing things in their mind( An idle mind is the devils play ground) over and over. to all you old fashion guys who have their "women" at home why they are the sole bread winner....sooner or later these woman will crack!!! in a way as to never be fixed....IMO.

And for hormones well if this is the sole culprit you are SOL buddy time may help, but I would suggest maybe some estrogen(hormone) treatment.

HRT for women is a more delicate matter and balancing act imo. I get where you are coming from with the making things up in their mind, and people do it all the time, but I'd rather her raise our kids than someone else.

On a side note, she told me not to come home. Sucks cause this is just after I had a dream last night she had been planning to leave me, I thought that was just brought on by the xfiles episode we watched.

**lovbyts** · 10-08-2012, 05:05 PM

Originally Posted by SEOINAGE

No she read something I posted about how men aren't Monogamous creatures, although I didn't use those words and expressed feelings about our sex life I shouldn't have brought up. Sad thing is our sex life has been great recently and I would be perfectly happy if we were with each other like that. It was an older post apparently, I can't find it.

LOL sorry but you are screwed. My 2nd wife use to take things like that out of context all the time. Didn't matter how common of a saying it was or not even if I could show her it's a fact in a book she would blame me for being the originator of the saying and of course it was always negative or against women.

Ps. Time to change your password. Go home anyways and try to fix things otherwise she will say not going home was your idea or you slept with someone. Yeah it sucks. Hopefully she will calm down.

**ironbeck** · 10-08-2012, 05:11 PM

Originally Posted by SEOINAGE

HRT for women is a more delicate matter and balancing act imo. I get where you are coming from with the making things up in their mind, and people do it all the time, but I'd rather her raise our kids than someone else.

On a side note, she told me not to come home. Sucks cause this is just after I had a dream last night she had been planning to leave me, I thought that was just brought on by the xfiles episode we watched.

WTF ddi we miss something bro, does she have valid reason to suspect you for cheating, I hope so, if not.....wow that's some strong hormonal rythms she got going on. Go Home, bring her roses , Tell her you love her, then go to sleep, tomorrow is another day, unless like a friend of mine, his ol lady drove a steak knife in his chest(5in) whilst he slept and had not a clue...........sleep with one eye open.

**Lunk1** · 10-08-2012, 05:16 PM

Seonage...how old is she???

**Times Roman** · 10-08-2012, 06:12 PM

Originally Posted by SEOINAGE

well I'm completely screwed. apparently she hopped on the forum to check up on me, and I have said some things I haven't meant, some things I thought I said forever ago, and of course she takes it as now, and even though I said it jokingly in half seriousness as we often speak out of our rears on here I'm still screwed. WTF do I do now? She'll probably read this whole thread and everything else stupid I have ever said, but how does she stumble onto crap I don't even remember and pull that crap up first? can pretty much kiss me good bye. I'm really screwed now. I guess I need to have a different identity for every board I am on if I want privacy amongst those who know my screen name.

Dear My Woman,
You are the bestest forever and ever!

Signed,
Seoinage

Me personally, my woman knows i'm on here, but really doesn't know my user Id or any of that. I don't believe in 100% transparency as I feel it is everyone's right to have some privacy away from family members, including here.

**Lunk1** · 10-08-2012, 06:22 PM

Interesting point about ppls spouses not knowing or not being a privey to their actions in here. I wonder if everyone would be ok with their wife being on some forum discussing personal maritail issues and your sex lives?

Not saying that's anyone inpaticular...just raises an interesting point.

Me personaly as I said...my wife knows I'm on here and could care less (othwer than wishing I was on less and doing laundry more) NOT GOING TO HAPPEN lol.
She has read things I have shown here but could care less otherwise.

I would never think of NOT being 100% transparent...that's when shyt hits the fan! If she trusts you she woulld have NO reason to jump on a steroid furum board and check your activity. Why would she care??? No more than I care about her being on a home and garden or cooking forum (wish she would join one of these).

I have full access to her FB and her mine...if you have things you need to hide or keep a secret your doing it wrong. Plain and simple!