Talking to the EX

[S&S_ShovelHead]

Just wanted to get a few opinions here...

My gf old me today that her ex texted her today. They dated for four years (her longest) prior to us getting together. They broke up (he cheated) and she moved due to their break up and career. She said she hasn't talked to him at all since we started dating. A few months back we were arguing and she mentioned how she wouldn't mind getting in touch with him to catch up. Anyways the texts were harmless, he initiated, but I have caught her deleting texts in the past so who knows. She goes away a lot to her old town (where he lives) without me.

If you were in this situation would it bother you at all? I have major trust issues I'm trying to get past and know this probably shouldn't bother me but was hoping to get some other opinions.

[red_hulk]

I wouldn't like it man. In my experience it never leads to anything good and it's always harmless until it gets there. Similar situations have happened to me and I put a stop to it one way or another

[cherrydrpepper]

Yes it would bother me but I also have trust issues. Be careful I have a suspicion that aas makes it worse (sometimes.. it seems to magnify negative jealousy related emotions). My last girlfriend explained that she would continue hanging out with her guy friend who fingerbanged her and theres nothing I can do about it and if we were married her high school sweetheart would be coming to the wedding and she would need to hang out with another ex when he was in town for lunch and it just went on and on to be honest. I am over 30 and assume you are as well? Dating at the older ages is different than when you are a teen or college age kid I have noticed. If I ever blatantly suspected cheating I would set up a hidden camera or something like that. Obviously I will be the first to admit I am not wired like a normal person though. One thing that has worked against me in my last relationship is that I am not good at having girls who are friends that I don't bang. This is the best ammo in this situation to have females you can hang out with as "just friends". It lets the girl know how this feels if she is calling or hanging out with guys because to be honest some women are in a la-la land where conversing with exes and hanging out with guy friends they have had relations with is normal. I can't really give you any advice but I will say if you don't want to marry this girl then limit your response its just not worth the World War III the issue could become if this girl is a just passing the time type deal.

[red_hulk]

I don't mean to be negative that's just my honest truth. As for advice, just make sure you handle it maturely and you should be fine bro. Sometimes you gotta loosen the leash and find out the hard way who you can trust and who you can't. But like I said, it would honestly bother me.

[red_hulk]

Yes it would bother me but I also have trust issues. Be careful I have a suspicion that aas makes it worse (sometimes.. it seems to magnify negative jealousy related emotions). My last girlfriend explained that she would continue hanging out with her guy friend who fingerbanged her and theres nothing I can do about it and if we were married her high school sweetheart would be coming to the wedding and she would need to hang out with another ex when he was in town for lunch and it just went on and on to be honest. I am over 30 and assume you are as well? Dating at the older ages is different than when you are a teen or college age kid I have noticed. If I ever blatantly suspected cheating I would set up a hidden camera or something like that. Obviously I will be the first to admit I am not wired like a normal person though. One thing that has worked against me in my last relationship is that I am not good at having girls who are friends that I don't bang. This is the best ammo in this situation to have females you can hang out with as "just friends". It lets the girl know how this feels if she is calling or hanging out with guys because to be honest some women are in a la-la land where conversing with exes and hanging out with guy friends they have had relations with is normal. I can't really give you any advice but I will say if you don't want to marry this girl then limit your response its just not worth the World War III the issue could become if this girl is a just passing the time type deal.

I feel like most guys are like this. And I've expressed before its not her I don't trust it's other people who are scum bags. There are some good guys out there, but we all know at least one who doesn't care if she's taken and even worse would try to take advantage if given an opportunity.

[MuscleInk]

Without offering an opinion.....have you asked her how should would feel if the opposite way happening (i.e. an ex-gf texting you or you texting her; you deleting some of her texts or going away on trips where the ex may be and not taking the your current gf).

I guess it's my age but I've out grown the drama crap. If my gf/wife feels she needs to find romance elsewhere then either (1) I'm not paying enough attention to her or (2) she's just lost interest in me/us. If its the first case, then hopefully I'd correct the issue before it became a real problem. In the second case.....she can pack her stuff and leave. I'm too tired of relationship mind games anymore.

[kronik420]

Just wanted to get a few opinions here...

My gf old me today that her ex texted her today. They dated for four years (her longest) prior to us getting together. They broke up (he cheated) and she moved due to their break up and career. She said she hasn't talked to him at all since we started dating. A few months back we were arguing and she mentioned how she wouldn't mind getting in touch with him to catch up. Anyways the texts were harmless, he initiated, but I have caught her deleting texts in the past so who knows. She goes away a lot to her old town (where he lives) without me.

If you were in this situation would it bother you at all? I have major trust issues I'm trying to get past and know this probably shouldn't bother me but was hoping to get some other opinions.

im no genius..... but my guess is that your not the only one sleepin with her....

[cherrydrpepper]

im no genius..... but my guess is that your not the only one sleepin with her....

I almost spit my food

[Lunk1]

Dude...she told you on her own, without you catching her? Doesn't that speak volumes for her. Giver her the credit for the honesty and then tell her how you feel about it!

Doesn't anybody communicate anymore????

[Lunk1]

Without offering an opinion.....have you asked her how should would feel if the opposite way happening (i.e. an ex-gf texting you or you texting her; you deleting some of her texts or going away on trips where the ex may be and not taking the your current gf).

I guess it's my age but I've out grown the drama crap. If my gf/wife feels she needs to find romance elsewhere then either (1) I'm not paying enough attention to her or (2) she's just lost interest in me/us. If its the first case, then hopefully I'd correct the issue before it became a real problem. In the second case.....she can pack her stuff and leave. I'm too tired of relationship mind games anymore.

Or 3) she got he pics I sent

[spywizard]

im no genius..... but my guess is that your not the only one sleepin with her....

tunnel buddies/???

point being no woman ever broke up with a man unless/until she has another pony cut out of the herd...

do you pay her bills?? time to pack her stuff..

[cherrydrpepper]

Dude...she told you on her own, without you catching her? Doesn't that speak volumes for her. Giver her the credit for the honesty and then tell her how you feel about it!

Doesn't anybody communicate anymore????

Lunk is right about this.. A skank wouldn't tell you the guy shes going to lunch with has put it in her butt before. A good girl would at least tell you they are an ex but its just lunch.

[spywizard]

Without offering an opinion.....have you asked her how should would feel if the opposite way happening (i.e. an ex-gf texting you or you texting her; you deleting some of her texts or going away on trips where the ex may be and not taking the your current gf).

I guess it's my age but I've out grown the drama crap. If my gf/wife feels she needs to find romance elsewhere then either (1) I'm not paying enough attention to her or (2) she's just lost interest in me/us. If its the first case, then hopefully I'd correct the issue before it became a real problem. In the second case.....she can pack her stuff and leave. I'm too tired of relationship mind games anymore.

oh, now we're going to be all logical and shit...

I'm with you though, I told my wife that if ever she starts to look around, just let me know so I can have fun too.. want to stay in the relationship for the child?? i'm down with that too.. If i found out she was cheating on me, i told her i'd arrange for her to walk in with me banging a woman in her bed and the girl would be 1/2 her age..

This conversation happened way before we got engaged/married..

[cherrydrpepper]

point being no woman ever broke up with a man unless/until she has another pony cut out of the herd...

This is so true but its one of those things I have never understood about women. I think its because men are the hunters, so in the back of our head if the relationship goes south we will go out and hunt. We don't need a bunch of other women warming up the stables.

[MuscleInk]

She did and hasn't stopped laughing.

[S&S_ShovelHead]

Dude...she told you on her own, without you catching her? Doesn't that speak volumes for her. Giver her the credit for the honesty and then tell her how you feel about it!

Doesn't anybody communicate anymore????

I absolutely agree. If I found out on my own it'd be a much different situation. We did talk about it, just wanted to check if I'm crazy for letting it bother me so much.

[kronik420]

just thought id share this ^^

my ex got my name tattooed on her back and she still cheated on me...............

[Lunk1]

just thought id share this ^^

my ex got my name tattooed on her back and she still cheated on me...............

Back her off on the carbs and get something for that diaper rash bro lol

[kronik420]

Back her off on the carbs and get something for that diaper rash bro lol

lol, yea she did put on a bit of weight in the 9 months or so that we were together...

probably because she was eating like me

[Lunk1]

lol, yea she did put on a bit of weight in the 9 months or so that we were together...

probably because she was eating like me

Put on weight..in 9 months...hmmmmm

[red_hulk]

lol, yea she did put on a bit of weight in the 9 months or so that we were together...

probably because she was eating like me

9 months and she got your name tattooed!?!?

[Lunk1]

9 months and she got your name tattooed!?!?

Perfectly white trash lol! or it's another Mathew, the plot thickens!

[MuscleInk]

just thought id share this ^^

my ex got my name tattooed on her back and she still cheated on me...............

My wife is superstitious. She won't let me have her name tattooed on me anywhere because she believes its bad luck for a relationship.

[lovbyts]

Without offering an opinion.....have you asked her how should would feel if the opposite way happening (i.e. an ex-gf texting you or you texting her; you deleting some of her texts or going away on trips where the ex may be and not taking the your current gf).

I guess it's my age but I've out grown the drama crap. If my gf/wife feels she needs to find romance elsewhere then either (1) I'm not paying enough attention to her or (2) she's just lost interest in me/us. If its the first case, then hopefully I'd correct the issue before it became a real problem. In the second case.....she can pack her stuff and leave. I'm too tired of relationship mind games anymore.

^^^ Agreed

im no genius..... but my guess is that your not the only one sleepin with her....

^^^ More than likely he is correct

just thought id share this ^^

my ex got my name tattooed on her back and she still cheated on me...............

^^ Seriously? #1 why would you ever let a woman do that (tattoo of your name on her back) and no offense but that's nasty looking. Her waist is larger than her nips... but I know we dont all have the same taste so what ever floats your boat.

I know a girl who's BF made her get a Tat of his name on her back like that. I TRIED to convince her not to do it but she wanted to prove she cared about him. Yup, he ended up being the jerk I knew he was and kept abusing her mentally and physically at times. Took a while and a lot of talking from me to convince her she deserved better and finally ended the relationship with him.

[cherrydrpepper]

just thought id share this ^^

my ex got my name tattooed on her back and she still cheated on me...............

The guy she cheated on you with his name was Cal right

[MuscleInk]

lol, yea she did put on a bit of weight in the 9 months or so that we were together...

probably because she was eating like me

Kick her butt to the gym. lol I'm doing that to my wife 2 days a week. Shes not liking it very much. lmao

[Lunk1]

SS...sit her down and explain how happy you are that she is so honest with you and that you feel you should be equally as honest. Then tell her you care sooo much for her that the thought of her speaking to another man, especially one that she had any sort of relationship with, just drives you insane. Tell her how much you trust her but that it brings out the insecurity you feel that you could possibly lose her. Do all of this with a half sad, puppy dog look and if you can squeeze a tear out, even better.

All of this while thinking balh blah blah and reviewing porn in the back of your head

[lovbyts]

The guy she cheated on you with his name was Cal right

LOL read my mind.

[Lunk1]

My wife is superstitious. She won't let me have her name tattooed on me anywhere because she believes its bad luck for a relationship.

Get HAW tattood somewhere....it could be interchangeable if she doesnt work out, but she doesn't have to know that part lol

[kronik420]

lol yea after 6 months she got it done...

i didn't tell her too or anything like that she just wanted too, didn't bother me..

anyways like 3 months later we broke up lol...

[MuscleInk]

Get HAW tattood somewhere....it could be interchangeable if she doesnt work out, but she doesn't have to know that part lol

More ink and some piercings are in her future - so says ME. She wants to get some ink on her ribs - something romantic for the two of us apparently.

No you CANNOT have pictures.

[Lunk1]

More ink and some piercings are in her future - so says ME. She wants to get some ink on her ribs - something romantic for the two of us apparently.

No you CANNOT have pictures.

Persistance is the key to success!

[S&S_ShovelHead]

Without offering an opinion.....have you asked her how should would feel if the opposite way happening (i.e. an ex-gf texting you or you texting her; you deleting some of her texts or going away on trips where the ex may be and not taking the your current gf).

I guess it's my age but I've out grown the drama crap. If my gf/wife feels she needs to find romance elsewhere then either (1) I'm not paying enough attention to her or (2) she's just lost interest in me/us. If its the first case, then hopefully I'd correct the issue before it became a real problem. In the second case.....she can pack her stuff and leave. I'm too tired of relationship mind games anymore.

I have, she said it probably wouldnt bother her considering what they said was innocent. But I know its not true, I know how she is and I think she just said that cause she was defensive at the time.

And as for her going back home I should have been more clear, It where her parents and friends live and she's a musician that tours so she will hit up her home town and its not like she doesnt want me to go. Conflicting schedules sometimes.

[S&S_ShovelHead]

SS...sit her down and explain how happy you are that she is so honest with you and that you feel you should be equally as honest. Then tell her you care sooo much for her that the thought of her speaking to another man, especially one that she had any sort of relationship with, just drives you insane. Tell her how much you trust her but that it brings out the insecurity you feel that you could possibly lose her. Do all of this with a half sad, puppy dog look and if you can squeeze a tear out, even better.

All of this while thinking balh blah blah and reviewing porn in the back of your head

I did that and I can tell she feels really bad about it and in her defence she isnt the smartest thing on earth and I do believe it was a lapse in judgement.

Besides a few minor things she has given no reason not to trust her, and I havn`t been a saint either. Was more just wondering if it was my trust issues that were making something out of nothing. This is my first ltr and all this shit is new to me, tren aint helping either. If he wasnt 7 hours away I would have drove to his houseand shoved my foot so far up his ass he`d lick the soles clean.

[LiL P]

Any change in you guys sexual activities? If theres a sudden halt in the sex life could mean shes getting it somewhere else.. ijs

[S&S_ShovelHead]

Any change in you guys sexual activities? If theres a sudden halt in the sex life could mean shes getting it somewhere else.. ijs

Not at all. Don't think she's cheating.

[MuscleInk]

I have, she said it probably wouldnt bother her considering what they said was innocent. But I know its not true, I know how she is and I think she just said that cause she was defensive at the time.

And as for her going back home I should have been more clear, It where her parents and friends live and she's a musician that tours so she will hit up her home town and its not like she doesnt want me to go. Conflicting schedules sometimes.

That's good. Still.....you mentioned her deleting some of the text messages. I know if my wife started doing that I'd be concerned. If she felt she needed to delete text messages, I would expect her to tell the other person that the messages were inappropriate. Deleting them seems like hiding something. Again, if you were deleting messages from an ex and your current gf found out, wouldn't she wonder why you had to hide it.

One of my past gfs (a stripper.......ya that's gonna open a can of worms) used to spend so much damn time texting on her phone when she was with ME. Used to piss me off - not because she hide it all from me (I didn't care much, we were friends with benefits really) but because she didn't have the decency to stop texting when I was with her.

[MuscleInk]

Persistance is the key to success!

Well.....you know, there is a fine line between persistance and perseveration. The latter is indicative of response repetition or the inability to undertake set shifting (changing of goals, tasks or activities) as required, and is evidenced by behaviours such as words and gestures continuing to be repeated despite absence or cessation of a stimulus. Clinically it implies brain trama, injury, or a neurological disorder.

I'll keep a closer eye on you in case you start drooling or "pill rolling".

[DSM4Life]

just thought id share this ^^

my ex got my name tattooed on her back and she still cheated on me...............

How many times did you finish on your name?

[Doont-Hunter]

I feel you bro. I got dumped a few hours earlier today. Feel like shit so I've just been hanging around on these forums. I found out through one of her friends earlier today that she was hooking up with her ex in a club on Friday night and she apparently went home with him. The fact she came over the next day (Saturday) and told me that her night was good and she went home early because she felt sick has made me feel even more shit. So she just dumped me for her ex. I don't really know what to do, but I feel you bro.