Thread: should i get a divorce ?
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01-12-2013, 02:48 AM #41
i lived in my country for 8 years and rest in middle east
Never once met an extremiest
all people living Just like americans
go to work , go home , watch sport, go to restaurants and eat
guys go out with girls ... Maybe little different on clothing like no super short skirts but its just like people in USA
those extremiest arent even 0.1% of muslims.. they live in mountains like in afghanistan and pakistan
and they arent really religious
all of them were killers and criminals and when they got out of jail they wanted to get back to killing so the only way would be Make your self look religious and extremist and you can kill all you want in the name of God.... ALL people there know that and actually gets scared by those guys if they seen them
again never seen one.
my religion is almost identical to Christianity , when i tell my wife about stories from QUraan she always finish the story from the bible and its exactly the same except some small details...
both books preach same things
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01-12-2013, 02:52 AM #42
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01-12-2013, 02:54 AM #43
you are very welcome
LOL what do i do about my wife LOL
dude i didnt workout today . i ate 1 sandwich from burger king all day
i havent had junk food in years and i have been on strict diet to lose fat and im under 12% NOW....was horrible day
thank god tmw is weekend. i would have took day off or something if it was work!!!!!
im staying at my parents house LOL
sux cuz they keep asking whats up
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01-12-2013, 02:58 AM #44
bhai she loves u thats why she told you the truth ... i know its really bad in islam and its hard to forget but try your best i swear your lucky to have her cuz she trusts you bro and i hope you good luck in life don't divorce her .. she didn't want to cheat on you thats why she decided to tell you bro
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01-12-2013, 03:02 AM #45
i should forgive her right ?
she told me about it and it was long before i meet her !
and she said she regret it so much she would do anything to remove it if she can
everytime she say it she cry and i know when my wife is telling the truth
its not just religion
me as a MAN its very hard to accept that, even if i say OK i forgive her i would still be upset inside, i think every man would
but again it was before me and it was this incident sooo i want to forgive her and fix it i guess
i just hope i can get over the bad feeling and get back to believe that she is great human . cuz to me she was perfect and pure
not the image got little different
i hope i get over this feeling
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01-12-2013, 03:03 AM #46
Originally Posted by Granovich
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01-12-2013, 04:36 AM #47
I kind of read her diaries of today and took pics and im
Gonna post it here, thats what she said
Tried to sleep but woke up early. Now my mind is so full of thoughts it's impossible to go back to bed. I've never hated myself more. I can't walk, talk or do anything without breaking down in tears. I'm stuck to my bed, I'm not hungry and I don't feel like working, all I want is to make things right with My husband.
I can understand his hurt and pain, and I don't know how to react to it. I'm scared he will never be able to look at me again and see the woman who I have grown to be because the immature girl I was is still stuck in his mind. I worry that the man I had planned my entire life around will no longer want to share a life with me. I am also scared for myself and the horrible thoughts that are pointing me in the direction of the final exit.
I never felt love before until I met him. I let him into me in ways I never knew existed. He became my purpose in life and I gave him a love I knew no one could offer. I submitted my mind, body and soul to him completely and allowed him to be my king. I swore to God and all of his anointing that I would live my life with Nikoli as if there was none before him because in all actuality there wasn't. I knew my responsibility to him and promised to protect him from all that would try to block his path, and that I would never love or look at another man for the rest of my life.
I wanted to recreate life with him so we can use all the mistakes we made as a learning tool to make sure our seeds never made the same mistakes we had. Every fiber of my being wishes that things could be different and if I could turn back time I would wait a million lifetimes just be with him. I love him and have never had eyes for any other since the day I met him, it was only him. I can only hope and pray and wish that Nikoli can forgive me and we can move past this. They say the most successful couples are the ones who have had to climb the highest mountains, and I think we've reached our peak. I hope we can overcome this because love conquers all, and the love we had was and still is stronger than a billion warriors.
What do i make of this
You think she really regret it ?
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01-12-2013, 05:07 AM #48
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She has married you......what more do you want, she obviously loves you. And sounds like a very trusting woman, you should be happy you know the truth, as I rekon most of us men dont know the half of it, nor do we really want to....it happened before you, so it means nothing to your relationship, it was just an unfortunate mistake by her, we are all only human, what matters the most is that she loves you and only has eyes for you....
What are your other options, go find someone else that has more secrets and may not even be faithfull in a relationship
And it's not as if she didn't tell you about him, she was just ashamed that it was a one night thing, dont make her feel any worse than she does, I'm guessing it took alot for her to tell you that, which obviously means she loves you more than anything
You can trust this woman, good luck finding another one of those...
Go apologise!!Last edited by auswest; 01-12-2013 at 05:10 AM.
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01-12-2013, 06:20 AM #49
Salam Alaykum
I am an American, I am a muslim. You need to leave your arab culture in the Middle East or wherever you come from. You are in the states now and premarital sex is very common.
You also married a christian, if she were muslim I would agree to divorce her as islam dictates 1st time virgin marriages, but she isn't. You need to work on the commitment you made to her before you 2 were married and carry your marriage into greatness. An Imam will tell you the same thing as I have, and since you stated you're a religious man, you should already know this.
Good Luck
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01-12-2013, 06:38 AM #50
Whoa..... wasn't expecting this one with my morning coffee. Damn it, my brain is still in Vegas and I'm up at 6:00 am on a Saturday.
So..... this is what I think; she acted out of fear and shame. I do not know anything about your religion, I'll be the first to admit. However, I do know that people will allow fear to drive them to do things they normally would never do (i.e. lying to you). That means she truly loves you, and the fact that she told you shows that this was hurting her the entire time to the point that she risked everything to come clean. There is nothing you could do, divorce or not, that could "punish" her beyond the punishment she has had in her head this entire time. Deceiving you hurt her more than it could hurt you as she lived with this hanging over her head. Living in fear of losing someone you love day after day is enough to drive just about any normal person to lie.
So what do you do next... well that's a tough one as well as a delicate situation. First, I don't think its that big of a deal myself, but again I know nothing about your religion. Is it truly a deal breaker TO YOU? Can you spend the rest of your life with this woman and still love her as well as get passed this instance? After all- it happened before you regardless of the severity in religion; it could be a lot worse. So... can you truly forgive her?
If you can forgive her, and want to try and maintain your relationship; one thing I can tell you is that this entire instance needs to "disappear" as an issue. What I'm saying is don't hold this over her head in the future as it can become destructive to your marriage. You have to either accept it and forgive, or pretty much walk away. The last thing you want is to be 10 years into the relationship and this incident to still be a problem in your marriage. The only thing you will do by holding this over her head is cause further emotional damage to her, as she's already incurred by keeping this from you for this long. Again- its not easy to keep a secret like this for so long and the reason she told you is because it was emotionally eating at her to the point that she risked it all to come clean. I would be very careful in the future as you can cause more pain than you think or intend to.
She sounds like a good one, and I guess you have to decide what you want to do next. Good luck... this is a tough one.
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01-12-2013, 06:45 AM #51
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Realist: A person who sees things as they truly are. A practical person. The pessimist complains about the wind; The optimist expects it to change; The realist adjusts the sails. — William Arthur Ward
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01-12-2013, 07:02 AM #53
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The answer is no, do not break up and totally forgive her and forget about it! our a little pretentious and a little high and mighty....no disrespect intended, but u will see things differently in 10-20 yrs, nobody is perfect, and you will find out soon enough...least of all yourself.
You have a good woman....
Oh and I didn't know she was a virgin.
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01-12-2013, 07:25 AM #55
I see you mentioned you didn't have premarital sex with HER...but did you have sex with anyone before her? Stop being so judgmental honestly. My wife told me the number and any details I asked for (for the most part) when we first started dating. You know what...I wish she would have kept it a secret. Why? Because I was immature and all I thought about was me. In reality NOTHING she did BEFORE me matters...only what she does since she has been with me.
To have married a women from the US, in her mid 20's, who has only had sex with 1 or 2 guys. You have a diamond in the ruff there my friend! Keep in mind she openly told you and thats because she didnt want to have and keep secrets. Instead of bashing her for her past....thank her for her honesty and her commitment.
Quite honestly, religion aside, your being immature. You should be home with your new wife. Not even married a year and staying somewhere because of a stupid fight...bad start. You should still be on a honeymoon at home! Get your ass home and apologize for acting like a selfesh child and thank her for her honesty! If you don't....someone will!
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01-12-2013, 07:31 AM #56
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01-12-2013, 07:36 AM #57
+1!!!! Try getting back into the dating game and you honestly don't know wanna know. I hooked up with one chick that's been with 40 dudes! Needless to say, that relationship ended rather quickly after she told me how many dudes... and she was in her late 30's, never married, no kids, etc.
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01-12-2013, 07:46 AM #58
LOL... this thread reminds me of a friend of mine who ditched out on a chick he was dating for almost 2 years. He found out when they had "the talk" that she'd been plowed over 70 times by different dudes, lol. I think he said her # was like 72 and he was 73. He split a week later because he couldn't shake it out of his head and forget the #. She was like 33 years old.
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01-12-2013, 07:47 AM #59
^^^^ What they all said.
Bottom line grow up and get over it. As aater of fact you sbould be comforting her and feel bad for her being date raped. This happens to more girls than you can imagine. I have had 3 girlfriends that I know of who lost their virginity the same way
Now stop making everything about you and think how she must feel. You owe her an appology and some nice roses to start with. Man up and do the right thing. You also need to look up the meaning of empathy while your at it.Last edited by lovbyts; 01-12-2013 at 08:00 AM.
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01-12-2013, 07:59 AM #60
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01-12-2013, 08:03 AM #61
I may ne reading a bit more into it than what was said BUT I think taking advantage of a young girl who is drunk is nothing less even if she is willing more or less. Obviousy she thought it was more but the guy was just using her.
I have had many opportunities to take advantage of situations like that but my good concius wouldn't let me. I bet as time goes on and if she feels more comfortable talking to him he will find out more in regards to the situation.Last edited by lovbyts; 01-12-2013 at 08:16 AM.
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01-12-2013, 08:32 AM #62
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01-12-2013, 09:21 AM #63
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Would you rather she be a virgin when you marry her and then lie about having affairs? I know it's not hat simple, but time will get you past this.
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01-12-2013, 09:25 AM #64
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01-12-2013, 09:54 AM #65
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01-12-2013, 09:55 AM #66
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01-12-2013, 09:56 AM #67
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01-12-2013, 09:59 AM #68
you are right , im being immature , and im going home now to fix it
what am i doing!!!! leaving my wife alone at night crying...she havent slept by her self since day we got married... thank you Lunk you are the man
and answer to your question is No she is my first . i got to certain points with other girls but always stopped my self before actual SEX
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01-12-2013, 10:01 AM #69
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01-12-2013, 10:08 AM #70
You don't love her because she's christian and she doesn't love you because you're muslim. It doesn't matter. It's just two people who love each other and one made a mistake. You very well may make a mistake as well one day. Move past it. Tell her you love her and move forward and be happy. Realize your both only human.
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01-12-2013, 10:11 AM #71
Yea man... this girl banged 72 dudes. I had one tell me she was with 40, one with 29, one with 15. Its hard to justify the number but the older you get- you aren't gonna find many women that have only been with 1 or 2 people especially if they've never been married or in a real long relationship with someone. If you think about it, if a girl starts having sex at 17 years old; and she's 35 now... that's 18 people if she only has sex with one dude a year. She has sex with 2 different guys a year and that's 36 people bro, lol
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01-12-2013, 10:20 AM #72
Think about this... how many dates will you go out on with a girl before you're expecting to get some? If a girl dates one guy every 6 months; that's 2 people a year. If she started having sex at 18... that's 44 people she's banged at 40 years old. That's not including any dudes she's banged just for fun, or if she went out with more than 2 different people in 6 months. A lot of people these days expect to have sex after the 3-4 date. I've taken a girl out 3-4 times, had sex with her a few times, and then realized I don't want anything to do with her for whatever reason. If that happens a few times now you're talking 50-60 people. Regardless of how old I get though- those kind of numbers still scary me even if they logically make sense based on age. That's why I'm still searching for a 22 year old virgin "good girl" that doesn't hang out in clubs and act like she's 15, lol.
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01-12-2013, 10:30 AM #73
i've been through something like this. you just have to accept that you have an angel for a wife that made one mistake a long time ago. i know it's a big mistake, but nobody is perfect, and your ability to forgive her will determine the quality of the rest of your life.
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Realist: A person who sees things as they truly are. A practical person. The pessimist complains about the wind; The optimist expects it to change; The realist adjusts the sails. — William Arthur Ward
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01-12-2013, 10:33 AM #75
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01-12-2013, 10:45 AM #76
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01-12-2013, 11:24 AM #77
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01-12-2013, 11:48 AM #78
learn to accept! you didnt know her back then and you have no right to judge her, i understand that you are upset that she lied to you but look at the reason why, she lied because she could not trust you to accept the truth and she was scared of your reaction, ive made plenty of mistakes with the women ive been with and by far the biggest mistake has been asking them about their past how many guys they slept with etc this tends to eat away at your heart and after some time it makes us bitter with them. sure ALL guys want the perfect little virgin innocent girl but the reality is that for the most part those days have passed. what is still true is Love and thats what holds you together OP love your wife accept her and move past this small road block, if not your running the risk of ending the best thing youll ever have, dont live with regrets live with your rewards and she sounds like a blessing and a prize!
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01-12-2013, 12:56 PM #79
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01-12-2013, 12:58 PM #80
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