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  1. #1
    clockworks's Avatar
    clockworks is offline Anabolic Member
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    hilarious, must read!!

    BLOW JOBS!!!!


    WHAT A GIRL HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT

    1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

    2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

    3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

    4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

    5. My ears are NOT handles.

    6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?�

    7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.�

    8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.&nbs p;

    9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.�

    10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

    11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.�

    12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

    13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

    14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

    15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.�

    16.... Just because "it's awake" when you get up does no t mean I have to "kiss it good morning."


    WHAT A MAN HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT

    1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

    2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier
    than licking a dead fish.

    3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

    4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.�

    5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

    6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. Trust me.�

    7.... You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

    8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

    9. Play with the balls.

    10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

    11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

    12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep."

    13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

    hehe, i this was so funny...=) i'm sorry, but i'm always bitter about past relationships (cuz i always get screwed over) so i can really relate to some of the points on the guy's view...=)

    -- clocky baby

  2. #2
    Full Intensity's Avatar
    Full Intensity is offline Anabolic Member
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    ahahah

  3. #3
    Mentalism's Avatar
    Mentalism is offline Junior Member
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    "2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier
    than licking a dead fish."

    Ive been saying this for yrs... when will they learn?

  4. #4
    symatech's Avatar
    symatech is offline Retired Moderator
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    Originally posted by Mentalism
    "2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier
    than licking a dead fish."

    Ive been saying this for yrs... when will they learn?
    me2....girls just dont understand

  5. #5
    956Vette is online now AR-Elite Hall of Famer
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  6. #6
    EXCESS's Avatar
    EXCESS is offline Retired Moderator
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  7. #7
    BLOOD is offline Associate Member
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    #2

  8. #8
    BIG TEXAN's Avatar
    BIG TEXAN is offline Respected Member
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  9. #9
    jeffylyte's Avatar
    jeffylyte is offline Member
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    Originally posted by Mentalism
    "2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier
    than licking a dead fish."

    Ive been saying this for yrs... when will they learn?
    that reminds me of a girl that I knew that smelled like a mcdonalds cheeseburger. ah the memories!

  10. #10
    novicemarine's Avatar
    novicemarine is offline Junior Member
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    So... Donkey punches are all good?

  11. #11
    halifaxsteve is offline Member
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    extension to #4...there is a difference between like and love...spit or swallow

  12. #12
    palme's Avatar
    palme is offline Rosie Member
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    Originally posted by jeffylyte


    that reminds me of a girl that I knew that smelled like a mcdonalds cheeseburger. ah the memories!
    Wtf?

    5. My ears are NOT handles.

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