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11-16-2013, 11:31 PM #41
GB, you described my father pretty much to a t. the difference is he was a dick when I was a kid, too so its just something I have always dealt with. I left his house between 15 and 18 many times but the cops would always end up putting me back lol. As soon as I turned 18 though I was gone for good.
I realize now he has some mental disorder but he would never admit it nor allow anyone to 'help' with it so I have as little contact as possible with him. My daughter loves the crap out of him and he's family. You said it... Bound by blood. I can't say I don't love the man. I just can't hang out with him for too long
I'm guessing something happened between you and mom and was still simmering when you wrote your original post. I don't believe you don't love your mother on some level. It sounds like your really fed up with her antics though and may not talk to her for a long time.
My mom isn't with us anymore so I feel you on your anger but love for parents by children and vice versa is very primal. I have my doubts that anyone short of a clinical psychopath is actually capable. I get what youre saying either way. I only see my dad in short bursts now. Its unfortunate but insufferable people force themselves into the position of being alienated from other humans.
Sorry man. It's a shit position for the family but it is what it is.
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11-16-2013, 11:37 PM #42
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11-17-2013, 12:05 AM #43
I hated my grandpa that has now passed away, so I get it. I feel like a brat saying that but he was a shitty guy.
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11-17-2013, 12:16 AM #44
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11-18-2013, 10:51 AM #45
That's just it - I'm *already* regretting where it appears this is going, I find it tragic and sad, but at the same time I don't feel I have any control over it. As I said, I've tried changing (even when I don't believe I'm the problem) but the end result stays the same.
The thing is, I REFUSE to be around people in my life who bring negativity, stress, dread, etc. and I especially feel that way when it comes to my wife and son. I just won't tolerate it. I don't want to cut off all communication and have limited my involvement, but pretty much any time I deal with her, this is how it is.
Thanks Chad, I hope there is a way too. It's just looking grim right now...
Btw, I'm sorry about your situation man, that really sounds shitty. You seem like a good guy though; hopefully, the pain helped you to become stronger.
Yea B, I totally have. All she does is point the finger back at me. She accepts NO criticism, constructive or otherwise. No responsibility. It's always everybody else, not her (despite her being the common denominator in EVERY bad situation, and that's not just with regard to me).
I don't hate her, I just wish I still loved her the way I used to. That feeling is simply gone, and I don't think love is an emotion or feeling we can select or control. It's not the flick of a switch.
As for "accepting them for who they are" - I can do that, but I simply cannot have a relationship with her in her current (long term) state.
Thanks brother. I am seriously pursuing researching BPD as the more I read, the more I am convinced this is EXACTLY what she suffers from.
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11-18-2013, 11:04 AM #46
Coincidental? My father was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Me and him have almost no relationship now..... We were fine for a long time. Trained together for years.
We don't even talk twice a month anymore. He's an alpha male and feels threatened. He treats me like a kid and repeats himself over and over. He'll buy me a birthday gift or a Christmas gift and then throw it in my face.
"Can't you get me test..... I got you xxxxx for Christmas"
"You owe me for that time I fixed the snowblower" - "but dad that was 4 years ago"
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11-23-2013, 09:16 PM #47
my girlfriend, although the reasons are slightly different, has similar feelings towards her father... it's affected who she is her entire life and now affects mine......I really feel like the reason she does what she does in regards to parenting is because of it.... now she is so caring and loves our son and does so much but the hang ups cause a very large rift between us when it comes to parenting because she is so, idk, I say insane right now out of frustration but it's just her being so determined to be better than her father...... anyhow I wrote this in regards to your son, strive to have a better relationship but not at the cost of straining another relationship....I really don't think she knows she does it... best of luck
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