kinda depressed

[hawk14dl]

Ex cheated on me about 4 months ago, some of you may remember.

That wasn't a big deal, got over it.

She was helping out with bills and groceries around the house, I had some savings.i had bought this house January 2013. Pretty much the dream house, great area, excellent school, huge beautiful house.

Since she been gone, I've been dipping in the savings to make the bills every month. Can't pick up overtime cause I'm a single dad. Dropped some of the extras, cable Internet, lowered insurance to the state minimum. . Stuff like that. Just ain't working any more. The savings are about to be depleted.

Looks like I'm going to be forced to sell my house. Only been here a little over a year and didn't put any $ down, I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck out of pocket in order to sell it.

Then there's the whole moving deal. And probably storage since I'll be moving in a smaller place.

F*ck dudes. I really hate life right now

[MuscleInk]

Can you refinance the mortgage? Could you rent out a room or maybe even rent the house?

Many times our situations look impossible. I went through some pretty touch times the past two years and at one point was so depressed I was considering some very unpleasant options. No matter how bad things are, its always temporary and there will always be someone who will be facing tougher odds than you.

[kelkel]

Sorry to hear this hawk but you will find a way to get through this. You have to for your kid. It will get better man so try and stay positive.

[MuscleInk]

Sorry to hear this hawk but you will find a way to get through this. You have to for your kid. It will get better man so try and stay positive.

That's exactly what kept me from making choices I could not come back from. If you can't find a reason for yourself, find a way for your kids.

[David LoPan]

I have a friend that was in a similar situation. He has a roommate now and is making it now. Also have a friend that lost his job so he leased out his house. He was out of the house for 2 years and then was able to get a good job again and has moved back into the house. There is never any shame in doing something similar. If you did have to sell it you would be out the commission and the loss on the house. I hope this will work out of you.

[Times Roman]

Hawk,

I feel ya. Sounds like it's time to move. Try not to think of a house in any way other than as an investment. I think the quicker you get out of there, you can move on with your life. Your house has too many ghosts by the sounds of it.

---Roman

[lovbyts]

It's only stuff, only a dwelling. Let it go and do what you have to do and put a good safe roof over your kids head even if it's rent for a while. Life is full of speed bumps and you will get past it. Yeah it sucks but it makes you appreciate the good times more.

[austinite]

Sorry to hear that. I would do one of two things...

- Get a roommate so they pay you rent.
- Lease your property (even if slightly negative cashflow) and move into an apartment.

Keep the house.

[lovbyts]

Sorry to hear that. I would do one of two things...

- Get a roommate so they pay you rent.
- Lease your property (even if slightly negative cashflow) and move into an apartment.

Keep the house.

That's not a bad idea as long as you are selective of course. Its harder when there are kids involved of course.

[noon]

Hey hawk sorry to hear the situation your in. There is no magical answer for ya. But these guys here will give you all the support you need. Remember as long as you you have your kids by your side your doing the right thing. The house and the trimmings are secondary.
I grew up in a small place with not a lot of money to go around. We even stayed with my grandmother for a year so my dad could save up to buy a bigger place. And I hold my father on the highest of platforms and I always will. And your kids will look at you the same way. Chin up forge on.

[< <Samson> >]

How much r we talking here?

If it's a bit, it's not worth the head ache. I did it, sunk the house when my ex wife bounced. It was sad to see it go, but it's just shit. More like life investments that failed.

Shit happens bro, I never thought I'd go through the shit I had to.

[lovbyts]

I know it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it's there. A lot of us have been through similar. I went through it about 1yr after buying my 1st house. Also had a 1yr old daughter and I had to divorce the wife due to her addiction for our daughters sake. Got laid off from work and used all my savings for house payment and court cost.

18 years later it was worth it. It was worth it actually 2 years later but you know what I mean. It will work out as long as you focus on the important things.

[hawk14dl]

I appreciate the optimism guys.

Problem with renting a room would be, I live in a suburb about 30 minutes out of the major city. Most people don't want to live that far out. Same problem with leasing or renting the entire house.

I think my only option is going to be too dump the house. I know that when I relieve the financial stress I'm going to be a lot better off. It just breaks me down that I'm having to pull her from a great school and a great house.

Part of the problems, the mortgage company messed up when I closed on the house, came up with an escrow shortage. So they split that up over the next year to make up for it (100 a month). Tax commission re appraised the value based on sale price, raised my taxes almost 100 a month. After school program increased the prices for the summer, $30 a week. And we had bad hail storms here last year, which increased insurance for everyone around here. All of that happened within about 2 or 3 weeks of each other. Just hit me all at once about 400 a month more then I had planned, right after the gf left and I had picked up the bills she was paying.

Just need to get out of it I guess. There's no way I can live check to check like this

[lovbyts]

They always seem to have an escrow shortage, trust me I know. It seems I'm playing catch-up every year.

[Rusty11]

Wow! When it rains; it pours. I have no advice, but hang in there and do what you think is best. Soon enough, this nightmare will come to an end.

I appreciate the optimism guys.

Problem with renting a room would be, I live in a suburb about 30 minutes out of the major city. Most people don't want to live that far out. Same problem with leasing or renting the entire house.

I think my only option is going to be too dump the house. I know that when I relieve the financial stress I'm going to be a lot better off. It just breaks me down that I'm having to pull her from a great school and a great house.

Part of the problems, the mortgage company messed up when I closed on the house, came up with an escrow shortage. So they split that up over the next year to make up for it (100 a month). Tax commission re appraised the value based on sale price, raised my taxes almost 100 a month. After school program increased the prices for the summer, $30 a week. And we had bad hail storms here last year, which increased insurance for everyone around here. All of that happened within about 2 or 3 weeks of each other. Just hit me all at once about 400 a month more then I had planned, right after the gf left and I had picked up the bills she was paying.

Just need to get out of it I guess. There's no way I can live check to check like this

[diesel101]

I have been there brother! When my first wife left I was stuck with a house that was not worth what I had paid for it and I also had two young children. I took in a roommate to help with the bills and I will be honest it wasn't pleasant but I made it work until my financial situation changed to the point I could get rid of a roommate. It may look like an possible situation but stay strong and you will get through it.

[Honkey_Kong]

Hawk, remember it can't rain everyday. Things will get better, but only if you have it in your mindset that things will be. If you get all deep in your depression, you'll overlook the positive opportunities that come up.

If you do decide to sell the house off or rent it out, think of that as you giving yourself a new beginning. Look forward to this because now you're able to find yourself a real slice of happiness.

Just remember in the future not to get in to something you cannot financially afford on your own. Too many of us have made this same mistake. Never ever make yourself dependent upon somebody else to get your bills paid.

[hawk14dl]

That's true and very good advice. I wish I'd received it 18 months ago.

spoke with my Realtor today, who just happens to be pretty close. She knew what happened with the ex and said she had a feeling it would come to this.
She said this is selling season, summer before school starts back. Said there's a great chance I could sell the house and get out without any loss (other then what I've already paid of course), and possibly walk away with a small profit. Great words to hear, still unfortunate but it is what it is.

Likely going to be taking a week off from the weights. Got some minor fixes around the house that need done, as well as probably packing non essentials. Probably going to get the ball rolling next week.

[kelkel]

That's a start hawk. Now, are there smaller, more affordable homes in the same school district that would work for you?

[hawk14dl]

There probably are. I mentioned that to my Realtor and she said there are good districts closer to the city (I work in the city and all my family live in the city). She said it should be easy to find me a nice, smaller place in a good district for about 70-80k less. Won't be as nice as here, but should still be nice.

[lovbyts]

Any of your family have extra room? It's no shame asking family for help in a situation like this if they have the extra room. Your not asking for a handout, just a hand up.

Do you have life insurance on the ex? Who is the beneficiary? WHAT???? I'm just asking.

[Honkey_Kong]

Any of your family have extra room? It's no shame asking family for help in a situation like this if they have the extra room. Your not asking for a handout, just a hand up.

Do you have life insurance on the ex? Who is the beneficiary? WHAT???? I'm just asking.

That sounds like the plot to an episode of CSI.

[hawk14dl]

dad has extra room, where I'll likely be staying until the house sells/ closes and I find a new. Only one spare bedroom, the daughter will get that because she needs more normalcy (is that a word? ) then I do. I'll be spending a couple or more months on a couch, but in the long run it will be worth it.

[hawk14dl]

LB, if that was an option I likely wouldn't be in this scenario. Lol

[lovbyts]

That sounds like the plot to an episode of CSI.

Ha, talk about CSI I dont think they would have even bothered to investigate anything with me if things had worked out differently with my 1st wife. The day she accidentally shot herself 2 weeks before our divorce was final (court had already found in my favor for custody) I had actually called the life insurance company to see what it would cost to raise the payout amount. I never got to talk to a live person and was on hold but hung up after 10 minutes because I had to go to work.

I can imagine how things would have turned out if I had actually changed the policy..... Talk about timing. It was all due to a conversation with a friend the day before and her addiction and pending future.

[Tigershark]

Sorry to hear this is happening. It may be possible for you to apply for some type of assistance though. I know it's not ideal and a lot of people do not want the stigmatism of welfare on them. However you do pay into the programs that help people in your situation. My wife and I had to go on food stamps for a few months because of financial issues and I hated it, but it also helped out a great deal and I got us off of them as soon as I can. Sometimes any little help can alleviate the grind of trying to keep up with the bills.

[hawk14dl]

Thanks for the idea.

Unfortunately, I "make too much" for any sort of assistance. Simple truth of the matter is I just have too much house

[hawk14dl]

Realtor just left, with a sign in the yard

She had pulled up the last 4 homes to sell in this area recently (within last month). She suggested a price that would put the $/sqft pretty much in line with those homes.

She also told me, the longest of those 4 to stay on the market came under contract in only 11 days.

Also, at her suggested p price is walk away with about $6k. Which, when you've stretched as tight as I have, can pay off the cc balances and put me in the positive.

I'm trying to not get my hopes up guys. . But I feel like I can finally see the light. I'd be stoked if I sell under 2 weeks and put some cash in my pocket (which has been empty so long I need to dust in there. )

[hawk14dl]

Had a few showings on the house so far. No offers yet but can't help but feel it's coming.

Sold my motorcycle Thursday. That got my head above water for the first time in a while. Felt great. I know it's only temporary though, still going to get the house sold and I'll be good to go.

Found out a woman on my Friday softball team has the hots for me. So last night I found out some of the team was having drinks at her place. So I went, she invited me to stay and I obliged.

Didn't have anywhere else to tell my story, but this gal is older (32 and I'm 28). I've always dated younger. Holy crap, by far the best sex I've had.

Anyways, long story short I'm a little less depressed now.

[kelkel]

^^^^ Outstanding. Just what the doctor ordered.

[BG]

^^^^ Outstanding. Just what the doctor ordered.

Can you pm me the number of this doctor....thats some prescription !!! Not sure if my insurance will cover it but Ill try.

[kelkel]

Can you pm me the number of this doctor....thats some prescription !!! Not sure if my insurance will cover it but Ill try.

Filthy staff member.

[lovbyts]

Good to hear. See, things have a way of working out even if its not always they way we think they should or want them too in the beginning.

Talk to your realtor about staging your house and adding some curb appeal, it makes a lot of difference.

[hawk14dl]

I've still got the house furnished, if that's what you mean by staged. Hardest part is keeping it spotless while living in it.

Curb appeal. . Well she suggested I hire a landscaper to fix up the flower beds up front. As you can imagine, wasn't able to do that. I spent hours Saturday pulling weeds and trimming bushes, still looks rough. I wanted to start lifting again this week but looks like I'll be spending more time pulling weeds

[GirlyGymRat]

Good to hear. See, things have a way of working out even if its not always they way we think they should or want them too in the beginning.

Talk to your realtor about staging your house and adding some curb appeal, it makes a lot of difference.

^^^ excellent advice. Helps ppl see the potential. Most ppl need the visual!

Once u get out from under the debt, your mood will improve dramatically, well that an hot Sex. Lol.

Your folks raised a responsible son.

[jsam]

Hawk sorry about your situation. I had quite a experience myself. 2 years ago lost my job on the east coast, but found a new one on the west. Didn't want to move but I had to do what I had to do. 2 children in great schools worried about their education and leaving friends. We'll found new good schools and their getting along fine. Sold the house back east in a real bad market at a little profit. Found a new home and bought. Last year marriage went down the tubes and filed for divorce. Put house up for sale and it sold before divorce was final in June. I an a guy who likes to have his ducks in a row and planning the next step. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that things will work themselves out (I certainty didn't think so during these times battling with depression and things like that thought my life was over). We'll things are better. It just takes time you will be fine. As my mom kept telling through all this " that which doesn't kills us makes us stronger" gotta love mom's Lol.
Good luck

[lovbyts]

I've still got the house furnished, if that's what you mean by staged. Hardest part is keeping it spotless while living in it.

Curb appeal. . Well she suggested I hire a landscaper to fix up the flower beds up front. As you can imagine, wasn't able to do that. I spent hours Saturday pulling weeds and trimming bushes, still looks rough. I wanted to start lifting again this week but looks like I'll be spending more time pulling weeds

You will have time to work out later. A little break wont hurt you and it's good to have priorities. A little advice on pulling weeds, get a weed puller, they work great and get the roots better than pulling by hand if we are talking dandelions. Put down some weed block, it's cheap and some beauty bark. It adds some nice color and smell. Some landscaping blocks go a long way also and are only $1-2 each. Even one high can make a big difference on looks.

Make sure the house is not only furnished but uncluttered. Box up anything no needed even extra clothes. Having to many clothes in the closets makes it look small. Take everything off the shelves to make it look more open. You have to box it up eventually anyways. If you dont have any mirrors on the wall of the entry or living room they are pretty cheap also and can be found at places like the goodwill. They make the rooms look bigger. Of course some air fresheners but not to much. You want it subtles but like the apple pie or cookie type of smell.

[hawk14dl]

Done all that. Got boxes piled up in the garage already.

House is cleanest it's ever been. I even cleaned the toilets, lol

I've got a candle warmer I've been leaving on, keeps the house smelling nice but not over powering.

The weeds, well is more like grass that's grown in the flower bed. I'm going to get the majority out and then spread some woodchips or maybe top soil to cover up the remainder.

Not being able to lift is killing me. It's been almost 3 weeks now. I'm probably going to squeeze in at least a light session tonight. Can't stand it any more

[jesse4466]

One day at a time and it gets better. Sounds like it got a lot better, glad to hear.

[hawk14dl]

Had 3 showings today, Realtor text me earlier to say the 530 showing was very interested and planned to go home, pray about it, and come up with a decision.

I actually passed these people on my way home. They were still there so I stopped at the mail box (cluster box at end of street) and made a few phone calls.
They were an older couple. I'd guess 50s. Driving a brand new very nice Cadillac suv. I'm guessing retirement home.

Crossing my fingers.