On a more serious note, the visqueen chore wasn't going to stop me.

It was the way I imagined my girl, or daughter finding me dead, it was the shriek they let out and hysterical shaking and breathing. I played the entire scene out in my head, from pull of trigger, to them planning and attending my funeral.

I only had thus desire 2x in my life, and it was before steroids . It was during a period were I was off all drugs and clean for easily 6 years. No outside influence to factor in, other than I felt I could enjoy death.

But as soon as I played it out in my head, I said "God damnit, what would they do without me, how would they feel about this, they'd have unanswered questions eating at thier soul forever."

Plus, I didn't really have confidence in any of my methods to be instant.

In my personal opinion, a 500 mag in mouth or 1 lb of c4 strapped to sternum.

I would not want to feel anything after the switch was flipped.

No 9mm to the head suffering for 5 minutes.

I preffer my entire CNS to be vaporized.