I'm doing a sponsored cycle for a private lab.

[Family_guy]

I used to come on here many years back to research and read way before I got into it, and there was the one poster who had the two dudes kissing on the avatar. I remember being like “ wtf is this shit?” Lol. By comparison, family guy’s is… well worse tbh. That back story should be in your sig bro, just to set things “straight.”

That last joke made me laugh out loud! Nice pun!

But I’ll always get the last laugh since you guys have to see my ass everytime I make a post!

[Family_guy]

Damn Family_guy, it's good to have you back! Stick around a bit!

Ya man I appreciate it very much!

Idk if I posted it here or anotherthread but I was in county jail from like 12/5 until 1/5/23. Fucking lame it sucked but the bright side is I’m actually clean(again…gotta keep trying. Can’t give up!) and I feel really good about it. Being in jail gave me more than enough time to not only get into a new routine but also thjnk long and hard(lmao long and hard) about what got me to that point. To fully accept responsibility and not blame others even if they had a part to play. Bottom line is I’m the only one who can change my own life. For better or worse it’s up to me.

So much more to say! I’ll have to make my own thread. It would be therapeutic for me to get so much off my chest. Been a terrible past couple years.

Sorry for derailing you’re already screwed up cycle log Obs…

[Obs]

I'm not a saint, and people know here on the forum that I've done some shit. I can try excuse myself by saying it was all in retaliation -- but evil is evil irrespective of motive. Maybe God will call me up on it when I die.

I'm 7 years clean now, both off drugs and paying for sex, and yeah for the first few years I was on board with the whole 'introspection' thing, looking closely at myself and trying to improve and possibly make amends, and atone for my misdeeds. But I'm past that now. I did what I did, and I am where I am. No more analysis of what I did or how I've gotten to where I am. I'm not busy composing apologies. It is what it is. This is life.

I don't even solve my problems at a conscious level anymore -- no more 12 steps, no more self-help books or autobiographies of so-called 'influencers', I just go to a meditation centre with the aim of not thinking. An inner stillness is what I seek.

The be all and end all of it is this: I'm in my 30's and I don't have any life-shortening medical conditions, so I probably have about 50 years left. So now I get to choose to do things conducive toward living a fulfilling happy life and maybe even helping others to do the same. Whether or not I was a serial killer or a child molester or an arsonist of orphanages up until this point isn't of concern to me.

When we are young, and throughout our teens, beauty is something that very overtly and suddenly strikes us, like the sight of a waterfall, or the first time you saw Catherine Zeta Jones in The Mask of Zorro, or when you look at the sun through your eyelashes while a little bird chirps.

Beauty goes deeper than the surface though, and if you are willing to drill down, you'll find greater beauty than ever could have coated the surface.

The hallmark of psychological resilience is an ability to mine for beauty in the most disgusting situations. Find the beauty in your loss, find the beauty in your cancer, find the beauty in your amputation, find the beauty in your heart attack, find the beauty in your rape, find the beauty in the molestation of your daughter.

If the idea of finding beauty in the disgusting repulses you, then I think that's fairly normal. If you persevere though, and if you find the beauty in your offence, you'll achieve an inner stillness and a new perception for beauty than ever you could have prior fathomed.

I live for beauty. I still compete in sports and I work a 9 to 5, and I clean my bathroom and change my bedsheets -- all the mundane stuff in life -- but I live for the beauty.

You are Kimbo. There is one only.
I can't say either of us could be different people in each others shoes.
I appreciate you.
Mundane seems to be the key to life.