Suicidal thoughts during PCT, depression.

**Cody95** · 03-09-2014, 09:17 PM

Does anyone else experience this, (Please note i'm not trying to get attention) i'm just wondering if this is normal during PCT i've always felt as if life was nothing, i've had suicidal thoughts in the past quite often but nothing like i feel now, i feel miserable and i feel as if i have no purpose in life, i feel like i'm nothing and i have no reason to be alive, i'm never happy, i know i have a great life better then a'lot of other people and i have an amazing family. I feel like i have no talent and i wish i could actually be something, but i don't see anything as being possible. All i can think about is suicide, but the only reason i wont do it is because of my family and it's tearing me apart. I feel like i have no future, like ill never get married all i want is to be something, i don't want to die just like everyone else, living a boring normal life, i'm not saying there is nothing wrong with that it's just how i'm feeling right now. Call me a pu$$y i cry all the time and ill i want to do is sit in my chair and listen to music. I still workout and eat like i should i know what i need to do. I just have no motivation for life. Please i'm not trolling or trying to get attention i just want to know if anyone else has ever felt the way i am right now..

**MuscleInk** · 03-09-2014, 09:25 PM

Hormones regulate:

- MOOD
- appetite
- digestion
- cognition
- sex drive
- sexual performance
- cellular growth
- wound healing
- immune system function
.......and more.

ANY change/deviation in hormone levels from normal homeostatic/physiological levels can impact any of the above processes.

If you have concerns about your current mood or state of mind, blood work will indicate if hormone values are outside of normal ranges and are possible contributing to how you feel.

Its certainly not uncommon for someone to feel depressed or anxious as your hormone levels are changing with PCT.

**king6 II** · 03-09-2014, 09:27 PM

That is no joke bro. PCT has very little to do with that. There are most likely some deep rooted issued that need to be dealt with. Please seek professional help for your issue. I will not pretend to know what the problem is and will not attempt to diagnose or fix it. Again please seek help for your own sake. Also things are not always as dark as they appear. God bless and good luck.

**slfmade** · 03-09-2014, 09:30 PM

Hang in there man. It get's better. Everybody's been down at some point in their life. Neither myself or anyone else here are qualified to really give advice. The best advice I could give would be to talk to a professional. I've never been to therapy but I have a couple of friends who swear by it including one of my best friends who was in your exact same frame of mind but also an alcoholic. He's now happily married and general manager of a best buy.

**king6 II** · 03-09-2014, 09:33 PM

Check out these links. I think they might help, he is a previous member who passed away some years back. I knew him and conversed with him from time to time even before this board, his name was David and he always had something insightful to say. I

http://forums.steroid.com/anabolic-l...-mavsluva.html

http://forums.steroid.com/anabolic-l...2-13-06-a.html

**DiyGynoSurgeon** · 03-09-2014, 09:56 PM

We all go through down patches during PCT and during LIFE in general, things improve, you may need to have a chat to someone about this to get it out in the open

I went through a pretty rough stage in my mid-late teens, was on a downward spiral to death or jail, now married with a 2 year old boy 2 things I never thought would happen, and with no lawful issues hanging over my head (besides customs snatching my shit and sending me letters)

Take care dude

* I take the herb Mucuna pruriens during PCT and it keeps my mood really happy throughout ( just my 2c )

**Cody95** · 03-09-2014, 10:05 PM

Thank you all so much for the comments. I just feel torn apart, i've been talking about it a'lot with my parents and they say it will just get better over time. I'm so glad i joined this forum, you guys are great for giving advice and i really appreciate it from my heart.

**Cody95** · 03-09-2014, 10:06 PM

Originally Posted by king6 II

Check out these links. I think they might help, he is a previous member who passed away some years back. I knew him and conversed with him from time to time even before this board, his name was David and he always had something insightful to say. I

http://forums.steroid.com/anabolic-l...-mavsluva.html

http://forums.steroid.com/anabolic-l...2-13-06-a.html

Thank you for the links i will for sure read through those.

**Cody95** · 03-09-2014, 10:08 PM

Originally Posted by MuscleInk

Hormones regulate:

- MOOD
- appetite
- digestion
- cognition
- sex drive
- sexual performance
- cellular growth
- wound healing
- immune system function
.......and more.

ANY change/deviation in hormone levels from normal homeostatic/physiological levels can impact any of the above processes.

If you have concerns about your current mood or state of mind, blood work will indicate if hormone values are outside of normal ranges and are possible contributing to how you feel.

Its certainly not uncommon for someone to feel depressed or anxious as your hormone levels are changing with PCT.

And muscle i never thanked you for all you have done telling me about the true dangers about steroids at my age and i'm glad i stopped now before it got any worse. Thank you very much.

**scotty51312** · 03-09-2014, 10:19 PM

cody? were you born in 1995? That would make you 19 right? At this point in your life if you're already suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts you definitley shouldn't be ****ing with your hormones. My advise is to seek help from a medical professional. There a many anti depressants out there to help balance brain chemistry. And I hope you will put away the juice for a few years.

**Cody95** · 03-09-2014, 11:28 PM

Originally Posted by scotty51312

cody? were you born in 1995? That would make you 19 right? At this point in your life if you're already suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts you definitley shouldn't be ****ing with your hormones. My advise is to seek help from a medical professional. There a many anti depressants out there to help balance brain chemistry. And I hope you will put away the juice for a few years.

Scotty i am 18 almost 19 in 4 months, i know i shouldn't have been involved with steroids . Honestly i regret it, it was stupid and i hope that i can help other people my age not to mess with them now and just wait, i know it wasn't something i shouldn't have thought about but i know many of you understand what that is at my age, i just wanted that rush and to feel powerful with them, and i did. But now that's over and i know i have to deal with it, and trust me, i don't plan on doing another cycle anytime soon after what i've been experiencing. I'm really considering talking to someone, because honestly my mind is going berserk right now, I can't describe what i'm feeling right now. I just want to give it time and pray that i will not feel the way i am right now later on. Thank you guys.

**Buster Brown** · 03-10-2014, 05:20 AM

Hey bro, hang in there. This is the part of the cycle that no one likes and everyone deals with to a certain degree. It us hard to prepare fur especially when you are really young. Not trying to be a jerk but this another prime example if why using AAS at an early age isn't a good idea. Try to focus on eating and your training .

**Capebuffalo** · 03-10-2014, 05:39 AM

Cody you said you have had these thought before. You you should make an immediate appointment to see the family physician for a depression screening. Be prepared to give your doctor specific information about your depression symptoms, including how long they’ve been present, how much they’re affecting your daily life, and any patterns you’ve noticed. The doctor should also be told about any close relatives who have ever been diagnosed with depression or other mental health disorders. As part of the depression screening, the doctor will give you a complete physical exam and take blood samples to check for medical causes of your symptoms.

**noon** · 03-10-2014, 06:45 AM

Keep fighting the good fight and just remind yourself that this can be helped with proper medication as every one here has stated. And that this is not the person you will be one things get sorted out.
Best of luck

**TTundra_10** · 03-10-2014, 09:07 AM

Bro, I know this isn't your only concern, but definitely don't be upset about not getting married.. Especially at a young age! Most dudes I know aren't that happy Because they're married, when they thought that's what would make them happy.. And the rest, well, marriage doesn't always work out and then things get worse... I dug this up for ya:

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "No!!!" And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and dated skinny long-legged full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated ladies half his age and drank Crown Royal whiskey, Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was friggin’ cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up. The end

Hope that brightens the day, if even just alittle! I thought that was a great story. Taking everyone's advice here is definitely the smart thing to do. Beyond that, try and find a passion (aside from training - but keep training too!) that you can look forward to all week and be excited about. Like motocross as an example, mountain biking, or something else, whatever. That could shift your focus to a more positive place, that might be all you need.
Good luck, there's people here to talk to if you need!

**michael30** · 03-10-2014, 09:45 AM

Cody in my opinion u obviously had some underlying issue before you started cycling which running a cycle just made worse. As to your question about being severally depressed. Ayear ago i attempted to come off my trt after 5yrs due to my dr prescribing trt for the wrong reason. For the first 3-4 weeks it was extremely bad. My best advice wld be to go talk to someone and get bloodwork. If ur levels dont come back go see a dr and go over options. Wish u the best. Hang in there and please stay on this site to help others from possible cycling to young.

**swansong** · 03-10-2014, 03:00 PM

I've had depression for more than half my life, so I can understand what you are going through. You should see professional help. I've been on several anti-depressants over the years so if you feel the need to talk to someone about that, I would be happy to listen. Just pm me if you need to talk to someone.

**< <Samson> >** · 03-10-2014, 04:01 PM

I gave up, I crashed through my last PCT. I was on too much gear, too long. My test & other hormone levels came back solid. But, I still felt shitty

I said fvck it & jumped back on & stayed on. Just cruising in between cycles.

This may not be the answer for you or anyone else. But, even while cruising I feel fine. But, when off I felt depressed & shitty.

**swansong** · 03-10-2014, 07:25 PM

Originally Posted by < <Samson> >

I gave up, I crashed through my last PCT. I was on too much gear, too long. My test & other hormone levels came back solid. But, I still felt shitty

I said fvck it & jumped back on & stayed on. Just cruising in between cycles.

This may not be the answer for you or anyone else. But, even while cruising I feel fine. But, when off I felt depressed & shitty.

Yeah I was kind of wondering why guys would cruise between cycles, but I guess you answered my question.

**dk94** · 03-10-2014, 07:34 PM

Cody when i was your age i meesed around with cycling early and went through the same thing. It was really tough, un imaginable. But i worked through it and got my self back on track, Being 18 with messed up hormones is really tough. I thought it would last forever. it took me a couple of years but i worked through it completely, you will too. My advice, see a doctor and dont get involved in a relationship right now.

**Dtrain17** · 03-10-2014, 08:02 PM

Go for a run too, weights can be hard if you feel how you do but running will make you feel much better, promise!!

**< <Samson> >** · 03-10-2014, 09:34 PM

Originally Posted by swansong

Yeah I was kind of wondering why guys would cruise between cycles, but I guess you answered my question.

I have no other explanation other than a mental mind fvck

My levels were in the upper 75%

But, I'll still come off - but, just to give my body some rest

**John Andrew** · 03-11-2014, 02:20 AM

Originally Posted by Cody95

Does anyone else experience this, (Please note i'm not trying to get attention) i'm just wondering if this is normal during PCT i've always felt as if life was nothing, i've had suicidal thoughts in the past quite often but nothing like i feel now, i feel miserable and i feel as if i have no purpose in life, i feel like i'm nothing and i have no reason to be alive, i'm never happy, i know i have a great life better then a'lot of other people and i have an amazing family. I feel like i have no talent and i wish i could actually be something, but i don't see anything as being possible. All i can think about is suicide, but the only reason i wont do it is because of my family and it's tearing me apart. I feel like i have no future, like ill never get married all i want is to be something, i don't want to die just like everyone else, living a boring normal life, i'm not saying there is nothing wrong with that it's just how i'm feeling right now. Call me a pu$$y i cry all the time and ill i want to do is sit in my chair and listen to music. I still workout and eat like i should i know what i need to do. I just have no motivation for life. Please i'm not trolling or trying to get attention i just want to know if anyone else has ever felt the way i am right now..

Hello Cody,

I have written this type of letter before. I am John and at the age of 24 was an alcoholic mess. I had tried to suicide twice then. Since then, I am now 58 I have had more ups and downs than imaginable. I have had to be hospitalized twice due to depression and also a relapse. Now I do not drink.

I have during my life been a millionaire and have married 6 times. I have been imprisoned because of my political views and trying to change the world. Now I have just lost my job and have to find a new one, Life goes on and at many times I have not only thought of suicide many times, I have wanted to destroy the world, go out by killing millions! Hatred and self loathing and fear all combined. Doctors tried to medicate me and made everything worse, About 10 years ago I met a Psychiatrist who spent a lot of time evaluating me and finally asked me to address a meeting of young graduate psychiatrists as he said, in spite of all my trials I am not actually depressed. I am just one of natures extremes.

My highs are higher than anybody normal, so my lows are equally low. I expect so much of others and then they let me down, I never had parents and had been to 16 schools at age 11 in 3 countries. I liked to hurt people.

Today I am a happy man, I have a wife I love, I know I have some bad times and just accept them. I could blame alcohol, steroids , or just the world as a shitty place. I know it is not.

We can all allow our minds to control our bodies, I have learned to control my mind. You are a young man so you have time to learn how.
Be totally and brutally honest with yourself.
Set goals and do all you can to achieve them.
Find love and compassion.
Help other people with problems.
Stop using any drugs that affect you adversely, especially while young.
Don't use recreational drugs or drink.
learn to love yourself!

Depression is considered an illness, I think it is also, but we can overcome it with a positive life.

Good luck to you mate, take care,

John