sick jokes.....

**will_work** · 09-16-2007, 08:15 AM

whos got the sickest jokes?? post your jokes here.The sicker the better!!!!

**will_work** · 09-16-2007, 08:16 AM

There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's liscense.

She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her liscense.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like shit"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."

**will_work** · 09-16-2007, 08:28 AM

deleted

**will_work** · 09-16-2007, 08:31 AM

LOL...Q: why did god give women yeast infections A: so they know what its like living with a irriatating C**T

**Atomini** · 09-16-2007, 08:32 AM

Lmfao

**will_work** · 09-16-2007, 08:43 AM

A young girl walks in on her parents having sex. She asks,
"Mum, what are you doing to Dad?"

Mum replies, "I was just letting the air out of him - he's too fat."

The little girl replies, "Why, the lady next door is just going to blow him up again."

**Juicy J** · 09-16-2007, 09:22 AM

^^hahahahaha

**will_work** · 09-16-2007, 09:56 AM

Things That Sound Dirty At Thanksgiving, But Aren't

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"

"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."

"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."

"Talk about a huge breast!"

"It's Cool Whip time!"

"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"

"Are you ready for seconds yet?"

"Are you going to come again next time?"

"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"

"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"

"Don't play with your meat."

"Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."

"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"

"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"

"You still have a little bit on your chin."

"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."

"How long will it take after you stick it in?"

"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."

"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"

"How many are coming?"

"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"

"Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest."

"How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

**Atomini** · 09-16-2007, 08:55 PM

How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

When the girl has to chew before she swallows.

**bpm1** · 09-16-2007, 09:16 PM

that is evil! u sick batsrd

**Stabone** · 09-16-2007, 09:47 PM

What was Helen Keller’s favorite George Harrison song?
Wah-Wah.

**Stabone** · 09-16-2007, 09:50 PM

Helen Keller went to town riding on a pony she stuck a feather in her hat and called it......... uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**taiboxa** · 09-16-2007, 09:50 PM

Originally Posted by Stabone

Helen Keller went to town riding on a pony she stuck a feather in her hat and called it......... uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

OMG.. i love helen keller jokes.. thats awsome lol

**Thug Nasty** · 09-16-2007, 10:09 PM

So this old guy is talking to a young teenager chick. He says, you know what it'd be like if we had sex?

-Like squeezing a marshmallow into a piggy bank.

**Stabone** · 09-16-2007, 10:30 PM

What does a guy with a 3 inch penis have for lunch?

Well today I had........

**Tazwell** · 09-17-2007, 12:43 AM

What do you do when the dishwasher doesn't want to work any more??

Kick your bitch in the ass that'll get her going again.

**WEBB** · 09-17-2007, 11:12 AM

what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes.....nothing she didnt listen the first 2 times....

**shifty_git** · 09-17-2007, 11:28 AM

whats the difference between a woman and a computer?

.... you only have to punch information once in2 a computer!

**shifty_git** · 09-17-2007, 11:29 AM

whats the difference between a woman and a computer?

..... a woman wont accept a 3 and half inch floppy!!!

(had to make up 4 my last joke!)

**will_work** · 09-17-2007, 03:01 PM

Originally Posted by Atomini

How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

When the girl has to chew before she swallows.

haha thats sick!!!!

**goaheadandhitme** · 09-17-2007, 03:15 PM

How can you tell when your in a really bad whore house? When they have to drain the corpse after each use.

**goaheadandhitme** · 09-17-2007, 03:25 PM

a guy walkes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist umm I need some birth control for my daughter. the pharmacist starts asking all the questions untill he gets to how old is she, when the guy calmly replies she's nine,,,, the pharmacist agasp says NINE AND SHE"S SEXUALLY ACTIVE?? The guy looks down for a minute in deep thought and says "naw she aint' real active, she just kinda lays there like her mom used too..

**will_work** · 09-17-2007, 06:35 PM

Originally Posted by goaheadandhitme

a guy walkes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist umm I need some birth control for my daughter. the pharmacist starts asking all the questions untill he gets to how old is she, when the guy calmly replies she's nine,,,, the pharmacist agasp says NINE AND SHE"S SEXUALLY ACTIVE?? The guy looks down for a minute in deep thought and says "naw she aint' real active, she just kinda lays there like her mom used too..

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahaha wtf

**Renesis** · 09-17-2007, 07:16 PM

Oh my god on that last joke.....

**Tazwell** · 09-17-2007, 07:20 PM

How do you castrate a redneck?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

**Juggernaut** · 09-17-2007, 07:35 PM

My girl friend told me the other day she thought I might be a pedophile. I said “Whoa, whoa, whoa…….that’s a mighty big word for a 12 year old.

**weeman001** · 09-17-2007, 09:22 PM

why couldnt helen keller drive?

she was a woman

**will_work** · 09-17-2007, 09:52 PM

A tomato, a piece of gum, and a penis are all talking.

The tomato says "I've got the worst live, I get cut up and stuck in a sandwhich".

The piece of gum says "No, mine's worse, I get chewed up, spit out and stepped on".

The penis says "No, by far I've got the worst life... I get a plastic bag stuck over my head, then I'm shoved in a dark tunnel and made to do push ups 'till I throw up!"

**will_work** · 09-17-2007, 09:57 PM

it posted 2 times ??

**CheddaNips** · 09-17-2007, 11:18 PM

^^^^^^^^hahaha

**bulldawg_28** · 09-18-2007, 12:07 AM

How do you get 12 babies into 1 car seat?

A blender....

**Renesis** · 09-18-2007, 12:13 AM

Originally Posted by will_work_for_dbol

A tomato, a piece of gum, and a penis are all talking.

The tomato says "I've got the worst live, I get cut up and stuck in a sandwhich".

The piece of gum says "No, mine's worse, I get chewed up, spit out and stepped on".

The penis says "No, by far I've gor the worst life... I get a plastic bag stuck over my head, then I'm shoved in a dark tunnel and made to do push ups 'till I throw up!"

LOL I saw theres one similar to that here it goes

Cucumber, pickle, penis.

The cucumber says "my life is the worst ever!! I get cut and sliced up and eaten by vegans..."

The pickle says "no way my life is worse! I get thrown into a jar and sealed away for months!"

The penis says " You guys got it easy I get suffocated in a bag thrown into a dark tunnel and my head is slammed against a wall until I puke!"

Same shit different names -.-

**qualityclrk1** · 09-18-2007, 07:38 AM

don't ban me for this..........
There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.
He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.
The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father"

**qualityclrk1** · 09-18-2007, 07:44 AM

so this woman gets in her car with her two kids- one boy and one girl, and they take off down the interstate. She stops paying attention and slams rear end into a semi, and ends up knocking herself into a coma...she wakes up and the doctor is in front of her, and she immediately asks "dr. where is my son? i was on my way to drop him off at soccer practice, and where is my daughter?, i was going to take her to tennis lessons." The doctor then says, "well ma'am you won't have to worry about doing that anymore, your son lost his leg in the accident, and won't be able to play soccer ever again, and your daughter unfortunately lost both her arms, so there goes her tennis lessons." The mother becomes very distraught and when she comes around she then asks the doctor how long she was in a coma, and whats the date...the doctor replies "you were in a coma for nearly 6 months, so that'd make today april 1st", the mom says "you sick bastard you were joking all along weren't you?", and the doctor replies "sorry ma'am, maybe it wasn't that funny of a joke..........the children died on impact"

**edgarr** · 09-18-2007, 10:09 AM

don't ban me!

three gay guys are sitting around talking after their lovers suddenly passed away. They are discussing what they plan on doing with the ashes from their lovers cremation.

So the first guy says: "I'm going to take Mike's ashes and dump them out of the boat in our favorite lake where we spent so much time together, wow he would really love that"

the 2nd guy says: " I'm going to take Bill's ashes and go flying and dump them out in the sky, we use to love flying together and he would really love that"

the 3rd guy, after thinking hard for awhile, finally says, "I think I am going to take Jeff's ashes and dump them in a BIG bowl of hot chilli and eat it, that way he can TEAR MY ASS UP ONE MORE TIME!

**goaheadandhitme** · 09-18-2007, 10:45 AM

^ that is one of the sickest things i've ever herd^

**Atomini** · 09-18-2007, 10:45 AM

Originally Posted by goaheadandhitme

How can you tell when your in a really bad whore house? When they have to drain the corpse after each use.

omfg LMFAO!

**youknowit45** · 09-18-2007, 11:37 AM

u guys are sick lol

**3bd** · 09-18-2007, 12:14 PM

What's the most used pick-up line in a gay bar?

Can I push in your stool?

RA · 09-18-2007, 12:18 PM

Originally Posted by edgarr

don't ban me!

three gay guys are sitting around talking after their lovers suddenly passed away. They are discussing what they plan on doing with the ashes from their lovers cremation.

So the first guy says: "I'm going to take Mike's ashes and dump them out of the boat in our favorite lake where we spent so much time together, wow he would really love that"

the 2nd guy says: " I'm going to take Bill's ashes and go flying and dump them out in the sky, we use to love flying together and he would really love that"

the 3rd guy, after thinking hard for awhile, finally says, "I think I am going to take Jeff's ashes and dump them in a BIG bowl of hot chilli and eat it, that way he can TEAR MY ASS UP ONE MORE TIME!